The Invisible Papers

by Agostino Scafidi

  Why did you ask him or her if regardless you were going to force them with threats? He or she doesn’t want to, they can’t, they shouldn’t. One of those replies is a more direct response yet the other replies are a little more polite. Let’s keep the majority of our plans running. Stick to “Plan A” and if that fails there’s always “Plan B”. What we won’t reveal to anyone however is “Plan C” and “Plan D” are firmly fleshed out and ready in case of the worst. We won’t fail! Not on our watch!

  Right, well let’s just keep the conveyor belt running because people here are worried and stressed out, they need reassurance and they need hope. People are getting hungry! They’re all worrying about where their next meal will come from! How can you cook when the lights are off? Where can you possibly sit and sit comfortably for that matter if your pants are too tight? No fighting now, “y’hear”?

  One is going to let you be for now and he or she will simply walk away. One really can’t tolerate this type of treatment anymore. The psychological far outweighs the physical which is probably not something you’d say in the midst of physical torture but this will ring true after a while, he or she assures you. His or her body is releasing all the negativity and its toxins. The spirit is taking up new residence and is evicting all the demons and the dust they’ve left behind.

  Anger can simply build out of nowhere. It bubbles up and boils and ultimately and truthfully does not yearn for release but absorption! Absorbing is the key, there is so much to be transmuted! It seems like a dead end because once one thing is soaked up then another nightmare emerges. Nevertheless, the signal that such a path will indeed bring success is when what has been transmogrified doth never return!

  One wonders how anyone can lie and pretend to such an extent. One also wonders how their hate for someone can stay so solid, meaning it hasn’t grown and it hasn’t wavered. He or she is wholly uninterested in the subject! One loves it! Do you really expect someone to devote so much time to getting to know you? Figuring you out, all the while without a hint of sexualization. How can you be so arrogant? What makes you think you’re worth someone devoting so much time and energy solely on you without providing them even the slightest bit of incentive? Do you really expect a shared interest or two is enough to make someone spend money on you, show you around town and introduce you to their friends and acquaintances? It boggles the mind. Are you the last person on this earth? Is the selection pool out there so shallow? One is comfortable with their body and doesn’t need to impress you. Do you believe that the body includes the spiritual? There are two things one is torn by; items or tasks pulling at his or her brain and heart. Even if one succumbs it is never enough, regardless he or she gives and gives and gives some more. One will not stop giving as they have no choice in the matter. All they can hope for is a little mercy and to be spared any pain although the burden will never completely depart.

  Some more cravings now, the craving to continue adding, to contribute and build and grow. One sits and bleeds until there is no blood left to give. If this is the best he or she can do is it enough? Deep down one knows it’s true, he or she knows the truth without even having to consult with themselves. One doesn’t need to prepare an argument for debate because it’s so obvious and as strong and firm as the oldest tree in the forest. There are so many opportunities for doubt but time will slash them all. After a while the sickness being dealt out will no longer touch you. Imperviousness may be bestowed upon you and then subsequently, as if like a weapons belt or a tool box, an infinite number of opportunities will present themselves and be at your disposal. The infinite in one and one in the infinite. Nothing will faze you any longer, neither overcoming nor transition.

  He or she is absolutely tormented by the insignificant thing that must be done tomorrow! He or she cannot know any more than they already do but regardless of this fact nothing will happen tomorrow that they can’t handle. Everything will be just fine! Nothing will hurt, not a thing. Oh give them solace! One will continue to serve as long as they are called upon. He or she is not one to run away from their duties but is it too much to ask for peace?

  Why should they do this? Is there a reason why he or she should live that way? Just because you tell them to, right? Do you see any sense in that? What do you care? What’s it to you anyway? It’s not like you give a whit about them! You’re simply telling him or her what to do and how to live because they bring you amusement of a sort! Thanks a lot, yeah you’re a real pal. Great advice buddy! Now excuse him or her while they go and not only do the opposite but completely ignore your words altogether. Don’t think it’s possible to do both of those things simultaneously? Well they’ll show you a new trick or two, just you watch!

  Chapter 12

  Here we are again at a blank new page all set for the depths of his or her soul to bare for all. Sometimes just the idea of a thing creates a more intense aura than the nitty gritty or the actual details of it. One might guess this rings true for others as well but it’s probably something that could be dubbed “self-created”. Maybe “self-deceit” would be most appropriate however it may be a little too harsh since one really does have the best intentions! Is the thrill of a fantasy invalid?

  Traverse those train tracks already “why dontcha” and stop teeter-tottering with your likes and dislikes or your hopes and dreams. One knows it might be difficult and scary but maybe it’s actually rather too easy for you! Swinging back and forth from a tree of personas (with some of them being “non grata”). If you continue backtracking or jumping with only one foot in then you won’t ever reach the corner of the street or beyond! Do you know how the sunset looks when you’re standing on a new edge?

  He or she is squeezing as much juice out of this lemon as possible now. Wait, did you remember to bring the sugar? This is going to be a long day!

  Time and time and time and more, time and time again! So much time! How many more times can one use that word? One can guess there’s absolutely no limit. Maybe some people out there will consider this drivel. “Who just writes the word ‘time’ a bunch of times in a sentence?” Do you see humour in any of this? He or she admits it’s not incredibly obvious nor even that funny compared to the jokes from the “golden age” of comedy yet humour is still here to be found nonetheless!

  He or she guesses that once this whole thing is over and done with they’ll be proud, yet it’s also possible it would amount to a tremendous failure! They wonder how it will read, enthralling or desperately boring? Only TIME will tell!

  Sometimes one wishes that they were very intimidating, however after giving it serious thought he or she usually retracts that wish. Not only does it take a lot of energy to keep up the intimidation factor but you can’t let in any love or else your house of cards will come tumbling down. Furthermore what kind of people would one attract if that’s what he or she is like? Is it really a path he or she would want to walk on? Probably not however variety is the spice of life and a little dash of spice now and then could make the whole dish taste much better!

  Sometimes one wonders if taking a drug to numb their pain is a good idea or whether one should just grit their teeth and bear it. Walk through it. Crawl through it… Now don’t misunderstand him or her because they’re not referring to anything serious here. We’re just talking about the common cold or something of the sort! It might be nothing, trivial for most but for a lot of people even the smallest substance can seem like an elephant of a drug! It’s all about what one is used to.

  How else could you live if not comfortably? Why torture yourself? It’s just not fair to anyone in your immediate vicinity, your energy sphere or the emanation from your centre. It will infect and affect and cause an effect to all those around you! It may even transmute the physical inanimate objects in your surroundings on a molecular level probably just enough so that a stagnation will take up residence in them forever. Who knows, maybe it is possible to emanate such a strong wave that could crumble objects to dust! What a sight that would be! Wouldn’t that
be considered a superpower? One wonders if the army could find a use for such a gift?

  Could you find a better way to manage pain? How about self-image with its ups and downs? What about all of the above? There can be pain in the upside of things too, believe it or not. The ceiling we all inevitably hit still hurts even when at your happiest. Limits are what makes the world go ‘round. Without boundaries we would all just float off into nothingness! Do you know what he or she means? Let’s say molecules and atoms and… wait now, don’t let one fool you into thinking he or she is a scientist! Oh no! That is quite far from the truth however one is not ashamed to unabashedly proclaim their theories to the world. Therefore let’s just say that all that makes up who we are and the things around us simply break down. Without those lines and barriers and constraints wouldn’t we all just intermingle and fuse and end up as one giant blob of whatever? Or maybe we’ll all just repel one another and end up a floating never-ending sea of undefined life! Food for thought.

  One was in so much pain just a little while ago. He or she is still in some pain now but not as much as before. They were in a sense praying and meditating and surrendering, all at once and under the cover of darkness. It was a nice reprieve that has granted them their wish. One wished for just enough relief to make it through an important few moments in time. Once through that meadow they would treat themselves, honour oneself, be compassionate with him or herself. The source of pain can be a mystery sometimes. Ultimately one believes it to be cleansing regardless of how painful it is! This doesn’t mean that we can’t ask for help sometimes because after all, one is only human!

  Revealing a secret or releasing a secret, both seemingly similar actions amidst disgusting noises and horrible sounds. Amidst dark clouds and regretful, mournful sentiments. It feels grand and peaceful. Do it only to someone you trust. How much should you trust a potential recipient? It doesn’t really matter, as much trust that’s necessary is always in proportion to the size of the secret, wouldn’t you agree?

  So, so, so… How else can one start a paragraph other than by pretending they’re rambling on and on about something important? Give him or her a chance and the story will come ‘round! One just loves the sound coming from their speakers lately. It’s like a meat and potatoes dish accompanied with a nice bottle of wine! It’s like a hot cup of coffee in the morning with a sweet danish to dunk and eat. Basically, one doesn’t think they can ever get enough of such a sweet sound. If it were a blanket then one would wrap themselves in it and cover their head and never emerge ever again! Feed him or her their meals through a straw if you have to!

  Closing his or her eyes, trying to breathe easily and steadily. One wonders if they’ll be able to stay awake for much longer. The sunset doesn’t bother them, not even a “smidge”. In fact one loves the dark, one loves the night. Night people. Darkness’ shroud is like warm milk. Straighten one’s back to look Death in the eye even though he’s still far away over the horizon. It never hurts to be prepared though! Who knows, maybe Death is tall and can spot him or her from such a distance and is looking to snatch a sloucher instead of a “stand up guy”. Do you know if there’s a hotline one can call to find out? Is Death on the internet? Available for consultation only at midnight perhaps? Does Death have an e-mail account? How about Twitter? Maybe Death is making a little money on the side by selling wares from the souls He’s claimed on eBay for all we know! The souls though, what happens to the souls?

  Existence and souls, where do souls go and how do magnets work? Don’t let that obscure low-brow cultural reference turn you away because there won’t be many of them. The Internet generation knows so many more useless facts, anecdotes and silly jokes than any prior generation! Do souls take up arms in preparation for the journey of leaving their vessels and heading towards wherever it is they will end up? Are there soul hunters standing in their way? Do souls get mugged on the way to heaven? Are there any bullies in purgatory? Is Hell really just an all-inclusive resort vacation in North Korea? Clouds ever gray with food ever bland? The Dear Leader constantly revered? Is the trade-off a cozy bed with simple yet endearing television programming? Why would you need anything exciting anyway? Excitement is overrated!

  One has come to the conclusion that they’ve reached their absolute limit in regards to your insistency and forceful opinions. Truthfully one is so far passed his or her limit and beyond aggravation that it’s safe to say they’ve figuratively left the building! If this issue presents itself to him or her in a literal fashion then they’ll be happy to demonstrate what “leaving the building” actually looks like! The past is what it was, that was then and this is now. How much longer will you go through life correcting other people’s feelings and perspectives on a matter? It’s one thing to share your differing views however one has no qualms with biting back if you try to sit on them!

  How was your day? How was their day? It was long, wasn’t it? How were the day’s feelings toward you though? Can a day really belong to you or them or anyone at all? Aren’t we just fooling ourselves with such thoughts? Not only is there self-inflicted trickery but there’s pain and anguish as well! If the day were truly ours then wouldn’t it bend to our will? Alas, it’s not ours. We live according to its whim and he or she loves it that way!

  Let’s fill up a few more lines before lunchtime, let’s tell our minds that we’ve done enough and maybe even went the extra mile! Let’s all put a smile on our faces knowing that we’ve satisfied the requirements of our Masters. Isn’t it nice to be an upstanding citizen? Isn’t it nice to be law-abiding and nonconfrontational? Nobody likes confrontation and they hate a troublemaker that much more! Keep your questions to yourself Sir. One doesn’t have the answers you seek and you really shouldn’t be asking those questions anyway! Good day to you Sir, good day.

  Chapter 13

  It’s all gravy from here on in! They surpassed a threshold that he or she dreaded for a very long time, at the moment one’s foot rightly stepped well beyond that line they flailed their arms up high and screamed, “Hallelujah!” Correction, “Hail Satan!” Humorous? Probably not however they definitely thought so! Who knows? Do you? Does anyone know for certain? Nope, nah, no way, absolutely not! It’s impossible to tell and impossible to determine. Deciphering won’t work either, friend. Just let it be and let it go. Let it happen and let it flow! No one knows where the chocolate comes from yet all the while that caramel is still hiding away, way, way far from the vanilla.

  Things that you could never predict, planning and arranging things that seem trivial, is it because one has nothing else to spend his or her time on? How can they do something worthwhile if he or she has no idea what is worthy? One tries not to overthink things believe it or not, they’re only posing these questions in preparation for trial, public lynching, the court of public opinion. Hobbies are great! Whether one is approved or disapproved of, certain pastimes never fail to cheer him or her up. One wonders if there is anything else he or she can do to further their role, their soul or spirit in this race toward the finish?

  All they’ve got are a few more words left to go until he or she reaches the end. What end? Probably not the end you’re thinking of. Let them just keep you in the dark and consider yourself warned! He or she will snap a photograph of a dreamcatcher and call it art. One has all the tools they need yet they yearn for more because they’re all just frivolities, toys and distractions. Oh how wonderful it is to be content with what one has!

  Hurrying and trying to sneak in a few more words before stepping out. One needs to give solace to the voice in their head! One needs to feed the hunger in his or her stomach! Hopefully these few words will ease its pangs. They want a little comfort and a little peace, just for the next forty-five minutes please. Already the relief is now beginning to rise, the sky is clearing and the horizon is whitening. The pink, orange and blackness that is on the edge of it all is fading. Oh, oh, oh how nice, nice, nice. It’s all so fantastic. What is? One doesn’t know.

  Here we are wi
th a few more lines. Let’s feed the beast quickly before it bites! One wants to do about five things at once. He or she may be exaggerating, it’s more like two things. Yes just two. However small in number that seems, it’s practically impossible nevertheless! Just try it yourself! You may trick yourself into believing you are accomplishing such a feat but in reality you are only doing something one at a time, abruptly switching over from task to task all the while sacrificing the overall quality of your work! Is one right? Secrets can ruin your life and those of others along with it. Secrets come in all shapes and sizes, they can be good or bad, believe it or not. When a good secret is revealed it’s possible that it may bring about negative consequences, the results are independent of its nature. What’s the point of this digression? Maybe digression in and of itself is just one other spice on the spice rack of life? Goodbyes can bring out such deep emotions. Tears, heavy hearts and yet they are sweet in their own way. One would rather they rip him or her apart than to never be given the opportunity to experience such a wonderfully profound moment that comes about from time to time in this life!

  We love you all, every single one of you! Thank you for bringing us so much joy. Thank you even for the tears. Is there not enough words to describe our appreciation? Unlikely, but we will forever endeavour to try! A few more forced and squeezed out examples, letters and phrases to please the muse with fangs as sharp as razors. Let them sleep peacefully please! Have mercy on their souls!