by H Q Kingsley
The drive to my office was shorter than I expected. I let myself in, arriving long before anyone else. That was the thing about driving in New York. You never really knew if getting somewhere would take you two hours or twenty minutes, and there was absolutely no way to predict it.
It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I liked having a little extra time in the morning to get myself together. I was at the top of my game and, to stay there, I had to micromanage. An extra hour in the morning to double-check everyone’s work was a gift…sort of.
I didn’t exactly love my job. Being the director of accounting wasn’t the glamorous lifestyle of the rich and famous, but I was doing better than I’d ever thought I’d be. My childhood self couldn’t have even dreamed up the life I’d built for myself.
I settled in at my desk and took an appreciative look around. The flawlessly cleaned glass doors, the neat, matching furniture set strategically, placed off-center in the corner. I’d done all of that. I’d made it.
I had the corner office, the beautiful family, and yet there was still this constant pit in my stomach telling me there was more. Telling me to keep moving. Telling me I wasn’t good enough yet.
I swallowed it down, sitting up straighter to type at my computer. I wouldn’t let my doubts drown me today, or at least not first thing in the morning.
My phone chimed in my pocket, and I reached for it, instinctively putting it to my ear before checking the caller ID.
“Hello?”
The silence on the other end gave me pause, and I pulled the phone away to read the number on the screen. Two, one, zero. San Antonio. It was a life I’d long since left behind.
“Hello?” I said again, preparing to hang up.
“Hello, Antwon. How are you, nephew?”
A lump formed in my throat, and I tried to clear it. “Auntie Beth?”
“Oh, good. You remember my voice.”
I frowned. I hadn’t, but my mother had no family, and Beth was the only person still alive that would call me nephew, unfortunately. She was just as big a mess as her brother. Neither one of them came with anything but damage and heartache.
“What do you want?” My voice had gone cold, but my heart raced in my chest. I hadn’t spoken to my aunt since I’d left Texas, and I never expected to hear from her again.
“Still the same old Antwon, I see. Right to the point.”
I rolled my eyes, nearly ready to hang up on her. My father brought out the worst in me. His family, his associates, everything he ever touched, he left a little bit of poison on.
“You need to come home,” she said, making me roll my eyes again.
“New York is home,” I countered.
She grumbled something I didn’t catch. “Your father’s dead.”
I stilled for a moment. “No, he isn’t,” I said with a sigh.
“Antwon, he’s really gone this time. You need to come home.”
I opened my mouth to argue with her, to tell her she was delusional if she actually believed Malik was dead, and twice as crazy to think I’d ever go back to Texas. I took a deep breath, ready to hand her ass back to her until she spoke again.
“It’s time you meet your brother.”
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Excerpt of Heal My Heart
HECTOR
“Shit!” I banged my hand against the steering wheel as I rounded yet another unfamiliar curve. Had I seen that tree before? I was sure I had. Fuck.
Once upon a time, I’d known these mountains like the back of my hand, but nearly ten years had gone by since I’d been back to the family cabin. Everything was just the same and yet, unfamiliar. A single whiff of the air and I was back in my childhood, running around with my siblings, playing, enjoying the time we spent here. But all I had to do was look around, look at my life, and realize how much things had changed. I’d thought coming back here would be like second nature, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I liked to blame work. It made me feel less guilty. It was okay that I still hadn’t cleaned out my father’s things to deliver them to my mother if it was because I worked too much. It wasn’t okay that I hadn’t done it because I couldn’t face it, because the whole thing made me too damn sad. It wasn’t okay that I couldn’t bear the thought of being anywhere that reminded me of him. That reminded me that he was gone.
I pulled in a slow breath as the doubts started to creep in. It had been a year since he’d passed, but I still didn’t feel ready. Maybe getting lost was a sign. Maybe it was my brain throwing me off course so that I didn’t have to deal with this. I still couldn’t say goodbye.
“No. You need to do this,” I told myself. “Balls up!”
I rounded another curve and frowned. How the hell had I gotten so turned around? I was eighty percent sure I wasn’t even on the main road anymore. And as the sun slowly slipped below the horizon, casting an orange sort of glow over everything, my heart started to beat a little harder in my chest.
I slowed and checked my phone again. Still no reception. And my GPS had clocked out on me 30 miles ago.
I tried to slow down the panic building in the back of my throat. I’d seen this episode of SOS: How To Survive. The gorgeous gay gets lost in the woods and has to keep himself warm with urine bottles.
I cringed. Nope. I didn’t have what it took to survive. I was a lawyer in the city; I wasn’t built for the freaking wilderness. I’d die first.
What the hell am I going to do? I chewed on my lip, worry starting to overwhelm me. I could feel panicked tears pricking at the backs of my eyes. Was this really going to be the end of me? All the work I’d put into myself, into building a life that I felt I could be proud of, and it was all going to go to waste, all of it ending with me freezing to death in the back of my car.
I checked my phone one more time, and my mouth went dry. Still no bars. The trees seemed to be getting closer together, blocking out the already limited light, blocking out any chance of picking up even the slightest bit of signal.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, like I could hold onto life simply by holding on a little tighter, by thinking a little harder, willing me being okay into existence. I knew this was a bad idea. The reality of the situation dawned on me with the setting sun, settling onto my shoulders. I felt heavy.
I crawled along the road, my shoulders hunched, keeping my eyes out for anyone—anything—that might be able to help.
I gasped.
Finally, I spotted a small cabin with the lights on in the distance and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Oh God! Thank you!” I pressed more aggressively on the gas, my Smart car doing its very best to push through the snow. I hadn’t really thought my rental all the way through. Who the hell brings a Smart car into the mountains? It’s like I was looking for trouble.
By the time I’d pulled up in front of the cabin, I’d rationalized that it didn’t matter who was inside. Crime lord, ax murderer, hell, even a fucking bear could be taking up residence inside, but they were all surely better than being lost in the cold darkness.
I climbed out of my car and shuffled to the front door, letting out a long breath as a raised my fist to knock.
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