Nothing Is Predictable
Page 19
I had pasta and pizza every night and surprisingly, due to the amount of walking, I lost weight instead of putting it on. I sat in cafés in the afternoons, reading my book and drinking wine and coffee every day. If only I could have stayed forever. I recommend the coconut slices they sell from mobile wooden carts. They have icy water flowing over the coconut slices to keep them cold and moist. By the end of the week, I must have eaten a cart-load worth. They do say coconut is good for you, so I took advantage of that information.
As my week in Roma came close to ending, I decided to extend it by another week. Just to roam around the cafés, read, drink more wine and coffee, and have more coconut slices. My mind was at peace, my heart was at peace and most importantly, my soul was at peace.
I sat at a café one evening, looking around me and observing people. A couple arguing as they were walking. An older elegant couple holding hands and walking among the tourists. Single people shuffling maps to make their way through the alleys. Single young men trying to pick up single young women. Then an older woman walked past the café with a basket of flowers. She was limping, and she looked fatigued. I felt sorry for her; a woman at her age should be in bed resting. I thought of my mother and how I would feel if she had to walk around late at night, limping to make a living by selling flowers. Then I remembered the time when I was nineteen and drove Mom to work and how miserable I had felt to see her having to go to work. The flower seller truly touched my heart.
She came over to me and handed me a flower, saying in broken English, “Flower for you, lady, no charge, you sit alone.”
I smiled at her kindness. I was so happy sitting alone and yet she felt sorry for me. I took the flower with gratitude, thanked her, took out two hundred euros, put it in her hand, and said to her, “Madam, go home and rest, this should cover more than what you have in your basket, go home and rest.” I used hand gestures to explain what I was trying to say. Can you imagine how silly I looked to other patrons speaking with my hands?
She looked at me gratefully, saying, “God bless you, lady, Jesus is with you,” and accepted my gift, limping away from the restaurant. The universe had blessed me financially and it was the least I could do for an elderly woman who needed to be home resting. My heart wept for her and for whatever her circumstances were.
* * *
As I continued to people-watch and sip on my coffee, I suddenly thought;
I am at peace when I am single. Looking back at all the times I’ve been in relationships, in most of them I searched for love without knowing how to love. I was always angry. Happiness doesn’t come from another person, happiness comes from within, from the ability to love without holding onto bitter thoughts. God and the universe gave me the gift of life to love and forgive. Without love and forgiveness, I will continue going around in circles and always end up where I started, until I learn my lesson.
The anger I had toward my father was the reason I attracted drama into my life and blocked opportunities when true love presented itself.
I can only imagine now how truly happy I will be that I have forgiven my father and the man that molested me. As Kuya said, “Drop it like you drop a sack of potatoes.”
Whatever challenges I face in the future, I know nothing will compare to the days of suffering I have lived without the ability to forgive and love unconditionally. Maybe relationships are not for me. Perhaps I am not cut out for that, otherwise I would now be with the love of my life, Jamal. Maybe my freedom completes me and there I was putting myself in situations that did not serve my higher purpose.
I finally understood this. About time!
Some of you will relate to this, while others will think differently. I think being true to ourselves is all that matters. You know that positive feeling you get in your mind and soul when something feels right without effort? That’s it!
Whenever I worked toward self-development, the universe always presented prosperous opportunities resulting in positive outcomes.
It was time to focus on the happiness of my own company and be thankful for what I had and extremely grateful for what I didn’t want and didn’t have. I couldn’t ask for anything better than that.
I stood up to leave, took the last sip of my coffee, left some money on the table for my bill, and said to myself, “Anyway! Nothing is predictable and nothing can last forever, woman! Bella Roma, it’s time for me to go home. Arrivederci.”
THE END…..Not
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my father, RIP Dad, and to my rock, my best friend, and the most amazing woman in my world, my mother.
“The world is in one hand and my mother is in the other.”