Wayward Hope

by L D Greenwood

  It took awhile for me to realize he was using his magic to dry my clothes, sending tendrils of power along my skin to bring my temperature back up to normal. I had to open my eyes then, wanting to see what the magic looked like and if I could learn to do it myself. When I tried to turn my head to look at the hand he had on my leg, the world spun again.

  Stay still, Joy hissed. She was fed up with the wild swing of my emotions and I couldn’t really blame her. Close your damn eyes and just stay still until he’s done.

  Heavy with exhaustion and emotional whiplash, I forced myself to close my eyes and relax. I was asleep before I had another thought.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I woke up slowly and tried to hide from awareness by snuggling into the warmth beside me. A sliver of light managed to tickle my eyelids, and I buried my face into the soft fabric of my pillow. I took a deep, contented breath, confused by the smell of leather and sage.

  I opened my eyes, wondering why my pillow smelled like Chester instead of my fabric softener. The sunset streaming into the room from the wide window tinted Chester’s cream colored sheets and his tanned skin with a golden glow. He was fast asleep next to me. My head had been resting on his arm, and when I’d woken, I’d rolled into his chest. I was wrapped in his blanket while he was on top of the covers, probably thinking of my modesty like the gentleman he was.

  I started to roll away, but his grip tightened and he moved in his sleep, one heavy arm falling over my side. I froze, my eyes resting on his slightly glowing cairn against his throat. I shifted my gaze upwards, drinking in the strong features of his face and the slight bump in the middle of his nose. He looked younger asleep, with his mouth open slightly as he breathed deeply.

  Like an idiot, I reached up to run a gentle hand through his hair, feeling the silky strands glide through my fingers. There was a slight hitch in his breathing and then a small grunt in the back of his throat as he came out of sleep. When his eyes opened, they were soft, and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips upon seeing my face.

  And then he flinched, probably realizing I wasn’t his lost wife.

  “Oh, Ellie, I’m sorry,” he said, scrambling away from me. Cold air rushed in where his warm skin had rested against mine. “You were still shivering when I put you to bed. I—I was worried about letting you sleep like that. I didn’t mean to fall asleep there. I’m so sorry.”

  I sat up, turning away so he wouldn’t see the horror on my face. I wanted to cry as the warmth in my chest faded to a cold, empty misery. “It’s fine,” I replied. “Thanks for keeping me warm.”

  I couldn’t turn around, but I heard him stand up.

  “Um, I’m going to make us something to eat. Are you feeling up to food?” he asked, his voice sounding strangled.

  “Sure,” I answered, still refusing to turn around. I listened until he left the room before flopping back down on the bed, rubbing my forehead with my fingers.

  You’re not stupid, Joy whispered, trying to make me feel better. You just like him, that’s all.

  No, it’s stupid to think he would ever care for me. You were there when he talked about his family. You saw the way he held his son. There’s no way he’d look at anyone after that, I grumbled. I knew my feelings were unrequited, but I couldn’t force myself to stop feeling them. Logic failed me when confronted with Chester’s crooked smile, the way his dark eyes lit up when he tackled a problem, or the gentle way he carried the souls I rescued from this world to the Beyond.

  I should focus on the wild soul in that old woman’s attic, or how we ended up in the spirit world by walking into the shade of some trees. I wondered how many people had been trapped there and knew I needed to do something about it as quickly as possible. Still, my treacherous heart reminded me of how warm Chester had been curled up next to me, how soft his hair had been as I ran my fingers through it.

  If you’re not going to make a move, maybe it’s better to unbind him from his duty and ask Rakshina to help you, Joy suggested, and I couldn’t stop the scowl from crossing my face.

  When I had first stumbled into the spirit world, Fate had bound Chester to guard me and keep me safe, no matter the cost. It was the reason he shadowed me everywhere and did all he could to make sure no harm befell me. He had no other choice. The problem was, I didn’t know how to unbind him. In theory, as Fate’s replacement, I should have been able to give him an order, but my powers as a goddess rarely came when I wanted them to, usually when I was desperate.

  I wondered if I should get Rakshina’s opinion. She had known Chester for much longer, but considering the cold way they treated each other, I probably knew him better. Frustrated, I stood up and untangled myself from the blanket.

  My clothes were dry, but filthy. The pink tank top and gray sweats were stained and torn from my adventure in the river. My shoes were gone, and I could see my toe poking out of my left sock. I made sure the door was closed and stripped down, deciding to take a quick shower before I went out for breakfast.

  I’d never been in Chester’s bathroom before, and the spaciousness surprised me. The floor was a black marble that sucked the warmth from the soles of my feet and left me shivering. There was a large shower with two heads that sprang to life at my touch, filling the room with mist almost instantly. Realizing I didn’t have a towel or soap, I went back outside to ask the dresser to produce some.

  When I walked back into the bathroom, I noticed a small red stone near the large mirror. It was just an ordinary rock, but it had been painted a bright red. There was a little smile on it in black paint. It reminded me of a child’s hand, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

  I set it back down and climbed in the shower, resolving to figure out how to break Chester’s bond so he could get back to collecting souls instead of guarding me. I was a fool to think that our relationship would ever be more than what it was. Holding the chain with both hands was only making him uncomfortable—and hurting me as well.

  By the time I was finished, I smelled bacon cooking. I toweled off, planning to ask the closet for some clothes that would fit, and heard muffled voices in the living room. Chester rarely had company, preferring not to interact with the other collectors. He’d had to deal with more of them knocking on his door whenever I stayed with him. It just added another layer of motivation to free him from his obligation.

  I dressed quickly, asking for a simple pair of jeans and a quarter-sleeve shirt. My shoes were gone, so I asked for some sneakers and socks. I was finishing up when there was a knock at the door.

  “It’s open,”I called, realizing I hadn’t bothered to lock it.

  Chester stuck his head in, annoyance written clearly in the slant of his eyes.

  “Rakshina is here. She’s hysterical and wants to talk to you.”

  Hopping forward with one shoe on, I hurried into the living room.

  Chester had been right about Rakshina’s state. I’d never seen her lose her composure, but when I walked into the living room, I found her curled up on his couch, sobbing into her elbows. Her silky black hair was a tangled mess, dirt scuffed her normally pristine white pants, and her white leather jacket was torn and flecked with blood, revealing wounds that seriously needed to be cleaned and stitched.

  “I tried to call a healer, but she refused,” Chester said, his voice heavy.

  I knew he didn’t like Rakshina, and here she was bleeding and crying all over his new couch. I touched his arm, thanking him without words as I moved to sit beside her. I put a gentle hand on her shoulder, Joy tense in my mind, ready to throw up a shield in case Rakshina attacked us.

  “Hey,” I whispered, trying to get her to look at me. She just continued to sob, her entire body shaking.

  Chester went into the kitchen and started moving around the cupboards. He was loud, and I wanted to scowl at how inconsiderate he was being, but I didn’t want to look away from Rakshina in case she decided to emerge from her slouch. I started to run my fingers through her hair, working out the tangles with m
y fingers as gently as I could.

  She never uncovered her face, but her body slowly relaxed. Chester returned from the kitchen with a steaming mug of mint tea, and I felt guilty for thinking he was being rude. He pulled one of Rakshina’s arms away from her face and dropped the mug in her hand. She flinched a little, sloshing a small amount onto her skin. She looked up at him, her blue eyes lost as she blinked.

  I took the moment to study her face. Her cheeks looked slightly sunken since I’d seen her last, just two days ago. There were bags under her eyes and a nasty gash behind her left ear that ran down the side of her neck. It was still bleeding, and I was relieved that it wasn’t deep enough to slice an artery.

  I got up and grabbed a wash cloth from the cabinet in Chester’s room. He had heated extra water for the tea, so I took that and went back to Rakshina, wiping away the excess blood while she sipped from her mug.

  Tears still streamed down her face, and even though I was right in front of her, she wasn’t really looking at me. Her mind seemed thousands of miles away, seeing things I couldn’t begin to fathom. I asked to lift her arm, turn her head, and she did as I asked without protest. This meekness was out of character, and I was afraid something had broken her completely.

  When the worst of the wounds were cleaned and Chester had bandaged them, we allowed her to lean back into the couch. I stood behind her with a brush and was taming her wild hair when she finally started speaking.

  “My mate found me,” she whispered, her delicate voice breaking and trembling with each word.

  I looked up at Chester, but he shrugged, not sure what she was talking about.

  “Every siekewa, aside from the first, either has a mate or finds one within the first century,” she whispered. “It’s the only thing that keeps us from falling into despair. Taking a soul by trickery leaves a mark, and the only way to combat that mark is with light.”

  I sat down on the coffee table in front of her, leaning forward to look at her face.

  “So the light is love?” I asked.

  “Yes. Love for power is too dark to create light, but love for another soul… that is what keeps us going, gives us a reason to continue. Drekvic promised we would live forever as long as we could stay sane, but we need to steal souls to keep our bodies strong enough.”

  Her lips parted slightly, as though she realized she was saying something that she shouldn’t, and her free hand stroked the bandages hiding the wound on her neck.

  “We’re not supposed to say anything. I guess now that he’s no longer our leader the oaths of secrecy we made no longer apply.” Her shoulders slumped as she spoke, and I realized how delicate she seemed without her confidence to hide behind.

  “Did you know what Drekvic wanted to do? Did you know what the power was for?” I asked, unable to stop my curious nature from taking over.

  “Yes, we all did,” Rakshina whispered distantly as her eyes seemed to glaze over. “One realm is the natural order of things. Some truly believed that and gave up everything to achieve that goal, choosing hatred for their past to create a better future. Some just wanted power. Some were afraid to die. I wasn’t given a choice…” her voice trailed off and she shook her head.

  “We were warriors of darkness, trying to overthrow Fate’s collectors. We were taught they wanted to keep souls in the Beyond so that only they could access that power. By restoring the original reality, we would be saving humanity.”

  She laughed, bitter and disgusted.

  “Imagine finding out that Drekvic didn’t care what happened to humanity as long as his family was back together! He tortured us, destroyed our previous lives, fed us crap about the good we were doing, all to destroy the spirit world and the Beyond.”

  She rubbed her forehead. “That’s not the reason I came here. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

  “You said you found your mate,” Chester said, his voice terse. He stared at Rakshina with an intense expression that disturbed me.

  “He found me,” she corrected, her voice barely a wisp now. “I abandoned him to become a collector.” My eyes grew wide.

  “He attacked you.” I said, reaching out to touch her knee gently.

  She nodded, tears welling in her eyes.

  “I loved him so much, but once I learned the truth… I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep stealing souls, but I’d be too weak to survive without them. When I killed the collector, I saw a way out. I didn’t want to die without atoning for my sins.”

  “So you committed another sin for forgiveness?” Chester snapped. His hands were balled into fists and the energy in the room seemed to crackle around him.

  “I didn’t want to kill the collector,” Rakshina replied, looking up and lowering her brow. A bit of her usual fire returned to her face, giving a slight blush to her pale cheeks. “I tried to talk to him, but he attacked me. I defended myself. It’s why Fate didn’t throw me out when I arrived with the cairn. I was going to give it back.”

  Chester sneered, turning away and storming into the kitchen. He was loud as he started pulling down plates. We still hadn’t eaten, but I wasn’t hungry anymore.

  I turned back to Rakshina, offering a small smile as I squeezed her knee.

  “Did he say anything? Did you have to—have to hurt him?” I asked.

  She angrily swiped at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

  “I ran. I didn’t want to fight him. I—I think he’s gone insane,” she said, choking on the words. “He couldn’t say a full sentence and he was moving so strangely. He…couldn’t go on without me. I destroyed him, too.”

  She forced the cup of now cold tea into my hands and curled her knees back up to her chest, sobbing. Unsure of what to do, I set the cup down and tucked in next to her, putting an arm around her frail form and pulling her into me. I stroked her now soft hair and rocked her slightly as I had done to my mother when Jana died.

  I looked up at Chester and saw him leaning on the counter, his head hanging down as though he was sad, too. I wondered what he was thinking about, but looked away when he stood up straight, not wanting him to know I’d been watching.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Rakshina fell asleep with her head on my shoulder. I wanted to get up, but I didn’t want to disturb her after her ordeal. I thought about the choices she had made, and I couldn’t fault her for them. Chester was furiously washing dishes, scrubbing bacon bits from his frying pan and clanking the utensils against the sink with irritation. Rakshina didn’t flinch, and I risked slipping away, resting her head on the back of the couch.

  I walked over to the stools across the high counter from Chester and sat down. Realizing he was emoting quite strongly, he paused to take a deep breath.

  “She’s putting you in danger,” he whispered, turning off the water and dropping the pan in his dish rack. He turned around and grabbed a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast, setting it down in front of me.

  I leaned forward and grabbed one of the forks he’d just washed from the dish rack and took a bite of the eggs, chewing thoughtfully. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I assumed it was because Rakshina had run from her mate rather than fight or kill him. If the situation was different, and I had to fight Chester, I wouldn’t have been able to hurt him either.

  “You can’t expect her to hurt someone she loves,” I replied, with a shrug, hoping he’d just accept what it was.

  “She loves herself more,” he grumbled, looking at his own plate with disgust before pushing it away and leaning on the counter.

  “There’s nothing wrong with that,” I replied. “She’s not required to be selfless.”

  He met my eyes and I saw his disagreement. “She knows how important you are, and should realize how vulnerable you are. You’re still learning to defend yourself, and she’s leading a mentally unstable siekewa to your doorstep. If she hadn’t just teleported inside, I’d have turned her away.”

  I felt my skin grow warm, my heart beat getting louder in my ears. I stil
l felt the sting of his rejection. To hear him talk about turning away someone I cared about when she clearly needed help was… infuriating. I dropped my fork onto the counter and glared when he looked at me again.

  “You’re forgetting that I’m the new Fate,” I said, trying to keep my voice down despite the heat trying to break through my words. “It’s my duty to make sure the collectors are taken care of. A siekewa attacking my collectors is my problem, and I will treat it as such, regardless of my personal safety.”

  He didn’t look chastised. If anything, I could sense his anger curling around me.

  Joy didn’t like it, and I felt her magic building like a static charge in my fingers.

  “And my job is to keep you safe, regardless of my personal safety,” he replied. “I will always put you first, Ellie, no matter who comes knocking on my door.”

  It hurt to hear him say those words, as though he was being forced into my company. Perhaps he was; he was supposed to be guiding souls, after all. The chance to save his son and the ability to protect others is what drove him to be a collector, and he was a good one.

  Joy’s words came back to me, and I realized this was as good a time as any. With my emotions already riled up, I might be able to make my power work for me.

  “Maybe I should release you from your oath to protect me,” I snarled, forgetting to keep my voice down.

  “Why?” Chester shouted back. “That would be stupid. Who would take care of you?”

  Affronted I slid off the stool and stood as tall as I could. “I fought Drekvic on my own. I didn’t need your help, and if I recall, you got injured!”

  “Only because your idiot friend attacked him with a knife!” His cheeks were turning red, and I couldn’t remember a time he was so angry.

  Despite the ache in my chest, I charged forward. I wasn’t a child, and I could protect myself without his interference.

  “I don’t need you hovering around me. You’re free of your oath to protect me,” I snapped, feeling the power echo in my words.