Crossroads

by Tracie Peterson

  Travis came out from under the bed and surprised Leslie by plopping down on her lap. “Do their spirits remember me?” he asked.

  “I’m sure they do. You know, there’s a lot about heaven that I don’t understand or know much about, but I do know that people in heaven are never sad.”

  “Never? What if they fall down and get hurt?”

  “You can’t get hurt in heaven – there are no tears in heaven.”

  “Then let’s go now, Sissy. I want to be in heaven with Mommy and Daddy.”

  Leslie hugged her brother close. Tears were streaming down her face. “Oh, baby, I want to be with them, too. I want to be with Jesus and never cry again, but it isn’t time for us to go. When it’s time, Jesus will come and get us, but until then, I need you here with me. I need someone to stay and help me be strong.”

  Travis looked up to see her tears. His lip quivered and puckered as he started to cry. Leslie reached out to wipe his tears. “We’re going to make it through this, Travis. It hurts a lot right now, but it won’t hurt this bad forever. We need to let God help us, though. In the Bible, god says that He loves us and that He’ll be with us even when we’re afraid.”

  “I’m ‘fraid, Sissy,” Travis said, snuggling against her.

  Leslie nodded. “I know you are. Sometimes, I’m afraid, too. But you know what? I remember a little verse in the Bible, and it helps me to know that I’m going to be all right.”

  “What is it?” he asked, his breath ragged.

  “Psalm 56:3,” Leslie replied. “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

  “When I’m ‘fraid, I’ll trust in You,” Travis whispered.

  “Can you remember that?” Leslie asked him softly.

  Travis nodded, and Leslie smiled. She only hoped she could do as well to remember it when fearful times were upon her.

  NINE

  Darrin waited uncomfortably for Laurelin to show up at the apartment. He’d invited her to share dinner with him, with the determined purpose of telling her that it was over between them. The problem was, he didn’t know how exactly he was going to handle the situation. Laurelin wasn’t going to take rejection lightly, and there was no way she would see this as anything but rejection.

  A bigger problem was that Laurelin was a great help with, and with several spring trips to Europe on his agenda, Darrin wasn’t yet ready to be rid of the helpfulness of an assistant, especially one as savvy as Laurelin. Still, he couldn’t string her along just in order to have her help at the store. She might even surprise him and ask to stay on with Elysium. Stranger things had come from Laurelin in the past.

  A light-handed knock sounded at the door, and Darrin instantly recognized it as belonging to Laurelin. He opened the door and found her decked out in her full-length, arctic fox coat.

  “Thanks for coming,” he said, opening the door wide. “Come on in.”

  “Well, I must say, I haven’t enjoyed your silent treatment one bit,” Laurelin said, throwing off the coat to reveal a stunning winter-white pant suit. “Nor have I enjoyed being responsible for the store all by myself. Oh, Gerda was there part-time, but she was practically useless. I don’t know why you keep her. And I don’t know why you call me to come over on the coldest day of the year. I swear the temperature has to be somewhere below zero.”

  Darrin took the coat and draped it over the back of a chair as fiancée droned on. Laurelin had berated him quite severely once for daring to hang her coat on a hanger in his closet. He really wasn’t sure what proper etiquette required in caring for arctic fox. Personally, he thought the coat looked better on the animal thank on Laurelin, but he hadn’t purchased it, so it really wasn’t his place to complain.

  “So did you order out for us?” she questioned, sniffing the air as if to identify the aroma.

  Darrin smiled as he thought perhaps she should have kept the coat on. She looked like some sort of animal, sniffing the air for scent of her prey.

  “What’s so funny?” she suddenly asked, and Darrin realized that he’d been caught.

  “Nothing, Lin. I doubt you’d see it the same way I did.”

  “Well,” she paused as if deciding to pursue what she felt must be an insult. Then just as quickly she dismissed her concern and swept back her brown hair in a fluid, graceful move. “So, what are we eating?”

  “I fixed us stir-fry,” he said with an apologetic shrug. “It’s pretty tasty, if I do say so myself.”

  “I suppose it will have to do,” Laurelin replied. “Unless, of course, you’d like to take me out. I know this great new restaurant down on the plaza.”

  “No, I’m not going out tonight.”

  “Fine.” She seemed to pout for a moment, but as Darrin turned to lead the way to the dining room, she followed without hesitation.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been good company of late. I’m sorry, too, that I haven’t called much or kept up with the parties and such. I’ve had a lot on my mind and felt it unfair to burden you with it,” Darrin said as he took a chair opposite her.

  He dished up steaming rice and then added a generous ladle of vegetables to top this before handing the plate to Laurelin. She murmured thanks as he doubled the portion for himself and then paused thoughtfully. “I f you don’t mind,” he said, “I’d like to pray.”

  “Pray? Now?’ Laurelin asked in disbelief. “Whatever for?”

  “Because I feel thankful, that’s why,” Darrin said and bowed his head. “Father, I thank You for this food and the blessings You’ve bestowed. I ask You to be with me now as I share this meal with Laurelin. I ask that we might better understand Your will in our lives. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  Laurelin was still sitting there watching him as she had been before he’d bowed in prayer. “What in the world was that all about?”

  “It’s about a great deal,” Darrin said, mixing the vegetables with the rice. “You’ve always know that I was a Christian, although I do apologize for not being a very active one. I’ve suddenly come to realize how very important prayer is to me, and that God needs to play a more major role in my life.”

  “Is that why you asked me over?” Her voice betrayed a tone of disbelief.

  “Not completely. There are a great many things we need to discuss.”

  “Don’t I know it,” she answered rather haughtily. “You leave me virtually on hold for weeks, making an appearance when it suited you, leaving the store in limbo. Not to mention – ”

  Darrin held up his hand. “Lin, I don’t want to fight.”

  “Well, neither do I,” she snapped back. “But I do want some explanations.”

  “And you deserve them,” Darrin answered. “That’s exactly why I wanted us to get together. But not if it means that we spend the time yelling at each other. I’ve let that kind of communication go on too long. We need to be able to talk in a civilized manner to each other. You know what I mean? With respect and –“

  “Darrin,” Laurelin interrupted, putting a hand to her head, “don’t try to psychoanalyze my life. I have one therapist, and I don’t need another.”

  “I’m not trying to be your therapist. I am trying to explain, however, that I’m only coming to see the error of my ways in a great many areas.”

  Laurelin sat back and smiled smugly. “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place? If you’ve brought me here to apologize, by all means have at it.”

  “It isn’t that I feel the need to apologize,” Darrin said, feeling angry at her suggestion that he owed her something other than an explanation. He tried to calm his feelings, remembering the time he’d spent in prayer before Laurelin’s arrival. “Look, Lin, I want you to understand that I’ve come to realize how much I’ve distanced myself from God. As a Christian, I know that I’m to continue my spiritual walk and growth, but I feel like the past few years have been spent taking a nap alongside the path rather than pursuing the journey.”

  “Whatever are you talking about? We’ve been seen in church nearly every Sunday. Well, at
least most every Sunday until that dreadful Dallas fiasco. Speaking of which, has that woman slapped you with a lawsuit yet? Is that why you called me?”

  “No, she’s not suing me.”

  “Well, don’t bet on it. I’d keep a good lawyer on retainer just the same. “ Laurelin dug into the food and nodded. “This isn’t too bad, Darrin.”

  “Thank you,” he answered, feeling his patience begin to wear thin. He opened his mouth to try once again to explain the need to allow God to direct his life, when Laurelin started off on her own agenda.

  “You know, Darrin, I’ve been looking at houses, and I know you’d wanted to put it off until a year or two after we marry, but I think we ought to consider getting a place right away. I have found the most delightful house, in the perfect neighborhood. We can entertain and have brokers over and . . .”

  “I’m not buying a house, Laurelin,” he said flatly and went to the kitchen for the coffee pot.

  “But Darrin, this place is so small, and the neighborhood is becoming so overrun with people of lower standards than ours. I think it would do your image good to relocate. I’d suggest we live in my place, but there is even less room than here, and I know we’d never be happy there.”

  “No, I’m sure we wouldn’t,” Darrin said. “Which brings me to my point.”

  “Look, Darrin, it wouldn’t hurt you at all to consider my feelings in the matter. I want to feel proud of the place I live in. I want a home that I can entertain in and not be afraid that all the guests will be discussing my poor taste behind my back.”

  “Laurelin, we aren’t buying a house.”

  She glared at him and slammed down her fork. “You simply don’t care about me, do you? Is this some kind of male control issue? Because if it is, I’m not buying into it.”

  “And I’m not buying a house. It has nothing to do with control issues, but it has everything to do with us,” Darrin replied.

  “You just don’t understand how important this is, do you?” She was clearly angry. “You give more consideration to a know-nothing family in Lawrence that you don’t even know than you do to the woman you’re supposed to marry. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand your lack of consideration.”

  “Oh, and you’re the queen of consideration, yourself.” Darrin countered. Once again she’d led him where he didn’t want to go. How crafty she was at manipulating people into arguments.

  “I don’t have to take this from you, Darrin.”

  “You know, Lin, you’re right. I’m feeling a bit angry now, and I’m going to go for a drive. When I get back, I hope you’ll have the good sense to be gone.”

  “You can’t just walk out on me like this,” Lin said, getting to her feet and following Darrin into the living room.

  “I can and I will,” Darrin replied, pulling his coat out of the closet. “And this time, I’ll have the last word.”

  ❧

  Leslie glanced up at the sound of the bells ringing on the front door. She smiled to herself as she recognized one of her regular customers. It was that nice man, David. . .no, Darrin something. She didn’t know much about him except that he liked to sit at the counter and talk to her rather than take a table or join anyone else. She reached for a glass mug and began preparing a decaf raspberry latte, knowing by now that this was his usual request.

  “Brrrr,” he said, dusting a few snowflakes from his coat. “It’s definitely winter out there.”

  “I see it’s started to snow again,” Leslie offered.

  “Yes, but I don’t think it’s going to make anything of itself.” He unzipped the coat and nodded. “I see you’ve learned to know me pretty well.”

  “I try to keep track of my regulars,” Leslie said with a smile. “But if you have a taste for something different tonight, you certainly aren’t obligated to this.” She held up the steaming mug of coffee as if posing a question of acceptance.

  “No, by all means, let me have at it. I’m half frozen.” He took the coffee and downed half of it while Leslie rang up his sale.

  Leslie caught the motion of another customer at the opposite end of the counter and, after putting Darrin’s change down in front of him, went to see what the man wanted. It wasn’t a hectic night, and for that Leslie was both grateful and concerned. The cold sometimes had the opposite desired effect, and rather than finding the shop filled with people demanding hot drinks, Leslie found that they all stayed home and refused to venture out into the frigid night.

  “I need one more, only make this to go,” the man said, after Leslie asked how she could serve him. She filled a paper cup, secured the lid, and took his money, all while allowing herself brief glimpses at Darrin. She couldn’t help wondering who he was and why he always came alone. She always tried to imagine the lives of her customers, and some of them, most of them, were pretty easy to peg. Like the man she was waiting on just now. He wasn’t all that well known to her, but what she did know was that he lived only a block away and the coffee shop afforded him a quick get-away from his crowded apartment. She knew it was crowded because usually the man was accompanied by four other people, all who claimed residence in the same student rental as he did. She didn’t know his name. Didn’t really care to, and yet, she knew his face and what he liked to drink in the way of coffee. Seemed a small pittance of information to summarize a man’s life by.

  The man took off, leaving Leslie to clean the space he’d just vacated. She waved good-bye to three women who were also regulars from the college. All three were housemothers for different campus sororities, and all came in once a week like clockwork to discuss their problems and accomplishments. They each ordered a different type of coffee and always had cinnamon scones to accompany their chats. They always stayed about an hour and a half and always left her a two-dollar tip. You didn’t get any more regular than that.

  But Darrin, he was different, and Leslie couldn’t quite peg him. He’d only been coming in for the last few weeks, but in that short time she’d really come to enjoy his visits. Whenever he came, he always sought her out and struck up a conversation. He always wanted to know how the shop was doing – how she was doing. He seemed, too, to genuinely care about the answers, and he was overwhelmingly generous. He always left her tips that were three and four times the price of his order. She’d started to argue with him once when he’d left her a twenty after ordering a two-dollar cup of coffee, but he told her that was his way, and he wouldn’t be moved to change his mind.

  “So, how’s business?” he asked as she cleaned her way back to his spot at the counter.

  “It’s been better,” Leslie admitted, throwing the cloth into a bucket of bleach water that resided under the counter.

  Darrin’s face was still touched with a rosy glow from the cold, and Leslie liked the way his bright blue eyes seemed to sparkle with enthusiasm for her company. He was a handsome man, she thought. Handsome and considerate. She wondered if he was attached to someone somewhere, but because he never mentioned anyone, Leslie allowed herself to believe he was a free agent.

  Not that it really mattered. She wasn’t looking for anyone at this point in her life. There was so much trouble at home that dating wasn’t an option, and considering anything beyond the day-to-day trials only made her feel desperately alone and hopeless. She knew God was there for her, but at times she longed for someone to be there as well.

  “You aren’t listening to me, are you?” Darrin questioned.

  Leslie felt her face flush. “Sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

  “Like the shop being slow?”

  “That, among other things,” she admitted. “You want another?” she asked, noting that his mug was nearing empty.

  “Sure, it’s decaf, right?”

  She nodded and went to work while Darrin questioned her about her week and why business was off. “Mostly it’s because of the cold. You’d think cold weather would bring out the coffee and hot chocolate drinkers, but because most of the college kids are on foot, getting
out in this cold doesn’t hold near the attraction that staying home and fixing your own hot drinks has. I’m sure it will pick up in time.” At least I hope it does, she added to herself.

  “But that’s not all you have on your mind, is it?”

  Leslie bit at her lower lip before answering. “No, I guess it ranks down second of third on the list.”

  “What’s number one?”

  Leslie noted genuine concern in his expression. His eyes seemed to reflect unspoken questions, and his attention warmed her heart. “Travis,” she finally murmured.

  “Your little brother?”

  “That’s the one.” She tried to sound light hearted, but it was almost impossible. “He’s having a lot of trouble with the death of our parents.” She noted that Darrin visibly winced and quickly moved to change the subject. “But he’ll be all right. What about you? Did you have a good work week?”

  “What happened with me isn’t important. Tell me about Travis. Are you getting him counseling?”

  “Well, we didn’t go that route at first. Our pastor was kind of the old-fashioned sort who figured kids in their resilient natures would bounce back from death in a fairly reasonable fashion. He told us to let nature run its course, but as time passed by and Travis started having more and more nightmares, I figured nature wasn’t running the way it should. Now, Travis won’t even get into the car without hysterical, traumatic fits, and frankly, I’m worn out from dealing with it.”

  Darrin appeared compassionately interested, and Leslie found herself clinging to his attentiveness like a drowning woman. He was good for her. He was like her own private counselor, showing up week after week, always asking for her to spill her heart. What was funnier yet was that Leslie felt quite content in doing just that. She didn’t feel withdrawn and closed off with Darrin.

  “You can’t just leave him to find his own way through this,” Darrin commented. “I don’t think kids are as resilient as we’d like to believe. This is big-time stuff, and he needs real help.”