The Universe Between Us

by Jane C. Esther

  Chapter Ten

  Ana woke around noon. She had been up at various points during the night talking to the rest of the crew about the intel that had been uncovered by an anonymous informant. The developing story chilled her to the bone. The whole world knew the story of the MarsOne disaster a few decades before. A crew not that different from her own tried to establish a colony on the red planet and, several months in, all indications pointed to cautious celebration. One of the female crew members was pregnant, the habitat had been built, and everyone was as happy as could be expected in a barren wasteland. Then, suddenly, they were all on the floor, dead. The initial investigation determined that one of the crew members had looped the video feed before everyone perished in a carbon monoxide leak. The video tampering pointed to murder or a group suicide. The data were inconclusive, but most of the world preferred the murder explanation. Suicide pointed to sinister forces in the universe that could preclude humans from colonizing another planet, and an inability to take refuge from a dying Earth was too depressing to consider.

  Now Ana knew there was more to the story. Much more. And it scared the shit out of her. The Hammer team was still investigating, but it looked as though someone had hacked the encrypted systems from Earth. Signs pointed to the director of a newly discovered rival mission to Mars as the hacker. With a competing mission and only one ready built habitat, the HammerOne mission could not afford to be the second to leave.

  Until suspicions were confirmed, there was nothing for the crew to do but push forward with normal mission preparations. Ana yawned, her body aching with exhaustion, and wiped her eyes. She’d never quite gotten used to interrupted sleep, but it was the reality of her work. And last night, knowing what she could have been doing instead left her feeling enormously turned on and eager to see Jolie. She mentioned the turn of events to Martine during the night, who said it was her “sexual awakening,” and strongly suggested that she get it out of her system on this planet. That way, she’d have a lot less to figure out during a time when they’d all be under a lot more stress.

  Now, replaying the evening in her tired mind, she felt a deep pleasure at her core, and wished she could have silenced her bracelet last night. If only they’d gone inside together, what would she have done? Followed Jolie to her room, maybe, and lifted her onto the desk. Ana moved her hand under the elastic band of her shorts as she imagined kissing Jolie, pressing her hands against her perfectly sized breasts. She wanted Jolie’s legs wrapped around her hips, pulling her in as she slipped her hands under Jolie’s shirt. Ana’s fingers moved over the wet folds of her skin and she shuddered as they touched her clit. In her mind, Jolie was kissing her deeply and grasping her hips tightly, like she’d done the night before against the tree trunk. Jolie had looked so radiant in that moment, Ana had almost led them back to the house right then.

  Ana breathed rapidly as her fingers moved faster. She imagined they were Jolie’s fingers, moving roughly, then slowly, teasing her and testing her response. She wanted Jolie on top of her more than anything right now, her hair cascading against Ana’s cheeks, her pale breasts grazing Ana’s own. Ana let out a sharp cry as she came hard. She lay with her hand still down her pants for a while. It felt amazing imagining Jolie’s hand in place of her own, but it seemed somehow wrong to fantasize when the real thing was within reach.

  She wiped her hand on the sheet and touched her bracelet to send Jolie a message. Miss you. Will you be home today? She checked the calendar. It was Monday. What did Jolie do on Mondays? She couldn’t remember, but she guessed it involved classes and the studio, like most other days. When five minutes had passed and she received no response, she sighed and got up.

  Ana made herself breakfast and ate it absentmindedly. Every thought she had was hijacked by Jolie. It was exhilarating, but also time consuming, and Ana had work to do. She took a shower, relishing in the hot water pouring over her skin that was still sensitive from her earlier activity. The slight breeze from an open window raised goose bumps on her bare shoulders. She’d never felt so feral before, so intimate with her emotions and distant from logic. A small part of her was raising an enormous red flag, afraid that if she let herself fall for Jolie completely, she’d let down her guard, hurting both of them and the mission. She could see herself giving up all of the confidential information she was supposed to keep near if Jolie asked her at the right time, in the right way. But she also didn’t have to end up like her mother. She could have both her life’s work and the affection that she desired.

  Clean and dressed, Ana was restless. She unfolded a screen to try and find a distraction, then shut it when none seemed worth pursuing. Any kind of focus seemed elusive. She peeked into Jolie’s room, but that didn’t help. What would she do in there, anyway? Go through her desk? She laughed out loud at herself. What in the world was she doing? Resigned, she returned to the kitchen and stood with her hands on her hips. The sun shone brightly through the windows. That was one advantage of her occasional late waking schedule. The morning fog had lifted, revealing the prime of the day. She sighed heavily. She didn’t have enough time left on Earth to spend this morning wishing she was doing something with Jolie. Her days as she knew them were numbered.

  She put on a jacket and went outside. As she walked through the garden and past the shed, a pang of nostalgia hit. She would miss this place, its warmth, the feeling of wind moving across her bare skin, and the way the sun cast shadows on all of the life around her. She’d never go outside again in just a shirt and pants. She breathed deeply to record the exact way that dying leaves smelled on a warm fall day. She wanted to remember the aroma of Earth when she was on a monotonous, lifeless world.

  Ana stopped walking, stunned. She had begun to think of the mission as a chore rather than the greatest accomplishment of her life. She’d spent the last thirteen years focusing on it as the holy grail, the culmination of countless hours of training. She quickly shook the doubt from her mind and replaced it with a hollow shell of the excitement she was used to feeling, but still it lurked, like a virus, waiting for the right time to awaken. She knew she’d have to tell Martine if this continued. A mission specialist who wished she were somewhere else was as good as a sack of bricks, as far as the team was concerned.

  She continued her slow stroll until she reached the top of the hill that sloped down toward the river. She looked over the trees lining the water to the orchard. It looked nothing like a formerly cultivated orchard from here. You had to examine it up close to find the hidden treasure. She scanned the horizon and came to rest on a small figure sitting under an old oak tree at the edge of the river. Her heart leapt and she broke into a sweat. Jolie sat by the river with a pad of paper on her lap, drawing with more focus than Ana had applied to anything in days. Had she been here the whole morning? Ana’s first instinct was to walk away and not disturb her, but her eyes remained fixed on the spot.

  She watched as Jolie leaned against the sturdy tree trunk and stretched her legs, then her arms. She wore blue jeans and a flannel shirt. On her head was a worn cowboy hat that Ana hadn’t seen before. She probably lived in those clothes growing up, working on her farm. Ana’s mind wandered to what she imagined Jolie looked like doing farm labor. No matter what she pictured, she found the images impossibly appealing.

  Jolie looked like she belonged under that tree, enveloped in the land. Ana stared until the image was safely stored away in her mind. She wanted to walk down here every day for the rest of her life and find Jolie under that tree. She’d have to settle for the few months they had left. She began to walk back toward the house, unwilling to abandon her usual levelheadedness so easily. Soon though, she found herself descending the hill toward Jolie.

  “Hi,” she called out when she got close.

  Jolie looked up with a start and put a hand to her chest. She adjusted her hat and squinted up the hill. “Holy shit, you cannot sneak up on someone like that.”

  “Hardly. I’ve been crunching grass the whole way down. What ar
e you doing, anyway?” Ana craned her neck toward the pad of paper.

  Jolie quickly concealed the sketch she was working on before Ana had a chance to look. “Just drawing. Not much, really.”

  Ana saw her cheeks color and smiled. “Can I see?”

  “No way,” Jolie said. She looked embarrassed, as if Ana had walked in on her doing what she’d just done to herself. The relief she’d felt earlier dissipated and she ached to kiss Jolie again. A part of her couldn’t believe that someone so gorgeous, smart, and sexy liked her as much as she liked them.

  “Nice hat.” Ana knelt and tapped the front of Jolie’s hat over her eyes. “Looks like something you’d find in the great state of Texas.”

  “That’s hilarious. If you did your research, you would know that’s insulting to someone from Nebraska.” She grinned.

  Ana sat down and laughed. “I’m not as uninformed as you might think.”

  “Oh, so you’re just a huge jerk, then.” Jolie pushed Ana onto her side. “Come here.”

  Ana got up and moved close to Jolie, leaning in for a lingering kiss.

  “Mmm, that was good,” Jolie said. She rested her head on Ana’s shoulder and they relaxed into each other. “It’s so peaceful here.”

  “Yeah. What was it like where you grew up?”

  Jolie shrugged. “I don’t know. Dry. Poor. Lots of dust storms, some tornadoes.”

  “What about your family?” Ana couldn’t believe she still knew next to nothing about Jolie before she moved out east for school. “Were you close?”

  Jolie nodded. “We were close. I’m the asshole who left and didn’t look back. There just wasn’t anything there for me.”

  Ana sighed. A vision of Jolie growing up returned to her mind, this time colored with reality. “I’m surprised people can still live there. At some point, you just have to give up and let the weather win.”

  Jolie lifted her head off Ana’s shoulder and scrunched her face in annoyance. “They have, for the most part. They grow millet now. I built this huge greenhouse with my dad a few years ago, so they’d have more luck growing some vegetables for themselves.” Jolie rolled a small pebble in her fingers. “My mom used to talk about when the drought was just starting. I think she heard stories from my grandparents, actually, since it was probably before she was born. Anyway, they’d go plant water-intensives, as if doing that would make it rain. Obviously, we all know how that turned out. After a while, you just accept that you live somewhere difficult, and you go on living.” She looked at Ana with hurt in her eyes. “My family isn’t stupid for wanting to stay. That house has been on my mom’s side for generations.”

  Ana felt Jolie’s pain as deeply as if it were her own and felt awful for causing it. “No, of course not. I didn’t mean to imply that. I know how hard it is to leave the place you love.”

  “They’re so ingrained in the Nebraskan landscape, they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they moved anywhere different. They haven’t even been out to visit me.”

  Ana put her arm around Jolie’s shoulders and pulled her in. “That’s too bad. At least you get out there sometimes for a visit, right?”

  “No,” Jolie said. “Not since I’ve been here. Like I said, I’m the asshole who hopes everybody’s okay, but doesn’t have the balls to find out. I feel horrible about it, but now it’s been so long, it would be weird to go back. I’m afraid to see how much more desperate they are now. As for them, even if they could afford it, I don’t think they would come. It’s too far out of their comfort zone. They’re country people. I don’t think they’ve ever been on a plane, if you can imagine that.”

  “You kind of ran away,” Ana said after a moment.

  “I guess. I think they’re happy knowing that I’m in a good place, making good decisions about my future. And you’re one to talk.”

  “What?” Ana looked at Jolie.

  “Running away. Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Jolie spoke carefully. Ana was sure she was going out on a limb. Jolie didn’t know anything about what she was planning.

  “No. Yes, but it’s not the same. It’s more like running to somewhere.”

  “Well, depends how you look at it. You can’t run to somewhere without running away from somewhere else,” Jolie said. Ana avoided Jolie’s gaze and played with a blade of grass. Jolie took Ana’s hand. “I’m running toward something too, I’m just not sure what it is yet. Running is running. You end up somewhere else or back at the beginning.” She paused and looked into Ana’s eyes. “Wherever you’re running, is it better than what you already have?”

  Ana shrugged and shook her head sadly. Jolie was right. Over the last few days, it had become more and more apparent that if there was one place that was better than another, it was right here, present company included.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jolie regard her with concern. Would it really be so bad if she found out? Discussing the mission with someone outside of the small team would be an enormous relief. It was also guaranteed to bring the wrath of her mother, the Hammer Corporation, and everyone else involved. Her mouth opened, lulled by the security she found with Jolie. She could almost feel the weight of her future dropping from her shoulders.

  “I owe you dinner,” Jolie said suddenly. “You up for lunch instead?” She stood and held out a hand, breaking Ana’s spell.

  Ana blinked up at the gorgeous woman standing above her, her breath catching as a halo of sunlight illuminated the flyaway strands of strawberry blond hair. She wanted so badly to share all of her secrets with Jolie, but she wouldn’t. Instead, she pushed a dark wave of hair from her face and, shivering from the brief collapse of her willpower, took Jolie’s hand. “How could I say no?”

  Chapter Eleven

  The waiter brought a bottle of sparkling water to the table and skillfully poured it into their glasses.

  Ana looked around the dimly lit room, a stark contrast to the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. “Well, this is a surprise. I had no idea there were any restaurants left with old-fashioned service.”

  Jolie smiled under Ana’s admiration. “I have a few surprises up my sleeve. So, how did last night’s call go?” She lifted her water glass to her lips and took a slow sip, not taking her eyes from Ana’s.

  “Oh, you know, the usual chatter.” She wanted to think about anything other than last night. While the truck was parking, Ana had received a chilling one word message from Martine. Confirmed. She knew what that meant. The rival mission director had indeed hacked the MarsOne systems and caused a slow carbon monoxide leak that led to the colonists’ deaths. Of course, no law enforcement would be notified because it would bring attention to the Hammer Corporation’s own secretive plans. Ana and the team had to be even more careful than usual.

  “You okay?” Jolie asked, running her fingers across Ana’s arm. She shivered, completely taken aback by the way a simple touch could make her dark thoughts vanish.

  “I am, thanks. I was hoping you’d be home today. I’m sorry for running off on you last night.” Ana looked into Jolie’s eyes and saw her imagining the course the night could have taken.

  “It’s okay. I know you have your stuff to do. And I have mine,” she added defiantly. “Anyway, I’m glad you found me today. It’s nice to get dressed up and go somewhere fancy. And you look really sexy. Does this date mean we’re officially dating, then?”

  Ana blushed and fidgeted with her button-up. “I guess it must. This is the first date I’ve ever been on. Is that sad?”

  Jolie kicked at her foot under the table. “It’s even better because I get to take you on it.”

  Ana gave her an appreciative look. “You look pretty hot, too, you know.”

  Jolie gulped a sip of water and looked down at her lacy black dress. “I do, don’t I? You know, I want to date you, but you’re going to have to be a little more open with me about your life.”

  Ana felt the blood drain from her face. If only Jolie knew how important it was that she not
say anything, and how close she had come to telling her everything, she wouldn’t make such a difficult request.

  Jolie continued. “You’re going to have to give me some kind of timeline, at least. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  Ana sighed. “Okay. That, I can do.” It wasn’t technically allowed, but at least it wasn’t a full run down of their plans, as she had feared.

  Jolie smiled. “Good.”

  She reached across the table and intertwined her fingers with Ana’s. A rush of heat shot through her and she wondered how much longer they were going to be here.

  “Have you decided what you’d like to eat, ladies?” The waiter materialized at the side of the table.

  Ana looked across the table. Jolie nodded and said, “Go ahead, I’ll figure it out.”

  “I’ll have the millet-encrusted cod, please,” Ana told the waiter.

  “I’ll have the same,” Jolie said in a rush.

  “Very good, we’ll have those out to you shortly.”

  The waiter took the menus, and Jolie sipped her water again as he walked away. “I just ordered millet, didn’t I?”

  “Yep,” Ana said. “You could just have him come back, you know.”

  “Nah, might as well eat the fruits of my family’s labor. Besides, I kind of want to get this over with. Not because I don’t want to spend time with you, but because I’m realizing the things we could be doing instead.”

  Ana’s breath caught in her chest. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.”

  Jolie’s eyes darkened as they looked up and down Ana’s chest. “You want to get it to go?”

  “Definitely,” Ana said. She got up and walked over to the host, a pimple-faced college student who immediately assumed that something was wrong. She assured him that everything was, in fact, better than okay, and asked for the food to go. As she swiped her bracelet to pay for the meal, she looked back toward the table. Jolie was giving her a challenging look.