The End of the World As We Know It

by Iva-Marie Palmer

  Evan gulped. “With all this stuff? And the Super Sprayer? They’ll see us for sure.”

  Leo shook his head. “There’s a piece of fence that’s open just down the way from here. My buddy Frank was trying to start a pot farm here.”

  He led them to a spot where the chain link had been cut and pushed to the side. They put their packs down on the other side first and then carefully crept through, making themselves as narrow as possible. They pulled in the Super Sprayer last, cringing every time it rattled in the wagon. The aliens, a few hundred feet away, hadn’t seen them, it seemed. The scattered piles of construction rubble probably helped shield Leo, Evan, and Teena from view.

  They tiptoed over the crunchy dead grass that covered patches of the construction site that hadn’t been bulldozed. With each step, the ship looked more alive to Leo, like if it wanted to, one of the spokes could reach out and grab them all, shake them, and render them people-jerky. Leo remembered the power surge from Friday night, and a chill rose in his spine.

  A twig snapped beneath Evan’s feet, and all three of them jumped.

  “It was nothing,” Leo said, trying to sound calmer than he felt. “Keep walking.” He kept his eye on the ship, waiting. The aliens weren’t going to let them just walk right in, were they?

  Then, the sky lit up purple and Leo knew instantly what was next. The spoke nearest them emitted a burst of bright violet fire, just like the laser that had almost killed them all when they were looking down at the ship from High Point. Only this time, they were right next to it. Close up, the fiery blast was a thousand times scarier.

  Leo threw himself backward as the purple flame whipped forth. He felt heat through his pants and deep into his body, like his bone marrow was melting. This couldn’t be good. He looked back at Teena and Evan, wanting to scream out a warning, but the words were ashes in his throat.

  Teena’s eyes met Leo’s as they widened in terror. Then Evan dove past Leo’s line of vision and crushed Teena’s body with his own. They disappeared from sight, and Leo closed his eyes, trying to protect them from the heat crackling against his pupils. He rolled away from the surge, covering the back of his neck with his hands like they used to do in grade-school tornado drills.

  What good would it do? This was it. They were all going to die. For all he knew, Evan and Teena were already crisp corpses, and he was next. The laser snapped angrily right next to him. He opened an eye to see flames spark against the dead ground. Then the spoke powered down, the purple laser retreated, and the flames, apparently finding nothing to ignite besides a few dead leaves, died out. He dared to open his other eye, and ahead of him, saw Evan crouched over Teena, shielding her. A blackened trench remained—if they’d been three inches to the left, they’d all have been dead right now. But now there was no doubt the aliens had been targeting them.

  Teena and Evan were starting to rise to their feet, somewhat awkwardly, as if they were trying to help each other up without touching.

  “Thanks,” Teena offered to Evan, obviously trying to get him to make eye contact as he just nodded and held a hand out for Leo to get up.

  Leo dusted off his spandex, looking at their motley crew. They stared back at him, panic etched on their faces. The fear was at odds with their shiny spandex outfits and made him grin in spite of everything.

  “Good thing we wore these aerodynamic pants.”

  31

  IN FOR THE KILL

  Teena McAuley, 5:22 A.M. Casimir Pulaski Day, Shoppoplex Construction Site

  “They must have seen us,” Evan said from behind a big pile of gray bricks they were using to shield themselves while they tried to regain some semblance of composure. Or as much composure as a person can have after yet another near-death experience. Evan still wasn’t talking to Teena, but his willingness to serve as her human shield had to show he still cared, right?

  “Yeah, we’re fucked,” Teena agreed, pulling the miraculously intact Super Sprayer wagon back to their hiding spot.

  “It’s okay,” Leo said. “They’re not moving in on us.”

  “They probably figure they’ll kill us when we get closer,” Teena said.

  “If we’re lucky, they think we’re already dead,” Evan said.

  Ha, progress, Teena thought.

  They were within a hundred feet of the ship. Twelve alien guards stood rigid and ready, daring them to intrude.

  “I have an idea,” Evan said, taking the wagon from Teena.

  He stepped out into the open as if he was done creeping around. The Super Sprayer rattled as he pulled it toward the ship, not really trying for stealth. Teena wanted to call out to him, or better yet, run and stop him. But the look on his face was so determined that she also wanted to see what would happen. Evan Brighton had her full and complete attention.

  He stopped about twelve feet from the end of the ramp. Now he had the aliens’ attention, too. Despite their expressionless faces, Teena thought they remembered Evan, or maybe remembered all of them. How awesome would it be if the aliens were scared of them?

  But then the left row started to advance on Evan, walking single file down the ramp and extending their claws. Just looking at the claws was enough to make the gash on Teena’s thigh throb. They could slice right through Evan. She grabbed Leo’s hand next to her, pulling him along. “He needs our help,” she said to Leo.

  They ran toward Evan, who didn’t take his eyes off the aliens as he turned on the Super Sprayer and reached for the hose.

  “Hey, jerks,” he said, pointing the hose. He pressed on the handle. Nothing. Teena’s heart sank. The machine wasn’t vibrating or rumbling; it was dead. Evan pressed futilely on the handle again, his stupefied face devolving into an expression that said, “Oh, shit.”

  Time had stopped, and instead of her life flashing before her eyes, Teena saw her would-be killers and what they would do to them. The aliens were huge, and they were close, and their claws alone were enough to leave the three of them lying in ribbons of spandex and skin on the ground. Teena could hear Evan gulp.

  “I said, hey, jerks,” he tried again, shaking the hose. At the very least, the failed machinery had the aliens’ interest for now. Teena quietly pulled out her perfume gun, catching Leo’s eye so he’d do the same. He already had his out and aimed.

  Before she could fire, she was lifted into the air, as an alien slid a long claw under her backpack strap and shook her, sending her gun to the ground. Next to her, another alien had Leo in the same unfortunate position. The aliens stomped on the toy guns, steam rising from beneath their feet as the perfume splashed their flesh, not enough to kill them because the tender membrane covered the aliens’ torsos, not their legs. Teena looked into the creature’s netted, buglike eyes and saw her own terrified face a million times.

  Then the biggest alien wrapped a claw around Evan’s back. The straps of his toy chest plate ripped as the claw ran over them and the Iron Man shield fell to the ground as the alien lifted him. Evan, who had saved her again and again, was going to die, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

  “Hey, Evan,” she croaked, feeling some satisfaction as he turned his head as much as he could to see around his captor. As he watched, Teena kicked the Super Sprayer, hard, with the side of her foot and said a little prayer. Suddenly, the machine hummed and gurgled to life. If they made it past this, he had to forgive her. “Try again.”

  He pointed the hose at the alien that had him several feet off the ground. He pressed the button, and Teena held her breath. The cologne cocktail came shooting out, turning his alien to dust. Evan landed on the ground in a pile of its ashes. Still on the ground, he aimed the spray at the aliens holding Teena and Leo. The creatures’ deaths were instant, and Teena and Leo hit the ground with thuds. Teena didn’t mind the pain in her tailbone. She was alive.

  “Hell, yeah!” Leo yelled, getting to his feet and helping Teena to hers.

  Evan aimed the hose at the three aliens who’d been blocking the foot of the ramp. They each burst in ra
pid succession, like exploding dominoes.

  “The other ones, get the other ones,” Teena said, pointing at the other six aliens that were now coming at them from the side.

  Evan aimed the Super Sprayer, but this time, it just shot a dribble of cologne onto the ground. “Shit,” he said. “It’s empty.”

  “And our guns are dead,” Leo said, pointing at their crushed squirt guns.

  The six aliens had them surrounded, three to a side with claws extended and ready to avenge their freshly dead brethren. Teena had one foot on the ramp. Leo was just behind her, and Evan was still on the ground, next to the now-empty Super Sprayer. The second any of them tried to reach into their packs, the aliens would kill them. But the ramp was wide open. She could run right onto the ship. Leo and Evan would follow. She just wished she could ensure Evan could get up from his vulnerable position at the things’ feet. She looked back and saw the beasts holding devices that looked like shiny green golf balls.

  “What are those things?” Teena asked, just as one of the aliens let go of his. It zipped through the sky, hovering between Teena’s and Leo’s faces, where it shot out a sudden burst of green fumes that clouded over them.

  “What the fuck?” Leo said, trying to move away from the fumes. His legs seemed glued to the ground. “I can’t move.”

  “Me, neither,” Teena said, her legs frozen as a hardening sensation took hold of her torso, then her arms. She looked back into Evan’s scared face as her own stopped moving.

  32

  DEEP FREEZE

  Evan Brighton, 5:29 A.M. Casimir Pulaski Day, Shoppoplex Construction Site

  Evan had only seen a body so waxy and fake-looking once in his life. His father’s, when it had been all made up and laid in his coffin at the wake. Bad as that had been, this felt almost worse. Teena and Leo were completely frozen and lifeless. And there were still six more aliens, five of them holding the devices that had made statues of his friends. If he weren’t still down on the ground, he’d be a mannequin, too.

  He reached next to him for his bat, yet again. His security blanket. Then he skittered backward in a crab walk, away from the cluster of aliens, and got to his feet, still taking steps back from the aliens as he rose.

  He cocked his bat like he was at home plate and felt the pull of a tear at his eyelid. He wiped it away, squinting at the aliens like they were opposing pitchers. They were, in a way. One at a time, the aliens hurled the tiny green balls at him. Evan gritted his teeth and smacked each ball into the horizon. The aliens paused to watch them soar. He hoped they were scared shitless.

  Evan breathed deeply as the last alien held up its green ball, seemingly taunting Evan as he rolled it around in his clawlike six-fingered hand.

  The alien let go of the orb, and it zipped toward Evan, catching him off guard. He swung, and he missed. Panic froze Evan’s heart, and he grabbed for the ball as it hovered for a split second in mid-air. He lobbed it back at the cluster of aliens, and they frantically tried to grab for it, their claws clashing in air. Before they could get it, green fumes burst forth.

  The gas froze the aliens, same as it had Teena and Leo. The emptied ball fell to the ground. With light footfalls, the same kind he’d once used to sneak downstairs early on Christmas mornings, Evan crept up to the aliens. Inches from them, he could see every crease in their skin and could sense no feelings or emotions behind their netted, bulging eyes. He looked back at Teena and Leo, frozen in time. Maybe Sarabeth was the same way, or worse. And what about the rest of the town?

  His earlier tear finally poked its way out of his eye. He pulled some perfume from his backpack and misted the air at the center of his six frozen attackers. The droplets floated then fell from the March sky onto the aliens’ wet-looking skin. The gooey purple coating quickly went gray, like one of those time-lapse nature videos that showed flowers blooming and dying in seconds. Then he was alone in a cloud of dust-colored confetti.

  And that was it. He waited for other aliens to rush out of the ship to kill him, waited for another burst of fire, a greenie attack, something. But nothing happened. He sat down on the ground and put his head in his hands. He was on his own. The guy who couldn’t get a girl was the last guy on Earth. Awesome.

  “Dude, what are you sitting there for?” Evan looked up to see Leo cracking his neck, then his knuckles. Next to him, Teena was stretching her arms over her head like some kind of post-apocalyptic yoga instructor.

  “You guys aren’t dead?” Evan said. He jumped to his feet and, without thinking about it, hugged them both. Leo slapped his back like they were bros. Teena held on to his arm longer than necessary. He covertly brushed away the tear on his cheek.

  “Just stiff,” Teena said. “Did you kill the rest of them?”

  Evan shrugged. “It was nothing.”

  It was still hard to talk to her. Better, Evan thought, to just get on the ship, and free the residents of Tinley Hills. Teena had affirmed that he was not the guy for her, so maybe he would rescue some other girl who recognized his good qualities. Someone who didn’t mind that he wasn’t as funny and laid-back as Leo, or as cool and popular as Cameron Lewis. It could happen.

  Leo and Teena were halfway up the ramp. “You coming, dude?” Leo called.

  Evan nodded. He’d plan his new life later. He flipped his trusty bat up onto his shoulder. If they survived, he would have it mounted over his fireplace.

  It should have been a big deal, stepping onto the alien’s ship. But Leo just loped through like he was sliding into class late. Teena hopped over the oval door’s bottom edge, like she was stepping over a puddle. Why did she have to be so completely cute? Behind her, he kept his head down and soldiered forth, onto the ship. He wished that things were different, and that Teena felt for him what he felt for her.

  But he could win only so many battles. And there were more to come. He could feel it.

  33

  ALL ABOARD

  Leo Starnick, 5:37 A.M. Casimir Pulaski Day, Aliens’ Ship

  As Leo stepped onto the ship and was faced with a second ramp—this one a moving sidewalk—and another door, he wondered if this was how Alice felt in Wonderland, only he had alien murder on the brain, and she’d just smoked up with caterpillars. “No turning back now,” he said, half to himself, half to Teena and Evan. They stepped onto the ramp and were headed deeper into the ship, as if it were their unalterable destiny. After a few moments, the ramp deposited them onto the floor like groceries at the end of the cash-register belt. The strong scent of coffee loomed thick in the air, and they all looked around nervously. This part of the ship was empty, which was almost more unsettling.

  They were in a long, white hallway that stretched out on each side of them in a circle. Looking down the corridor in either direction, Leo tried to figure out which way would lead them to the captives. If it weren’t for the lives-on-the-line factor—and his overwhelming need to find Sarabeth—it would have been cool to look around a bit. All that time thinking about aliens, and now he was on their ship.

  “Should we split up, or stick together?” Evan whispered.

  Leo pursed his lips. “If we go the same way, we could all die. If we split up, we could all still die. I don’t know.”

  Teena sighed like she was annoyed with them both. “Look, I know I complained louder than anyone about the four of us getting stuck together, but we should stick together. I don’t want to lose you guys.”

  Leo saw her look right at Evan as she said it, but Evan just looked down the corridor. Leo almost felt bad for Teena. “You’re right,” Leo said to her. “How about we go that way?” He pointed right, based on nothing more than a hunch. The ship was a circle, but he thought if he was leading prisoners on board, it would be easier to steer them into a right turn than a left one.

  “Works for me,” Evan said. Teena nodded in agreement.

  The corridor was gleaming white, like being inside an iPod. It surprised Leo. He’d been expecting something more … gross. Like maybe purple alien goo
covering every surface of the ship’s interior. Or at least more darkness to set the mood. As it was, tube lights lined the walls, giving off green and purple glows. The ship hummed like the inside of a refrigerator and was almost as cold.

  With every almost-too-easy step, Leo felt his nervousness increase.

  “Where are they?” Leo said. “Don’t they need to go about their outer-space asshole business?”

  “We did kill a lot of them,” Teena said. “Maybe there just aren’t many left.”

  “Or maybe there’s a lot of them on the other side of these walls.” Evan gestured down the corridor. “The ship is big.”

  “You know, they probably want us to find them,” Leo said. “Like, what’s behind door number two? Hey, you’re dead!”

  “I don’t even see any doors,” Teena said, furrowing her brow.

  “Yeah, that is weird,” Evan said, slowing down.

  Leo hadn’t seen a door, either. He stopped walking and studied the wall. Teena and Evan stood behind him, like he had a clue. On closer inspection, he found tiny seams where it looked like the white walls opened in some way. But he couldn’t tell if they slid open into the wall or pushed open into a room. Maybe they even lifted up, like garage doors. Evan and Leo exchanged a glance. They positioned themselves on each side of one of the seams. They pushed. Nothing. They pulled. Nothing. They tried lifting up from the ground. Nothing.

  During their feeble show of manhood, Teena had wandered away.

  “Hey, what’s this?” She was pointing at a section of the wall that wasn’t smooth. It resembled a pair of white puckered lips, only vertical and tall enough for an alien to fit through.

  “Not to be vulgar, but I’m seriously afraid this is some kind of alien vagina situation,” Leo said, poking the soft spongy door and watching it pulse in and out. “Ew, squishy.”