by Dixon, Ruby
I get out of bed and tuck the blankets tight around her. It's late, but I can't sleep anyhow. Daniela's back, but tomorrow, Amy and Rast will be leaving. Our protection from the dragon outside the gates of the fort? Gone.
And I've got to figure out what I'm going to do. It's clear I have to make a decision, and soon.
I put on my shoes and head toward the door. As I pass by Andrea's bed, she reaches out and grabs my hand. "I know what you're thinking," she whispers. "And it's not your fault."
Everyone keeps saying that like it matters. The problem is, I'm the one in charge. When something happens, it is my fault because I'm the one they look to. "I'm just going to go check on my birds for a bit," I tell her, forcing a smile to my face. Maybe petting a few feathered heads for a while will calm my nerves.
"They held a gun in your face when they took her," Andrea continues. "If you'd tried to stop them, you would have died. That doesn't mean you failed. It means you made a choice to fight another day, and now she's back." She gives my hand a supportive squeeze. "You need to stop beating yourself up. She's going to be fine."
I nod, squeeze her hand back, and slip out of the room.
Fort Shreveport in the middle of the night is eerily quiet. I pad through the halls filled with empty, gaping cubbies where the lockers used to be. All that metal has been welded over windows and affixed to the roof to protect us from dragonfire, and the holes it leaves behind aren't the prettiest. Then again, “pretty” isn't really much of a thing anymore. A tomato plant full of fruit is one of the most beautiful things I've seen in the After, because I know how many bellies it'll feed. A sunflower bent over with the weight of its seeds is gorgeous, because I know how many of my birds it'll feed. Walls can be ugly as long as they're secure.
I creep down the shadowed halls and head toward the old music room, where I can hear the soft cooing of my doves even in the hall. Once inside, I stare at the cage I've made for them. Is this some sort of sick metaphor for the fort, I wonder? That I'm just making cages for everyone and pretending like they're safe, when I'm really just giving them a slower death?
I hate how mopey I've become.
Frowning at myself, I move to the cage door and fling it open. "You're free," I whisper to my birds. If they fly out, I'll open every door in the fort until they can find the sky.
Instead, they just coo and stare at me, hopping from perch to perch, waiting for a handout.
I sigh. "So much for being dramatic." I lean in and pet the small heads, offering a handful of precious seeds before shutting the cage again and heading down the hall to the girls' locker room. One of the nice things about the fort being in a school is that the bathrooms still work. A shower's what I need. I go inside, snagging one of the worn white towels we keep at hand, and then strip my clothes off. I turn on one of the showerheads and move under the cold water. No heat, but after years of questionable running water and no air conditioning, I like the cold shower. I lather my body and wash my hair, lost in thought.
I should be thinking about Daniela. About what's going to happen now that the Brothers of Ash are on the run. How the fort's going to change under Amy's control. There's so much going on that it's hard to focus in on just one thing…maybe that's the reason why I keep thinking about the dragon waiting outside for me.
Waiting for a mate.
Amy pulled no punches with what she told me earlier. She was very clear about what the big dragon wants from me.
Vaan, I remind myself. Like it or not, he's a person under all those scales and teeth, and I've got to think of him like one. I think about what Vaan wants from me.
He wants a mate. He's going to try to “mate” me and claim me as his own. That means sex and biting, since Amy said that the way he establishes a mind-link is through sharing his “fires” with his mate. It sounds like a poisonous bite, which is a little terrifying in itself, but Amy wasn't horrified about it and I guess I shouldn't be either. After that, I'll belong to him.
Sex. God. I haven't had sex in a few years, not since we left Fort Tulsa. Even then, it wasn't great sex and so it was easy to go without unless I needed something. Here in Fort Shreveport…well, not a lot of guys to pick from because they're either like Benny—fourteen and a pain in the ass—or like Liam, aka weird. I've done quite well for myself with my hand and a bit of conditioner when the urge hit me.
I think for a moment and then grab the conditioner bottle. Maybe I need to mentally associate the dragon outside with sexy things. Reprogram myself to think sexy thoughts about dragons instead of being filled with complete and utter terror at the thought of one touching me. All right. Step one, I tell myself, and get a dollop of conditioner. I slide it over my mound and then lean against the tile wall as the water rains down on me. My fingers caress my slick folds and then I stroke my clit.
Dragon, I remind myself. Dragon, dragon, dragon.
It's not the most enticing thing to think about. In fact, all those teeth and fire are pretty much the opposite of alluring. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to picture a big golden man, instead. One with big arms and a wicked, playful smile, and I picture that smile going between my thighs. I've never had a man go down on me—lots of bad boyfriends in the past—but I like to imagine how it'll be. When my fingers skate over my clit, I try to picture a man's tongue instead. In my mind, he's fierce and wild, and he pins me down so I can't be in control. So I can't do anything but lie back and enjoy.
I'm shocked at the hot need that bolts through me at that thought, and I have to bite back a moan. I can feel my pussy flood with heat, and my touches take on urgency. I lightly stroke and circle, pushing myself toward a climax. In my mind's eye, I'm not in the shower. I'm underneath my man and he's taking, and taking, and taking…
I come with a low whimper and a rush of wetness between my thighs. Gasping, I lean back against the tile. I've never come so hard, and I don't know what that says about me or my situation. Don't psychoanalyze, Gwen, I chide myself. It's late. You're tired and stressing over nothing. Just go to bed and worry about the piles of shit in the morning. They'll still be there.
Mental Gwen is smart. I lift a hand to the spray—
A bone-jarring roar shakes the building.
I scream, collapsing in a huddle at the bottom of the shower stall, my eyes wide. Another roar sounds overhead, and I stare up at the ceiling, half expecting it to cave in, to see a giant clawed hand reaching through and snatching me away.
This…has to be coincidence.
There's no way he knew what I was doing…did he?
I remain frozen, waiting at the bottom of the shower. Lights flick on down the hall and I can hear people murmuring in fear. The dragon's woken up the entire settlement. I wait for another roar, but there's nothing. It's quiet.
It can't be because I touched myself, and yet somehow I still feel responsible. Amy said he picked up my scent in the streets outside the fort…it's entirely possible he smelled that, then. Somehow.
God. Even a good masturbation session isn't sacred anymore. I get to my feet, turn the water on full blast, and scrub my pussy with soap until everything stings. When I can't possibly be any cleaner, I get out of the shower, towel down quickly and dress, wrapping my wet hair.
One of the guards on duty—Cass—meets me in the hall. She flicks the lights off as I walk past. "Go back to sleep," she says softly. "False alarm."
I nod at her and head to my room. "Thanks. Sleep tight."
Back inside the room I share with Andrea and Daniela, it's quiet, the lights still out. My sister's huddled under my blankets and Andrea's lying on her side. I'm sure if I looked over at her, I'd see her watching me. I wonder if she's thinking the same thing that I am—that the dragon roar's my fault. I don't want to see the judgment on her face, so I ignore her and head straight for my bed, kicking my shoes back under the cot.
The moment I sink onto the side of the bed, Daniela reaches up for me. "Don't leave me, Gwen. Please. I'm scared when you're gone."
"I'm here,
Dee," I tell her as I move next to her. I let her burrow against me again and she falls back asleep. There's no sleep for me, though.
I'm starting to think the only way I can save my sister—and the rest of the fort—is by leaving and taking that dragon with me.
7
VAAN
No smell has ever been as glorious as my female's mating scent. Faint wisps of it cling to the air, and I flare my nostrils, lifting my head to catch it in the breeze. It's delicate but musky, and almost overwhelmed by the fear scent that followed.
My mate. Mine. Enough waiting. It is time that I claim her as my own. She hides in the human nest, but it would be such a small thing to peel the metal skin from their hidey-hole, to flush them out like lizards under rocks and pluck her from their grasp.
You said you would wait, a dragon interrupts me. You promised not to harm the humans.
Who are you?
I am Rast. You know me. We have had this conversation many times already, my friend. You are Vaan. You promised to wait to claim your mate because I would send her out to you.
Then do so! I tire of waiting.
Tomorrow, he promises me. Tomorrow I think she will arrive and greet you.
Tomorrow is too long to wait. I want her now.
If you try to claim her now, you will hurt many of the people she is protecting. She will be very angry over that.
That makes me pause. She is already frightened. I do not need to frighten her more.
One more day, Rast tells me. Can you wait one more day? You have already waited several.
Have I? I do not remember. But I settle back down atop my perch and tuck my wings against my body. If I must.
Try and remember this time.
I would rather raze the hive with fire and pry her out, I admit to him, resting on my haunches.
Some days, I would, too. But it is important to your female that the hive is a safe place for her humans. Honor that.
I can, if it will please her. I imagine how happy she will be at such a realization, that I am holding back my strength because I wish to please her and her hive. Perhaps she will be so taken by the realization she will challenge me for a mating. A flicker of memory returns and with it, pleasant feelings. Ah. She has challenged me once before. I wish I could remember what I did to encourage that.
I wish I could remember what she looked like, too. Or her name. But these things are nothing but smoke in my mind when I try to focus on them.
Your mate will help with that too, Rast tells me. This I promise.
She needs to hurry, then. I do not know if I can wait much longer. The sliver of sanity that I hold on to seems smaller with each breath I take.
GWEN
When morning comes, I've decided.
For everyone's safety—except mine—it's wisest if I go confront the dragon. I can do this, I tell myself over and over again as I quietly pack my second pair of jeans and a T-shirt and my other shoes that are slightly too small but get worn anyhow. Daniela, Andrea, and the others are at breakfast in the cafeteria and then Amy and Rast are going to take off.
I figure if I have to do this, the sooner the better.
Daniela was fragile this morning. She had bad dreams all night and wept and clung to me like a child. It didn't matter how gently I tried to extract myself from her embrace, she didn't want me to leave. Andrea realized what I was up to and goaded/teased my sister until they both left for breakfast. I don't think Andrea will be surprised to see me gone. She knows I don't have a choice. She'll take care of Dee for me.
And me, I'll take care of the dragon. I choke on my own hysterical laughter and after a second thought, dump my pack on the bed. Daniela and Andrea can have my stuff. I won't need it if he kills me. And if he doesn't…well. I'll tackle that one day at a time. It feels a little terrifying to think about leaving the fort without a single thing with me, but everything can be used by someone else and I'd feel like a jerk taking it and then it being roasted.
Of course, Amy is positive the dragon—Vaan—won't kill me, but I can't seem to get that idea through my head. Billions of people have died to dragons in the past. It's hard to take the word of one single person over that.
I close the door to the room behind me and sneak down the hall. I pass by the cafeteria to get one last look at Daniela. I peer in through the textured glass next to the double doors and there's my sister, seated next to Andrea and Benny, dragging her spoon through her oatmeal. She looks dejected but not broken, and I hope she's okay. Andrea's frowning, focused on something across the room and she's practically stabbing her oatmeal as if it offends her. I follow her stare and…
It's Liam.
Liam of the weird golden skin and sunglasses and hats. He's wearing his normal get-up today, a long-sleeved dark shirt, a baseball cap, and a scarf around his neck to try and hide his skin despite the fact that it's already blisteringly warm this morning. He's hunched over his bowl and eating alone as he normally does.
He's returned. I'm a little surprised that he's back—and so bold as to sit in the same room as Rast and Amy, who must know his secret. I'm torn between going into the cafeteria and confronting him myself, but I know if I do, I won't be able to get away today.
It has to be today, too, before Rast and Amy leave, just in case they're wrong and this dragon—Vaan—eats me instead of dates me. Just the thought makes a hysterical laugh bubble up in my throat. I push away from the cafeteria windows and race down the hall.
Time's wasting.
I head out of one of the back doors of the school and pace across the yard, through rows of crops on wheeled dollies and flatbeds. They're out soaking up the sunlight right now since it's not a dragon-attack day and we've been reassured by Amy and Rast that Vaan won't attack the settlement because I'm here. I touch one of the vines of a cucumber plant and hope that they're right. So much food could be wasted if he loses it and starts flaming. Maybe I should cart all the plants back inside, where they'd be protected just in case. After all, Amy and Rast could be leading us down a path to destruction if—
I squeeze my eyes shut. No. Stop it, Gwen. You can't control everything. Let someone else take on these problems.
I force myself to walk forward, to open my eyes and move with determination toward the fence at the back of the compound, where Benny's hole has yet to be repaired. My skin prickles with the terror surging through me, but I keep going. I have to. This has to be finished one way or another. I can't let this continue, because we'll all die slowly if we can't go out of the fort or raise crops. Something has to give, and in this case, it's going to be me.
I find the hole in the chain link, where it's been dug out a bit along the ground, just enough for a body to slide under. Andrea placed a few cinderblocks to block it temporarily, and I haul them out of the way before crawling under the fence. Dirt sticks to the sweat on my face and covers my clothes, but I don't care.
What, am I going to dress up for a dragon? Please.
Once outside the gate, my body prickles with goosebumps. The streets are creepy quiet, and each footstep on the broken pavement feels like it's a blast of sound. How long is it going to take before the dragon finds me? I swallow hard, my throat dry. I'm terrified and I want nothing more than to turn back. Why couldn't this dragon pick someone other than me? Why?
I think of Amy's leg and how she doesn't let it stop her, and of Daniela's branded cheeks. I'm being a whiner again. Things could be worse. I suck in a deep breath. Nothing to do but carry forward and handle shit. All right.
"Come on out, dragon," I call in a wobbling voice as I head down one of the back streets, away from the gates of Fort Shreveport and away from my people. "Come out, come out, wherever you are. Let's get this introduction out of the way already."
I head down another street, and then I'm unable to ignore the creeping feeling of worry in my gut. What if this is a trap? What if…no, Gwen. Think positive. I mean, it could be that the dragon's already left the place and decided he doesn't want himself a bit
of dark meat after all. I brighten at the thought.
Two more streets, I tell myself. I'll go down two more streets, wait, and then allow myself to turn around and go back to the fort.
Even as I think it, a shadow moves overhead, blotting out the sun. I stare at the weed-riddled pavement as it glides overhead, bigger than a school bus.
Shit.
The dragon hasn't left after all.
8
VAAN
My female has returned.
The scent of her touches my senses, clear and strong, and with it comes clarity. My female. Mine to claim. I follow her scent on the breeze, narrowing in on it. She walks outside of her hive, the singular scent of her telling me that she is alone.
Good. It is time to possess her.
With a snarl, I take to the air, spreading my wings. I remain low, flying just above the surfaces of the squatty abandoned buildings that stink of humans and dust. Not all humans stink, though. This one smells perfect, and even though I cannot remember her face, I remember her aroma.
It is the most incredible thing I have ever scented.
The other dragon sends out a query, pricking at my thoughts. I ignore it, shutting him out. Possessiveness takes over me. My female is here, and I will let nothing stand in the way of getting her. I have waited too long to take her already. And when I spot movement in the street below, I arrow in, diving low and snatching her into my claws.
Mine.
She has not shifted to battle form, but that is all right. I will steal her away to someplace private where she can challenge me to a mating duel. With my prize in my grip, I flap my wings hard, gaining speed and strength as I rise into the air. She struggles against my claws, making frightened noises, and her fear-scent perfumes the air. Frustration boils in my belly. I do not want her fear smell again. I want her to challenge me. I want her to shift forms and attack so we can battle and then I can mate her. Just thinking about such a thing excites me, and I fly faster and higher, determined to get away from the human hive before she can change her mind and retreat to its safety.
