A Rocker and a Hard Place

by Keane, Hunter J.

  “I can’t see a future for us, Ty,” I admitted. “You have this whole other life and T.J. and I aren’t part of it. I don’t even want to be part of it. But I don’t see how we can have a future together if half the time you are in California getting in fights, or traveling around the world on tour.”

  “We’ll make it work, Em. I know right now it can seem intimidating, but we’ll find a way to make it work. I’ll sell the place in California and schedule tours in the summer so you and T.J. can come with me. Or I’ll quit performing.”

  “I’m not asking you to do that-”

  Tyler grabbed my hand. “I’m not saying these things because I think you’re giving me an ultimatum. I’m saying them because I want to do whatever I can to make this work.”

  “What if it’s not enough?”

  Tyler was back in my life now and I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to lose him again.

  “I can’t promise you that it will be enough. But I can promise you that I’m going to do everything I can and I’m not going to leave again when it gets hard. I’m all yours. I always have been.” Tyler sighed and stood. “Take some time to think about it. You know where to find me.”

  I stayed at the table long after he had gone, his words echoing in my head. I wanted badly to believe them, to trust Tyler. But I wasn’t sure I was ready yet.

  I didn’t have a lot of time to think it over the next day because I had to rush to the store when Charles called about the power going out. Tyler agreed to take T.J. for the day, a novelty I still hadn’t quite gotten used to having in my life.

  By the time I managed to get an electrician out to the store and get everything back up and running, it was almost dinnertime. I called Tyler when I got home and he agreed to send T.J. home right after they finished a game of catch.

  Someone knocked on the door right after I hung up and I opened it curiously.

  “Surprise.”

  “Connor?”

  A month earlier, we had been dating. It felt like years had passed since then. So much had happened that my troubles with Connor seemed insignificant.

  “What are you doing here, Connor?”

  He laughed uncertainly. “We were just taking some time apart, Emma. Did you really think you wouldn’t hear from me again?”

  I hadn’t actually thought about Connor at all in the last few weeks and that made me feel terrible.

  “I’m sorry, you just surprised me.”

  “I can see that.” He gestured past me. “Can I come inside? I think we need to talk.”

  I stepped aside to let him in.

  “Is the kid around?” He looked around the living room as if he expect to find T.J. crouched behind a houseplant.

  “He’s out.”

  Connor nodded absently. “Look, Emma, we can continue to make small talk, but I’m not sure I have the patience for it. Would it be alright with you if I just get to the point?”

  “Please.”

  “I was wrong to take off like I did. I thought that it was a good idea to give you some time to think about things, but that was stupid. I shouldn’t have left; I should’ve stayed and fought.”

  I started to interrupt, to prevent him from saying something else that would make me feel even more guilty. “Connor- ”

  “Let me finish. Please.” He held up a hand to stop my protest. “I just need you to hear me out.”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you, Emma. I know that you have a lot of distractions in your life right now, but I don’t care about that. Just give me a chance.”

  Again, I tried to interject but he kept going.

  “I should’ve done this a long time ago.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. “Marry me, Emma. Spend your life with me.”

  My jaw dropped. A month ago, I might’ve said yes to Connor. He really was a decent man, and even though he wasn’t the love of my life, I had loved him. But that was before Tyler returned to my life. I opened my mouth to turn him down as painlessly as possible but he didn’t give me a chance. He pulled me close, kissing me hard on the lips.

  I pushed him away, but the damage was done. The front door slammed shut and I hurried to the window just in time to see T.J. running down the street.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Tyler

  T.J. had been gone for less than five minutes before he returned, face flushed and sweaty.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded, instantly flying into protective mode.

  “Mom,” he panted. “She’s going to marry Connor.”

  “Slow down.” I guided him over to a chair and sat down across from him. “Start at the beginning.”

  T.J. took a deep breath and started again. “I walked into the house and Connor was there. He asked Mom to marry him and then they kissed.”

  I shuddered. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What did she say when you asked her about it?” I tried to ignore the knot forming in my stomach.

  T.J. shrugged “I didn’t stay. As soon as I saw what was happening, I ran here.”

  “So your mom doesn’t know where you are right now?” I reached for my cell phone.

  “Don’t call her!” T.J. grabbed my arm and looked at me with pleading eyes. “If you tell her I’m here, she’ll come get me. I don’t want to go home right now.”

  “T.J., we have to call her. I’m sure she’s worried sick about you. And you should give her a chance to explain what you saw. It might not be what you think.” I hoped for my own sake that was true.

  “No!” T.J.’s eyes welled up with tears. “Why are you taking her side?”

  “I’m not taking anyone’s side, T.J.” I started to dial the phone. “We’re your parents and we can’t keep things from each other when it comes to you.”

  T.J. jumped to his feet. “You haven’t even been around for the last ten years. I hate you!”

  He ran from the house, his little legs pumping hard as he took off, heading in the opposite direction from his house. I took off after him, but was stopped at the street by Emma.

  “Tyler!” she called, running down the street. “Is T.J. with you?”

  “Not anymore. He was here for a few minutes, but he was upset and when I told him I was going to call you, he took off.” I pointed in the direction he had taken. “I was just about to go after him.”

  “I’m coming with you,” she said.

  A crash of thunder made us both look to the sky.

  “Are you sure? It looks like it might start raining at any time. Maybe you should wait at the house in case T.J. circles back?”

  “I said, I’m coming with you.” She started marching down the street and I hurried to catch up to her.

  “Why was he so upset?” I asked, walking alongside her.

  She kept her eyes straight ahead. “I don’t know.”

  “Really?” I asked skeptically. “Because he told me that he caught you and Connor making out after he proposed to you.”

  Her steps faltered. “That’s not exactly what happened.”

  “Which part isn’t true?” I kept my head swiveling, looking for any glimpse of T.J.

  “Connor did propose to me,” she admitted. “And he also did kiss me.”

  “So it’s pretty much exactly what T.J. saw then?” I had been hoping it would be a completely different story, but that wasn’t the case.

  Emma picked up her pace. “We can talk about this later, Ty. I just want to find T.J. before the storm comes in.”

  “Fine. Where should we look? Does he have a favorite place? A park maybe?”

  “We should try Aunt Karen’s house. She’s out of town, but he might’ve forgotten that.” Emma took a left at the intersection.

  But when we got to Karen’s place, T.J. was nowhere to be found. The first of the raindrops started falling, splattering the ground. Emma pounded her fist in frustration against the front door.

  “Where else would he go?” I asked, determined not to sound as pani
cked as I felt.

  “I don’t know.” Emma looked around helplessly. “He could be anywhere. He’s lived in this town his whole life and he feels comfortable here.”

  “Should we split up?”

  Another rumble of thunder followed by a crackle of lightening. The sky had turned an eerie shade of green.

  “Maybe we should check your house again. If T.J. saw the storm coming, he probably went home.” It was a longshot and we both knew it, but we headed in that direction anyway.

  A sharp wind kicked up, pounding at our backs as we hurried down the street. It was raining even harder now and we were both completely drenched. When we were still a few houses away, a siren sounded loudly over the storm.

  “It’s the tornado siren,” Emma explained, looking crazed. “We have to find T.J.”

  “Let’s check the house and if he’s not there, I’ll go back out.” I tried to ignore the fact that the wind was now whipping around us.

  Emma’s face was wet, partly from the rain and partly from worried tears. I put my arm around her and she leaned against me as the wind continued its assault.

  “Mom!”

  We both jumped, whipping our heads around until we spotted T.J. halfway down the street, running through puddles as he hurried toward us.

  “T.J.!” Emma started toward him and suddenly time seemed to both stand still and rush by at the same time.

  Lightening sliced through the air, striking a nearby tree. It split in half in a sickening crack and started to tumble down, heading directly for T.J.

  Emma screamed and hurried faster. I darted after her, catching up to her just as a giant tree branch hurtled down. T.J. looked up, horrified, then threw his hands over his head. I managed to grab Emma and throw her to the ground, covering her for protection.

  Leaves and branches crashed down around us and Emma trembled uncontrollably beneath me. “T.J.,” she said over and over until I pushed our way out of the debris.

  Immediately we began to search for him in the wreckage around us. The pouring rain blurred our vision and made everything slippery. I reached the spot where I thought T.J. had been and started digging. Emma stood next to me, seemingly frozen.

  “Tyler,” she said, her voice haunting.

  “He’s going to be fine, Emma. He should be right under here…”

  “Tyler.”

  I glanced up, holding a hand over my eyes to deflect the rain. Emma was staring a few feet to our left and I followed her gaze, spotting a bright shoelace through the debris.

  “Shit,” I said, lunging to the spot.

  I tossed away limbs and other debris, at last spotting T.J.’s face.

  “T.J.,” I yelled, sure that he would open his eyes the minute he heard my voice. I was wrong.

  I swept away more rubble until I could properly assess his injuries. One leg was bent at an alarming angle and his forehead was bleeding.

  “Call an ambulance, Emma,” I said, ripping away the bottom of my shirt to use as a bandage. When I looked at Emma to see if she was following instructions, I found that she hadn’t moved an inch.

  “Emma!” I tried again.

  “He isn’t moving.” She mumbled the words like her tongue had gone numb. “Why isn’t he moving, Ty?”

  I grabbed for my own phone and punched in 911. “He just got the wind knocked out of him. He’ll be fine.”

  But as I gave the operator our location and explained the situation, a horrible feeling of dread descended over me. T.J. hadn’t moved even a fingertip, and his breathing was incredibly shallow. I held a hand over his forehead, willing the bleeding to stop, and did something I hadn’t done in over twenty years- I prayed.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Emma

  I remembered the day that T.J. was born. It was the day of the worst snowstorm that had ever hit the area. The power had gone out all over, but the hospital had backup generators that helped bring him into the world.

  That was the only time I had actually enjoyed a hospital visit, and that was only because of the tiny wonder I got to hold in my arms on the way out the door.

  Tyler hadn’t been with me that day. He hadn’t seen his son enter the world, hadn’t witnessed his first breaths. As we waited for news on whether T.J. would be okay, a thought ran through my head that it seemed cruel that he had missed those firsts, but could likely be here to witness him leaving the world, taking his last breath.

  It was a morbid thought, but I had seen the concern in the doctor’s eyes as they hurried him into the operating room. Broken ribs, collapsed lung, crushed leg and a concussion. Add the blood loss to the list and it didn’t take a statistician to realize the odds weren’t in T.J.’s favor.

  “He’s going to be okay. He’s a tough kid.”

  It was at least the tenth time Tyler had said those exact words. Just like all the other times, I didn’t reply.

  “Do you want me to call anyone? Connor?”

  This was what finally got a reaction from me. “What?”

  “Do you want me to call him?” Tyler’s face was impossible to read.

  “No. Of course not.” I went back to staring blankly at the wall across from us. “Connor is out of my life for good.”

  Tyler stayed quiet despite the open question in front of us.

  “When I realized that T.J. had overheard our conversation, I started to go after him. Connor said I should let him go, that his father would handle it. I could tell he was taking a jab at you and then I remembered that he has a sister that is the chief editor of some celebrity magazine.”

  Tyler groaned, anticipating the rest of my story.

  “I confronted him, and he admitted that he told her about you and T.J. I don’t think he did it on purpose, but regardless it was him.” I had realized that even if he hadn’t meant for the story to get out, I didn’t trust him. There was no question that I couldn’t keep him in my life if I didn’t trust him. “I gave him back the ring and told him to get lost.”

  “T.J. assumed the worst. He wasn’t very happy about the idea of you marrying Connor.” Tyler fidgeted with the hem of his torn shirt. “I wasn’t very happy about it either.”

  “Well that makes three of us.”

  Tyler leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and said, “The last thing he said to me was I hate you.”

  “He what?” That didn’t sound like T.J. at all.

  “He didn’t want you to know he was at my house and he got mad when I started to call.” Tyler’s head dropped into his hands. “What if those are the last words he ever says to me?”

  It turned out that I wasn’t the only dealing with morbid thoughts.

  “He didn’t mean it.” I put my hand on his back and rubbed a slow circle. “T.J. adores you. He’ll tell you so himself when he wakes up.”

  It turned out that I could be strong for him even if I couldn’t be strong for myself.

  “When I found him like that, unconscious and bleeding, it was the worse feeling in the world. I actually started praying.” He chuckled softy. “I wasn’t sure what I was doing so I may not have done it right.”

  “You prayed for T.J. to be okay?” I had prayed for that myself.

  “Actually, I prayed for God to take me instead.” Tyler finally looked at me. “I can’t imagine living in this world without him.”

  “You can’t think like that.”

  “I know. He’s going to be okay.”

  “No, I mean you can’t think like that because I need you to be strong for me,” I said, my throat tightening. “It’s bad enough that I think those things in my head, I don’t need to hear you say them, too.”

  Tyler studied my face. “Okay, Emma. I’ll be strong for you.”

  “Okay.” I reached out my hand and he took it between his, raising it to his face. He kissed each knuckle, then threaded his fingers between mine.

  “T.J. is going to be just fine,” he said, eyes locked onto mine. “He’ll recover and we’ll take him home. Our life together as a family is going to b
e perfect.”

  He was forcing himself to believe the lie, but I didn’t mind. The truth was bitter, and the lie was so much sweeter.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Tyler

  The surgery went as good as possible, which wasn’t saying much. The doctor was cautiously optimistic, but it would be days before we would know if T.J. would recover completely. When the nurse escorted us to his bedside, my heart thudded at the sight of him. He was tiny in such a big hospital bed, surrounded by machines and covered in bandages. Emma’s hand went limp inside mine.

  “He looks so fragile,” Emma whispered.

  She crept closer to the bed and gently took his hand. As hard as it was to look at him so broken, it was even harder to look at Emma. It was like I could literally see her heart break as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

  Neither of us could stand the thought of leaving him alone in the hospital even though the doctor said he wouldn’t wake for days. We took turns standing watch. One of us would sit by his side and hold his hand while the other dozed restlessly on a worn couch.

  Three days after the storm, T.J. opened his eyes for the first time. It was a good sign, the doctor said. He wasn’t out of the woods yet, but he seemed to be taking a turn for the better. With the good news came some bad news.

  T.J.’s leg had been badly shattered and it was going to require numerous surgeries to get it functioning again. Even then, the doctor couldn’t guarantee that he would walk normally. It would take close to two years before he would be done with all the surgeries and physical therapy, and he would probably spend at least a year in a wheelchair.

  Aunt Karen came by for a visit and was horrified by our appearance. We hadn’t left the hospital in days and it definitely showed. She forced us out the door, promising to sit with T.J. through the night. It was important for us to take care of ourselves, she said wisely. I had to admit that a hot shower sounded like heaven.

  I drove Emma home, already obsessed with the idea of placing my head on a soft pillow. She ruined my plans when she asked me inside, but I couldn’t have been happier about it. I wasn’t ready to leave her yet either.