Homecoming Day

by Holly Jacobs

  She was wondering why he was here and what she was going to do with him, when the first contraction hit. She’d read the books and gone to class and she expected the first contraction to be more of a cramping than anything else.

  This wasn’t that.

  It wasn’t some gentle introduction to the world of contractions. It was so fierce it took her breath away.

  Ten minutes later, another came.

  By one o’clock, she called in a nurse who woke up Seth to kick him out of the room so the nurse could check her progress.

  The nurse declared Laura was at five centimeters and went to update the doctor.

  “This next stage goes faster and the contractions come quicker and will get more intense,” she warned Laura.

  More intense? Laura groaned.

  “Is it safe yet?” Seth called from the doorway.

  “For now,” she told him. “But I think this is the part you were talking about. The—what was it? Messy bits? I think this is that, so it’s time for you to go.”

  “Maybe I’ll stay a while longer. I can help you with your breathing.” He hee-hooed at her.

  “How do you know about that?”

  “My wife…” He hesitated, took a deep breath and continued, slowly. “She was pregnant when she died. We’d only taken a few classes, but after sitting on a floor and panting with total strangers for an hour, the lessons sort of stick.”

  His wife had been pregnant? And he was here with her? Laura felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but knew Seth wouldn’t welcome that. “Oh, Seth.”

  “Before, when you were talking about having this baby in your fantasies, I used to do the same thing. Imagine I was with Allie having our twins. I helped her breathe. She would get tired and cranky and yell at me, but I didn’t mind. And when she had the first baby, I held it while she delivered the second. I imagined it over and over, Laura. And I also know, no one should do this alone.”

  Twins? He’d lost three people when Allie died. Twins and a wife.

  She felt humbled by his strength, because she wasn’t sure she’d have survived something like that. It made her more resolved than ever to do this on her own. But more importantly, Seth shouldn’t—couldn’t—stay now that she knew. “You’re wrong. I need to do this on my own, so you—” Another contraction hit before she could tell him to leave, and as if the nurse was some sort of seer, this one was the worst yet. Laura held her breath and tried to keep from crying out.

  “No, don’t do that.” Seth grabbed her hand and got right up in her face, forcing her attention to center on him. “Breathe, Laura. In. Out. Look at me, Laura, and breathe.”

  Time lost all sense of meaning to Laura. The idea of fighting with Seth or forcing him to do anything was long since forgotten. Laura’s world narrowed to contractions and the minutes in between, which were fewer and fewer.

  And there was Seth. Breathing with her. Feeding her ice chips.

  She wanted to be annoyed at his heavy-handed decision to stay, but secretly she was grateful. This would have been so much harder without him here.

  He was putting himself through hell to help her. During the moments of rational thought, she knew that.

  But rational thought was in short supply. All she could do was remember to breathe and ride out one contraction after another.

  At some point the nurse came back in. Laura was about to ask Seth to leave so the nurse could check her progress, but another contraction hit, and Seth was staring into her eyes, making her focus on him. “Breathe,” he commanded. As the contraction ebbed, the nurse’s hand was beneath the sheet and she did a discreet check.

  “You’re almost there,” she said with a bright perkiness that made Laura want to scream.

  “She’s so darned cheerful,” she muttered to Seth.

  He was sitting next to her on the edge of the bed, holding her hand, and chanting, “Look at me, Laura. Breathe. Breathe.”

  At some point the doctor and nurse returned to them. In the few seconds between contractions, the doctor checked her and declared, “You’re totally effaced, Laura. You’ll feel the urge to push soon.”

  He positioned Seth behind her on the bed, so she could lean against him. She should have protested. She would have protested if she had the energy. She waited for him to say, Gotta go now, but all he did was listen to the doctor’s instructions, and let her rest against his chest.

  He felt warm and solid. As if he’d never let anything happen to her or this baby.

  And though Laura had given up believing in that kind of surety, for now, it was comforting as she began to push.

  Laura had thought the contractions were bad, but this was a whole new level of pain. And yet, she forgot to be embarrassed that Seth was here. She simply pressed against him during the minuscule breaks and appreciated his strength.

  She didn’t worry about should-have-beens.

  About her future as a single mother.

  All she could do was concentrate on the next pain.

  The next push.

  The brief respite.

  Then the cycle starting again.

  Finally, the doctor said, “Don’t push, just breathe a moment.”

  She fought against her body’s need to push.

  Seth stroked her hair. He murmured things in her ear, telling her she was amazing, that she could do this, that he was here for her.

  His touch and his words helped.

  “Okay, Laura,” the doctor said, “we’re almost there. This next contraction—”

  She lost the doctor’s words as the next contraction hit and she pushed.

  And suddenly, the urge evaporated and there was a huge feeling of relief from the pressure.

  “It’s a boy,” the doctor announced.

  “A boy?” She was trying to digest the fact that she had a son, when Seth hooted. “You did it, Laura. You were fantastic and you did it. You’ve got a boy. A son!”

  And as the nurse handed her a baby, the reality sank in. She had a son.

  Laura felt a rush of love like nothing she’d ever felt before. Her love for this tiny boy was so immense it overwhelmed her. Every doubt, every insecurity. All the pain. There was just her, leaning against Seth, holding her baby.

  He reached around her and gently touched the baby’s cheek with the back side of his index finger. “He’s beautiful, Laura.”

  For a moment, it was as if the three of them were the only people in the room. The doctor did whatever he was doing and the nurse helped, but it was all lost on Laura as she stared into her son’s eyes. He was awake and not crying. He stared at her, as if he was as amazed at this turn of events as she was.

  “It’s all right,” she crooned to him. And she knew with a bone-deep sense of surety, that it was. She immediately looked at Seth. He should have been in a room like this with his wife; she should have been here with Jay. And yet, here they were. Together they’d brought her son into the world. What could you say to a man who would do that?

  “Thank you,” she finally managed, though it seemed inadequate.

  Seth seemed uncomfortable. “I should probably go and let the doctor finish…things.” He hurried out of the room, as if suddenly realizing where he was.

  Laura missed his steady presence and felt guilty that she did. She couldn’t afford to rely on Seth. She couldn’t rely on anyone. It was just her and the baby.

  She stared at her son. Nothing about his birth was the way she’d planned, but he was here now. He was hers. She wouldn’t let him down. He could rely on her, she silently promised the baby, and herself.

  After they’d cleaned her up and the baby, the doctor and nurse left, and Seth came back into the room.

  He walked over to her and she took his hand. “I know I said I could do this on my own, but I don’t think I could have. Thank you.”

  With his free hand, he smoothed a strand of hair from her cheek. “Laura, if I’ve learned nothing else tonight, I’ve learned that you can do anything. That was…” He was silent, as i
f searching for the right word. “Amazing. No, a miracle. I’ve heard them talk about the miracle of childbirth, but I never understood it until tonight. Thank you for that.”

  She felt suspiciously close to tears.

  “Would you like to hold him?”

  BEFORE HE COULD SAY NO, Seth held the baby in his arms. He intended to hand him back right away, but the baby looked at him. That’s all it took. That one little wide-eyed look captivated him. He seemed so small. So tiny. And Seth felt such a strong need to protect him. To keep this one little scrap of humanity away from harm.

  “What’s his name?” His own voice sounded alien to his ears. Husky with pent-up emotion.

  “Jameson Alexander Martin, III. After his father, not his grandfather,” she added quickly.

  “Jameson Alexander Martin, III.” He laughed. “That’s quite a mouthful for a little guy.”

  “I’m going to call him Jamie.”

  “Jamie Martin. I like that.” He studied the baby, and he could almost imagine Jamie was his. That he and Allie had been through the last grueling hours together, and were now here with their babies. But the moment passed, and Seth knew that fantasy was over. He wouldn’t need to recall it. He’d experienced it with Laura. He should have thanked her for sharing the experience with him. It was more surprising and more intense than he’d ever imagined.

  He felt a pang of guilt. This should have been something he’d shared with Allie. He pushed away the thought and concentrated on what was. The baby in his arms was here and real, and he’d had a part in that—a small part. Reluctantly, he handed Jamie back to his mother. “I should go now and let the two of you get some rest.”

  “Seth, you do realize it’s Wednesday?” Laura sounded worried.

  “Yes.”

  “‘Wednesday’s child is full of woe.’ That’s how that old poem goes. He’s already lost his dad. That’s more than enough woe for any baby, don’t you think?” Tears filled her eyes.

  “I’m not Jay, Laura. I’d never try to be him. But I’m here for Jamie. Not just now, tonight. Long-term. He can count on me. And before you ask, this has nothing to do with the chief, or anything else. This has to do with this little boy. I was here for his birth, and I choose to believe I’m meant to be a part of his life. So, he won’t know woe. He’ll know the safety and security of a mother who loves him and a—” he paused, fighting for the right word “—a friend who will always be here for him.”

  She sniffled. “Thanks. It must be the hormones. As much as pregnancy sends them out of whack, giving birth is worse.”

  “Hormones and exhaustion. That was some of the hardest work I’ve ever seen anyone go through. You need sleep. I’ll be back tomorrow, or rather, later today.”

  “Thank you again for everything. Of course, this will teach you to be a nice guy.”

  “Pardon?”

  She tucked the baby’s blanket around a foot that had escaped. “I mean you stopped in to drop off some books and tell me about your research, like the nice guy you are, and look what happened.”

  “I got lucky. Thank you for sharing this with me.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Now, get some rest. I’ll check in on you both later.”

  SETH HAD NEVER BEEN so tired and yet so exhilarated in his life.

  He paused, considering whether or not he should do it. “Hello?”

  Seth recognized his mother’s voice. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Seth?” His mother sounded surprised, and tentative.

  “It’s me.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  He hated to admit it, but even if he had a problem, he wouldn’t call home. He hadn’t called to chat since he graduated from high school and married Allie. He’d never cut them totally off. He saw them, but he kept them at arm’s length.

  “No, nothing. I…” He paused, searching for an excuse. “I wanted to see if Cessy was home. When she came over the other day, she asked if I wanted to go help her buy some new skis and I’m off next Saturday.”

  “Oh. Seth, she’s sleeping.”

  He glanced at the clock. “Jeez, Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was four in the morning. My sense of time is messed up.”

  “Seth, you can call me anytime, day or night. And you know me, early in the morning is my favorite time of day.”

  “It was the only time the house was quiet.” Six kids. How had his parents managed?

  “Well, you weren’t an overly quiet lot.” She paused and asked, “How are you?”

  Part of him wanted to tell her about his night, about Laura. He wanted to talk about how much Jamie’s birth had meant to him. He wanted to tell her about the joy he’d felt as he’d held the baby, and the guilt he’d felt at it not being Allie wth him. His mom would help him sort out his feelings. He needed to talk about it, but it had been so long since he’d had a meaningful conversation with either of his parents that he simply countered by asking, “How is everything there?”

  He could hear his mother’s sigh over the phone. It was soft. So soft, a stranger would never have noticed, but despite their rift, he wasn’t a stranger and he knew he’d hurt her again by not answering. She let that slide, however, and said, “Fine. Everything here is fine. Dom came for dinner this weekend. He got a job in Pittsburgh working for the VA.” Seth’s younger brother, Dominick had graduated with a degree in physical therapy and had talked about working with veterans. Because of his leg braces, he’d never be able to serve in the military, but he said by working with vets he’d be doing his part.

  “Good for him. I’ll call him. Any other news?”

  “Layla’s still working at the cancer center.” Layla lived in Pittsburgh, too. She went down there to Carlow University because Dom was in Pittsburgh, and like him, she’d stayed.

  “And May?” he asked. May would have driven most parents crazy. She moved from job to job, from town to town, always looking for something, and never finding it.

  He could hear his mother’s smile. “She’s a barista this week and thinking about writing the next great American novel.”

  May was continually finding herself. Each new discovery meant a new job and frequently a new city. She’d been in Cincinnati, Columbus, Rochester, Buffalo and Pittsburgh. She’d left home after graduating high school and hadn’t lived in Whedon or Erie since.

  As if reading his mind, his mother said, “She’ll find her place eventually.” She slowed and added, “I’ll tell Cessy to call about ski shopping.”

  “Thanks.” And now they’d run out of things to talk about. “Well…” he said.

  “Yes, I know. You’re busy. But I’m glad you called. Your father and I miss you. We’re always here, Seth. Doesn’t matter what you need, we’re here.”

  “Thanks.” He clicked his phone shut.

  Seth wished he knew how to make things better with his mother and father. But he didn’t. It had been ages since he’d talked to his parents about anything that mattered.

  Most of the time, he was fine.

  But sometimes, he missed them acutely.

  Today was one of those times.

  LAURA SLEPT HER MORNING AWAY, and thankfully, so did Jamie.

  At two that afternoon she’d managed to get out of bed, feeling as if she’d been run over by a cement mixer, and took a shower.

  It was amazing how restorative a shower could be.

  She felt more herself as she sat in the rocker cradling the baby to her chest.

  “Jameson Alexander Martin, III. My Jamie. It fits you, little man. I think your dad would have liked it, too. He was so sure we were going to have a girl, but he’d have been thrilled to have a son,” she reassured him. She searched his tiny features, trying to find his father in them. But all she saw was Jamie.

  “That’s a good thing that you look like you and not someone else. You should look like you. You’re your father’s gift to me, but I don’t ever want you to think you have to be anything other than yourself. That’s all he’d have wanted. Be yourself, and be a
good man.”

  The motion of the rocker soothed her as much as it did Jamie.

  A knock on the door pulled her from her happy daydreaming. “That must be Seth. He called at lunch and insisted on driving us home. He’s a bossy man, but you’ll like him.”

  She called, “Come in, Seth. I was telling Jamie…” Her sentence faded as she found herself looking at Jay’s parents instead of Seth.

  She wanted to tell them to go immediately. The last time she’d seen them in a hospital…in this hospital…

  She forced herself to be kind when she called them, to tell them about Jamie. And she would be kind now. “Mr. and Mrs. Martin.”

  “Thank you for letting us know the baby had arrived,” Mrs. Martin said.

  “You’re welcome. It’s what Jay would have wanted. We’re leaving the hospital in a few minutes. I have a ride.”

  “I know,” Mr. Martin said. “Seth’s waiting in the hall. He wanted to give us a chance to see you.”

  “Oh.” She wasn’t sure if she should be pleased or annoyed that Seth was so considerate. Every fiber of her being wanted to call him in, but she knew she couldn’t afford to start relying on him—on anyone.

  “May I?” Mrs. Martin asked.

  Laura nodded and handed Jay’s mother the baby. “He looks like Jay did when he was a baby.”

  “I was trying to decide if he looked like his dad.” She didn’t add that she’d decided Jamie simply looked like himself.

  “I have some baby pictures. I can make you copies. You should have some. Jamie should have some. He should know something about his father.”

  Laura tried not to take offense. She knew that Mrs. Martin didn’t mean to imply she wouldn’t tell Jamie about Jay. Still, she wanted to lash out. For Jay’s sake, she simply said, “Thank you. That would be lovely.”

  Mrs. Martin extended the baby to her husband, but Jay’s dad extended a finger at the baby, who held it. “He’s got a grip. Just like Jay did.”

  “What did you name him?” Mrs. Martin asked.

  “Jameson Alexander Martin, III, if that’s okay with you. Since you’re Jameson or Jim, Mr. Martin, and Jay was Jay, I thought I’d call him Jamie. I toyed with the idea of calling him Alexander, Xander for short, because I’ll confess, I’m a huge Buffy fan, and always liked the name, but decided Jamie was better.” She was babbling, and she knew it.