An Unlikely Savior

by Camille Oster

  Chapter 4

  He woke up at dawn. Her body was flush up against him and her knee was resting on his leg. He was hard as was typical in the mornings, and fought an irrational urge to pull her on top of him. He tried to dismiss the thoughts of the pleasure they could have in their little cocoon of warmth. Not that she ever would. He knew she was a virgin and would never accept such an early morning exchange. It was hard trying to get his body to understand the limitations of their situation.

  He turned to her and watched her for a moment. Her skin was creamy and pink with sleep. Her face was clear and rounded with youth and healthy living. Her pink lips looked extremely welcoming up this close, seeming trying to draw him in. He looked away trying to dismiss questions about what she tasted like. He could smell the saddle oil he’d put in her hair, but it didn’t really dampen her beauty or the fresh alluring scent of her underneath. He slid out from under the blanket and got up. It would do him no good staying there musing on her charms and what they could be doing, things they would definitely not be doing.

  He busied himself tending to the horse, which had wandered away slightly during the night to graze on the frost covered grass. It was a chestnut colored work horse. It had a good winter coat starting, and would get them where they needed to go at a slow and steady place.

  “I am hungry,” Virginie said in a voice husky with sleep, while she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

  “We have nothing to eat,” Tomas responded. “We will have to find something later.” If he’d had time to find a musket, he could hunt a rabbit, but there hadn’t been time. Setting a snare would take too long and they had to move forward. “We have to go now.”

  She didn’t complain for once, she just went behind some bushes to perform some of her morning routines. He had the horse saddled by the time she got back and mounted before pulling her up behind him again. She sat a bit closer this morning; their closeness during the night had made her lose some of her discomfort around his person. He wasn’t entirely sure he was more comfortable because of it, as he could feel the softness of her breasts at his back. He had to stop noticing such things, this really was a life and death situation and he needed to stop being distracted by such unimportant things.

  It was different riding in the day, Virginie thought, there were things to see. The frosty landscape stretched out before them. She couldn’t believe that she had survived sleeping on the ground through a cold autumn night, but she had and it hadn’t been too bad once she had gotten over her reserve and accepted Tomas’ warmth. She had never been that close to a man before, other than the embraces she received from her father when she was younger and the stable hand that carried her home once when she’d twisted her ankle. Now she was sitting with her arms around a man she wasn’t related to, and not just that, a completely inappropriate man who obviously carried on all sorts of things with low women.

  She watched him from her position behind him. The dark curls that flowed down to his shoulders and the strong plane of his cheek with stubble starting on to grow. She had never watched a man this close. Then there was the smell of him, earthy and heady. Not the perfumes that aristocratic men preferred.

  She still could not understand him in the least, this peculiar man who would turn his back on all the comforts of his brother’s world to live in squalor.

  He turned his head slightly so she could see his profile. His dark eyebrows enhanced his very dark eyes. He wasn’t ugly; in fact he was much more handsome than Etienne. His mother had apparently been a Spanish beauty and her dark features had been inherited by her son. “We need to stay away from the populated areas as much as possible,” he said.

  “Are we going to eat?”

  “If we can. I am not going out of our way to find food yet. We need to achieve some distance today.”

  “I have silver, we can pay for it.”

  “Yes, but the mere fact that you have silver is suspicious all on its own. We need to be very careful. I would appreciate it if you let me handle such things.”

  Virginie felt her stomach rumble. She was hungry, but it was a mere annoyance than real hunger at this point. She could concede to let him handle the procurement, he knew these people much better than she did. There had always been a disconnect between her class and the peasants, they communicated only on the most basic language, and usually to order them to do something. She herself couldn’t remember ever speaking to any of the peasants directly. If she needed anything, there was always a footman who would deal with them on her behalf. The peasants would grudgingly do as they were told, but they were never pleasant or cordial. Their own servants were a little different, but with general peasants, there was no meaningful communication. Although it was inconceivable to her, Tomas obviously found something more meaningful in his dealings with them. He straddled the two worlds.

  “I don’t understand why you reject your aristocratic heritage in favor of them,” she stated before she had time to think about it.

  “Because my aristocratic heritage, as you so eloquently refer to it, is just an illusion.”

  “You are not responsible for the circumstances of your birth. Your illegitimacy is not something you have any control over.” She truly believed that, but she also knew that there were others who viewed such things more harshly. It was an unfortunate mark against him and it did limit his prospects, but she firmly saw him as part of her class irrespective of who his mother was. His father was a nobleman, and that made him a nobleman in her eyes.

  “Maybe I prefer to surround myself with people who don’t see my illegitimacy as first and foremost. People for whom I am equal.”

  “Surely you want to be around educated people, who can have interesting and meaningful discussions.” Virginie couldn’t really think of the things that peasants could discuss. They didn’t travel, read, see the theatre, not that she did all of those things, but married women did. It was the additional freedoms in marriage that she looked forward to and the delay because of the troubles had been upsetting to her for that exact reason.

  “We have different definitions of meaningful. There is actually more to life than country house parties and the vacant discourse of the upper class. If you hadn’t noticed, there is a revolution going on.”

  “Of course, I’ve noticed! I’ve fled my house under threat to my life. Is that your definition of meaningful discourse?”

  “Talking about how things should be managed, who has equity in this world, then yes.”

  “You can’t possibly believe that what is happening is right. I have done nothing to deserve being murdered.”

  “Haven’t you? You have been living the life of luxury while the rest of the country starves. You take everything and leave nothing for the rest. How can you be surprised that they reached a point when they’ve had enough? You can suppress people for only so long before they start objecting,” he said heatedly.

  “I haven’t suppressed anyone. I have never taken from anyone.”

  “The whole system is stacked in your favor, and you share nothing.”

  “It doesn’t justify what is happening,” she said heatedly. “If they want change, there are processes in place to bring about change.” There had been some heated discussions during dinner parties about the events that were unfolding and she had been listening intently. The men at these parties felt that if the peasants were so unhappy, they could do as was expected and petition the King. The King would do his best to see to them, provided they contained their requests to meaningful concessions instead of outlandish demands. Although it had been a while since the last dinner party and all those people would either be gone from France, or in line for a misfortune if they hadn’t already met one.

  “You mean petitioning the King. We are done petitioning the King, it was never a process that worked. He never had any intensions of giving the peasants any meaningful improvements. He denied the will of the people and now he is dead for it.”

  “And his family? They will murder the queen too.�
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  He was silent on this point. She hadn’t intended on having this conversation, but once it started, they could not stop.

  “You can’t tell me that what is happening is right, what is happening to your family.”

  “Revolutions require violence.”

  “And that makes it right?”

  “No, but I’m not sure it could happen any other way. As much as you might dislike it, a revolution was necessary and it was a long time coming. The people are taking back France, and they have decided that they are better off without you.”

  “If that is what you believe, then why didn’t you just hand me over to the people in the village? This is my country too.”

  “Not anymore. And by helping you, I have given up my citizenship too.”

  They were silent from that point. Virginie was disappointed that Tomas could even justify what was happening to his own family. She could in abstraction see the logic of the points he was making, but there were real people getting hurt, having their lives and property destroyed. Surely change could be brought without bloodshed. The killing of innocent people was unnecessary and pointless, and it cheapened whatever principles they were striving for.

  “Do you seriously think anything will change?” she finally asked. “All this killing, will it change anything? Won’t things just return to the way they were?”

  “I don’t know. My only concern right now is to ensure that it doesn’t kill us. We can contemplate the ethics of it afterwards.” He was dismissing the conversation. They rode in silence for a long time, past countryside she had never seen before. Luckily the horse was used to work and only needed to be rested a few times. They would stop intermittently and let the beast graze on whatever it could find. Hunger was starting to grow into an ache in her stomach as she watched the horse systematically chew the grass around it.

  “I have to hunt something,” Tomas finally said. “Stay here.”

  “You have nothing to hunt with,” Virginie pointed out, but he ignored her. He walked away into the woods leaving her with the horse. She felt the cold much more now than she did when sitting at Tomas’ back arguing with him or just moving with the trudging steps of the horse.

  He was gone for a long time, well it seemed like a long time to Virginie as she jumped at every sound. She was terrified that someone would stumble across her and he wasn’t around, and she felt deeply embarrassed about that fact. She wasn’t normally a nervous and fearful person, but neither were the majority of people out to kill her under normal circumstances; although according to Tomas, they had been thinking about it all along. It was a disconcerting concept, that all these people wished her ill and she’d been none the wiser.

  She felt a huge sense of relief when she saw Tomas walking back. He had his typical scowl on and she wasn’t sure that it was the sight of her that made him so sullen or whether it was his normal countenance. He watched her as he dropped his catch on the ground. It was a rabbit. She didn’t know how he’d caught it.

  “We need to build a fire,” he said. “You do know how to build a fire, don’t you?”

  Virginie was getting annoyed now at how he constantly pointed out the things she couldn’t do. He knew her station and life well enough to know that such things were not taught to her or expected of her.

  “You really couldn’t survive a day without a servant.”

  “Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, but I wasn’t raised to do such menial things.”

  “When did survival become menial? You are prepared for nothing.”

  “I guess my father didn’t foresee me traipsing around the countryside with a strange man eating rabbit.”

  “I suppose it would be a waste of time wondering if you would skin that rabbit.” He sat down and started taking his knife to it.

  “Poor thing, I hope it didn’t have a family,” she said, but realized that he would probably think her ridiculous yet again. He snorted.

  “You are too soft. You have absolutely no idea about the realities of life.”

  “Maybe the realities of my life were just different. I wasn’t expected to run for my life, or sleep on the ground, or kill the local wildlife just to have something to eat. I would like to think my life was better for it. Maybe that is how we all should live.”

  “You do nothing, you achieve nothing. What is the point of your life?”

  “What is the point of yours?” she shot back. The conversation stopped, it had gotten nasty enough as it was and she didn’t want to continue. She decided that she would ignore him and his obvious low opinion.

  “Go find some wood, sticks, and bring them back here,” he ordered while he continued working on the rabbit. She did as she was told, she got up and walked around the edges of the woods around them and picked up whatever sticks she could find. She dragged them back and Tomas started breaking them into pieces for the fire. He also set up a little stand for the rabbit and started cooking it before long. Virginie watched the whole process. She might have to do this herself in the future. She conceded that there might be a possibility of Tomas deserting her. He had threatened it often enough. Saying that though, she wasn’t sure she could kill a rabbit even if she could get a fire going.

  She watched him as he tended to the rabbit. He was so different from the men in her company, who dressed in silks and satins. Their hair and skin often powdered, a tradition they were hesitant to give up even under the most fraught of circumstances. Tomas had none of that finery; it was just him as nature provided. He focused intensely on what he was doing, singeing his fingers as he positioned the meat on the makeshift stand.

  The aroma of the meat was making her stomach clench in hunger. Eventually he deemed the meat to be ready and he took it off the fire. He cut it up with a blade. She hadn’t realized he had a blade. It was probably something she should have thought of bringing, but it hadn’t occurred to her. She chided herself now, it definitely should have occurred to her. She had to reset her frame of mind, she realized. This was not the world she was used to and she needed to be shrewder. More like him.

  He handed her some meat and she took it, meeting his eyes when she did. His dark eyes that were more often than not deep pools of disapproval.

  “Thank you,” she said and he nodded slightly. The meat was delicious, it was unseasoned, but in her hunger she didn’t notice such things. They ate in silence until he decided that it was time to go again.

  Getting up on the horse was starting to become routine now. He mounted then helped her up. She was getting very used to the closeness between them on the horse, it felt familiar. They rode in silence for a while then came across a lone barn. Tomas studied the barn for a while before approaching.

  “We still have a good two hours of daylight,” Virginie said.

  “Yes, but it’s going to rain tonight. We might be better off forgoing a couple of hours for a dry resting place.”

  Virginie had no particular wish to stay on the wet ground, but she also felt nervous about giving away two hours of riding even though her backside was as sore as it had ever been. Tomas urged the horse over to the barn and it went eagerly. It seemed they were staying there for the night. He dropped her down from the horse and tied the creature up inside the barn, where it soon discovered some hay.

  “Stay here,” he said to Virginie. He was leaving, and he wanted her to stay here. She felt a moment of panic; maybe he was deserting her after all.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I am just going to have a look around.”

  She wanted to suggest that she join him, but he was already walking away. She wondered if that was the last time she’d see him. She stayed in the barn and waited, hid in the back in case someone came. She waited for ages. The sun was going down taking all its gentle warmth with it. The air was icy now and she was grateful to have a roof over her head. She tried to plan what she would do if he didn’t return.

  Maybe she should have made more of an effort to charm him, to ensure that he wanted to help h
er. He was just so disapproving, it was hard to charm and ingratiate herself to him. She shouldn’t have to, he was a gentleman and he was duty bound to assist her. Not that he saw himself as a gentleman.

  There was a noise that definitely wasn’t the horse. Virginie froze and her sense of panic reached extreme levels.

  “Mademoiselle Durmont,” Tomas called. Relief flooded her. He was back; he had returned and hadn’t deserted her. She was going to make more of an effort to be grateful to him, she decided. She knew he was making a sacrifice helping her.

  “You may call me Virginie,” she said as she came out of her hiding place. He held out an apple for her and she took it and smelled its lovely red skin. “Thank you.”

  “I found some cheese.”

  “Found?”

  “Liberated.”

  They ate for a while and the sun set, leaving them in darkness. They couldn’t risk lighting a fire, so there was nothing else to do but to sleep. The hay loft at the top of a barn served the purpose well. The hay was soft and it made for a good bed.

  “Do you know where we are?” she said as she lay down next to him.

  “Roughly,” he said as he spread the saddle blanket over them. It didn’t feel warm yet, only Tomas was warm. She had always wondered what it would feel like to lay next to a man, she knew now. He was warm and solid. She couldn’t help but to be curious what happened between men and women. She wasn’t quite daft enough to not realize that there was more to it than just lying next to each other. It was the mysteries of the marriage bed. She guessed that he knew exactly what happened, men pursued such activities well before marriage. There had never been anyone she could ask, and she certainly couldn’t ask him, he thought her silly enough as it was, it would only re-enforce his point. There was something very soothing in being so close. She felt safe. There was also an urge to touch, but she refused to entertain it further. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She listened to his breathing and felt his chest expand and contract. She had always imagined what it would be like to be kissed. She had never been close enough to imagine it properly. There was touching involved with kissing, you had to be close. Well, you didn’t have to, but it seemed to be what was done the few times she had actually seen people kissing. She was so close to him now, this was almost as close as people where when they kissed. Not that she would ever kiss him, but it gave her a better idea of what it might feel like.