Broken Leaves of Autumn

by Eli Hai

  “I promise,” he said, without thinking too deeply about his answer. Then, he turned around and hastily left the room, before Rivkel could see him shed tears as he left behind his weeping sister.

  “Don’t cry, child. Everything will be fine,” Rochelle said soothingly and rushed to embrace her.

  “Well, I think you’ll manage without me. I’ll go and take care of the necessary arrangements for the Aliyah,” said Morris, who felt unneeded.

  “That’s it. Now, I’m okay. Saying good-bye to my brother was a little hard for me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a fuss,” Rivka apologized, drying her tears.

  “Rivka, sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry about. I feel for you and understand what you’re going through. I’ve come across desperate young people whose parents didn’t want them to immigrate to Israel, who ran away from home and came here. You’ll get to meet your brother, and a lot. Nowadays, distances have shortened. It’s just a matter of seven hundred dollars and a ten-hour flight,” Rochelle calmed her.

  “Call me Rivkel, like everyone else does. I feel strange when you call me Rivka,” Rivka noted.

  “Rivkel is a little girl’s name, not a young woman’s. Until now, everyone called you Rivkel because they treated you like a child. Rivka is a lovely name, very mature, and it suits you tremendously. Imagine Yitzhak calling his wife Rivkel,” Rochelle said, and to ease the tension, added in a deep voice, “And now, Rivkel, I want to bless Easue and Jacob. Bring them to me.” When she finished, she burst into laughter.

  “You’re right. I never thought of that,” Rivka also laughed in relief. “Force of habit. Ever since I can remember myself, I’ve been called Rivkel. At home, at school, everywhere.”

  “You must be hungry, Rivka. Am I right? Let’s go to the cafeteria and eat something until Yehudit comes.”

  “Yehudit? Who’s Yehudit?”

  “The house mother. Remember I told you we have a building close by? Yehudit is in charge. She’ll take care of you this week,” Rochelle explained as they waited for the elevator.

  When they arrived at the cafeteria, Rivka studied the food to find something she could eat. “Do you have a sandwich only with vegetables?” she anxiously questioned the cafeteria worker. Even though she was going to leave her entire life behind her, deeply ingrained habits forced her to fear the food’s kashrut. Who knew what kind of kashrut certification they had here, she thought. Certainly not mehadrin, which was the most stringent.

  “We don’t have only vegetable, my dear,” the cafeteria lady said. “We have vegetables and cheese. Very good,” she offered her wares proudly. Rivka hesitated several seconds before she weakly said, “Yes.” If she had to get used to secular Israeli food, she might as well start here, she decided. When she ate, she tried to distract herself whether the cheese was kosher by thinking of her parents. Did they find the letter? And her mother, how would she handle her leaving? At this very moment, she was probably weeping. And her old father, would he have the strength to cope? She was the apple of his eye, his youngest, born when he was no longer young, his most beloved child.

  “What are you thinking of?” Rochelle interrupted her thoughts.

  “My mother and father. My mother’s name is also Yehudit. When you talked about Yehudit, I remembered my mother. Is Yehudit like a kind of mother?”

  “Yehudit is an amazing woman. She isn’t as old as you must imagine. Barely thirty. I promise you, she’ll get you on your feet. A week with her will help you fix your head. She has experience and wisdom that a lot of people, twice as old as her, don’t have.”

  “And when is she arriving?”

  “About an hour,” Rochelle answered, glancing at her watch.

  An hour later, Yehudit arrived. Rivka was glad to see she was a smiling, vivacious woman. She took Rivka to the agency’s building, a large building in the middle of Manhattan, with many empty apartments. Rivka settled into one of them. Since there were few tenants in the building, Yehudit was free to help Rivka as much as possible.

  Every day at noon, when Rivka returned from the agency’s lessons, Yehudit welcomed her with a warm smile. They’d eat lunch together, and had many heart-to-hearts.

  “I don’t want to be ultra-orthodox anymore. I’m sick and tired of that way of life. I want to broaden my horizons, and study in the university. I want to wear sandals and shorts and go to the beach like other girls. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop believing in God; I just think there’s no contradiction between the two. God created the world for us to enjoy, didn’t he?” Rivka concluded.

  “I agree with you one hundred percent! I’ll tell you something that might astonish you. I left Bnei-Brak for the exact same reason that you’re now leaving New York,” Yehudit surprised her.

  “What, you used to be ultra-orthodox like me?” Rivka asked, amazed.

  “Yes, just like you.”

  “And what happened?”

  “I fell in love.”

  “With whom?”

  “With a secular man, an employee of the Foreign Ministry. After he proposed to me, I left home. My family went ballistic and cut off all contact with me. Someone told me that some of them even mourned me and sat shiva. Two years ago, Ron, my husband, got a job here, at the consulate, and I came here to work at the agency,” she smiled.

  “And children? Do you have any children?”

  “Of course. Two girls and a boy.”

  “And now you have no contact with your family?” Rivka asked apprehensively.

  “Only with my youngest brother, who calls and writes in secret.”

  Thus, the two of them would sit, thirstily drinking in each other’s words. But they did most of their activity in the early afternoon hours. After a short rest at noon, they’d go out to a shopping center. Yehudit was happy to help Rivka achieve her dream to get rid of her conservative clothes and dress like a secular girl.

  “These pants look great on you, Rivka. In a week, if you continue eating like you’re eating now, they’ll sit on you perfectly,” Yehudit said with satisfaction when she studied Rivka wearing the latest jeans in style.

  Rivka hurried to study herself in the mirror and couldn’t take her eyes off herself, as though she were hypnotized. She felt the jeans cling to her legs and thighs, as though part of her body. An indescribable feeling of pleasure surrounded her. She felt that in a minute, she’d reach the seventh heaven. No more dresses that fell from her waist and dragged on the floor, no more thick, long stockings that covered her feet and legs, even in the summer, but tight shirts and pants that would make the most of her curves.

  “Now, let’s match a jacket to the shirt and pants, so you’ll be able to wear it for the flight tomorrow.”

  “This jacket is gorgeous. Try it on,” the saleslady said and handed Rivka a green jacket.

  “Wow!” an exclamation of admiration came out of the mouths of the two women. Rivka rushed back to the mirror to study herself, bursting with happiness.

  “Can I leave these clothes on?” she asked the saleslady shyly.

  “You know what? I have a suggestion. Leave these clothes on and we’ll buy another pair of jeans and a shirt,” Yehudit said without waiting for the saleslady’s answer.

  “No, no we shouldn’t. I’ve already wasted too much money today,” Rivka hesitated.

  “If not another pair of jeans, at least buy a nice bathing suit. It’s very hot in Israel now. The pools and sea are full of bathers. Here, try this on,” Yehudit said, holding a colorful bathing suit.

  “Not a bathing suit. Please! I’m shy,” Rivka replied, and suddenly surprised everyone present when she burst into uncontrollable laughter.

  “Why are you laughing?” Yehudit asked, miffed.

  “Sorry! I’m really sorry. About a year ago, I came into the city with a friend of mine, and she went into the dressing room to try on a dress in one of the stores. I remembered how she looked with a plunging neckline, her entire chest hanging out, and it made me laugh. The bathing suit you’re holding re
minded me of that,” she explained while taking the bathing suit from Yehudit.

  “If you’re shy, try it on in the dressing room and stay inside,” the saleslady suggested.

  “You’re a real beauty. Your legs might be thin and pale, but you have a beautiful body,” Yehudit said in surprise when she peeked into the dressing room and looked at Rivka wearing the bathing suit.

  “How did you want my body to be tan? It’s constantly covered with clothes. It hasn’t seen a ray of the sun even once in my life,” Rivka smiled.

  “Never mind. Israel is so sunny. A few days at the pool or on the beach, and you’ll be as brown as all the other girls.”

  At the end of the evening, after they bought a bag, shoes, underwear, makeup, and a bottle of perfume that Rivka thought was stunning, they returned to the agency building, and Rivka rushed to her room. The next day, she had to get up early and arrive at the airport at dawn. She was better off resting before the long flight. She was sure she’d be too excited to sleep, but no more than several minutes passed and she fell asleep easily, with a smile on her lips.

  In the morning, she got up early and showered. Yehudit came by and combed her golden curls, fixing them into a modern hairdo. Then, she wore her new clothes, and finally, she put on makeup and sprayed some perfume on herself. When she looked at herself, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d gathered some of her hair with a pink rubber band, leaving the rest of her shoulder-length curls loose, which gave her a new and glamorous look. The eyeshadow she’d applied made her eyes stand out, while the foundation and blusher concealed her paleness. She put on fire-engine-red lipstick that made her lips look soft and sensual. Her elegant clothes made her look more mature, no longer a girl, but a woman. Now, even she, who disregarded herself most of the time, held her breath at her reflection. The tremendous change caused her both joy and fear.

  “You’re so beautiful! You’re absolutely stunning, Rivka. Watch out that they don’t kidnap you in Israel,” Yehudit laughed as she looked at Rivka with pleasure. Rivka lowered her head self-consciously, as though she’d done something wrong. Pride and coquetry were frowned upon among Hasidic girls.

  “Are you nervous?” Yehudit asked.

  “Very! You know, a new country, a new language…I do know a few words in Hebrew, words from prayers and what I learned here…but I believe in myself and in my strength,” she replied with a forced smile.

  “Don’t worry. Two months in an Ulpan will settle the language issue,” Rochelle, who’d come to say good-bye, assured her.

  “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I hope we’ll meet again,” Rivka said, and lightly kissed the two women’s cheeks so she wouldn’t smear their faces with her new lipstick.

  “Good luck,” they wished her.

  Rivka took her bag and a little suitcase in her thin hand and hurried to the taxi waiting for her at the building’s entrance. She sat in the back, and when the taxi pulled away, she closed her eyes and devotedly said the Traveler’s Prayer, a prayer for a safe journey. Before she boarded the plane, she called Ahron and said good-bye.

  “Nu, did everything work out?” Miriam asked in concern when Aaron returned home in the evening.

  “I think so. I hope Rivkel is all right now. The Jewish Agency has an organized mechanism that will take care of her and accompany her until she settles in Israel. Concerning that, I’m calm. I respect those people. Many of us disdain Israel and the people who act for the country’s benefit. I think it’s a wrong approach. These people do important work.”

  “And your parents, how did they react?”

  “I told my father this was better than Rivkel marrying someone she didn’t want. At first, he was confused; he almost fainted. He called my mother, and from their conversation, I understood that what bothered them most was canceling the wedding. The fact that Rivkel left for Israel and was with Aunt Rachel eased their minds slightly. I think that deep down, they expected it and were relieved. Anyway, they hadn’t come to terms with that wedding, which had been forced upon them. The main problem was with Yehuda. That man is a fanatic. We have to keep an eye on him. He’s lawless.”

  “What did he do?”

  “Screamed like a maniac, cursed her and me, and if he could, he would have gone after her and forced her back home. With me, of course, he didn’t want to talk. He thinks I’m to blame for all the troubles of the family.”

  “Let him think whatever he wants; it’s his problem. Although I think that he’s so hotheaded that it’s difficult for him to think logically. Also, he’s connected to the most fanatical rabbis, who never stop inciting him and driving him crazy,” Miriam dismissed Yehuda’s opinion.

  “Sometimes, I feel like he hates me.”

  “You mustn’t think that way, even though, sometimes, I think he’s jealous of you…jealous because your father chose you to work with him at the store. Don’t be upset,” she added, approaching her husband and caressing him softly.

  “What do you say, my wife, did I do the right thing? From the day I was born, I was raised to believe in one way and one way only, and now I’ve helped my sister abandon that way. I feel confused by this entire situation,” Aaron said and entwined his fingers with those of the wife of his youth.

  “A person chooses their own path and will be the one accountable before the Creator. We just helped her to follow the path she has chosen,” Miriam stated surprisingly, and after an awkward pause added sadly, “I must tell you, my love, that I yearn for my hair that was taken from me after the wedding, and sometimes I ask myself if a headscarf isn’t enough. Is the headscarf not modest enough? If I were brave enough, I would grow my hair and cover it in the way of other modest women.”

  “So, you’re saying I did the right thing?” Aaron persisted, surprised by her words and wishing to steer the conversation to where it began. He wondered whether a new wind was blowing, even with his own wife.

  “You were fine. All your brothers, either they’re too extreme or they are too soft and unable to act. Without you, Rivkel would be marrying someone she didn’t want to marry and would ruin her life. And then, there would’ve been no going back. We would have been extremely remorseful. Don’t torture yourself, my love, you did well! You saved her! You’ll see, she’ll be happy in her new life. The day will come, God willing, and you’ll be the guest of honor at her wedding. I’m sure of it. And when that day arrives, I’ll remind you of this.”

  “I hope you’re right, my wife. I want you to know that I trust you more than I trust myself.”

  “I’m your helpmate, isn’t it like that?” Miriam said, and added with a wink, “By the way, an hour ago I returned from the mikveh…”

  “And the girls?“ Aaron asked.

  “Sleeping soundly,“ she replied with a mischievous smile.

  “Well then, in that case, I’ll go take a shower,” he said with a wink.

  Chapter 15

  “All my loving, …” Jeff’s ringtone blared from his shirt pocket. Usually, it was Eve, occasionally it was his mother, and in the not-so-distant past, it was Ahron.

  However, since the incident, they’d lost touch. Jeff took out the phone and glanced at the screen. To his surprise, it was Ahron.

  “Yes?” Jeff answered as though he didn’t know who was calling him.

  “Jeff, hello! It’s me, Ahron,” Ahron said, his voice calm. Then he was silent, as though waiting to see where the conversation would go.

  “I saw your name on the screen. How are you, buddy?” Jeff asked as though they talked on the phone every day.

  “I’m fine. And you?”

  “I’m fine, too,” Jeff said and fell silent.

  “You must be asking yourself why I’m calling…”

  “Yeah, I’m surprised. But to tell you the truth, I was hoping you’d call eventually.”

  “I called to say thank you,” Ahron said.

  “Thank you? For what?” Jeff said oh so innocently.

  “First of all, I promised Rivkel I’d
send you her thanks for the money you sent her. Second, thanks from me, for that letter you sent me. It influenced me greatly.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “I also wanted you to know that…”

  “What?”

  “That Rivkel is in Israel. Your help wasn’t for nothing. Your money, plus another small sum that I’d added, funded her trip to Israel,” Ahron notified him.

  “How?” Jeff asked, hiding his excitement with difficulty.

  “I did exactly what you asked me to. A month after I received your letter, I went to my parents’ house and took Rivkel out of there. I gave her the money you sent her and took her to the Jewish Agency. Are you familiar with it?”

  “Not really.”

  “It’s an organization that helps Jews immigrate to Israel. They have branches in the USA, and one is in New York. I brought her there, and they took care of her. A week later, she called me from Aunt Rachel’s house. Remember, I told you about Rachel?”

  “Of course, I remember. One of the three sisters I saw in the picture. Your Grandma Gittel and Hannah’s sister, I think.”

  “Right. Good for you! Good of you to remember!” Ahron praised him.

  “Listen, Ahron, this call has really made my day. I feel we have so much to talk about, and I’d love for us to meet.” Jeff suddenly felt as free as he had before, before the incident.

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You understand, right? After what you and Rivkel went through, …” Ahron hesitated.

  “Me? What do you mean?”

  “You know, you meeting with Rivkel, my brother’s violence, the way he ran you out of the basement apartment. I felt bad about that.”

  “Enough of that, Ahron. I’ve already forgotten. And really, nothing happened between Rivkel and me. We just talked, like we talked many times in your house.”

  “I know, but I’d already told you that we measure things differently,” Ahron said.

  “No one knows that better than me after what I experienced on my flesh. Honestly, I didn’t know your brother was the one who beat me up. I thought it was a gang of punks, you know, those guys you call the chastity squad.”