The End of the World As We Know It

by Iva-Marie Palmer

  How could he have let this happen? He’d come so far, and he was still going to die. The hero wasn’t supposed to die.

  The alien pressed a button, and the machine started to close in on him.

  “Cameron? You there?” he called. “Is anyone out there?”

  The only answer he got was the machine’s malicious hum.

  He could barely move his hands, and he couldn’t kick his feet high enough to keep the door from closing down on him. He felt the pinch of the pins as they penetrated the back of his spandex suit.

  Wriggling his hands back and forth, he felt the familiar ash handle of his bat next to him. The alien had thrown it inside with him. He grabbed the handle. Somehow, he managed to stand the bat up, wedging it between the lid and the bottom of the juicer.

  The bat prevented the lid from continuing to close. Evan was safe for now, but he wouldn’t have long before the bat broke under the pressure of the lid’s descent. If he could free himself from the straps soon, it would mean his trusty bat had come through again. If he couldn’t … he didn’t want to think about it.

  He gritted his teeth and strained against the straps that held him down.

  He couldn’t die. He had a new life to live.

  37

  WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU ALIENS …

  Sarabeth Lewis, 6:28 A.M. Casimir Pulaski Day, Aliens’ Ship

  Sarabeth was one stubborn piece of protective alien glass away from shutting down this piece-of-shit ship. That glass was all that separated her from the big silver orb that she believed—no, knew—was the source of the ship’s power.

  The orb sat atop a helical pole, with green and purple tubes weaving around and around a silver cord that looked to be made from an organic material. The cord pulsed and pumped a fluid upward into the giant silver ball, which looked bigger than the one that dropped in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. In the right light, the orb picked up the purple and green colors of the weaving cords beneath it. It jiggled and wobbled and radiated warmth, even from beneath the thick glass shield that protected it. And at its gelatinous center was a sparking, rattling red orb that looked like it was making all the heat.

  Sarabeth was six feet off the ground, having managed to climb partway up the helix so she could reach the casing around the orb. It was split down the middle, like it could be pried apart, but probably only if you were a huge alien, not a teenage girl who sat out of gym class with regularity. She’d tried shooting it, with the .38 that was still tucked in her waistband, but the glass was impenetrable.

  Sarabeth gritted her teeth, dug in her fingernails, and pulled. For a split second, she thought she finally had loosened the casing, but then she fell to the ground, landing hard on her butt.

  If only her friends (Leo!) would get here, one of them (Leo!) could help her get to the core and shut down the ship. Even with the task of destroying the core before her, she couldn’t stop thinking about Leo and how much she wanted to see him again. She was worried about Teena and Evan, too, of course. But Leo was the one who kept sneaking into her thoughts.

  Part of her just wanted to share the story of how she’d gotten here: The jet-packed aliens that had stolen her from the bathroom had zipped her to the ship so fast, she’d felt like she’d been whirled around in a KitchenAid mixer. She’d been so disoriented, one of the aliens had to carry her onto the ship. Prone in the beast’s arms, she became aware of the tiny travel-sized bottle of Otherworldly she’d put in the pocket of her jeans. Still playing dead, she’d slyly pulled the cologne out of her pocket, and with two quick spritzes to their chests, the aliens were dead, and she was on the ship. So she’d run for the center, eager to see if she’d been right about the core, and had wound up here.

  There’d been two aliens on duty when she arrived, but they’d been equally easy to dispatch with the Otherworldly. She’d found it funny that—with all the aliens’ technology—their top-secret room was less well protected than Teena’s dad’s wine cellar. But how long could she really have before one of the aliens found her?

  From the entryway outside the chamber, she heard noises. Stumbling, fumbling noises. She rose quickly to her feet and held up the bottle of cologne tentatively. She thought the jellylike orb would dust up just like the aliens if she sprayed it. But she didn’t have much choice if she wanted to survive. She’d have to find another way to take out the core. She pointed the cologne bottle at the door with a shaky, useless hand.

  Planting her feet and closing her eyes, she steeled herself for the aliens as something pushed its way through the puckered door.

  “Don’t shoot!” The voice was familiar, and Sarabeth briefly wondered if the aliens had the skills to fake a human voice in an effort to trick her.

  “At least, don’t shoot until you see how douchey I look.”

  Nope. There was no way the aliens could replicate Leo’s witty repartee.

  She opened her eyes.

  And then she burst out laughing.

  “Is that spandex?” she asked, not knowing if they were at a point in their fledgling relationship where she could run into his arms. Plus, the sight of Leo wearing something so rigid and sartorially opposite to his usual holey jeans, black tee, and boots was almost more than she could handle.

  “Yes,” he said, blushing. “So, what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” His flirty smile appeared. Even though his face was covered in alien guts and dirt, even though he was wearing spandex and a kids’ superhero chest plate, Sarabeth really wanted to kiss him for dangerous lengths of time.

  “Where are Teena and Evan?” she asked, biting her lip. She was an awful person to be so distracted by him that she hadn’t asked yet. But he was so cute.

  “They’re okay,” Leo said, then grimaced uncertainly. He expelled a quick, nervous breath. “Well, they were last I saw them. But—”

  “But what … ?”

  “Well, Teena hung back and sent me here. When I left, she was fighting off a huge cluster of them,” Leo said, looking sheepish. “I was going to stay and help, but she wanted me to find you.”

  “Oh my god,” Sarabeth said. “And Evan?”

  “He was going to try to take out some aliens—who have a creepy human juicer, by the way—so he could get the captives outside.”

  “So you found the captives,” she said, excitement for the accomplishment turning quickly to worry. “I hope Evan’s okay.”

  “Me, too. He seemed sure of himself. So you never went to the holding bay?”

  Sarabeth grinned. “Well, they popped up on me when I went to the bathroom. But as I screamed, I thought of something … ”

  She filled him in on the rest. Leo stared at her, and she couldn’t read his face. She hoped he didn’t regret what had happened between them.

  “Did you know that booze works, too? Can you believe we didn’t think of that?” He laughed. “You have got to see Abe’s trailer. It’s nuts. We raided his bar.”

  “Is that why you smell like rum?”

  Leo sniffed the air. “Probably.” He smiled at her. “So, what is your plan now?”

  “Well, I think the whole ship will come down with a single spritz.” She pointed up at the orb as it rotated and pulsed. “I think that’s made of the same kind of organic material that the aliens are, but in a much more delicate form. That’s why it’s sheathed under the glass. But I can’t get that damn shield pried off. But maybe if we do it together?”

  “I’d be honored.” They climbed up the helix, and took positions on either side of the shield. Sarabeth wedged her fingers into the small groove, and Leo did the same. Their pinkies touched.

  “Count of three,” she said. Leo’s eyes met hers over the orb, and his pupils caught the silvery light. Sarabeth was ready to be done with aliens once and for all.

  She counted down and then pulled on the shield with all her might. Leo strained against the cover as well. The aliens hadn’t been messing around when they’d built this protective casing. Sarabeth was about to give up, and the
n, when she thought she couldn’t pull any harder, the case gave way. The orb was unprotected.

  “We did it,” she said, hearing the surprise in her voice.

  “Of course we did,” Leo said, gently squeezing her hand with his own. “So what now?”

  Sarabeth was ready for this part. Still holding on to her side of the now-opened casing with her feet on the green tubing, she reached a hand down and pulled the Otherworldly from her pants pocket. She sprayed everything that was left onto the pulsing silver ball.

  Nothing happened. Nothing at all.

  “It’s not working,” she said. She wasn’t used to being wrong. It was not nearly as bad as she’d thought it could be, except for the pesky fact that now the aliens would take over the world.

  “Wait, I have something that might work,” Leo said. Now he reached down and pulled a small bottle from the waistband of his ridiculous spandex pants. He twisted off the cap one-handed and gave it to her. “It was Abe’s,” he said. “Smell it.”

  She uncapped it and took a whiff. It was strong, the scent practically singeing her nostrils. The label said PURPLE PEOPLE-EATER.

  “The name’s appropriate,” she said. She splashed the pungent purple liquid onto the orb.

  What she’d expected to happen with the cologne was happening now. The liquor started to eat a hole into the orb, slowly dissolving it. Leo returned her carefully to the floor and turned her so she was facing him.

  “So, I just want to make sure of one thing,” he said with his hands still lightly on her waist. “We’re still going to go to prom, right?”

  She smiled and nodded, her emotions whirling in a good way. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the ball slowly dissolving, like a sugar cube in water, coming closer and closer to exposing the red orb, which looked like it was getting hotter and hotter as layers of the silver ball fell away. “Sure, but right now, I need you to do something else.” She couldn’t help the cockeyed grin that spread across her face. “I need you to kiss me like your life was hanging in the balance.”

  Leo looked from her to the glowing, disintegrating orb at the core of the ship. “Right now, it kind of is, isn’t it?”

  His lips hit hers electrically. It was even better kissing him now than it had been last night. Warmth spread through her body, and not just because of the undefined alien energy source that was melting a few feet away. Leo didn’t seem to want it to end any more than she did.

  They broke away at the same time and in unison said, “Let’s get out of here.”

  38

  IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE

  Leo Starnick, 6:34 A.M. Casimir Pulaski Day, Aliens’ Ship on the Verge of Self-Destructing (He Hopes)

  Now this was the end-of-the-world scenario Leo had had in mind.

  He was running down the corridor of an alien ship he’d invaded that hopefully was about to explode. But the best part, the absolute best, was that he was running while holding the hand of the girl he liked. A lot. Okay, maybe loved.

  Wow, if he was thinking love, it really must have been the end of the world.

  They sprinted, and behind them, they could hear footfalls. Big footfalls. Leo looked over his shoulder to see at least ten more purple aliens bearing down on them.

  Sarabeth pulled the semi-automatic she’d used on the greenies at IHOP from her waistband and took aim. Had she had that thing while they’d been kissing?

  “Don’t shoot!” Leo thought adding a swarm of greenies to their escape wouldn’t be the most helpful thing right now.

  Sarabeth fired, hitting one of the aliens in its leg. It fell to the floor in front of several other aliens, tripping some of them. She fired again, hitting the kneecap of another alien.

  Okay, he definitely loved her.

  “You’re freaking me out with the sharpshooting,” Leo said, pulling her along faster now. “We’re almost there.”

  He’d had full faith in Sarabeth’s theory at the execution stage, but now he was starting to get nervous. Shouldn’t something be happening? The ship hadn’t made a peep.

  As if answering his thoughts, the ship began to vibrate and hum. He felt like he was leaning against a subwoofer as his heart thrummed.

  The tremors beneath them freaked him out so much, he charged forward. Sarabeth’s feet practically came off the ground as he pulled her along. He’d never run like this in his life.

  He hoped Evan and the captives had made it out, and he hoped Teena was safe, because there was no turning back now.

  Running down the exit ramp into the March morning, he inhaled a sharp, cold breath. He and Sarabeth looked back at the ship once. The metal structure was shaking so quickly, it was like seeing double.

  “We need to get farther away!” Leo yelled over the din.

  They raced over the Shoppoplex construction site and tore through the chain-link fence that separated it from Orland Ridge Mall. They turned past the doors to the Orland Ridge food court, their feet beating against the parking lot in unison. Then up ahead, Leo saw the most welcome sight.

  People.

  Lots of people, standing at the farthest edge of the Orland Ridge parking lot several hundred feet away. Thousands of them. They were lined up and facing the ship, watching as it started to clatter like a pile of tin cans. Leo couldn’t help but look for Teena and Evan and his father, but at the speed they were running, he couldn’t make out anything very clearly. Everything was a big blur, and he didn’t dare slow down, because he could sense that some of the aliens were still behind them.

  He would not, could not, look back.

  And then, the ship blew. The explosions in movies didn’t ever pull your eardrums out of your head. They didn’t make your feet lift off the ground and make your skin feel like it was being pulled away from your bones. Even Leo’s hair felt like it was being yanked by individual strands from each follicle on his head.

  The crowd was still about fifty feet away. Leo dove, half on purpose, half involuntarily, pulling Sarabeth with him. He hoped his face said to the unprotected masses, “Get on the ground now!” The crowd got it. Down they went, like they were doing a full-body version of the wave.

  As Leo and Sarabeth flew through the air, he pressed her head next to his, and their arms wove together as they covered each other. They hit the pavement just as the explosion rocked the ground beneath them.

  He didn’t turn to look, but he could hear metal hitting pavement. The earth seemed to sink down beneath them. Smoke filled his nostrils, along with the aroma of melting asphalt. A hot whoosh of air rolled over him and Sarabeth, like an ocean wave of ash. Then the world stopped swaying, and Leo dared to lift his head and peek behind him.

  “Holy shit.” What he saw brought him to his feet. The ship was burning, like a massive, self-contained bonfire. It lit the sky orange to the point he could almost believe the sun was out and had fallen to Earth. Sarabeth pulled up next to him, emitting a gasp.

  Next to the burning ship was a giant hole where half of the Orland Ridge Mall had been. The food court, the movie theater, the whole water-feature wing had been taken out by the explosion, leaving behind a crater that sank deep into the earth.

  “Guess I won’t be going to work tomorrow,” he said to Sarabeth.

  They turned to face the cast of thousands behind them.

  He barely had time to register any faces when Cameron Lewis came up and folded both him and Sarabeth into a massive bear hug. “You guys fucking did it,” Cameron said as Leo looked over his shoulder and saw his father standing right at the front of the crowd. His dad, who had never shown up for any of Leo’s string-ensemble concerts, who couldn’t even remember Leo’s birthday, was alive and smiling at Leo, like he could actually see him. Leo pulled away from Cameron with a nod of respect and made the last few steps to his dad.

  “Dad, I’m glad you’re okay,” Leo said to his father, noticing the little lines that mapped his face.

  “Me too, son,” Ed Starnick said, offering his hand. They shook, like strangers. But maybe they
wouldn’t be for much longer.

  Across from him, Sarabeth pulled out of the hug with Cameron and, still holding her brother’s hand, rushed up to a tall woman Leo assumed was their mom. And who looked an awful lot like the woman in Abe’s picture. Interesting.

  “Mom!” With tears in her eyes, Sarabeth leaned into her mom, who grabbed Sarabeth tightly and stroked her hair protectively.

  “You helped do this? Blow up the ship?” Ms. Lewis was now holding Sarabeth at arm’s length and rubbing smudges of dirt off her daughter’s face. Ms. Lewis’s brow was furrowed like a question mark above her eyes.

  “Yeah. I mean, yes,” Sarabeth said, and then she took Leo’s hand and squeezed it. “With Leo.”

  Ms. Lewis raised an eyebrow as high as it could go. “Interesting,” she said, directing a slightly intimidating gaze at Leo. He smiled to himself. If Ms. Lewis disapproved of him and Sarabeth, he wondered what kind of leverage the picture of her and Abe, a man who’d lived in a trailer by IHOP, would get him.

  “And with Teena and Evan,” Sarabeth added, peering around. “Where are they?”

  “I don’t know,” piped up a woman who was clearly Evan’s mother. Her hair was the same sandy-blond color, and she had the same wide blue eyes.

  “Probably taking all the glory for himself somewhere,” said a man Leo recognized as Godly Jim, Evan’s stepfather. Leo watched his crazy Bible-banging show late at night when he was stoned. He always thought the guy was acting, but maybe he was just a lunatic.

  Sarabeth’s face went pale in the late-afternoon glare as she urgently said to Leo, “What if they didn’t make it?”

  “He went back for Teena, I think,” Cameron said, popping in next to them. He looked over his shoulder at Evan’s mom, who was scanning the crowd nervously. “He got everyone out here, but he said there was one more thing he had to do.”

  Oh, no.

  Leo clutched Sarabeth’s hand tightly. “We have to go back.” He remembered how easily he’d left Teena behind to go find Sarabeth. What if he had gotten both her and Evan killed?