Under the surface

by Jaye Cox

  “It might just be worth it,” he whispers back.

  The guy they call Jojo comes back with a round of beers, he is a nice guy, old school tattooist in his late forties. He has been at the shop with Moe since it opened.

  We are all laughing and having a good time and it’s nice, maybe Dex isn’t as bad as I thought. Out of nowhere, Dex’s whole body goes stiff; I get a sense of déjà vu and look up and see a blonde staring at us. He stands abruptly and moves out from behind me. It has happened so fast I fall back into the chair. Dex chases after the blonde and I’m left stunned, and remembering why he is a douche. I must learn to trust my first instincts, they’re generally right. I decide to go confront him, I don’t like sleaze bags, and I don’t sleep with other woman’s men. He is standing by himself and I can’t see the blonde. “What is your problem? I don’t need any drama, especially when you’re friends with my brother, he will kill me if I cause any trouble.”

  “Just leave it,” he says, and doesn’t turn around.

  “No seriously, I didn’t peg you for one of those guys Dex, the one who fucks around on his girl while she’s not around.”

  He turns around and I know I have hit a nerve, he walks right up to me, “I’m not that type of guy.”

  I slap him so hard you could hear the echo throughout the whole building. He grabs my arm and in one move I’m face first up against the wall, with my arm behind my back with his body pressed hard against mine.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, I didn’t cheat on anyone and don’t think for one second you would be the one on my radar, you wouldn’t stand a chance, Rubz.”

  “Get the fuck off me!” I shrug.

  “Why, didn’t hit a nerve, did I?” He says, letting me go.

  “Looks like I did too, didn’t I? Hiding under all the tattoos works most of the time doesn’t it? No wonder she didn’t stick around, you’re such a fucking joy to be around.” I say as I walk away. When I get back to the table, Ty and a few of the other guys from Rayne’s party have arrived.

  “You didn’t tell me you were going out tonight,” Ty say’s

  “You didn’t fucking ask.” I snap.

  “With a little added bitch, too?” Jash says with a smile.

  “Just the way we like her.” Ty says.

  I go and get myself a beer, Jash comes with me and orders a shit load of shots. Somehow Jash convinces me to let him do the lick, sip, suck and lick salt of my neck. Wow maybe I’ve had more to drink than I thought. He licks my neck and tips the salt on, he passes me the lemon and I look up and if looks could kill, I would be dead; Dex is staring right through me. I put the lemon wedge between my teeth and as Jash licks the salt off, I stare right back at Dex. Jash catches me off guard and sucks the lemon in his mouth and kisses me, I push him off and everyone is laughing.

  Dex gets up, “I’m leaving,” he says, and everyone looks at him.

  “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” I say, tipping some salt on my hand and taking a shot.

  I move to the bar to get another beer when Ty grabs me and pulls me aside. He is the only person who can ever touch me unexpectedly and it doesn’t make me want to hurt him. “What’s your problem?” He says.

  “I don’t have one yet.”

  “With Dex, he is my friend and our little group is tight, I don’t wanna fuck this up.”

  “I’m your sister, did you stop to think that maybe I’m not the problem, he is?”

  “Dex is a good guy, he barely ever talks.”

  “Been real chatty over here.” I say

  “Just try for me, please?”

  “Fine - for you.”

  “Thank you.” He says pulling me into a hug.

  “Hey Ruby, you want to dance?” Jash calls out.

  “Sure.” I say, walking away from Ty.

  After an hour I’m ready to call it a night. It has been a long day and I’m tired and a little drunk after all those shots. “Hey Ty, I’m going to call it a night, Jash and I are going to split a cab, he doesn’t live far from the motel.

  “Don’t forget lunch tomorrow.”

  In the cab, I ask Jash about the kiss, and he tells me not to stress, I’m not his type. He seems to think Dex likes me, then he says jealousy makes people realize what’s important. I tell him that is stupid logic. We pull up at the motel, I go to pay my half and he tells me not to be stupid, he will pay. I jump out of the cab and Jash gets out behind me, “What are you doing?”

  “Helping you pack.” He says a matter of factly.

  “And why would I be packing?”

  “Because, you’re moving in with me.”

  “Uh - no I am not.”

  “Uh - yes you are. This place is a shit hole and looks like it’s from a horror movie, where the guy that runs the place will murder you in your sleep and feed you to the other guests.”

  “Raj, would never feed me to his other guests, he has none.” I say dryly.

  “For real though, I have spare bedrooms collecting dust. I’m not that messy, I clean after myself, and I even promise to put the toilet seat down. We can split all the bills if it makes you feel any better.”

  “You sure you would want to share with me? I’m a bitch, if you hadn’t noticed.”

  “I’m sure, now let’s go catch a few hours sleep and take all your stuff over.”

  Since we both cannot drive and are over the limit, we decide to crash and go in the morning. Luckily the room has a double bed and a single, I let him take the double. I doubt he would even fit in the single.

  Wait until I tell Ty. I was here a day here and I had a job, now today a place to live. Moving here is proving to be a good thing; maybe running from your problems isn’t so bad after all.

  “JASH!” I yell down the hall, I swear he is worse than any chick I have ever met, as he is still in the bathroom doing his hair. “JASH, I swear to god I will leave you behind and you will have to walk to work!”

  “You wouldn’t dare.” He yells back.

  “Wouldn’t I? It could be amusing watching Big Moe rip you a new asshole.”

  “Remind me why I let you move in here again,” he says, walking down the hall.

  “For my charming personality and inviting smile,” I say flashing him a smile. He stands there and looks like he is thinking.

  “Nope, that’s definitely not it. Ahh, you make a killer coffee, and I do love a side of bitch in the morning with my coffee.”

  “Well you got lucky with me then,” I say handing him his coffee. His car is in the shop, Ty agreed to have a look over it for him as a favour to me. Ty has been on my back about Dex because he knows me so well, he knows something has happened. Lucky for me, I have not seen Dex, he has only had a few after hours appointments.

  Jash wasn’t too happy about having to come in early with me this morning, I have the new staff starting today and he has to help me train them. I hired a girl named Tee as another body piercer, and a young boy who wants to be a tattooist when he is older, I decided to give him a shot at learning how things run. I know not everyone will be happy working with a kid, but I saw that fire in his eyes and I think this is what he wants, and probably needs. Jash thinks I’m an idiot for taking a chance on him and maybe I am, but I don’t think so. Pulling up at work, young Joe is already there waiting. “Suck it.” I say, walking past Jash; he didn’t think the kid would show up for work on time.

  “He is only just old enough for a job.”

  “So what, he is a good kid and needs someone to give him a chance. You will be nice and give the kid a break. “We walk over to where Joe is standing. “Hey Joe, this is Jash, he will show you around while I open up, then I will run you through how the place works.”

  The poor kid looks scrawny standing next to Jash. “Let’s go show you around.” Jash says walking in behind me.

  Everyone starts to show up and I let them know when their first appointments are scheduled. Dex is last to arrive and he completely ignores me when I let him know his appointm
ent times. I promised Ty I would make an effort to make nice with Dex for his sake, and that is what I plan to do, even if it kills me. I need to be the bigger person and see if we can start over. I take a deep breath and decide it’s now or never. I know he can see me walking over, he looks at me from the corner of his eye. I see the recognition and it’s gone as quickly as it was there. “Dex, can we talk for a sec?” I ask. He completely ignores me. I don’t get him, one minute he seems fine and the next, he is an asshole. “You are seriously going to ignore me? Fine, I was going to call a truce and see if we could start over, but I can see that was bad judgment on my part.” He just keeps drawing away, doesn’t even acknowledge I’m standing there. At least I can tell Ty I fucking tried. “You’re impossible, you can tell Ty I tried to be civil, but you’re an idiot.” I say, walking away.

  I find Jash and Joe at the front counter. Jash is flirting with a customer and poor Joe looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, so I intervene. “Hey Joe, come and I will show you where everything is.” I walk him through having to wipe everything down once a customer leaves and all the benches are to be clear of anything that is used. I show him every station must have cling wrap, vaseline, paper towels and a bottle of Chlorhexidine spray, so the tattoos can be wiped down. Everyone seems to be okay with him being here, which is great since he seems like a quick learner; getting in and getting it done. “If you have any questions, just ask me or Jash.” I prompt him, but he is already shuffling off and getting the cleaning supplies. I go back to the front desk and Jash and his friend are gone. I pull my sketch pad from my bag and work on a piece I want done on my upper back.

  “Hey Ruby, the guy in the last booth said he needs bigger gloves.” Joe says.

  This is Dex’s station, and I know I put the right ones in there, he is just being a dick to get on my nerves. I put on my happy face and go get him some new ones, to show him being a dick won’t stir me up. I have my hand extended, reaching for the box when Dex scares the life out of me by saying, “WHY?”

  “Fuck Dex, don’t sneak up on me like that, or you are likely to get a punch in the face. Shit you’re a slow learner.” I mumble.

  “Why?” he says, repeating himself.

  Maybe this is some sort of guessing game and I should know what he’s referring to, but it’s quite beyond me at the moment so I ask, “Why are you an asshole? Well, let me see, I’m sure I could list a few things.”

  “Why? Why did you take him home?” Now he has totally lost me.

  “Take who home, you really need to work on your conversation skills, because you’ve lost me.”

  “Don’t play dumb Ruby, it doesn’t suit you. I’m talking about Jash.” How does he know that Jash came home with me? I didn’t tell anyone and since there is nothing to tell, I doubt Jash did either.

  “Why, Dex? Why is it your business what and who I do? Were you spying on me? That’s a bit creepy.”

  “I wasn’t spying on you, I was coming to apologize for the shit I said to you, until I saw the two of you going into your motel. It was then I realised you’re just another one of those girls who sleeps with whoever will take her. Did daddy mess you up so bad and not pay you any attention, now you need love from any man that will take you?”

  “Fuck you, you don’t know anything about me, standing here acting all high and mighty. Let me take a stab in the dark and guess what your issues are. The last girlfriend you had screwed you over and fucked your best friend, and now poor old Dex has an issue with all women. Or maybe you still have that girlfriend at home and she just doesn’t do it for you anymore, but you feel guilty after fucking me.” It’s like a light a switch has been flicked on in his brain and the asshole actually has feelings. His body goes rigid at the mention of a girlfriend, so that tells me I really hit a nerve. “So I am right, she really did do a number on you, huh?” He almost goes postal. He swipes the shelf next to him, all its contents spilling onto the floor.

  “Don’t fucking talk about her, you don’t know anything about it!” He snaps.

  “Didn’t say I did, I’m not some slut that takes home a different guy every other night, but I can sleep with whoever I like since I am single. But since you asked so nicely, I will tell you; I didn’t take Jash home, he offered me a room to rent.”

  “You live with Jash.” He says sounding a little shocked.

  “Yes, I share a house with Jash, moron. So, nice chat, but this still doesn’t mean I like you.”

  “See that’s where you’re wrong, I think you do like me and that’s why you’re being such a bitch to me.” Now he is being funny, I laugh so hard, I almost have tears running from my eyes.

  “You think this is funny?” He says, moving in close to me. I don’t give an inch, but I also don’t feel that sense of dread I usually get when people invade my personal space. I should be repulsed, he has pretty much admitted to having a girlfriend.

  “You know there is no denying your body responds to me, maybe that’s what fuels your desire to hate me, I know it’s what fuels mine.” He whispers against my lips.

  I regain my composure, what was I thinking? I’m not affected by men like this. “You’re so wrong, I just hate you.”

  “You say you hate being touched, yet I do this,” he says, running his hand up to my waist. “And your body tells me otherwise.” The door opens and poor Joe is like a deer in a headlight.

  “I’m so sorry,” he says, quickly leaving the room.

  I push Dex aside and walk past him, only looking back to say, “You’re wrong, I do hate you and my body is still responding from the night we almost spent together. Don’t worry, it will get the memo it was a mistake. I hadn’t planned on ever seeing you again, and since I don’t make a habit of fucking strangers, or anybody for that matter, my body is just acting on impulse.”

  Joe hesitantly opens the door again, “Sorry, but Big Moe is pissed and says Dex better get his ass out there now, his customer is waiting. I told him you were on a call and not in the supply closet with Ruby.” And he walks out again.

  “You might want to fix that,” I say, pointing to his erection clearly visible through his pants. “You wouldn’t want to give the customer the wrong idea.” I say.

  I go find Joe and see if he wants to take a break - he would have to be hungry by now. “I’m sorry for walking in, I didn’t know ‘getting gloves’ was like a code,” he mumbles as I approach. This kid is funny, in a nice way.

  “It’s not a code, Dex and I had some words that needed to be said. We don’t get along and we needed to call a truce.” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “How about we go get some breakfast?” I suggest.

  “I’m not that hungry.”

  “Sure you are, you’re a boy and boys are always hungry. How about I buy you something and then you will eat it, because you don’t want to be rude?”

  “I wouldn’t want to be rude,” he says.

  “Hey Jash, watch the desk, we’re going to get a bite to eat.” I say, grabbing my wallet.

  “Only if you buy me something, someone rushed me out of the house this morning.”

  We walk to the little café on the corner the make the best egg and bacon burgers. I place our order and use this opportunity to get to know Joe a bit better. “How come you wanted to work and not go to school?” I ask.

  “I’m no good at putting stuff down on paper, except drawings. My parents think I’m just stupid, and art is a waste of time.”

  “I doubt you’re stupid, what are your parents like?”

  “Can’t say I really know them, I avoid going home, all they do is fight and tell me how much they hate me. That’s why I wanted a job, so I can move out of that shit hole.”

  “Is it safe for you there?”

  “I’m used to it, they are passed out drunk by the time I go home, and I leave before they get up.”

  “If you ever need anything, you can call me anytime, I can write my number down when we get back. Jash has one of those Xbox games, I’m sure he would enjoy
a partner who knows what to do.”

  I don’t know why I have instantly taken a liking to this kid, I hate kids. They are annoying and needy, but I think I see myself in Joe, the outcast, feeling stupid because drawing just makes sense. I am lucky to have Ty in my life.

  “Thanks, Ruby.”

  Our food is ready and we head back to the shop. Jash got a walk in by the time we got back, so Joe and I eat and talk some more. He shows me some of his drawings, he really is talented. He tells me drawing helps him focus and slows everything in his brain down to normal speed. Dex’s client is done. I take some pictures for our brag board and to put on Facebook before it gets wrapped up. He is an amazing artist, but I won’t be telling him that or he might think too much of it.

  “That’s sick!” Joe says. “You should tattoo me.”

  “Come see me when you’re eighteen kid,” Dex says.

  “Ruby, show him the one you want done.” Joe says

  “No.” I say. It’s too personal, but Joe had asked about it and I down played the importance of it. There is no way I want to be vulnerable around Dex.

  “Why not?” Dex questions.

  “Because, I don’t want too.”

  “Just show him Ruby, it’s freaking amazing.” Joe says as he grabs my sketch pad and holds it out to show Dex.

  “Hey, give it back.” I say, almost as a warning. Dex doesn’t give it, back he just looks at the picture. I feel naked, bearing all my fears.

  He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to; I know he gets it. The pain and fear, disguising it all to forget how you felt, how people made you feel.

  “Under the surface,” he says.

  “Exactly.”

  “Book yourself in, I want to tattoo you.”

  “Why would you want to tattoo me?”

  “Because, I get it,” he says, walking towards the front door and leaving.

  I knew he would get it, and now I feel like I have exposed myself to him. The daily raw intense pain I feel; the bad memories that define who I have become. Some days I hate myself because I have let someone else define me, when I should find the inner strength everyone thinks I have, and use that to take control back.