Seeing Stars

by Rachel Burns

  Keith parked in the underground garage of his building. It was filled with lots of expensive cars.

  “Are they all yours?” I asked him.

  “No, only this one. I don’t collect cars.”

  “Don’t all men collect something?”

  “I collect movies. Our ranch will have a large home theater.” He said things like that all the time. He wanted us to have a future together. I was in his plans. I knew what my mom had to say about that, but I was still worried. It was clear that I got out in the real world more often than he did. I talked to real people and saw how things ran. Our relationship wasn’t carved in stone.

  “Did you want to go to the club tomorrow? It’s supposed to be hot. We could go swimming.”

  “Like in a swimsuit?” I asked him as he helped me out of the car.

  “Yep,” he grinned at me.

  I made a face, wondering if my swimsuit would still fit. I doubted it. I was in a good phase of my diet. Besides, my swimsuit was old, and the color was faded. I’d need to buy a new one tomorrow right after church before he picked me up.

  “Okay, I guess.”

  “What do you mean, you guess?” he questioned me.

  “Have you noticed that I’ve lost a little weight?” I asked him.

  He frowned down at me. “Then we’ll have to go look for it. Maybe we’ll find it in the pizza box,” he teased me.

  “Did you notice or not?” I asked him. I wasn’t going to let him give me the runaround. Everyone had commented on it and praised me. Only he hadn’t yet.

  “I did, and it worries me. Are you eating enough? I told you that I didn’t want to go out with a woman who has a problem with food.”

  “If a person weighs too much, they obviously already have a problem with food,” I pointed out.

  Keith didn’t like that answer. He sighed as he reached out and pushed the button for the elevator. He still didn’t say anything as we got in. His finger went to the button with the highest number. The penthouse, I thought.

  We got out and went to a door. There were only two of them. We went in the one on the right, and my jaw dropped. This looked like something in a catalog. “You live here?” I asked him astounded by what I saw.

  “Yes, like I said, we’ll need to move someplace else when we start having kids. But I would like you to move in with me. If that goes against your beliefs, then we’ll just move the wedding up.”

  “Wow, the view is amazing. Should we go outside and have a look at it?” I asked him, not wanting to respond to what he was saying just yet.

  “Of course, right after we finish our talk.”

  “Keith, I did hear you. It’s just that we hardly know each other. I thought we’d get to know each other better before we made a decision like that. Besides, I would prefer to be married first before we move in together. I have nothing against spending a weekend with you or you with me at my place, but I can’t just drop everything and move in with you. That would be totally irresponsible. The drive to work would be hard on me every day.”

  “I understand. Do you want me to spend next weekend at your place? It might be better for you to be in a surrounding that you’re familiar with for your first time.” He looked dead serious.

  “My first time?”

  “Only if it came to that. No pressure, but I might not be able to keep my hands to myself if we’re both on your sofa under that blanket that you don’t want to share with me.” He stepped closer to me and kissed me. This felt like a scene in the movies. It was too perfect.

  I stepped away from him. “Why do you want everything to go so fast?”

  “Because I’m sure about you,” he responded.

  “But how can you be. I’m not all that. Trust me. I’m not. What do I have to offer this marriage?”

  “You. That’s all I have to offer too,” he countered.

  “That isn’t quite true. You’re a star, you live here, you have such good manners. People wait in line for hours to get a glimpse of you. I’m a nobody.”

  “You’re my best girl. How is that a nobody?”

  “I just think that you should take more time to get to know me. If you do, I’m sure you’ll find something about me that you don’t like.”

  Rage filled his eyes. I’d said something that he didn’t like. “I already have. I hate that you keep telling me that you think that I’ll change my mind about you. It’s insulting.”

  “But you’re so sure that it scares me. Don’t you have any doubts?” I asked him.

  “It’s like when you go shopping. You try on this and that, and you take your time to decide. Not me,” he explained. “I go to the store with a clear idea in my head what I need. I find it, try it on, buy it, and go home. It was the same way with you. I talked to you and thought to myself, she’s the one. Then I met you, and it became clear. You’re the one. I don’t need lots of time to decide.”

  “But what if you regret it?” I asked him.

  “Why would I?” He was getting mad again. He always got mad when I tried to get some clarification.

  “You might get to know me and realize that it would have been better to take your time. You might not like me once you get to know be better.”

  He snorted, acting as if my worries were ridiculous. “If you did something I didn’t like, I’d make that clear that I didn’t like it, and you would stop.”

  “And if I didn’t?” My eyes were on fire. He was just so stubborn. I wasn’t going to let him dance around the topic any longer. I’d provoke him right here and now so he knew that I wasn’t all sunshine and flowers.

  “If you didn’t behave, I would make you bare your bottom and come over my knee for a sound spanking,” he told me. Again I was certain that he was serious.

  I went into shock. My jaw fell open, and I couldn’t speak, but I was trying to. He couldn’t be serious about that, could he? I must have misunderstood him. I replayed his words in my mind. I was positive that I’d heard him correctly. “Is that why you’ve been single for so long? You’re a wife beater?”

  “I beg your pardon,” he snapped at me. “You will not talk to me that way. I demand respect in my own home, and I always will.”

  I chewed on that for a long moment. He was finally showing me the real him. I should be thankful that I hadn’t gotten in any deeper. Now was the time to leave. I gave him a nod, showing him that I understood. I held my hand out to him. It was time to say goodbye.

  He stared at my hand dumbfounded as if he had no idea what I wanted from him.

  I pulled my hand away. “It was nice meeting you.” I turned away from him and walked to his apartment door. This was over, and it was breaking my heart. I had told myself to protect my heart, but I hadn’t. I hadn’t taken my own sound advice.

  “Sandy, you can’t leave,” he called after me.

  “I think it’s better if I go now.” I was so soft-spoken that I hardly sounded like myself. I opened the door and left, closing the door behind me.

  Chapter 21 ~ Keith

  What just happened?

  I hurried out after her and saw the elevator door closing. I ripped open the door for the stairwell and jumped over most the stairs and got to the entryway before the elevator doors opened. Before she could get out, I stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for my floor without saying a thing to Sandy. Her jaw was still dropped.

  The doors opened to my floor again. I motioned for her to step out in an after-you manner.

  She pushed the button for the lobby again and acted as if I weren’t standing beside her. I stopped the doors from closing and exhaled loudly. She was pushing my buttons. I wanted to spank her so badly.

  “I believe we were in the middle of a conversation,” I commented.

  “No, the conversation ended when you confessed that you like to hit women.” She refused to look at me.

  “It’s not that I like to do that. I would do it for your benefit.”

  She snorted, rolled her eyes, and shook her head at me as if
I were a crazy man. And she did it all at once.

  I grabbed hold of her by her arm and dragged her back into my apartment. She didn’t fight me in the least, giving me the impression that she’d wanted me to chase her down.

  “Adults don’t walk off in the middle of a conversation,” I scolded her.

  “But no person with an ounce of self-dignity would have stayed. I’m proud to announce that I have an ounce of dignity.” She made it sound as if it were something that she had just learned about herself. As if she thought she didn’t have any dignity before now.

  There she went putting herself down again. I wasn’t going to stand for it. “Of course, you have dignity. I wouldn’t want a woman without it.”

  “Then good luck finding one with dignity who would even consider letting you do what you want to do.” She waved her hand in a funny way because she didn’t want to say the word spanking.

  I had to smile. “Baby,” I took hold of her by her arms again. “I would never hurt you. You know that. But as the man, it’s my duty to take care of you.”

  “Is this about the-man-pays-for-everything conversation again?” she interrupted me.

  “No, it isn’t. It’s about me being a man you can be proud of. If you were to be naughty, perhaps by putting yourself down or doing something that might put you in harm’s way, I would take you in hand.”

  “In hand?” she gulped.

  “Yes, we hold things that we love tightly in our hands so we don’t lose them.”

  At first, she smiled when I said that, but then she narrowed her eyes at me. “Now it sounds as if you want to spank me and to choke me.”

  She wasn’t completely wrong at the moment. “I want you to understand that I would never hurt you. I would only spank you when you were naughty, and when I could see an educational benefit in it for you.”

  “Now it sounds like you want to teach me a lesson. That doesn’t sound any better.”

  “To me, it sounds as if you’re a scaredy pants.”

  “Of course, I am. The person who I thought loved me just told me that he wants to punish me like a child.”

  “Exactly, like a child. Did your father spank you as a kid?” I asked her.

  “Sometimes, but it was mostly my mother. Dad was out in the fields and in the barns most of the time.”

  “I understand, but did it feel like abuse when they did it?”

  “No, but I was their kid. I knew they loved me. I had just done something wrong. It make sense back then.”

  “Yes, and you are going to be my wife. I do love you, and if you do something wrong, I’ll spank you. It won’t change how I feel about you. But I do hope it will change your behavior.”

  “And if it doesn’t?” she asked, sounding like a child.

  “Then Daddy will have to use his belt, which he will only have to do when his baby is especially naughty. It will hurt me to do it, but like I said before, I will if I have to.” Her breasts perked up when I called myself Daddy. She’d liked it. I’d be sure to throw that in more often.

  “No. I have to leave now. You don’t have to drive me. I just have to go now.” She stepped away from me, but her nipples were still as hard as rocks as they poked against the fabric of her blouse.

  “We both know that you’re too far from home. If you really want to leave, I’ll drive you. But I would like to remind you that we have plans. I set everything else aside to spend time with you today.”

  She blushed red. “But it would be a lie if I stayed.”

  “How so, baby? Tell me.” I swooped her up in my arms and sat down on the sofa with her falling onto my lap.

  “No, I weigh too much,” she protested, trying to wiggle away.

  What kind of a weakling did she think I was? Her weight was no problem for me. “You’re fine. I want to talk to you. Tell Daddy why you’re so upset.”

  “Because we both know that there’s something wrong with me. I’m already so old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend before. That isn’t normal,” she told me as her voice dropped to a whisper. “I couldn’t get anyone to be interested in me, and now you’ve admitted that you have a quirk. I’m never going to find happiness. God doesn’t like me as much as he likes other people.”

  “He likes you so much. I know he does. You’re my beautiful baby girl. I would never beat on you. I don’t have it in me to hurt you. But as your Daddy, it’s my job to raise you like your parents did.”

  “Then I’m done, right? My parents raised me, so I’m finished.”

  “I’m afraid not, baby. I have to continue the good work they started. You have an awful habit of putting yourself down. I asked you to stop time and time again. I’ve assured you that I love you and want to marry you. I’ve assured you how sexy I think you are too. But you won’t listen. If you had, I wouldn’t have to spank you now. We could be outside looking at the view. But we aren’t. You’re here on my lap, and Daddy has to spank you to get you to understand how much he loves you because you don’t believe me when I tell you again and again.”

  “No, Keith.” Tears were streaming down her face.

  “I’m afraid I can’t ask your permission on this. Your parents didn’t ask for it when you were a child, did they?”

  She bit her lip, and then she shook her head. Her curls bounced around a little when she did that.

  “I didn’t think so. At heart, you have a very pure soul, but it’s filled with so much doubt. I know that you’re a good girl. I think of you as my angel.” I gave her a smile, and she smiled back at me, making the whole room appear brighter.

  “Let’s get this over with so we can fight about something important like what you want on your half of the pizza and what movie we should watch. Are you ready?” I asked her.

  She shook her head so adorably.

  “This is going to happen. If you hate me afterwards, I’ll drive you home and never bother you again. But this is the type of marriage that we’ll have. I would never allow you to put yourself down or call yourself overweight.” I guided her shaking body over my knees and positioned her how I thought this would work best.

  “What if I promise to stop talking meanly about myself and be good?” she asked me. I knew it was just the fear talking.

  “If I don’t go through with this, you won’t believe me that I would go through with it. It would send a mixed message. You’d think you could push me and get away with things that you just can’t. How would that be doing you a favor?” I asked her.

  “I’m so embarrassed,” she sobbed.

  “You don’t have to be. Not with me. A daddy loves his little girl no matter what.” I gave her jeans-clad ass a smack that resounded off the walls, making it sound brutal.

  Immediately, her legs started to kick, and she tried to get away from me. I twisted slightly and wrapped my arm around her middle. I had her in a good position. I delivered many smacks, hitting her hind cheeks while I thought of all the times she’d insulted herself and told me that I would soon think differently about her. I hated that she thought that I only wanted her because the computer told me so.

  I laid my hand down on her warm hind cheeks while she sobbed softly. “I hate it when you put yourself down. When you do that, you’re criticizing the person I love the most, mistreating her, and saying terrible things about her. I happen to like her very much. She’s the woman I’m going to marry if she’ll have me.”

  I gave her ten more swats, laying into her, going from one cheek to the other as she kicked and struggled.

  “Everything is always all about you not thinking you’re good enough for me. About how you think that I’ll eventually see through you and want to cut you out of my life. I can’t hear it anymore. You are in this situation because you were mean to yourself and because you think that I’ll be mean to you too. It’s as if you want to push me into leaving you, so you can get on with your life. I could have walked away from you and left you when I saw you, but I didn’t. I smiled and thanked God because he gave me a woman who was easy to talk
to and beautiful to look at.”

  My arm was swinging as I found my pace. My hand was smacking away, hitting its mark each time as I continued to spank her. I was bound and determined to do this right.

  “I love you, Sandy. That’s something that you’ll have to learn to deal with because I’m a part of your life now. You aren’t going to get rid of me any time soon. I honestly believe that this will help you to know how much I love you and to teach you to treat yourself better. Now, I need you to understand that this is our life. I’m sorry I’m rich and famous, and that you think you don’t deserve something like that. But I can’t change who I am. The only change I plan on making is that I’ll soon be your husband. You’re my baby girl. Accept it for what it is and make the best out of it. Enjoy what I can offer you. Let me pamper you and take care of you and take you to fancy clubs and restaurants. I just want to spend time with you.”

  “Keith, if you let me go, I swear I’ll be good from now on.”

  “I’m not finished. You pushed me into doing this. Consider yourself warned: if you ever say that I could have found someone better, I’ll take my belt to your backside.”

  That made her gulp, loudly.

  “There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. I’d even spank you and risk losing you to show you how beautiful you are.” I let my flat hand smack down on her wiggling bottom as hard as I could. “I’m tired of trying to prove that I really do want you on a daily basis. You do know that I do, don’t you?” I gave her a sharp smack that got both cheeks. When she didn’t answer, another followed it, and then another. Why was she being so stubborn?

  “I know you do,” she finally answered me. “If you stop, I’ll sleep with you. Right now. I promise I will.” Sandy sounded so desperate. She was still trying to get out of her punishment. She wasn’t close to learning her lesson.

  I hesitated. The thought did cross my mind that this could be a once in a lifetime chance to sleep with her.

  No, I told myself. I had a few more things that I wanted to talk to her about. “Why was it that you told yourself that you would love any man who showed up at your door no matter what he looked like, but you won’t love me?”