Loving Me for Me

by Naleighna Kai

  “Where are the munchkins right now?”

  “With his family. He asked—no, he demanded—that they spend time with them today.” She mentally flipped through the images of the Maharaj mansion including the billiards room, pub-style bar, temperature-controlled wine room; and her worries intensified. “The man is rich, Jay. He has the kind of money that could tie me up in court for years. I don’t have the kind of funds it’ll take to fight him.”

  The majority of her money had been dropped into their college and trust funds. Basically, for the first time in a long time, she was living paycheck to paycheck in a job that was merely helping her make ends meet before she met the end. And though his house and family would benefit her children on a number of levels, and it seemed Devesh could give the twins things she couldn’t afford, splitting their time between California and Chicago was not going to be the best thing for them.

  “Mama, I think you’re buying a problem before it’s even been sold,” Jay said in a voice that irritated her because it was so calm and rational. He was always the voice of reason, and she could swear she didn’t know where he came by that trait. Jay was so unlike her in many ways. And definitely unlike the father who had abandoned him early on in life. All the hurt and pain her oldest son had endured from his absentee father was heartbreaking enough. Reign was determined that the twins would not be subjected to that kind of hatred.

  “You’re not going to say I told you so.”

  Jay was silent for a moment before he answered, “I don’t need to. You did what you thought was best, but now you’ll have to get used to doing something different. You’ll need to share them with him. You’ll just have to find out how it can be done in a way you can live with. They are his children too, Mama,” he said in a low tone. “I never understood your stance on this because you definitely weren’t like this when it came to me. You told my father straight out of the gate. Anytime I wanted to see him, you would drop whatever you were doing and take me to his mother’s place where he’s been living since Hector was a pup—and Hector’s a big dog right about now and Dad is still living with his mama. If I was on punishment, you took me off long enough to spend time with him.” Again he didn’t say anything for a second, and then, “I appreciate the fact that you never kept me from him. You never said a negative word about him. I found out what a deadbeat he was on my own.”

  Reign had tried her best not to put his father’s trifling ways on blast and to make sure that Jay had some positive male presence in his life. She’d put him in martial arts because it had a multitude of strong men as mentors, and she’d even landed a big brother for him through the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metropolitan Chicago. She had grown up with a father who went out for a Pepsi and some smokes and he didn’t return until twelve years later—with another set of children and a mistress in tow. The family had been devastated by his absence when it first happened. With the breadwinner missing in action, the family went so far down, they didn’t know there had ever been an up. Their mother, Thelma, a housewife who didn’t have a high school diploma or skills that could hold a job that would support six children, never knew what would happen from one day to the next.

  The Latino family next door, were in the same state as Reign’s family. The father had left the seven of them. They were poor but not quite on the level of Reign’s family. So the two mothers began to share resources and survived that way. That is, until Roberto, the oldest son of the Madera family, fell for fourteen-year-old Reign, and she became pregnant.

  Thelma put a suitcase filled with only a few of Reign’s things outside the front door and said she couldn’t come back unless she agreed to have an abortion. When Reign picked up that suitcase and made it halfway up the concrete pathway to the sidewalk, Thelma quickly amended her stance. “Since you’re so hell-bent on keeping the baby, you can return under one condition.”

  Maria was forced to intervene and give Reign a place to stay right after that “condition” placed by her mother went in a direction Thelma never intended. She had to stand in front of the members of the congregation—and apologize for her sin. The process didn’t go well for Reign’s mother or the pastor.

  Thelma, still upset about being ostracized from the church she had been a member of for most of her life, unleashed her rage on Maria for helping Reign. She called her a spic. Maria saw Thelma for what she really was—a hypocrite—and told her straight to her face. She hadn’t been a spic when she put groceries on the table of a house whose cupboards were bare. She wasn’t a spic when she shelled out money to keep the lights and gas on for Reign’s family. Maria wasn’t a spic when it suited Thelma’s needs, but after Maria saw fit to have compassion on a fourteen-year-old who was pregnant by her twenty-one-year old son, she was every name but a child of God.

  Roberto turned out to be more like his father than anyone realized. He had been a grown man, seven years older than Reign, yet he blamed her for getting pregnant. Not only did he float in and out, making “guest appearances” in Jay’s life, but he would also get upset when he finally offered the crumbs of his life and Jay showed him that he wasn’t all that hungry. Roberto also had forced Reign into an ugly child support battle that waged all the way up until Jay started college. Over the years, he avoided paying child support—switching jobs, taking menial positions, collecting unemployment, becoming a “professional” student, and attempting to terminate his parental rights, to name a few.

  Finally, after an experience where Roberto ducked into the bathroom right before a court appearance to avoid having to see his son, Jay told Reign, “Enough! I’ll make it on my own. Stop going to court for this. I’m going to be married with my own children, and you’ll still be up in this place trying to get what you feel he owes you. Enough, Mama. Let it go. Let him go. I’m certainly going to.”

  And he was right. The minute she simply left the situation with Roberto having to pay the twenty grand in arrears and nothing more for college, the doors opened for her son to attend Fisk University in Nashville on a presidential scholarship, then South Carolina State before finishing up years later with a graphic design degree from Columbia College in Chicago.

  “I know that my father not being in my life was his choice, not yours,” Jay explained. “You didn’t give Devesh a chance to do right by his children. You made it your choice, not his,” he warned, and the truth was a little hard to bear. “Somehow, it seems like the Universe wants you to do something about that.”

  Yes, her oldest child was right about that, too.

  Chapter 4

  Anaya Singh Bakshi watched her twin rush from the living room. Her focus went to the two children who were suddenly thrust into a world that had more questions than answers. They were positioned in the same place their father chose for meditation and answers each day. Anaya had a feeling that the entire family needed to go to the Puja and join the two little ones in whatever quest they were on at the moment.

  This situation, though, had the entire family shaken. No one in the Maharaj family had married outside of their culture. And for Devesh to want someone like Reign—a woman who wasn’t as young as he was, and who was Black—her parents were holding it together pretty well.

  “Well that was intense,” her older brother, Bhavin, said. His petite wife, Sana, nodded from her position on the family room sofa.

  Conversation among the family resumed, most of it speculation about Devesh’s relationship with Reign or lack thereof. The rest was centered around what they believed would come from this new development.

  A lot of things had happened in the Maharaj family over the years, but Devesh’s desire for Reign, and now the discovery that they have children together, had to be the most scandalous. Things would be different if the more immediate family had been left alone to wrap their minds around the situation before the extended part of the family became involved.

  Unfortunately, the Shoreview Mansion was the center of all social activities for the Maharaj family. All of the family, extended family
, some of their friends and coworkers paid into a pot that purchased the groceries for dinners that were prepared for everyone on a nightly basis. Mumma, Aunts Kavya, Prisha, and Neerav kept everyone’s babies, toddlers, and preschool aged children during the day so that the women in the family could pursue their careers. The nightly dinners also served as a safe haven to discuss many things or for everyone to pitch in to watch the children if a couple wanted to go out on a date or vacations.

  When Devesh landed a major role in a Bollywood film, he had used every dime of that money to purchase this home in the warmer climate of California. Then he expanded it according to Mumma and Papa’s wishes. That was before moving the immediate family from New York to California—his parents, Anaya and her husband Pranav, his brother Bhavin and wife Sana, sister Tiya and her husband Hiran, uncles Samar and Mitul and their wives Prisha and Kavya, along with cousins Neerav and Meenu. Soon, a few others followed and settled in homes in nearby suburbs. All of them were in the house at the moment, as they had come to celebrate Devesh and Anaya’s birthday. The day started at Disney Land, Devesh called it the “happiest place in the world.” The party at the house would normally continue well into the next morning, but no one was in a festive mood at the moment.

  “I have never seen Devesh so angry,” Papa said, concern etched in his tawny face.

  Papa was wrong. Devesh had been livid several years ago after the ugly things some of the family members said about Reign when he told them he had every intention of marrying her. Tiya had taken the liberty of stalking Reign’s social media pages and printing pictures for all of the family to see. She deliberately pulled ones that were not the professional images that Anaya had seen, when she too, had sought to find out more about the woman who had captured her brother’s heart. No other woman had made Devesh want to take that trip into holy matrimony. Not even the blonde “starlet” he’d had an on again-off again relationship over the years.

  Anaya extracted herself from the flurry of people holding multiple conversations, wound her way into the kitchen to pour two small glasses of fresh mango juice. She placed them on a tray then journeyed through the series of open rooms the family called the four corners—a den that led into a family room which led into the living room and parlor—before sliding it toward Devesh’s children.

  “No, thank you,” Kamran said, looking up at her with green eyes so expressive that Anaya wanted to take him in her arms and make up for all the hugs she hadn’t been able to give him.

  “You must have something, little one,” Anaya whispered, stroking a hand through his hair.

  “No thank you, ma’am,” Leena said, her eyes glazed with tears. “We’ll wait for Mama and Papa.”

  “She said drink,” Uncle Mitul roared all the way from the den, causing the children to flinch. His face was a mask of unconcealed fury. He had always been loud and brash, but never to the many Maharaj children when they were sitting on his lap as he told them stories or gave them treats and gifts.

  “They are children,” Tiya snapped, her fist shaking in the air.

  “Why are we deferring to what they want?” Uncle Mitul asked. “They should do as we say.”

  “No thank you,” Kamran said more forcefully, moving to be in front of his sister as though to protect her with his little body. “We will wait.”

  Silence descended over the room again. These children had commanded the attention of everyone. They were beautiful and had a strength about them that belied their tender ages.

  “Leave them be,” Papa said in a tone that caused everyone to turn toward him. “They are my grandchildren. If they do not want to be bothered—Leave. Them. Be.”

  Leena used Kamran’s shoulder to pull herself up from her spot in front of the Puja. She made a beeline through the parlor and living room, then went straight for Papa and wrapped her arms around his legs. Kamran was right on her heels, but he went to Mumma instead.

  Papa’s dark brown eyes widened with shock, then he melted with an expression; something so pure that it touched Anaya’s heart. Papa’s hand reached out to stroke the silky hair that was so like Anaya’s had been as a child. The little girl looked up at him with eyes filled with gratitude and love.

  The fact that the twins were well aware of which people in the house were in their corner spoke volumes. Papa, normally the more talkative of Anaya’s parents, had not said much. Until now.

  Everyone had been elated when the passion Devesh felt for that woman died down. Now she was back, and if the anger rippling through her brother was any clear sign, he was still in love with her. Angry, but the love was still there.

  When Devesh made the transition to product spokesperson, Reign had helped him in minor ways that brought him a small amount of success. Anaya hadn’t envisioned that Reign could be in her brother’s life in any capacity, except as a friend. But as Devesh talked about her more and more, in ways he never had with any other woman, his tone was so enthused and inspired, that for a minute, Anaya became alarmed.

  Then she took a peek on Reign’s Facebook page and quickly dismissed her as a threat to any plans their family had for him. Reign was an exotic beauty in her own way, but plain in comparison to the model types her brother was used to dating. Even the Maharaj women were beautiful enough to participate in pageants, and almost all of them had trophies and landed scholarships that furthered their college education as part of the prizes. Reign was more the motherly, nurturing kind of woman. So yes, friendship was the only thing there could ever be between her and Devesh.

  The tide turned when the family voiced their concerns over the fact that Devesh was spending too much time on the phone with her, texting, calling, video chatting—all innocent; mostly business. So they thought. But there was something about the vibe Devesh had after speaking with her that Anaya recognized as something she’d only seen in one other person. Herself, when she fell in love with Pranav.

  But Devesh was intensely steeped in their culture. He knew what was expected of him. He could “play” with foreigners all day long, take them for a test drive if need be, but even he understood that he’d better ride home with an Indian woman for that lifelong marital journey.

  Though he had dated women of other ethnic backgrounds, none of them had been Black. None of them had been older. None of them had been so … thick. That was the word—the woman was curvy. What were they calling it these days? Plus size. How could he be attracted to her? So the blonde aspiring actress didn’t hold his interest anymore? He had to sleep with a grown woman with some years on him? And she managed to get pregnant? How irresponsible!

  Anaya swept a look to the twins, who were listening to a story that Papa was sharing to keep them entertained. All the other family members had gone back to eating and gossiping but were sending looks at the children, watching how Papa, Aunt Kavya, and Mumma seemed to be at ease. Even her husband, Pranav, was smitten by them.

  She could swear it took everything inside of her not to scream “DNA test.” Honestly, there wasn’t a need for one. Those children didn’t look like they took any genes from Reign other than her green eyes and a little fullness about the lips. They did seem to take her determination, strength, and intelligence, though.

  Leena scrambled down from Papa’s lap, cornered one of the coffee tables and stopped in front of Anaya. She tilted her head back until she could look her directly in the eyes. A small smile played about her little lips. Whatever Anaya’s misgivings, they didn’t matter at this point.

  Anaya brushed aside all thoughts and reached down to take Leena in her arms.

  “I’m your Aunt Anaya.”

  “Anaya,” Leena repeated, placing a hand on her aunt’s cheek. “Anaya is pretty. Like my Papa.”

  “That’s because your Papa is my brother.”

  Leena blinked twice, absorbing that tidbit of information. She flickered a look to her brother and then back to Anaya. “Like Kamran …”

  “Yes,” Anaya said, smiling at her niece’s perception. “Like Kamran is your
twin brother, Devesh is mine.”

  Leena returned that smile and Anaya’s heart swelled with love. Devesh had said he’d wanted marriage and a family, but it wasn’t high on his list of things to accomplish. Now she was looking down at his child, and the family had not been silent since he ran out the door, all voicing their opinions on his choice for a mate.

  If she, who loved her brother dearly, couldn’t accept Reign, how on earth would they?

  Chapter 5

  Devesh activated his blue tooth the moment he was about to exit the expressway. He placed a much-needed call to someone who he spoke to every week, but had never let on about the twins. He had to wonder what their friendship was based on if he, too, could keep them a secret.

  “Jay?”

  “Devesh,” was the one-word reply. Almost as if he knew the reason for the call.

  “Why?”

  “You know why,” he replied. “Lovers come and go, but I only have one Mama. And whatever reason she had for not telling you, I had to respect that. Even though I didn’t agree. Loyalty is a big thing with my mother. I’ve seen her cut off family members who are still trying to figure out how she peeped their games.”

  Devesh tried to wrap his mind around Jay’s reasoning. People didn’t disown family. That’s not how things were done.

  “I try to stay out of grown folks business,” Jay continued. “But I did give you an opportunity quite a few times.”

  Devesh rubbed his temple, trying to figure out what the heck Jay was talking about.

  “How many times did I ask you to come to Chicago?” Jay asked. “How many times did I insist that you slide through here?”

  Realization slammed into Devesh. That he did. Evidently, if the new information Devesh had gathered, those invites came on dates right before birthdays belonging to Jay, Reign, Devesh, and the twins—along with Christmas and New Years. Even one that had come a few days ago. And Devesh had ignored them all. He wasn’t sure he could be in the same city without seeking Reign out and pressuring her for a relationship she obviously didn’t want.