Wayward Hope

by L D Greenwood

  “I wish it were as simple as someone I wanted to love,” I replied, bitterness tainting every word. “Because of what I became to save Jana… it’s just something I have to do.”

  I glanced over at Rakshina, who was no longer looking through spellbooks, but was standing still with her back to us. I knew she was listening, and I remembered her conversation with Chester in the healer’s room all too clearly. I didn’t know what she would make of my questions, if she would hear the worry in my voice. I was certain she wouldn’t like it, but I was doing this to keep the people I cared about safe, her included.

  Melo sighed, running a hand through her silver curls. She looked worried, but she trusted me and gestured for me to lock the front door. In the time I’d spent with Melo, I’d learned that she didn’t like to do magic when her shop was open, preferring to seclude herself in the back room while practicing.

  “Just keep in mind,” she said as she turned her sign over and locked the front door, “this type of magic is not my specialty. The results could be inconclusive.”

  “If I learn anything at all it will be time well spent,” I replied, following her behind the counter and toward the back room.

  Rakshina stopped me, her blue eyes accusing. “What is this about?” she demanded, keeping her voice low. “You love Chester. Why are you worried about finding your soulmate?’” She made air quotes around the term, grimacing.

  The hollow space in my chest seemed to gap wider, but I ignored the sinking sensation and shook my head at her.

  “My feelings for Chester are irrelevant,” I replied, proud that my voice didn’t waver. “As the goddess of light, my foremost duty is to balance and the rest of the world. To do that, I have to find my soulmate…no matter who it may be.”

  “That’s not right,” Rakshina said, her shoulders slumping.

  It seems wrong to me, too, Joy said, breaking her long silence.

  “It is what is.” I shrugged, pulling away from Rakshina’s grip to join Melo.

  The siekewa followed behind me, her unhappy glare burning into the back of my neck. I knew she was upset, but I couldn’t deal with it. Once again, I’d pushed away everything that wasn’t necessary to my mission. It was what I’d done with my father died, what I’d done when Jana was killed, and apparently, it was what I’d do when my own dreams withered. Rakshina’s ire wasn’t going to break my habit.

  Melo’s back room hadn’t changed much since the first time I’d been there. The wooden floors were old, troughs in the planks from where thousands of footsteps had worn grooves in the wood. There were large shelves lining the walls, filled with spellbooks and dried herbs. The ominous cabinet that had once worried me was unlocked this time, and the dark presence I normally felt there was gone. I wondered what Melo had done with it, whatever it was.

  Melo sat down on her rickety wooden chair and was pulling objects out of a large wicker basket. Rakshina moved again to the bookshelves, studying each spine with almost excruciating details. When she reached out to one, there was a massive spark that made the lights flicker.

  “Don’t touch anything,” Melo snarled, her patience already wearing thin. “Siekewas, always so damn curious.”

  I thought Rakshina would retort, but instead she dropped down in the leather chair I normally sat in. She crossed her arms and legs and leveled her gaze at Melo, expressionless. If I was Melo, I’d have been too nervous to work without mistakes.

  The shape-shifter was above reproach as she steadily pulled item after item from her basket. When she found the large copper bowl at the bottom of the basket, she handed it to me. I took it without hesitation, feeling magic hum through the plain metal. I almost dropped it in surprise, but tightened my grip and cradled it in my arm.

  “There is a waterfall downstairs,” Melo said, distracted by the items she was turning over in her hands. “Fill the bowl halfway from it. Do not use the water in the pool. It has to come directly from the falls.”

  I nodded, heading toward the stairs at the back of the room. An eerie frost passed over me when I reached the turn in the stairs, and I paused, waiting to see if the magic would reject me. Instead, it fell behind me and obscured the upper stairs despite them being barely inches from where I stood.

  When Melo said waterfall, I assumed she had a fountain the basement that looked like a waterfall. The remaining stairs led down into a forest and I stood there for a moment, my mouth hanging open. Melo’s shop seemed to be entirely gone, and I had no idea how she had achieved it. I turned sharply to my right, following the foamy roar that echoed through the trees. I picked my way across twisted roots, green with moss and leaves. The entire experience was so surreal that I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t a dream.

  A great torrent spilled from a natural outcropping of rock, and though loud, it wasn’t extremely large. The pool at the bottom was deep and clear.Small fish darted away from my shadow as I looked into the pool. The water started to glow slightly, bathing a small pocket of the forest with a dreamy azure light. I clenched my teeth to keep my mouth from hanging open again and hurried to the waterfall. The faster I finished, the faster I could deal with my soulmate problem. Besides, the forest was starting to creep me out.

  As I stretched the bowl out to catch water, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Drekvic leaned against a towering tree, a scowl on his face. His pale skin seemed to glow in the dim light, and I felt my breath catch in my throat at how other-worldly he looked. I had to remind myself that Drekvic was pure magic, the son of two gods, and had more power in a finger than I had in my entire being. He moved forward, seeming to float over the scattered leaves of the forest floor.

  I saw the forest through him as he moved, ghost-like. Panic gripped me, and I reached for the chain that Fate had placed on us before remembering that I had asked her to remove it. Was Drekvic a ghost? Joy wailed at the thought.

  “I’m not a ghost,” he said, seeming to sense our horror. “This place is magical, and it called me here,” he explained. His flickering form stopped beside me, becoming more solid the longer I looked at him.

  His hand reached out to touch my face and my traitorous heart leaned into his touch. Drekvic grinned, moving forward to place his forehead against mine. He reached out with his other hand to grab mine, our fingers intertwining.

  “You know what’s happening, don’t you?” he asked, practically singing.

  “No,” I breathed, a chill rippling across my skin.

  “Ellie!” Chester’s heart-achingly familiar voice made me flinch and I turned toward him without thought, already moving. He, like Drekvic, appeared insubstantial until I got close enough. He was next to the pool, his arms open. I walked into them without hesitation.

  Drekvic was right behind me, his hand still locked in mine. Confusion filled me, and I realized that somewhere in the past couple minutes I’d lost Melo’s bowl.

  “Don’t think,” Chester whispered softly as he cradled me in his arms.

  “I don’t understand,” I said, so quietly I could barely hear my own voice.

  “You had a question,” Drekvic replied, his breath tickling my ear. I turned in Chester’s arms to look at him, and he pressed his lips against mine.

  The dual sensation of wanting to recoil and the desire to lean into the kiss was dizzying, and I felt like I might be ripped in two. I fell backwards into Chester, and he pulled me away from Drekvic, frowning. That small gesture was enough to convince me that the men I stood between couldn’t possibly be real.

  “We aren’t really here,” Chester said, his wrapping his arms around my waist as he leaned into my back. He’s not real. He’s not here. This isn’t Chester, I repeated to myself.

  “You had a question,” Drekvic said.

  “What does that mean?” I demanded, crinkling my brow.

  “We can’t give you an answer if you don’t know it yourself,” Chester said.

 
; Frustration built in my chest and I wanted to scream. Drekvic was still holding my hand, but Chester’s arms swallowed me completely. My entire back was warm with the fire of his skin. The hollow piece of my chest sat there, splitting open even further where the weight of it was enough to suffocate me.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I demanded, feeling my legs buckle. Chester and Drekvic both released me as I fell to my hands and knees on the soft moss, gasping painfully for air.

  Chester knelt down next to me, lifting my chin with his fingers. I met his brown eyes, my heart beating erratically. He was close enough that if I wanted to kiss him, all I had to do was lift my chin, but I didn’t. I had let him go! Why was he with me?

  “You know the answer to your question.” His voice was soft, so gentle that a choked sob escaped my lips. I clamped my eyes shut tightly so I wouldn’t cry.

  Drekvic’s hand pulled on my arm, turning me away from Chester. I looked up at him as he dragged me to my feet.

  “If we’re here, you have your answer.” He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me deeply, his magic running all the way to my toes.

  Stop it! Joy shouted, her jealousy flooding into me at the same moment I pushed Drekvic away with all the strength I had. It threw me off balance, and I fell into Chester again.

  His heartbeat was steady, and as he wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me away from Drekvic, the weight of my grief broke through my resolve. I loved Chester so much, even being held by a strange ghost of him made me feel at home. Fate’s words tumbled around in my mind, and I started to cry. I turned to him and buried my face in his chest.

  “I can’t choose you!” I shouted, hitting his chest with my fist.

  He caught my hand before I could hit him again and pulled me closer, lighting me high enough that my toes barely brushed the mossy ground of Melo’s forest.

  “It’s okay, Ellie. I’m not going anywhere. Remember my promise?” he said, kissing my hand. His lips sent rivulets of fire along my skin and I shivered uncontrollably.

  I met his brown eyes, blinking through the tears. His smiled showed teeth, and his eye lids seemed heavy as he looked down at me.

  “I will never leave you. I will stay by your side. Forever.”

  “I love you,” I whispered, hating myself, “I love you, but I can’t choose you. You’re…you’re not my Hope.”

  He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something more, but the world spun strangely, and I felt myself pulled backwards as someone roughly shook my shoulders.

  My eyes flew open and I sat up abruptly, head-butting Rakshina in the process. I spun to look her, my heart beating wildly as she rubbed her forehead.

  I was lying in the middle of Melo’s basement, her red rug smooth against my bare hand as I tried to sit up properly, reeling from the collision with Rakshina. The copper bowl was by my feet, but the rest of the forest was gone, and I looked around at the large worktable tucked in a corner and the rows of shelves lining the walls that weren’t here moments ago. There was a small fountain sitting atop a short bookshelf that looked like a waterfall. Melo stood near it with her back to me.

  “Are you okay?” Rakshina asked, reaching out to grip my shoulder.

  “No,” I croaked painfully, my throat raw and dry. I started coughing, covering my mouth with my elbow.

  “Here,” Melo said, holding out a glass of water. I downed it in one long gulp.

  “What happened?” I demanded, wobbling as I tried to pull my legs underneath me.

  “Did you find your soulmate?” Melo asked, gesturing to the bowl.

  “You did the spell?” I furrowed my brow, confused.

  “It’s in the bowl,” she replied, kneeling next to me and tilting my head back so she could look at my eyes in the overhead light. “Your pupils are really dilated. You should sit for a bit,” Melo suggested, dropping down to sit with me.

  “How does it work?” I remembered holding Chester, but Drekvic had been there too, and I’d wanted both of them.

  “The finding magic is in the bowl itself,” Melo explained. She picked it up and showed me the small braid engraved along the brim. I’d assumed it was decorative, but it reminded me a lot of the magical chains that linked me to Chester and Drekvic. “I activated the magic when I handed it to you, but it only works if you are alone and uninterrupted so it can take over your mind and show you the vision.”

  “That’s why you wouldn’t let me check on her sooner?” Rakshina demanded, frowning. I wondered how Melo had managed to stop Rakshina from doing anything, but her wards were powerful, and it wasn’t a stretch to believe she could hold her own against Rakshina.

  “Yes. The spell needed time to cement itself. What did you see?”

  I sat quietly in thought for a few moments, relieved that the real Chester hadn’t heard my words in that forest.

  Joy? I asked, wondering why she was being so quiet.

  I don’t want you to kiss Drekvic anymore, she said, guild staining her words. I don’t like it.

  I hid my face in my hands, rubbing my forehead to keep from laughing out loud.

  He asked about me though, she insisted. How do you know he loves you?

  “Why would two people show up if I’m only looking for one?” I finally asked.

  Melo’s eyes opened in surprise, furrowing her brow as she rubbed her chin in thought.

  “You must have two soul mates then,” she suggested.

  Maybe Fate was wrong about Chester being the new Hope, Joy suggested, trying to sound encouraging.

  I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine Fate making a mistake like that. More and more, it felt like Drekvic was the one, but the thought of having to be with him was uncomfortable. Joy hissed like a cat left out in the rain.

  “Or it just didn’t work. Your mind may have been distracted by these two people instead,” Melo said after another long moment of thought.

  “That seems more likely,” I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck. The room had stopped spinning, so I decided to stand up. Rakshina hovered, ready to steady me, but I didn’t need her help. Her face was impassive, and I wondered what she was thinking, and when she would yell at me.

  “I’m sorry, Ellie. It’s not common magic, and if it was anyone but you, I wouldn’t even have shown you,” Melo said, rotating the bowl in her hands to check the magic. When she glanced back up at me, her eyes narrowed. “The spell is undamaged. I worry about what it means if magic is not behaving the way it should.”

  I felt a chill at the thought. Magic was used in everything from industry to medicine. If Melo’s spell was correct and hadn’t worked right, more trouble was to come. I thought of the portal in the park and Lakvas’ ability to turn ghosts into terrible shades. Bad things were already happening; it wouldn’t be pretty if they got any worse.

  I needed to speak with Hope, certain he’d be able to help me reset my side of the balance. If I could at least push the darkness far enough away to stabilize things, I could buy enough time to find my soulmate. I felt unsteady and staggered a little as I headed toward the stairs.

  We said our good byes to Melo and I thanked her for her spell. Rakshina followed me like a thundercloud, looking more and more upset the farther we got from Melo’s door. Thankfully, she waited until we were in the car before she said anything.

  “What was that?” she snarled, her voice giving me goosebumps. She sounded inhuman, and it reminded me of the dangerous way Lakvas had looked at me.

  I didn’t want to tell her, but she’d just keep asking or worse, I would lose her trust. Rakshina didn’t like secrets or lies, and given her past with Drekvic, I understood why. So, I told her the entire messy truth, including that I loved Chester and how it was slowly killing me to know that I couldn’t. I finished just as I pulled into my driveway. Neither of us moved when I turned the car off.

  “This doesn’t sit right with me,” Rakshina replied, scowling.

  “It’s not like I have a choice,” I complained, leaning back
in my seat and closing my eyes. Telling the story brought back all the emotions attached to it,but I wasn’t about to start wallowing. “It’s why I went to Melo. I thought she’d be able to help.”

  “Who did you see?”

  “I saw Chester…and Drekvic. But Chester can’t be my Hope. Fate said as much, so I don’t know why I saw him.”

  “Drekvic?” Rakshina asked, her voice curling in disgust.

  “He’s who I saw.” I sighed, rubbing my upper arm absently.

  “Who did you see first?” Rakshina leaned toward me a little, her blue eyes hopeful.

  I thought for a moment, trying to remember. Already the vision was growing hazy, but nothing could weaken the emotions behind it. Part of me had wanted to go to Drekvic, but I didn’t love him. I was drawn to his magic, his personality, but my heart belonged to Chester. Everything—my dreams, my desires, safety and comfort—rested firmly in Chester’s arms. I shook away my thoughts and tried to focus on what had actually happened.

  “I saw Drekvic first,” I said. “He was leaning on a tree and said the spell had pulled him to the forest. He asked me if I understood what was happening, and I said no. Chester called my name and I went to him without thinking. I don’t think the spell worked.”

  “I’m not so sure,” Rakshina said, tapping a manicured thumbnail against her chin.

  “Why not?”

  “If you were seeing people in your immediate thoughts, I don’t think it would have been those two. You’ve been obsessing over Lakvas and with what you’ve told me, Fate and Hope were probably weighing heavy on your mind too. Why would Melo’s spell show you those two specific people?”

  “Because I was connected to both of them at one time or another? I don’t know.” I rolled my shoulders, feeling the stiffness leave them slowly. “I’m going to talk to Hope. If he can help me balance the realities, I can buy myself more time to find my real soulmate.”