Torn

by Cat Clarke

  Here’s what happened, according to Tara … She volunteered to help him put the kayaks away that morning. They talked about all sorts of things (they had loads in common, apparently). He talked about his ex-girlfriend and their messy break-up. He talked about free climbing (whatever that is, but Tara seemed to know). He asked her lots of questions, including ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ She said no. Then, just as they were about to head back up to camp, he came up behind her and said, ‘You seem a lot older than sixteen.’ Urgh! And then she’d turned around and he was standing so close and he just kissed her. Just like that!

  ‘Was he a good kisser?’ ‘Did anything else happen?’ ‘Ohmygod!’ Reactions from Danni, Sam and Gemma respectively. Tara’s responses were: ‘He was amazing.’ ‘That would be telling.’ And ‘I know!’

  She looked as smug as I’ve ever seen her, basking in the glow of their admiration. It was sickening. She whispered something in Danni’s ear, and Danni hit her lightly on the shoulder. ‘You filthy girl! You’re so lucky!’ Gemma and Sam clamoured to find out what had been whispered, so Danni whispered it to both of them. ‘Tara! OMG!’ They all fell about laughing. Once they’d recovered their composure, Danni caught me staring at them in disbelief.

  ‘Can I help you?’

  I blushed and said nothing.

  ‘Awww, Tara! Look what you’ve done! You’re embarrassing poor Alice here.’

  Sam joined in. ‘Yeah, Tara. Not in front of the children!’

  Danni was gleeful. ‘It’s OK. I’ll explain: When a mummy and a daddy – or a girl and a really hot Scottish guy – love each other very much, or just fancy the pants off each other, they have a special cuddle.’ Now they were hysterical with laughter.

  Bitches. Hideous bitches. Every single one of them. Why couldn’t I stand up for myself? How did they manage to make me feel so small and pathetic? Why did I let them?

  Cass spoke up. ‘Shut up, Danni. You’re so fucking boring.’

  Tara stood up and stretched, revealing her perfectly toned stomach. ‘C’mon, ladies. Let’s go for a walk before dinner.’ They all jumped up and trotted out of the room after her. They were very well trained.

  Rae took out her headphones and we told her all about Tara and Duncan. She was sceptical, big time. After much discussion and analysis, we were divided. Cass and Polly thought Tara was telling the truth, and Rae and I were almost certain she was lying.

  Tuesday was hiking and archery. Archery was OK, but I was crap at it. Cass was a natural – like Robin bloody Hood or something. When no one was looking, she pointed her bow at Tara and mimed shooting her. Tara was having trouble holding the bow properly, or at least she was pretending to. Duncan had to stand right behind her, practically enveloping her with his body. I watched them closely. Maybe something is going on between them after all. Look at the way he’s got his hands on her waist to steady her. Inappropriate?! I wonder what I’d do if he touched me like that …

  Danni, Gemma and Sam seemed to have bought into Tara’s story all right. They were watching with barely disguised envy. Miss Daley didn’t seem to have noticed anything was up though – she was laughing and joking with Mr Miles. Maybe teachers have holiday romances too? Urgh. Miles is OLD. And he has a moustache, for crying out loud. Surely Daley wouldn’t go there. Suddenly I was obsessed: watching Tara and Duncan, Miles and Daley, even checking to see what Beardy Paul was up to (helping Polly, as it turned out). I was reading too much into everything and it was all making me feel strange and lonely somehow.

  I sat at a different table at dinner. Not quite sure why. Cass raised her eyebrows at me inquisitively as I walked right past my usual spot. I shrugged. I went and sat next to Saira, who was sort of the new girl. I say ‘sort of’ – she’d been at Bransford Academy for over a year. And that meant she was still a bit of an outsider. It took a long time to be accepted at Bransford. And some of us never would be – not really.

  Chatting to Saira made me feel more like me again, after the afternoon’s weirdness. I’d had enough of speculating about who was trying to get into whose pants. Or who had already been in whose pants. Saira and I talked about books we’d read, and which TV programmes we were missing – nice, normal things.

  Dinner was also a blessed escape from The Pointless Plan to Get Back at Tara. It was all Cass wanted to talk about. She’d been on and on about it all day, filling me in on the details whenever we had a moment alone. And when she hadn’t been pestering me about it, I’d seen her bugging Rae. Polly obviously already knew the ins and outs. We were going to do it tomorrow night – Wednesday. Anxiety bubbled up inside me every time I thought about it. So I tried really hard not to.

  13

  There was a film to watch after dinner – some crap horror movie where everyone ran around in the woods, screaming for no reason. Well, there was a mad psycho killer on the rampage, but the screaming wasn’t doing anyone any good.

  I had no idea why people would actively choose to watch something like that. Real life is scary enough, surely. Bad things happen all the time. Cass was loving it: she whooped like a crazy person every time another hapless girl got killed. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it too, but I had a headache. I told Cass I was off to get some painkillers. She nodded distractedly, already salivating over the next gruesome murder that was about to happen on-screen. How is it possible for one person to love cheesy old Hugh Grant films AND gorefests like this? Surely the two should be mutually exclusive?

  I ran to the cabin. The woods looked different, threatening. Anyone could be out there watching you, and you’d never know. Not until it was too late. See? Horror films mess with your head. Yesterday you’d have thought the woods were darkly romantic or something. But today …

  I slammed the door shut behind me and flicked on the light switch. Made it, safe and sound. I laughed at myself for being such a loser. And then a voice behind me scared me half to death.

  ‘Leave me alone.’ There was a person-shaped lump under the covers on Tara’s bed.

  ‘Tara? Is that you?’

  ‘Who the fuck did you think it was, the Gruffalo?’ Her voice was muffled by the blankets.

  ‘I thought you were watching the film with the others.’

  She said nothing, and I went over to my bed and started rummaging for ibuprofen. I swallowed the pills dry, wincing. I had my hand on the door handle, ready to head back to murder and mayhem, when I said, ‘Tara … are you OK?’ Who cares?

  ‘I’m fine.’ And then there was a too-long pause. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Are you sure? Do you want me to get Danni or someone?’

  ‘No. I just want to be left alone.’

  ‘Is it something to do with Duncan?’ I have no idea why I said that.

  ‘Look, Alice, could you just piss off and leave me alone … please?’

  She didn’t emerge from under the covers. So I did as she asked. It was only later that it struck me that the person-shaped lump under the covers might have in fact been a two-person-shaped lump. But I couldn’t be sure.

  Another sleepless night. My head was full of Tara and Duncan and The Plan. I tried to think about mundane things like whether Dad’s big presentation at work had gone OK, and if he’d take me to our favourite Indian restaurant when I got back, and was Bruno missing me as much as I was missing him?

  I managed to trick my mind for approximately thirty seconds at a time before the worries came crashing back. I don’t know why the idea of Tara and Duncan bothered me so much. It was really none of my business if they wanted to shag each other senseless. And they very probably weren’t, anyway. Maybe I was just jealous.

  The Plan was another matter. I didn’t want to go through with it, but I knew I would. I’m not going to pretend I had some kind of premonition or something, but I definitely had a bad feeling. In my mind it was a terrible idea, no matter how much Cass tried to convince me otherwise.

  The next day arrived way too soon. Jess interrupted our breakfast to tell us that we were supposed to have be
en going on a gorge-walk (what even is that?), but because it had rained so much overnight it would be too dangerous. Paul had organized a nature trail for us instead. There were a few groans and mutters around the tables. Everyone thought a nature trail sounded really lame. I wasn’t bothered. Sounds a lot safer than gorge-walking, that’s for sure.

  We were divided into groups of six, roughly along the lines of our cabin groups. Unfortunately for us, we got the addition of Danni the Delightful. Miss Daley would be leading our group, which wasn’t so bad. At least it wasn’t Duncan. I wouldn’t have to worry about him and Tara ripping each other’s clothes off in the middle of some sunshine-dappled glade.

  The sun was shining for once, so the walk was actually kind of nice. I stayed at the front with Daley. She was surprisingly knowledgeable, but I guess she’d been swotting up for the occasion. It was more interesting than I’d expected – I even managed to forget about what we’d got in store for Tara that night. For a little while, at least.

  Tara and Danni hung back, not the slightest bit interested in anything Daley had to say. We had to keep stopping so they could catch up. It was annoying, but Daley let them get away with it. Maybe she was starting to realize that you really didn’t want to make an enemy out of someone like Tara.

  Towards the end of the trail we came across an old tumbledown cottage in the darkest part of the woods. The sunshine barely managed to make it through the treetops. It was properly creepy, like something out of last night’s film. The empty windows looked like the eye sockets of something long dead. No one else seemed to think it was creepy. They all set about exploring while Daley sat down on a tree stump and munched on an apple. I stood watching the cottage warily, half expecting to see a ghost appear in one of the windows.

  ‘Alice! Get over here!’ Cass shouted from the other side of the house. I sighed and headed in the direction of her voice. They were gathered round something, but I couldn’t see what it was. It was strange seeing Tara and Danni there too. If you didn’t know better, you might think all of them were friends.

  It turned out to be a well. Nothing more than a low, moss-encrusted wall with a great big hole in the middle. Big deal. I leaned over and peered down into the black. I couldn’t see the bottom and it smelled dank. Cass grabbed my shoulders as if to push me in. I yelped – I couldn’t help it. Tara and Danni laughed, and Cass looked supremely smug. Traitor.

  Meanwhile, Polly had found a grapefruit-sized rock and was holding it above the well. We all fell silent and watched as she dropped it. We didn’t hear it hit the bottom for a good second or two. And when the sound came, it wasn’t a splash like I’d expected. It just sounded like a rock hitting more rock. Cass reckoned that whoever had lived in the tumbledown house had left when the well dried up. Cass has a theory for almost everything. And she has a way of sounding ultra-convincing, even when she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

  It only took us about ten minutes to get back to camp from the Creepy House in the Woods. Who in their right mind would choose to live all the way out here on their own? I mean, I like my privacy, but that kind of isolation is just plain odd. Thinking about it made me feel cold and strange in a way I can’t quite explain.

  14

  Midnight. A suitably sinister time to be putting The Plan into action. As discussed, we’d all come back to the cabin early and changed into plain black clothes. The black seemed a bit unnecessary to me, but Cass insisted. Rae had to lend me a pair of black jeans (I couldn’t do up the top button). Cass had gone over everything again and again, making sure each of us knew what we had to do. Essentially, Rae and I were going to be there as an extra couple of pairs of hands. Our instructions were clear: we were to stay silent the whole time. I was fine with that.

  We were all huddled up in our own beds by the time Tara came back. She switched on the overhead light so we all had to try extra-hard to look like we were asleep. Switching on the light was such a typically inconsiderate Tara thing to do. I was beginning to think this plan might not be such a bad idea after all. That didn’t stop me feeling nervous as hell though.

  I didn’t think I’d be able to fall asleep, but I suppose I must have done. Next thing I knew, Cass was shaking me awake and handing me a balaclava (definitely overdramatic – Tara would know it was us for sure). Reluctantly I pulled it over my head. It smelled of stale smoke and made me gag a little. I grabbed the torch from my bedside drawer and crept over to the door where Rae was waiting with a rope Cass had stashed under her bed earlier. Cass had a rope too. She’d been raiding the storerooms over the past couple of days; God knows how she’d managed it without getting caught.

  Rae and I headed out into the darkness while Cass and Polly stood over Tara’s bed whispering. Sleeping, Tara looked impossibly beautiful. It was hard to believe she could ever be mean or spiteful.

  The night was colder than I’d expected, and we weren’t really dressed for it. Cass had said our jackets would be a dead giveaway if anyone spotted us. I cursed her for thinking of everything as my teeth started to chatter.

  The stars were out in full force and the moon seemed to be making a concerted effort to illuminate us. Almost like it wanted the world to know we were up to no good. Rae led the way along the path away from camp and I hurried after her, tripping over the occasional tree root. She was the first to recognize the tree that Cass had pointed out on the way back from the nature trail. I didn’t think it was particularly distinctive, but Rae seemed sure it was the right one. Cass had said we needed to be far enough away from camp that no one would hear Tara if she screamed, but not so far that we risked getting lost in the dark ourselves. I really hoped there wasn’t going to be any screaming.

  Rae leaned against the tree to wait. I jumped up and down on the spot, trying in vain to get some warmth back into my body.

  ‘You look like some kind of insane ninja keep-fit guru.’ Rae did a little kung-fu move to demonstrate. I laughed, which made me feel a bit more normal in the midst of the craziness.

  A few minutes later I heard them coming along the trail. Polly and Cass were on either side of Tara, their hands gripping her arms. At least I assumed it was Tara – kind of hard to tell with a pillowcase over her head. Tara was barefoot and wearing the skimpiest vest and a tiny pair of shorts. She must be freezing. I hadn’t really thought about the fact that she wouldn’t be dressed. I wondered if it was something Cass had overlooked or if she’d planned it this way. The latter option seemed most likely – she’d thought of everything else.

  Tara’s shoulders were hunched against the cold. Her hands were tied behind her back. Cass and Polly weren’t exactly being gentle with her as she stumbled her way towards us. I can’t believe I agreed to this. I wanted to turn and run back to camp.

  They led Tara to the tree and forced her into a sitting position with her back to the trunk. Polly grabbed the rope from Rae and proceeded to wind the rope around the trunk and Tara. The rope made her vest ride up; Tara’s belly was white and goosebumpy.

  I grabbed Cass by the arm and pulled her away from the others. I yanked off my balaclava. ‘Right, I think that’s enough. We should stop before she freezes to death. She must be scared out of her mind,’ I hissed.

  ‘I know! It’s awesome.’

  I couldn’t see Cass’s face. It felt like I was talking to a stranger. ‘No, it’s not awesome. We should stop now. Let her go.’

  ‘What the fuck?! We’re just getting started. Don’t you go wimping out on me now, Alice. Don’t you dare …’

  I sighed. ‘All right, five more minutes. But then I’m untying her, OK?’

  Cass glared at me before holding up her hands in a gesture of surrender. ‘OK, OK! Five more minutes, I promise.’

  We turned back to the others. Rae was standing a little way away, her arms folded across her chest. Polly was crouched down in front of Tara. There was an awful muffled sound coming from beneath the pillowcase – halfway between a moan and a scream.

  I grabbed Cass again. ‘Did you
gag her?’

  ‘Of course we fucking gagged her! Otherwise she’d have screamed bloody murder and woken up the whole camp! What did you think we were going to do, Alice? Ask her nicely to be quiet?’

  I was out of my depth. This wasn’t at all what I’d expected. Either I just hadn’t thought it through properly, or Cass and Polly had kept things from me on purpose, knowing that I’d never go through with it otherwise. I thought we were going to bring Tara out into the woods, give her a bit of a scare, have a laugh at her expense. I hadn’t thought about gags and pillowcases and just how scared she would be. It was my own fault. I’d just gone along with it all, because it was easier that way. And because a part of me really did want to get Tara back. For everything.

  Cass knelt down in front of Tara, and I moved a little closer so I could hear.

  ‘We’ve been watching you.’ Her voice was gruff. There’s no way I would have recognized it as Cass’s. She sounded mega-pervy. Cass ran her fingers up and down Tara’s arm. Tara squirmed this way and that, trying to escape her touch. ‘Aw, what’s the matter? Don’t you want to play? Hmm? You look like the kind of girl who likes to play. What do you say I untie you and you show us what you can do? My mate Baz here has been aching to get to know you a little better … and he hasn’t had any in a long time, have you, Baz?’ Where is she getting this stuff from? She’s depraved.

  Cass moved her hand to Tara’s leg and traced her fingers up Tara’s thigh. A thought popped into my head and I did my very best to squash it down, hard. But it bubbled up again, spilling over the sides of my brain. Cass is enjoying this, isn’t she?

  A louder, more desperate whimper from Tara as her heels scrabbled against the muddy forest floor. She tried to kick out at Cass, but Cass managed to dodge her. Although I couldn’t see Cass’s face under the balaclava, I knew she was grinning. Her eyes were glittering in the darkness. She high-fived Polly. Rae was standing a few metres away, her back to us. I could hardly blame her.