Clouds In My Coffee

by ANDREA SMITH

  “Oh God, I’m so nervous,” she says from behind me. “How do I look?”

  I glance over at her and smile. Because she looks just like she does every time I see her, I mean, what does she think will change?”

  “You look perfect,” I reply, seeing that she’s holding her little baby bundle. “I see you’re going to fill him in on Erika, huh?”

  “Can I?” she asks, her expression hopeful.

  “We’ll give it a try,” I say. “Let’s do this. I guess you just walk into me...”

  “No need to explain,” she interrupts. “Your mom stopped by earlier and gave me instructions. I have to focus all of my spiritual energy on merging my spirit into…”

  “Fine,” I interrupt. “Let’s do it.”

  I brace myself for the merging and as Cece closes in, I can see that her spiritual form has developed a glowing outline, which I presume is her metaphysical aura focusing. But that’s just a guess on my part.

  I can now feel the heaviness and warmth spread throughout my body and the tingling sensation from the tip of my toes to the top of my head as she transitions her spirit into my body. My mind goes blank, and my conscious awareness ceases to exist.

  I am Parrish no longer.

  Chapter 46

  Cece

  Wow! This is totally far out! I feel like I did when I was alive, which is totally different than what it feels like in the spirit world. Here I’m aware of the cold chill of the winter air and wish I had a jacket to put on.

  I hold Erika closer to me, shielding her bundled body from the wind as it whips around us. Thankfully, there is a thicket of evergreens nearby that might help shield us from the wind. I move over to it and wait.

  I try to imagine what Erik will look like. He’s fifty-nine and will turn sixty this year. It doesn’t matter though. He will always look like the Erik I left behind in 1974.

  And there he is now. I recognize him by the way he walks. He’s wearing a wool overcoat; dressed very conservatively. No signs of hippy left in him.

  I giggle and he turns when he hears it.

  “My God,” he says, rushing over to me, “It is you. My Cece.”

  “Hey Erik,” I say, smiling at him, feeling my ponytail bouncing. “You’ve changed a lot.”

  I realize what a dumb, teenager kind of remark that is, but hell, my spirit is still a teenager. He’s just gonna have to deal with it.

  He laughs his magical laugh that hasn’t changed a bit. “Yeah, well shit, that’s what forty-some years will do to you, I guess. You look the same. Still beautiful, still perfect.”

  I blush and, yes, it is a bona fide reddening of my cheeks. “I was never perfect,” I argue. “Far from it.”

  “You were perfect to me,” he insists. “God, how it tore me up to lose you, Cece. You have no idea what that did to me, what it still does to me when I see you right now. My life has never been the same since you were taken from me. All I have now are regrets and guilt over what I might’ve done to change things. And what might have been if I had.”

  “No, Erik, stop. Please, you can’t second guess destiny. If I’ve learned anything, being stalled between worlds, is that things don’t happen accidentally even if we think they do. Everything is pretty much predestined. There’s a purpose to everything.”

  He looks over at me, wiping a tear from his cheek. “What have you there?” he asks, noticing the blanketed bundle in my arms for the first time.

  “This is someone I want to introduce you to, Erik. This is the daughter that was lost when I died. I needed for you to know and I especially am glad that you can see her with me and know that we’re together.”

  “A daughter?” he asks, moving nearer, as I pull the blanket away from her face allowing him to take a closer look at his daughter. Her eyes flicker open and she gazes up at him. She has the same dark, brooding eyes that he does and it’s very apparent.

  “Oh God, Cece,” he whispers, running a calloused finger down her soft, rosy cheek. She smiles up at him. “She’s got my eyes.”

  I nod, smiling up at him too. “That she does. Her name is Erika.”

  “Erika,” he repeats. “My daughter Erika. I love that you named her after me. She’s my only child. I don’t have any here.”

  He’s sad and I fully understand the feeling of loss he’s suffered and continues to suffer. “Erik,” I say, “We’ll be here for you when it’s your time, I want you to know that, okay? I love you and I hope that you’ve managed to find happiness in your life.”

  He shrugs, “It kind of comes and goes. A failed marriage. No life partner and now this. I find out I have a daughter that I won’t see again. I mean, what the hell, Cece? I thought seeing you would make me feel better, but it hasn’t. I feel cheated. God cheated me when he allowed that fucker to kill you. He took you and my baby from me. How am I supposed to respect that? You tell me…how?”

  “You need to have faith, Erik.”

  “Bullshit! What I need to do is get in my truck and drive to wherever that son-of-a-bitch is and blow his brains out!”

  “No!” I scream, startling Erika. She whimpers in my arms and Erik immediately softens. “I’m sorry, baby girl,” he croons to her, placing the back of his hand gently against her cheek and caressing it. “Daddy didn’t mean that, I promise. Daddy loves you and your mommy, okay?”

  She smiles up at him again and I can feel the calmness that Erik is now feeling as well.

  “I’m sorry, Cece. I know I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Don’t ever do anything that will keep you from us, Erik. Trust that a higher power will deal with retribution. It’s not up to you to take action for someone else’s deeds.”

  “Yeah,” he says, still staring down at our baby girl.

  “Do you promise?” I ask.

  He looks at me, tears now welled up in his dark brown eyes and he nods. “I promise, Cece. I love you and I love our daughter, so you have my word on it.”

  “That’s all I needed to hear. And please believe me when I tell you that no matter what life dishes out to you from here on out, take the high road no matter how much you might want otherwise. It’s worth it in the end.”

  Erik looks over at me, brushing his hand across my face lightly; he rests it against my cheek. It feels so warm and comforting. “Are you talking to me about karma, babe?”

  I smile back at him, raising my free hand to cover his. “Yeah, maybe I am. Just remember that saying, ‘How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours’.”

  He takes my hand and raises it to his lips, giving my knuckles several soft kisses. “I’ll remember,” he says. “Hey, you remember that one cover song Roxy used to play that was one of your favorites?”

  “Everlasting Love,” I reply. “It still is one of my favorites. Will you sing it to me one last time before we have to go?”

  “Oh God, Cece. I don’t want you to go already.”

  “I have to Erik, I’m on loan here for a very limited amount of time. But please, know that I love you and I’ll be waiting for you when it’s time.”

  He blinks back tears, wiping his cheeks with the backs of his hands.

  I give a nod and the music starts playing. Erik looks up abruptly, trying to figure out how in the hell I just did that. “It’s a perk,” I explain with a wink. “Come hold us before we have to leave.”

  And he does. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in against him and the baby snuggles between us. We close our eyes as the lyrics drift through the chilly winter air to our ears, a song that Erik used to sing with his band.

  Where life’s river flows,

  no one really knows,

  till someone’s there to show

  the way to lasting love.

  “I love you, Cece,” he whispers, lowering his lips to mine for a sweet, soft kiss. “I always will.”

  Like the sun that shines,

  endlessly it shines,

  you always will be mine,

  eternal love.


  “I love you, Erik. I always have and I always will no matter the distance between us.”

  When other loves went wrong,

  ours will still be strong,

  we have our very own

  everlasting love…

  “We did have our very own everlasting love, didn’t we Erik?”

  “Yeah, baby, we did. It went by too fast, but we did and we still do.”

  “For eternity?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I kiss his lips one last time. “Goodbye for now, baby.”

  And, as I transition back into my spiritual world where now I can finally pass through to my eternal destination, I say one last thing. “Thank you, Parrish. Take care of your heart.”

  Chapter 47

  I’m aware, once again, of my surroundings. The warm glow that I previously felt, along with the heaviness is subsiding. I blink a couple of times to get my bearings.

  I’m sitting on a headstone in a thicket of evergreens. I look around and see Erik walking slowly towards the parking lot.

  “Erik,” I call out, feeling a bit groggy and weak. “Hold up for a moment.”

  He stops and waits while I catch up to him. My legs are wobbly and I know from experience that it will take a little while to re-energize myself. I’m thinking I should’ve taken my father up on his offer to drive me.

  “How was it?” I ask, looking up into his red-rimmed eyes.

  “You mean you don’t remember?”

  I smile up at him, “No, it doesn’t work that way. Her data banks override mine and I’m not conscious of anything that transpires during the…episode.”

  “Well hell, if I’d have known that I might’ve pressed her for a little more time back in my truck.”

  I laugh because I know he’s trying his damnedest to deal with the emotions he’s feeling which is normal. “Should’ve told you beforehand,” I tease. “Now you’ll have a long wait for that, I guess.”

  He laughs, “Naw, she had the baby with her, I had to behave appropriately anyway. It was…surreal, and I know how overused that word is but no other way to describe it. It was good. I feel better than I have in a long, long time.”

  “So, I guess it turned out to be a good thing, though I know it still makes you sad. I’ve been there.”

  “Yeah, I guess you know then. But hey, Parrish? I want to thank you so damn much for all you’ve done for Cece and for me. You’re a pretty righteous chick.”

  “Far out,” I reply, giving him a playful smack.

  “Looks like your boyfriend is making sure you’re okay,” he replies, nodding toward the parking lot.

  I follow his gaze and spot Marco’s rental SUV. “Uh, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just someone that helped with this.”

  “Could’ve fooled me,” he replies, giving me a wink. “Remember what Cece said, ‘Take care of your heart.’”

  With that, Erik heads over to his truck and climbs inside, taking off. Marco is immediately at my side, looking as handsome as ever in blue jeans and a navy blue sweater.

  “So what? You just up and leave my bed this morning without even waking me?”

  “Marco, please. Not now. I’m not up for it.”

  He spins me around as I’m walking, bringing me face to face with him. I can see concern in his eyes. “Hey baby, are you okay? How did it go?”

  “They got their goodbyes. It’s all good, but after one of these things, it leaves me exhausted.

  “Come on,” he orders, “I’m taking you home. I’ll bring your dad or Sheila back here to get the car. No arguments.”

  “Don’t worry,” I reply, “I don’t have the strength to argue at the moment.” And I allow him to lead me to his car and get me settled inside, even buckling my seatbelt for me.

  Once home, Sheila fusses over me, helping me up to my room, where I climb into my bed and promptly fall asleep. I’m sleeping peacefully, dreaming pleasantly as a matter of fact, when Ma shows up.

  “I’m proud of you Parrish,” she says, putting her hand out for me to take. I take it and we walk. “You did a fabulous thing for Cece and she’s here with me now just where she should be. You also brought a murderer to justice. Thank you so very much.”

  “You’re welcome, Ma. But I’m not so sure the judge will get his just desserts.”

  “Maybe not on earth, honey, but rest assured he will at some point. So, what are your plans now?”

  “Well Ma, Ryan turned out to be a cheating bastard as you know, but I think he may want to work things out. Evidently, things have changed.”

  “Hmmph,” she says, frowning, “Don’t go there, Parrish. Once trust is broken, it’s very difficult to repair. Besides, I kinda thought maybe your heart was going in a different direction.”

  “Who…Marco? Are you serious?”

  “Yes, I’m serious,” she replies, stopping to look at me. “He reminds me a lot of your father. He’ll make a good husband for you I think.”

  “Husband?” I practically shout. “Oh Ma, he’s not husband material, trust me on that one. It’s just about sex with us.”

  She raises her eyebrows at me, but I know she’s not really shocked. “Nevertheless, sometimes mothers just know these things. It’s intuition.”

  “I think I may stay on with Dad. He’s offered me a job learning how to manage the resort. It’s to be mine someday.”

  She practically glows when she hears that. “Oh, sweetie, I think that is an awesome plan. Your father taught me all kinds of things about running a business when I had my clothing line, remember?”

  “Yep. Sure do.”

  “And do you remember how patient he was while he taught me basic business strategies and how to forge successful relationships with suppliers?” She’s fanning herself now and I can only imagine what else he must’ve taught her to get her all hot and bothered like this.

  “I get the picture, Ma.”

  She laughs her magical laugh. “Well, anyway, I approve. But listen, Parrish. Don’t make it all business either. You need to get back out on the dating circuit. I’d start with Marco if I were you. I mean, it’s obvious he’s interested in you.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “Don’t roll your eyes. I can see it clear as day. Denver’s not that far for a weekend visit. Just a short flight away.”

  “I’ve no intention of flying to Denver to pursue a non-relationship, Ma. Now please let me handle my personal life, okay?”

  Shit. Now she looks hurt.

  “I’m sorry, Parrish. I didn’t mean to over-step my bounds.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Ma. I didn’t mean to sound so snippy. I guess I’m still trying to get over that stuff with Ryan. I love that you care and give me advice. I love you, Ma.”

  “I know, sweetie. Listen, you get some rest. I don’t have anything on the horizon for you just yet, but I will be back in touch.”

  Then I realize I don’t know when I’ll see her again. Because it’s only when she has a stalled soul case for me to handle and this one is officially closed.

  “Don’t worry, I will still pop in from time to time to check on my daughter,” she assures me. She gives me a motherly kiss on the cheek. “Tell Dominic I love him for me, please?”

  “I will Ma.”

  “Good girl,” she says as she starts to fade and then I hear it. “Mommy loves you.”

  I continue sleeping, feeling the comfort of my ghost mom’s love wrapped around me like a security blanket.

  I guess I’ll call my earth mom tomorrow and tell her my plans and then let Ryan know where to send my stuff. Looks like I’m going to be a resident of Park City, Utah for a while.

  I smile in my sleep, glad to finally have a plan.

  Epilogue

  Three weeks later

  I’ve moved into my own chalet and I actually love it more than the loft apartment Ryan and I shared in New York. It’s an A-frame with an open floor plan that includes a bath and bedroom downstairs and a loft that has another bath and bedroom. There’s a huge
great room on the ground level with a fireplace and the kitchen and dining room open up from that.

  The kitchen has an island and all stainless steel appliances. The floors on the ground level are polished hardwood and upstairs is all carpeted, except for the bathroom. There’s even a small study in the loft, in the open area overlooking the great room.

  My stuff from Ryan arrived and it blends in nicely with the rest of the décor. He didn’t have much to say to me after the rant Marco had given him over the phone. It’s just as well because that ship has sailed.

  It’s early March and the ski season will be coming to an end soon. There’s a brief reprieve and then the eighteen-hole golf course and the horseback riding and hiking trails provide spring and summer activities, along with a lake for fishing and campgrounds for campers. I’m impressed with my father and Sheila’s managerial skills. The place does a great business, with a lot of repeat customers it seems.

  Dad has been showing me various segments of managing and, as Ma pointed out, he has a lot of patience in teaching. He’s not yelled once, even though I know he’s had to bite his tongue a few times. So sue me, I’m not trained in the business end of things, but I’ll catch on sooner or later.

  I’m hoping for the sake of my relationship with Dad that it’s sooner!

  I haven’t seen Marco since the day after our encounter at the cemetery. He left after visiting Cece’s mother and providing what information he was at liberty to share with her.

  He stopped by Dad’s to check on me and I was feeling back to normal after sleeping for ten hours.

  “Hey,” he said, as I had come down the steps, seeing that he and my father had been conversing, “Came to see how you’re doing before I head back to Denver.”

  “You’re leaving?” I asked, which was obviously a stupid question.

  “Yeah, I work in Denver, remember?”

  My father had excused himself to go to his study.

  “Yeah, I know. What was I thinking?” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Still trying to get my mind back, I guess.”

  “Parrish,” he said and my heartbeat ramped up like it does whenever he said my name, “I just want to say that it was my pleasure working with you on this case. I’m totally blown away by your abilities and, who knows, maybe another one of these stalled souls will surface requiring the Bureau’s assistance.”