The Second Chance Shoe Shop

by Marcie Steele

  Everything had changed when he’d seen her with Nicholas and jumped to the wrong conclusion, and that really hurt. What the hell was she going to do now? Ethan was the only man she had let close to her since Nicholas. How could he not believe her when she said she hadn’t kissed her ex? Had he done it because he was hurting, seeing her with another man? When she’d explained what had happened, he had looked sheepish. Even so, he never should have doubted her.

  And now she had been sacked, she had no job, no boyfriend, no rosy future to look forward to. Everything had slipped away since the flash mob had taken place.

  Since Tanya had called her by her real name, Sadie’s mind had been reeling. She wondered whether to message her and ask her why she had called her Sadie, but for now she didn’t want Tanya to know that she knew. Once she’d had time to think things through, see if she could wheedle some information out of Cooper, then she would make up her mind what to do.

  She’d arranged to cook him tea that night. Cottage pie was his favourite, but when Christine had dropped Esther off, and had smelled it cooking, Sadie had had no choice but to ask her to stay. Paul was at work until 10:00 p.m. that night.

  As they sat around the kitchen table, with Christine and Cooper chatting, Sadie glanced at him surreptitiously. Was this what he wanted? To be part of her family? Not to take Ross’s place, but to be with her?

  ‘I can’t believe Suzanne would sack Riley,’ said Christine, as they ate. ‘She’s such a hard worker and has the interests of the shop at heart all the time.’

  ‘I’m glad Riley stuck up for herself.’ Cooper scooped up another mouthful of mash onto his fork. ‘It’s about time someone gave that Clarissa woman a taste of her own medicine.’

  ‘Yes, you can’t hide behind social media all the time, can you?’ said Sadie. ‘It’s not fair.’

  Cooper shook his head. She tried to gauge his reaction, but there didn’t seem to be any change in him.

  She waited until Christine had gone to help Esther get into her pyjamas before getting Cooper alone in the kitchen. She couldn’t wait any longer. All the time she kept thinking of the intimate details she had shared, thinking he was Tanya. How could he have deceived her like that?

  She closed the kitchen door and leaned back on it for a moment for support. Cooper was loading dishes into the dishwasher. He was humming an Adele song.

  ‘Why did you do it?’ she said.

  He turned back to her abruptly. ‘Why did I do what?’

  ‘Pretend to be someone else.’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ He frowned when she didn’t elaborate. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I could ask you the same thing, Tanya,’ she almost spat.

  ‘I’m sorry, but you’ve lost me.’

  She pointed at him. ‘Pretending to be someone else online is a really low trick. Is it because you have feelings for me and you wanted to see if I still loved Ross? Because I can tell you right now, I will always love Ross. He was my rock, and I know I’ll never find another man like him. And I’m sure he would have been happy if you and I – well, did get together as a couple. But now I can see that you are just some sneaky, snide creep who was trying to wheedle information out of me. What I can’t figure out is why the hell you would want to trick me. You’re supposed to be my friend, looking out for me and―’

  ‘Wait!’ Cooper held up his hands. ‘I haven’t been talking to you online. And I certainly haven’t set myself up as this Tanya person you’ve been mentioning over the past few weeks.’

  ‘It must be you!’ Sadie couldn’t stop now. ‘No one else would say they were called Tanya and then chat to me about Ross for months on end, almost keeping him alive in my mind.’

  ‘I wouldn’t do that! And why just me? All our friends know things about Ross. For all you know, it could have been any of us.’

  ‘They wouldn’t trick me to try to get close to me.’ She was shaking now. ‘I just can’t understand why you would do that to me. All you had to do was ask me to my face.’

  ‘I haven’t done anything wrong!’ Cooper stood staring at her. ‘I think you need to find out who’s been tricking you, because it certainly wasn’t me.’

  ‘You’ve been asking strange things lately.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like what’s happening on the anniversary of his death? Will I be celebrating it with you guys or just with Esther? Will I be taking her out on my own? Where am I going? How long will I be out? And you’ve not been visiting as much as you used to.’

  Cooper laughed, but it wasn’t friendly. ‘You are so off the mark that it’s unbelievable.’

  ‘Have you any idea how hard it’s been for me, with you always trying to keep his memory alive, making me upset by talking about him all the time? I’m never going to move on!’

  ‘It wasn’t me!’

  ‘I don’t believe you.’

  ‘Cooper’s telling the truth.’ They both turned to see Christine standing in the doorway. ‘It wasn’t him. It was me.’

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ’You?’ Sadie addressed Christine, her voice almost a whisper. A cloak of dread dropped over her shoulders as the situation went from bad to worse. She had just blamed Cooper for everything when he was clearly not at fault. She had accused him of being in love with her! Shame rushed through her. She’d never be able to look him in the eye again.

  ‘But why?’ she wanted to know.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Christine stepped into the kitchen. ‘It started when I saw your laptop open on the Grieve Together website, when you went to make me a cup of tea. I saw you on there under the name of Clara. And then, when I saw you were chatting to other people, I had the idea to become Tanya. As I chatted to you more, I realised it was a way for me to stay close to Ross, and help you to cope with his loss at the same time.’

  ‘But you spied on me!’ Sadie shook her head, turning to look at Cooper. His face was creased with hurt and anger, bringing tears to her eyes. ‘And I’ve just accused someone else of doing it. Cooper, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Sorry’s not enough,’ he snapped, pushing past her. Sadie reached for his arm but he shrugged her off. As he levelled with Christine, he stopped. ‘What you did . . . That’s sick.’

  ‘I―’

  ‘You should leave Sadie alone. Of course she needs to grieve for Ross, but it isn’t healthy to hang on to the past. She needs to look to the future.’

  ‘A future with you, you mean?’

  ‘No, that’s not what I mean! We’re just friends – and that’s all we’ll ever be.’ He laughed harshly. ‘Well, at least that’s what I thought we were. She needs to make her mind up who she trusts.’

  ‘I didn’t know it was her!’ Sadie cried.

  ‘But you thought it was me.’ His eyes betrayed his hurt. ‘And that fucking stinks, Sadie.’

  Cooper marched out of the house, slamming the front door. Sadie closed her eyes. The last time she had seen him so angry was when Ross died and he hadn’t been able to control his emotions, kicking out at his car and denting the side.

  ‘Mummy, I heard shouting.’ Esther came running down the stairs. ‘Where has Cooper gone?’

  ‘It’s okay, poppet,’ Sadie smiled as she went to her. ‘Let’s get you back to bed. Nanny and I need to have a chat.’

  As she settled Esther in bed once more, she half expected the front door to bang again, for Christine to slip out rather than face her wrath. But she didn’t. Every minute Sadie was away from her, anger boiled up inside.

  When she went back downstairs, Christine stood up as soon as Sadie came into the room. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she began.

  ‘Have you any idea how stupid I feel?’ Sadie cried. ‘I’ve just accused Cooper of spying on me!’

  ‘I never meant for that to happen.’ Christine looked up. ‘But I’m sure he’ll understand. He loved Ross as much as we did.’

  ‘Have you any idea how hurt I feel?’ She decided to change tack. ‘You’re the one person I would trust t
o tell anything you wanted to know about Ross, so why did you feel the need to go behind my back? You could have spoken to me at any time.’

  ‘I couldn’t.’ Christine shook her head. ‘Cooper was right. I was holding you back and I would have felt guilty if you knew it was me. You’re young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I know you need to find someone else, but I wanted to keep Ross alive until you did. For me.’ She pointed to her temple. ‘All I can remember of him is in here, but I still need to talk about him too. When I was Tanya, you told me things that you wouldn’t have shared if we were talking face to face.’

  ‘But we do talk. We talk about him all the time!’ Sadie felt exasperated. ‘I shared things with you that I would never have shared with anyone face to face. Personal, intimate things, too.’ She held her breath as she remembered something. ‘Did you look in my journal?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Are you sure? I told you where it was!”

  ‘I would never do that.’

  Sadie breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Posing as Tanya was still a nasty thing to do.’

  ‘I didn’t do it to deceive you.’ Christine began to cry. ‘Having you to talk to about Ross meant that I could imagine he was still here with us. I miss him so much.’

  ‘I miss him too. But you have to let me move on.’ Tears welled in Sadie’s eyes. ‘And to be jealous of me spending time with Cooper, and my friends? That’s just not on.’

  ‘I’m not jealous of the time you spend with him,’ Christine said, ‘nor anyone else. I’m envious that you have someone to turn to. Since Ross died, Paul and I haven’t been coping very well. He’s become really withdrawn. By talking to you as Tanya, I got to share your life more and also feel closer to having someone to confide in. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone.’

  ‘Sorry might not be enough if I’ve lost Cooper’s friendship.’

  ‘Let me explain to him,’ Christine pleaded.

  ‘You’ve done enough damage.’ Sadie shook her head. ‘I’m not so sure he’ll ever forgive me. And I need his friendship far more than I do yours.’

  Sadie left the room, hoping Christine would take this as her cue to get up and leave too. It worked.

  Christine went into the hallway, put on her coat and opened the front door. She turned to Sadie with a remorseful expression.

  ‘Will you be bringing Esther round in the morning before school?’ she asked. ‘We can still look after her for you. Please?’

  Her look was so pitiful that Sadie nodded quickly. Christine had her over a barrel where that was concerned, anyway. She wouldn’t be able to go to work without her help. And she needed work as much as she needed her friends.

  Once the door was closed, Sadie sat down at the kitchen table. She couldn’t even cry, she was so angry. Of course she could see that Christine hadn’t set out to deliberately hurt her, she could understand her intentions, but it didn’t excuse her.

  And now she had made things so much worse.

  Sadie was up early the next morning after a restless night’s sleep. Her mind had stayed in turmoil since Christine left. She was supposed to be one of the people Sadie trusted. Someone she had respected, who had helped her through grief when she had lost her husband, supported her before and after Ross died. And now it hurt so much to find out how deceitful she had been.

  Esther had woken early too. Sadie tried to keep in her tears. Esther was sitting on the rug in front of the fire, colouring book open, pen in hand. Sadie wanted to pick her up, hug her fiercely and never let her go. She could see Ross in everything she did. A look every now and then, the way she did everything so meticulously. The way her tongue was sticking out the side of her mouth as she concentrated with dogged determination.

  She was also Christine’s grandchild. With Christine looking after Esther, taking childcare further than was expected of a grandparent – Sadie had to be grateful for that. She couldn’t fall out with her, because she wouldn’t have anyone to look after Esther outside school hours. Even though her job was on the line right now, Sadie didn’t want to think that she’d have to give it up, perhaps live off benefits. It would drive her mad. She wanted to keep her independence, if she could. So, despite how much she was upset by Christine’s actions, Sadie had to make things okay.

  She wished she could have confided in Riley, but she couldn’t trouble her at the moment. She had enough on her plate.

  ‘What’s wrong, Mummy?’ Esther asked, her head down as she continued to colour.

  ‘I’m okay, poppet,’ Sadie replied.

  ‘You’re sad,’ Esther acknowledged, this time looking up. ‘Are you missing Daddy today?’

  ‘I always miss Daddy.’ Sadie gave her daughter a faint smile.

  ‘I miss Daddy too.’ Esther held up her drawing book. ‘I drew a picture of him for you.’

  ‘Let me look.’

  Esther ran across and sat by her mother’s side on the settee. The picture was of Ross mowing the lawn in their garden. There was a shed and a line left uncoloured down the middle of a green patch, which Sadie assumed was the garden path. A house was in the background and there were two faces looking through a downstairs window.

  ‘That’s you and me, Mummy,’ Esther smiled, ‘watching Daddy through the window.’

  Sadie gave her a hug. For a long time, Esther had drawn pictures of Ross in hospital. Or she’d drawn him in a wheelchair as they’d pushed him around the hospital grounds. Sadie had wondered if it was all she would remember of him. But now it seemed not. Esther could remember a time when her dad was able to do the garden, rather than lie in a bed attached to machines.

  For all his bravery, Ross had never once been bothered about showing his weaknesses to her. Sadie recalled the time when he’d got out of the wheelchair, arguing, telling her quite bluntly that he didn’t need it. That he didn’t need her either, fussing around him like he was a child. He’d walked all of four steps before collapsing, falling to the floor heavily. They’d sat in a corridor, people milling around, as he’d cried in her arms. Several people had come to them, offering to help, but she’d shook her head, a weak smile on her lips, saying ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’

  They’d stayed there until he’d got his strength back enough to sit in the wheelchair again, and she had pushed him back to his room. She’d come home that night and cried herself to sleep, feeling so lost without him, wondering how she would cope when he wasn’t there for them any more.

  That had been three weeks before he’d died. And now she had lost Cooper. He would never forgive her for what she had thought. How could she have been so stupid? Cooper, her friend, their friend. How could she have thought he was Tanya? And knowing Cooper, he wouldn’t even go on to a website like Grieve Together. She had jumped to a terrible conclusion.

  Once Esther had returned to the floor to draw another picture, Sadie picked up her phone and rang him. She wasn’t surprised when there was no response. Rather than send a text message, she left him a voicemail.

  ‘I’m so sorry. I was wrong. I’ll understand if it’s too awkward for you to visit me and Esther now, but I― please, if you can forgive me, I need you.’

  When she was making Esther’s sandwiches, she heard her phone beep. But it was just an email coming in with a twenty per cent discount voucher.

  She cried then. She hoped he would forgive her. Esther needed him around too. It would be terrible for her to lose the two men in her life, especially one of them through her mother’s stupidity.

  Cooper was a true friend, a gentleman, and one day she did want to find someone like him for herself.

  What had she done?

  Chapter Thirty

  When Sadie arrived at the shop after dropping Esther off at Christine’s house, she found Dan waiting for her inside the doorway.

  ‘Godzilla’s here,’ he told her as the shutter went down again.

  ‘That’s all we need.’ Sadie pulled a face as she shrugged off her jacket. ‘Please tell me she isn’t staying all day.’ />
  ‘I’m going home sick with a migraine if she is.’ Dan shuddered at the thought.

  ‘I hope she stays. It’ll show her how hard Riley works to keep the shop going. Especially for what they pay her. And us, for that matter.’

  ‘Morning,’ Suzanne sing-songed behind them as she came from downstairs to stand behind the till. ‘I’m going to be working with you as manager today, so I want everything ship-shape and top-notch.’

  ‘The shop doesn’t open for another twenty minutes,’ muttered Dan. ‘I’m having a coffee first.’

  ‘Me too,’ Sadie nodded. ‘If she thinks she’ll have our undivided attention after what she’s done to Riley, she’s got another think coming.’

  ‘You look pleased with yourself,’ Sadie said, once they were in the staffroom. She narrowed her eyes. ‘What were you up to last night? A hot date?’

  Dan shook his head. ‘But it was a great night. I put a few demons to rest.’

  When Sadie frowned Dan decided to come clean. Sadie listened with her mouth wide open.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing her?’ she asked afterwards.

  ‘I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing. You never really liked her, did you?’

  Sadie shook her head. ‘She was okay, but she was a bit too clingy for my liking.’ She thought of Cooper then and her shoulders drooped. She hoped she could sort things out with him eventually.

  ‘I guess.’

  ‘But it’s what makes you happy that counts.’ She smiled at him. ‘And now you can get on with finding a new woman without the weight of the old one hanging round your neck.’

  ‘Happy days.’ Dan looked at Sadie. ‘But you’re not happy, are you?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, but I’ll be okay.’

  ‘Is it because Ross’s anniversary is getting closer?’