Club Monstrosity

by Jesse Petersen

  She turned away, gathering her composure with a few deep breaths as she walked across to the gurney and came back to transport Ellis’s broken body to the examination table.

  “Good catch,” Grimes said with a wide grin she hid as she slid her mask up. “There were several baseball bats involved.”

  Natalie flinched, but continued to shift Ellis’s body (monster strength came in handy at these times). Once he was fully on the gurney, she rolled him a few feet over to her boss, who waited at the exam table. A few more quick motions, and Ellis was laid out for autopsy. Once again, Natalie blinked to keep her eyes clear before she started breaking the seals on the sterilized equipment they would use to perform their gruesome task.

  “All right, let’s get to it,” Grimes said as she clapped her hands together with glee that was way beyond what the situation required. “I want to see what made the Invisible Man tick, don’t you?”

  Natalie closed her eyes briefly. No, she did not. But she had no other choice.

  Natalie stood at the big metal sink, letting hot water scald her hands as she stared straight ahead of her at nothingness.

  When she’d first taken the job at the ME’s office, autopsies had been hard on her. Cutting up bodies had been a bit too reminiscent of her own slice-and-dice past.

  Over time she had managed to move past discomfort and become numb to the grossness (most of the time) and weirdness of being a human butcher. After all, her job had a purpose, unlike her father’s experiments. What she did helped families get closure and brought criminals to justice.

  Of course, she’d never autopsied someone she knew before. Now all of her initial reactions to the process returned in force. Her stomach hurt and she just wanted to go home and shower for about a week.

  “So have you ever read the book The Invisible Man?” Grimes asked as she tugged bloody gloves off her hands, tossed them in the medical waste container, and moved in beside Natalie at the big sink to scrub up.

  Natalie blinked. As she’d allowed her shock at dissecting someone she actually knew to sink in, she’d sort of forgotten Grimes was still in the room.

  “Um, no,” she said with a shake of her head. “Sorry. I’m not big on monster stories.”

  She did not add that her aversion to the genre had more to do with their frustrating lack of accuracy and the simplicity of the “monster’s” motives than with anything else.

  “Oh.” Grimes tilted her head almost like she pitied Natalie. “It’s a classic, you know. We read it in our book club last year. You really should join. Expand your horizons a little.”

  Natalie blinked. Was this really happening? Were they really talking about her horizons at this moment?

  She pursed her lips. “I’m sure it is a classic. But what does it have to do with our friend on the autopsy table? Aside from somebody’s foolish notion that he might have had perimortem, um, invisibility.”

  Grimes sighed. “It’s a weird thing; in the end of the book, the way the Invisible Man dies is by being beaten to death by a mob, too.”

  Natalie turned to look at Grimes. The other woman was cheerily washing her hands and forearms with antiseptic soap.

  “Huh,” Natalie said with as much disinterest in her tone as she could muster. “Did he? That is sort of weird.”

  “Of course, like you, I don’t really think this guy was invisible,” Grimes added. “There’s got to be some reasonable explanation of why no one saw his hands or his face after his sunglasses got knocked off, until after he was dead.”

  “Yes,” Natalie hastened to agree. “Of course. I mean, an invisible man is just crazy talk.”

  “Crazy—but a great story!” Grimes said. “The press is going to be all over our office once they’re done with the cops. I heard they’re already calling it ‘The Invisible Man-slaughter.’ ”

  Natalie shook her head. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Grimes asked as she grabbed for paper towels.

  “Huh?” Natalie asked. “Sure, why?”

  “Well, you weren’t exactly chatty while we were doing our autopsy and now you’ve been washing your hands for, like, five minutes.” As Natalie dragged her pruny hands out from under the hot water, Grimes stepped closer. “You know, I’m not just your supervisor. I’m your friend. You can tell me if something is going on.”

  Natalie stifled a humorless laugh. Yeah, that would go well. Grimes would totally freak if Natalie actually told her the truth about anything in her life. That was one thing about the support group. At least they got it. Not that they were going to react well to Ellis’s demise at the hands of a mob.

  “Ah, no, I’m okay,” Natalie said with a false smile. “Just distracted, I guess.”

  Grimes tilted her head and Natalie could see she was aping some television show she’d seen where the supervisor was all warm and helpful. CSI, likely. But Grimes was no Grissom, that was for sure.

  “Well, if you need an ear, I’ve got two,” Grimes said with a pat of Natalie’s arm.

  “Um, thanks,” Natalie muttered.

  Yeah, she had two ears herself. One she sometimes had to reattach, along with the occasional rogue finger or thumb . . . and once she’d had to do a complete overhaul on a nonfunctioning arm—but there were two of them.

  “Anytime, honey,” Grimes said, oblivious to Natalie’s musings on graveyard visits and worn-out body parts. “Now, why don’t you finish up? I’ll go file these papers. The cops are waiting for our official cause of death, then we can move on to the suicide in bin twenty, okay? Pills, so not a lot of blood. Just stomach content.”

  “Great. That’s much better.”

  Natalie couldn’t help her sarcasm, but Grimes didn’t seem to notice, since she nodded before she strolled out of the lab. The second she was gone, Natalie pulled her cell phone from her pants pocket and scrolled through the very few names saved in her contact list.

  When she found Kai’s, she pressed text and typed:

  Emergency re Ellis. I get off at 5 AM. Can we meet?

  She flinched as she hit the SEND button. Normally she wouldn’t reach out to Kai, but the Mummy Girl was the most reasonable of their crew. She got stuff done and didn’t cry or moan about it. Of course, Natalie couldn’t picture Kai getting up at five in the morning for anyone, especially her, but if she was lucky she might convince the mummy to give her a minute before Kai went to work. Because the potential situation with Ellis could get out of control way fast.

  And once it did, all of them might be in danger.

  3

  Alec’s phone buzzed insistently and he lifted his head from his pillow to stare at his clock through bleary eyes. Seven-fifteen. God, how he hated mornings. Werewolves, even ones who didn’t work the night shift delivering groceries and toiletries to stores, even ones who hadn’t just fallen asleep fifteen minutes ago, all shared that trait.

  Not that he’d met another Were in, like . . . fifty or sixty years, it had to be. Way before cell phones.

  The little annoying device buzzed again and he flipped it over. The caller ID read Bitchy Kai, and he chuckled. If it hadn’t been on vibrate, it would have been playing a nineties song called “I’m a Bitch,” too, just because.

  He pressed the button and grunted, “What?”

  Kai’s voice was just as annoyed and tired as his own. “It’s Kai.”

  “Hi. Nice of you to call,” Alec said, faking friendliness he knew the mummy would see right through. Smart cookie, that one. And hot. Though not exactly his type. Still, if she decided to come knocking on his door looking for fun, he wouldn’t kick her out.

  “Shut up and listen,” she snapped, her tone no-nonsense, as usual. “You need to meet me at Bernie’s Bagels on Fourth at eight-thirty, okay?”

  Alec blinked. Kai had never called him. She had only very reluctantly given him her number at all when there had been a storm and they thought they might have to cancel the meeting. Blob had insisted on a phone tree. Stupid.

&nb
sp; He flopped back on his pillows. One of them still smelled like a cheap perfume the girl from a couple of evenings ago had worn. He was going to have to do laundry. What had once been alluring was getting increasingly gross as his sense of smell got better. Full moons did that.

  “Why do I need to do that? I just got off work and it’s bedtime for me.” He groaned.

  Kai’s sigh was audible over the line. “Just do it, okay? Natalie texted me about Ellis and she seems all wigged out. Since you two both work nights, I figured she might need someone else to freak out on for the rest of the day, and I have to leave for work.”

  Alec blinked at the ceiling. “Natalie? I don’t think she’d be the kind to freak out so bad that she’d need a babysitter. Anyway, she doesn’t like me.”

  That fact always kind of made him chuckle. Especially since it was so easy to make her all squirmy. It was a challenge now to find new ways to do it.

  “I don’t really care which one of you guys likes or doesn’t like the other.” Kai sighed. “Until we find Blob, somehow I’m in charge of the Merry Men, so just do it.”

  “Okay, Robin Hood. Oh, wait, you work for one of the biggest corporations in the world, so maybe you’re not actually sharing your earnings with the poor, after all—”

  She hung up on him and Alec laughed as he set the alarm on his phone for half an hour later and rolled back over. Time for a catnap. Dog nap. Whatever. He had to dream up some new ways to piss off Kai and make Natalie blush.

  At eight-thirty, Natalie was sitting in a booth near the door of the coffee shop on the corner of Kai’s street, tapping her short fingernails on the ceramic mug that was filled with steaming coffee.

  She’d been there for almost an hour, much to the annoyance of the skinny, curly-haired waitress who kept pressing her about ordering. Natalie had told her exactly fifteen times that she was waiting for someone, but the girl still made little grunting noises as the prework rush shuffled in and out the door.

  She glanced at her watch even though the Mummy Girl wasn’t exactly late. “Come on, Kai. Where the hell are you?”

  As if on cue, the door to the coffee shop opened with a jingle of the bell and Kai stepped through. She was wearing a gorgeous red pantsuit and her blond hair was swept away from her face into a sleek ponytail. She was like an Egyptian supermodel and Natalie felt super-dowdy in comparison.

  As Kai caught sight of Natalie, she frowned.

  “Did you come straight from work?” she asked as she dropped into the seat across from Natalie.

  “Yeah, why?” she asked.

  The waitress handed Kai a menu. “Coffee, please,” Kai said. Once the woman had gone, she whispered, “Well, there’s a fleck of blood on your shirt. I figured you’d have enough time to go home and change and stuff before we met. That’s why I said eight-thirty.”

  Natalie clutched her coffee cup with both hands. “I probably could have, but—”

  Before she could finish, the bell at the door of the coffee shop rang again. Natalie looked up out of habit and her eyes went wide.

  “Alec?” she said as she blinked at the shaggy guy dressed in a black hoodie and fitted gray T-shirt. He smiled toward their booth and crossed the small shop.

  “Ladies,” he said, then stared at Natalie expectantly.

  She stared back.

  “What are you doing here?” she snapped, perhaps a bit more peevishly than she had intended to sound.

  He arched an eyebrow, and for a moment he looked positively wolfish. She scowled.

  “I invited him,” Kai said with a sigh as she settled back against the shiny red leather booth seat.

  Alec was still staring at Natalie. She shrugged. “What?”

  “Can I sit down?” He chuckled.

  She folded her arms and slid against the wall to give him space. He took it and sprawled back, filling in every inch of free booth. Great.

  The waitress returned with Kai’s coffee. She set it down in front of her and turned her gaze on Alec. Suddenly she wasn’t annoyed but sweet as pie as she drawled, “And what can I get you?”

  He grinned at her and a stupid, totally attractive dimple popped in his left cheek. “Diet Coke, honey, thanks.”

  Natalie rolled her eyes as the waitress flitted off, her hips twitching a bit more than they had before.

  “Why did you invite the wolf?” she asked as she watched Kai pour cream into her coffee.

  Kai sighed. “Because by text number twenty-three it was quite clear that you were freaking out, Natalie, and I have to go to work.”

  “And?” Natalie said, still completely lost as to why Alec had to be involved.

  Kai rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time to take care of you. Alec works nights just like you, so he’s free during the day. I figured he could listen while you prattle on about whatever your issue is.”

  Natalie gasped. She wasn’t exactly close to Kai, but that actually hurt her feelings. “You think I need a babysitter?”

  Kai shrugged. “Yeah, and the only other one of us available during the day is Drake. But since he explodes or something if he gets touched by sunlight, Alec was the better choice.”

  “I don’t think you need a babysitter,” Alec interjected, with another smile meant to charm the pants off women.

  “Oh, who asked you?” Natalie snapped.

  “So what’s your freak-out over?” Kai asked. “You said something about Ellis? Do I need to kick that pervert’s ass again?”

  Before Natalie could answer, the waitress slipped back to set a glass of soda in front of Alec. “Can I take your order?”

  “Just the coffee is fine,” Kai said. “And a big ice water.”

  “French toast,” Alec said without even looking at the menu. “And eight strips of bacon. Lightly cooked.”

  Natalie glared at Alec, then glanced at the menu. “I’ll have the fried egg platter with wheat toast, sausage as the meat. I know it comes with hash browns and that’s fine, but I’d also like to add a side of fruit.”

  The waitress walked away and Kai shot her a look. “Really? You’re going to eat that much food?”

  “When I get nervous I eat,” Natalie admitted with a shrug. “My metabolism is so messed up that I never gain any weight.”

  Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Your monster powers suck.”

  As Alec barked out a burst of laughter, Natalie stared. “What do you mean?”

  “You get that weird Frankenstein strength and you can eat whatever you want?” Kai shook her head. “I get all dried out if I don’t moisturize, like, ten times a day. Oh, and I can speak a dead language. Go, me!”

  “Is that why you work for the pharmaceutical company?” Alec asked. “Free moisturizer?”

  Kai shrugged. “It doesn’t hurt. Plus I’m in charge of the beauty division, so I get to test out new products. If I could just find one that didn’t require the bandages to keep it active all day . . .” She trailed off. “Anyway, I think we’re off topic. I doubt Natalie called me here to talk to me about moisturizer.”

  “Maybe not, but sometime I’d like to talk to you about razors. Or hair-removal products,” Alec said, and Natalie was shocked that he seemed totally serious. The whole hair thing was an obsession for the guy.

  “No, no razors.” Natalie shook her head. “We’re not here to talk about any of this shit. I have to tell you guys what happened at work last night.”

  “All right, all right,” Kai said, waving her hand. “Go, tell us.”

  “I found out what happened to Ellis. Why he wasn’t at the meeting.”

  Kai snorted a laugh before she sipped her coffee. “You mean he wasn’t there the whole time lurking and thinking he was hilarious?”

  “No.” Natalie didn’t really know how to break the news, so she just blurted out, “He was—is—dead.”

  Alec choked on his gulp of soda and Kai looked at Natalie over the edge of her cup and then slowly put it down on the saucer. “I beg your pardon?”

  “Yeah, what the fuck?” Alec
asked as he wiped his chin with the closest napkin, which happened to be Natalie’s.

  “He’s dead,” Natalie repeated with a quick look around. “He was beaten to death by a mob on the Upper East Side early yesterday evening. You two didn’t see it in the paper this morning?”

  “I don’t look at the paper until I get to work,” Kai said as she leaned back in the booth.

  “Please, I don’t get the paper,” Alec snorted. Then he shook his head. “Holy shit.”

  Natalie sighed in relief that she’d gotten her news off her chest. And that both of them were taking it seriously. In some ways the two monsters in the booth with her were the ones who reacted the least to anything. Kai because she didn’t give a shit, Alec because he made a joke out of everything. But both of them looked concerned now.

  Of course, at that moment the waitress returned with water and the two breakfast plates. But now that Natalie had said out loud what had happened to Ellis, she wasn’t really hungry anymore.

  The same didn’t seem to be true for Alec, who grabbed a slice of nearly raw bacon and slurped it down with a satisfied grumble in the back of his throat.

  Kai leaned forward. “Poor Ellis. I mean, I never liked the asshole, but that sucks.”

  “It gets worse,” Natalie said as she pushed her plate away. “Want to know how the character of the Invisible Man died in H. G. Wells’s stupid story about him?”

  Kai looked at her, almost confused by the question. “Um, okay.”

  “Mob killed him,” Alec said around the food in his mouth. When the two women stared at him with twin expressions of surprise, he shrugged. “I read.”

  “He’s right.” Natalie raised her hands to accentuate the words. “A mob killed him, Kai. And my boss, the fucking medical examiner, pointed that out. I verified it on Wikipedia. Plus, I did see the paper this morning. The press is calling the case ‘The Invisible Man-slaughter.’ ”

  Kai’s eyes went wide. “Okay, that last part is worth freaking out about.”

  “Oh, just that last part? You mean, you don’t think that Ellis dying in the same way he did in The Story is worth freaking out about?” Natalie said with a huff of breath. She was starting to sound shrieky.