Surrendered Hearts

by Carrie Turansky

  As soon as Bill mentioned pulling a group together, a tempting thought struck her. “What about Julia?” Jenn watched Bill’s face, trying to gauge his reaction to the suggestion.

  He lifted his dark eyebrows. “I suppose we could ask her. She hasn’t come on too many hikes with us, but we all went fishing on Stillwater Lake last month and she was a good sport. At least she wasn’t like some girls, squealing at every bug that flies by or afraid to bait her own hook.” Bill chuckled and shook his head.

  Jenn nodded and determined she would prove she could hike up mountains, battle bugs, and bait hooks with the best of them, or at least as well as Julia.

  Chapter Ten

  Jenn glanced out her bedroom window across the wild flower-filled front yard and checked the sky. The weather looked perfect for hiking. She smiled and trotted down the steps, her heart as light as the fluffy clouds she’d seen overhead. When she reached the living room, she grabbed two dirty coffee cups off the end table and carried them into the kitchen.

  Wes stood near the sink, the phone to his ear, his head bent in concentration. “Does he have a fever?” He paced toward the sliding glass door leading to the back deck, a frown creasing his forehead as he listened. “Okay. I’ll be right over. We can decide what to do then.” He walked back to the counter and hung up the phone.

  Jenn set the cups in the sink. “Who’s sick?”

  “Lauren’s been up all night with Toby. He can’t keep anything down. She’s trying to decide if she should take him to the doctor. And Christy, the girl who works with her in the gallery, is late again.” He shook his head. “That’s the second time this week.”

  “So, you’re going over there to help?”

  “Yeah. I can fill in until Christy shows up or give Lauren a hand with Toby.” He sighed and shook his head. “Poor little guy. Sounds like he’s really miserable.”

  Bill walked into the kitchen carrying his backpack. “Morning. You guys about ready to head out?”

  Wes explained Lauren’s call and Toby’s illness. “Lauren and I need to stick around home today.”

  “Sorry Toby’s sick.” Bill pulled his water bottle and a bag of nuts out of the backpack and set them on the counter.

  Jenn sank into a kitchen chair. First Julia had canceled because some people from out of town had called and asked to see properties for sale in Tipton. Now Wes and Lauren couldn’t go.

  Wes grabbed his toast off the counter. “Hey, that doesn’t mean you guys have to cancel the hike.”

  Bill glanced uncertainly at Wes.

  “It’s a beautiful day.” Wes gestured to the sliding glass door. “Why don’t you get out there and enjoy it?”

  Bill shifted his focus to Jenn. “Do you still want to go?”

  Her stomach did a funny little flip. Would that be weird for just the two of them to go? Wouldn’t that be almost like a date? No, she was being silly. She’d been looking forward to this hike all week. The mural was finished, and she wanted to get out of the house and celebrate. She smiled at him. “I’m up for it if you are.”

  Some undefined emotion flickered in Bill’s eyes. “Okay. Let’s get our gear together, and we can head out.”

  An hour later, after dropping Wes off at Lauren’s and making a quick stop at the Green Mountain Bakery for blueberry cake donuts and coffee, they arrived at the trailhead where they planned to leave Bill’s truck and begin their hike.

  “I’m glad you suggested leaving Wes’s car where the trail ends.” Jenn climbed out of the truck and bent to tie her shoelace. “Hiking four miles one-way sounds a lot better to me than doing an eight mile round-trip back here.”

  Grinning, Bill grabbed their packs from the back of the truck and handed the smaller blue one to her. “Well, I want you to enjoy this hike, not get blisters and sore feet.”

  His comment made her smile, and she felt all the more determined to meet this new challenge head on. She’d show Bill she was not a prissy city girl, but someone who could hike through the woods and enjoy nature with him. She slipped the backpack on and tugged her shirt back in place.

  Bill leaned in closer and helped her adjust the straps. “You want this to ride a little higher on your shoulders or you’ll get uncomfortable.”

  She caught a whiff of his clean, woodsy aftershave and pulled in a deep breath.

  “How’s that?” He lifted his gaze to meet hers. His eyes looked very blue today with little specks of gray around the iris.

  Blushing, she tore her gaze away and silently scolded herself for gawking at him. “It’s . . . fine.” The pack actually rubbed on her sore shoulder, so she shifted it a little, thankful she only carried her lunch and Wes’s camera.

  “Okay. Let’s go.” Bill turned and led the way toward the trail, walking at an easy pace.

  Jenn followed him and shifted her attention to the quiet, shady forest. They walked along in silence for a few minutes until Jenn asked Bill about a particular tree with a huge, rough trunk.

  He told her it was a red oak and launched off on a two-minute spiel, giving her the all the details. He slowed and glanced over his shoulder. “Sorry, just throw a stick at me if I get too boring.”

  She laughed. “You’re not boring. I like learning about the trees up here. Most of these are different from what we have in Oregon.” She walked on studying the tall ferns growing at the side of the trail. The fronds curled in a perfect circle reminding her of lush feathers.

  She took another step, and winced. “Hold on just a second.” She sat on a fallen log covered with moss and reached to untie her shoe.

  Bill turned back. “What’s the matter?”

  “I think I’ve got a rock in my shoe.”

  “Let me help.” He knelt in front of her and loosened her shoelace.

  “Thanks.” She felt a little like Cinderella as he pulled off her shoe, shook out the rock, and then slipped it back on.

  He retied it and looked up at her. “How’s that?”

  She stood and took a couple steps. “Feels better. Thanks.”

  They walked on, treading through a patch of soft pine needles covering the forest floor. A pair of cute little chipmunks raced across their path and scuttled up a tree.

  Jenn spotted a trillium plant with its white, three-petaled flower above three broad leaves just like one she’d painted in the mural and pointed it out to Bill.

  He chuckled. “You have a very good memory.”

  “Painting that mural was a great way for me to learn about the plants and animals around here.”

  They rounded a curve and Jenn gasped with delight. The forest fell away on one side of the trail, opening up to a beautiful view of Wild River Valley below them. “Wow, I didn’t realize we were up so high.”

  Bill stood at her side, obviously enjoying her reaction.

  Jenn lifted her hand and shaded her eyes as she took in the view. “What’s the name of that lake?” She pointed to the far end of the valley where the silver water shimmered in the morning sunlight.

  He stepped up behind her and leaned in close to see where she was pointing. “That’s Jarmen Lake, one of the best spots for canoeing around here. Good fishing too. It has some great little islands you can explore out in the middle.”

  His breath tickled her cheek and sent a delightful shiver through her. She glanced over her shoulder at him. Their gazes connected and held. She sent him a tremulous smile and turned back to the view of the valley. But all her senses focused in on him, savoring his nearness.

  Bill stepped away and crossed his arms. A slight frown replaced his smile, and he stared silently into the distance.

  Disappointment lodged in her heart. He didn’t like being close to her. She could feel it. Reaching up, she touched her collar. Had the straps of her backpack pulled her shirt away from her neck and exposed her scars? Anguish twisted through her at that thought. She tried to focus on the view, but her thoughts jumped back to Bill. Was he repulsed by what he’d seen? Was that why he moved away and always seemed to rais
e a wall between them whenever he got close?

  Stop! It didn’t matter what Bill thought of her. She didn’t want to get involved with him. That would be too complicated and painful. And she definitely couldn’t deal with any more pain or complications in her life right now.

  They hiked on for another hour then stopped to take a break and eat lunch at the next viewpoint. Bill lounged in the shade on a soft bed of pine needles. She sat a few feet away with her back against a large rock, looking out over the Valley. Wild River curled through the forest below them like a twisted silver ribbon. She followed its path as far as she could see and wondered if it eventually emptied into Lake Champlain.

  A strong breeze rustled through the trees overhead and blew Jenn’s hair in her face. She swiped it out of her eyes and glanced over at Bill.

  He sat up and scanned the sky, then stood and brushed off his pants. Frowning, he studied the thick clouds gathering behind them in the west. “Looks like it’s going to rain.”

  Another gust of wind blew past, turning the leaves over. The birds fell silent, and a strange quietness settled over the forest. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

  Goosebumps rose on Jenn’s arms. “Should we turn back?”

  Bill searched the sky again. “We’re over half way. We need to keep going.”

  Her stomach muscles tightened as she thought of getting caught in a storm. A surge of wind whipped through the trees. It swirled around them, stirring up a cloud of dried leaves and pine needles. She squinted and shielded her face against the flying debris.

  Bill grabbed her hand. “Come on. I don’t like the look of this. We need to get out of the open.” They dashed down the trail and back into the woods just as huge raindrops began pelting them.

  “There are some caves up ahead,” Bill called over his shoulder. “We can get out of the rain there.”

  Jenn’s heart raced as she leaped over rocks and fallen logs. The shower became a downpour, and soon they were soaked to the skin and splashing through mud puddles.

  “Up here.” Bill took her hand again and led her off the trail, over some slippery rocks, and into a large opening in the hillside shrouded by thick brush and tall trees.

  Jenn stumbled into the cave, panting from their mad dash. She swiped her hand across her wet face and pushed her hair out of her eyes. Water ran down her legs, into her socks, and dripped onto the dusty ground at her feet. Her clothes clung to her, sending a clammy shiver down her back. Cool air carrying a dank, musty scent drifted toward her from the deep recesses of the cave.

  “Man, that’s some storm.” Bill wiped his eyes and shook off his hands. Rain had plastered his dark hair to his forehead, and little rivulets ran down his face and dripped off his chin. He reached for his shoulder straps and pulled off his backpack. “I’ve got an extra shirt we can use like a towel.”

  Jenn reached for her straps and froze. “Oh no, I left my backpack at the viewpoint.”

  Still breathing deeply, Bill glanced toward the mouth of the cave. Outside, rain poured down like a hose on full blast. “You’ve got your camera in there, don’t you?”

  “Wes’s camera, actually.” How could she have left it behind? Why hadn’t she been more careful?

  “I’ll get it.” As he turned to leave, thunder rumbled again. It sounded miles away, but closer than the first time they’d heard it.

  “Wait!” She grabbed his arm. “You can’t go back out there.”

  “It’ll only take a few minutes, and most of the way I’m under a lot of trees, not out in the open.”

  “But . . .” She bit her quivering lip.

  He reached out and gently ran his fingers down the side of her face. “Don’t worry. I’ll be all right.”

  Surprised by his tender touch, she blinked and watched him head back out into the storm.

  Chapter Eleven

  Bill snatched Jenn’s backpack off the ground and stuffed it under his shirt. No time to check it now. Lightning flashed, and about two seconds later a loud crack split the air followed by a stunning explosion of thunder. The ground shook, and he took off running down the trail. The storm was traveling faster than he expected. He shot off a prayer for mercy, knowing full well he was breaking almost every lightning safety rule he’d ever been taught.

  He sprinted over the muddy trail, panting, and promising himself he would never do anything this stupid again. Lightning flashed overhead, but he continued his mad dash along the tree-lined path. Finally, he scaled the slippery granite boulders and climbed toward the opening in the hillside where he’d left Jenn.

  Thunder exploded behind him as he ducked inside the cave. Pulling in a ragged breath, he dropped the backpack and searched for Jenn. His eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light, and he spotted her crouched against the far wall, her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut. One look at her frightened, pale face and he knew he shouldn’t have left her.

  He called her name as he walked toward her, but the rumbling thunder overpowered his voice. He touched her shoulder, and her eyes flew open. The raw fear he saw there cut him to the heart. “Hey, it’s okay.”

  He reached for her, and she leaped into his embrace. He tucked her in close and ran his hand down her damp hair, hoping to still her trembling. “It’s all right. You’re safe in here.”

  Thunder crashed again beyond the cave entrance. She cringed, and her whole body tensed.

  He held her close until the rumble faded, then pulled back and looked into her face. “The thunder can’t hurt you.”

  She averted her gaze. “I know, I just don’t like the sound of it.”

  He gently brushed a wet strand of hair off her cheek, trying to think of a way to distract her from the storm.

  “When I was a little kid I used to get really scared during thunder storms.” He shifted so he could see her face better. “My dad would joke around and tell me the angels were bowling up in heaven. If it was dark, we’d turn off all the lights and watch the lightning flash. He made it fun, like a party. I guess that was his way of trying to help me get over my fears.” He chuckled, remembering his dad’s love for life and sense of humor. “Guess it worked. I like a good storm now.” He lifted his eyebrows and sent her a teasing grin.

  “Well I don’t.” She pulled away and paced to the far side of the cave, clutching her folded arms across her chest.

  A wave of regret swamped his heart. When was he going to learn that joking and making light of Jenn’s fears was not the way to reach her heart? He ran his hand through his wet hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be teasing you about something that scares you.”

  She turned back toward him, a silent apology in her expression. “No, it’s not your fault. I just . . .” She closed her eyes for a moment, then she straightened and focused on him. “Every time I hear the thunder I feel like I’m hearing my apartment explode all over again.” As if her words brought it on, thunder cracked and boomed overhead, and she raised her hands to her ears.

  No wonder she hated the storm. He crossed the distance between them and took her in his arms once more. Closing his eyes, he prayed for the right words to comfort her. There had to be something he could say, but no answer came. So he held her, hoping his presence and strength would be enough to absorb some of the bad memories.

  Together, they waited for the thunder’s fury to fade. She rested her head against his chest, her tense muscles finally relaxing. He slowed his breathing to match hers and listened as the sound of the rain grew softer.

  She shifted slightly and looked up at him. This time warmth glowed in her shimmering green eyes. Her cheeks were damp from hugging him, and water drops laced her eyelashes.

  Looking into her lovely face, his heartbeat sped up like he was running down the trail again. He pulled in a deep, shaky breath. She smelled fresh like mountain flowers and summer rain. Only a few inches separated them now. If he leaned down he could kiss her, and the sweet invitation in her eyes said she would welcome him.

  But a voice he knew well spoke
to his heart. Don’t take what isn’t yours. She needs a Savior, and you are not Him.

  The truth pierced his conscience and cleared his thinking. If he kissed her now it would send them down a path to heartache, a path they would both regret. Groaning inwardly, he broke his gaze, and let his hands drop.

  Her lips parted, confusion flickered in her eyes, and she took a step back.

  Regret filled his chest and almost knocked the wind out of him. It was too late. Their time together today had deepened their connection and started them down that path, and there was no way to pretend it hadn’t happened.

  * * * *

  Jenn closed the front door, lowered her soggy backpack to the floor, and kicked off her muddy shoes. Trudging toward the kitchen she wondered which hurt more—her sore leg muscles, her tired feet, or her aching heart.

  What was going on with Bill? One minute he was gentle and caring, taking her in his arms like a rescuing hero, and the next he was cool and detached, acting as though he wished she wasn’t around. It didn’t make sense.

  For a moment, back in the cave, she thought he was going to kiss her. She shook her head, certain she must have imagined it. How embarrassing! At least she hadn’t closed her eyes and puckered up. She grimaced and pulled a glass from the cabinet.

  Wes stood in front of the open fridge. “How was the hike?”

  “Don’t ask,” she grumbled.

  “Hmm, that good?”

  She sent him a withering glance and filled her glass from the tap.

  “Sorry.” He walked over and fingered a strand of her still damp hair. “You guys must’ve got caught in the rain.”

  She nodded and took a long drink of cool water. How much should she tell her brother? Maybe if she talked it over with him he could help her figure things out. But she didn’t want to put him in the awkward position of choosing between loyalty to her and his best friend.

  “Where’s Bill?”