Blue Pills

by Armand Vespertine

  “Their loss, right? I guess all the seasoned gold farmers have pretty much given up hope of ever getting any Mythreal,” he speculated.

  “But not you?”

  “I thought I had, but I guess there was something about you that rekindled a spark of hope in me,” he replied. “I mean, I haven’t even known you twelve hours yet and you’ve already made my life immeasurably better.”

  Vega tilted his head towards her and kissed him gently.

  “I’m really glad we met too,” she said. “I was pretty upset when my party gave up on the Sword of Objectivism campaign. They thought I was crazy when I suggested we tried to get Mythreal to fortify our armour. They were fine with giving up because this is all a game to them, but this is the only life I have. I don’t give up on quests, ever. I would have grinded for years if I’d had to to get my mining skill high enough.”

  “Well I know firsthand how much fun that is,” he told her. “I’m glad I was able to spare you from it.”

  “Was your life as a gold farmer really so bleak?” she asked sympathetically.

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t live in the past anymore,” he told her. “I’ve been dreaming of a day when I wouldn’t have to gold farm anymore for a long time, and now that day’s here. Today was the day my life changed, and I have you to thank for it. I can honestly say without hyperbole that this was the best day of my life.”

  She kissed him again, more passionately this time, while tightly wrapping her arms around his neck.

  “Take me to your bedroom, and I’ll give you the best night of your life too,” she said with a ravenous gleam in her eyes.

  Maverick lifted her off the couch and carried her to his room. She set her feet on the ground and playfully pushed him onto his bed. Gazing up at her in adulation, he hurriedly reached for his pants.

  “Wait! Before you take it out, you should know that I always laugh when I see one,” she explained hastily.

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “I’m not laughing at it. I mean, I do think they look kind of silly, but I’m really laughing because I know I shouldn’t be laughing and I just can’t help it. So please, please don’t be upset when I laugh at your penis.”

  Vega groaned and buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. Maverick couldn’t help but smile at her adorableness.

  “It’s okay, I can take it,” he assured her. He pulled down his pants to reveal his fully erect organ, at which point Vega started laughing hysterically.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she apologized through her juvenile giggling.

  “Don’t apologize; I love hearing you laugh,” he told her. She cooed affectionately, and then removed the last of her own clothing. She leaned in to kiss him, and gently pushed him down flat on the bed. As she slowly took him into her body, he gasped at the warm moistness that was engulfing him. His avatar allowed him full control over his sexual functions, so he didn’t need to worry about going off prematurely. It was however a realistic penis, so he was hoping that she wasn’t expecting him to spin or vibrate or anything like that.

  Fortunately she seemed satisfied with him, bucking up and down with increasing ferocity. Her body was glistening with sweat now, her heavy breathing punctuated more and more frequently by gasps of pre-orgasmic joy. She held onto his shoulders for support while he clasped onto her waist and tenderly kissed her neck. He could tell from her cries when she had reached her first orgasm, but assumed that like most female avatars she was multi-orgasmic and so did not give himself permission to ejaculate yet. She continued to thrust up and down on him after her initial orgasm, and soon afterwards was screaming even louder. After that it was hard to tell just from her vocalizations when one orgasm ended and another began. Eventually she seemed to be winding down, so Maverick finally let himself ejaculate. She almost seemed relieved when he started going soft, collapsing on his chest in a heap.

  She kissed him warmly on the lips, stroking his hair. She smiled, but was too exhausted for words. She took one last glance at his flaccid penis, giggled, and then fell asleep in his arms.

  A beam of morning sun woke them from sleep. Maverick looked beside him to see Vega softly stirring, looking almost angelic in the golden light. He kissed her gently on the forehead, and she awoke fully and smiled at him.

  “Good morning,” she said, stretching her arms and rising from the bed.

  “Actually I think it’s the best morning ever,” he told her.

  “Good to know you’re still enamoured with me ‘the morning after’. We’re still on for questing today then?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Great. My HUD is telling me that Koby’s in Apocalypse City. The rest of my party is offline right now, so we’ll get Koby first and meet up with them later. I can drop off my Teleportal Castor at the bank and pick up that Cygnet Axe for you.”

  Vega took a few sniffs from her nose, and sighed pleasantly.

  “Smells like your roommate’s making that breakfast he owes us,” she smiled. “Let’s go.”

  She hopped out of bed and equipped her underwear to her avatar.

  “Hey Warren,” she greeted happily as she strolled into the kitchen.

  “Hey…Vegan?”

  “Vega,” she corrected. “Is that plate for me?”

  “It is,” Warren said, setting it down in front of her. He gave an unfavourable look to Maverick as he sat down at the breakfast bar. “I would still like an apology.”

  “For what?” he asked.

  “I struck out at the club last night because I was the loser who was there early. All I got was a handy j at the glory hole.”

  “I didn’t make you go to the club. You could have gone anywhere else.”

  “And do what? Go on little make believe adventures to find treasure or slay monsters?” he asked derisively. “I’m here to get laid!”

  “Fine, whatever. I’m sorry,” Maverick said reluctantly. “Can I have my breakfast now please?”

  “Yeah, here you go,” he said, sliding the plate in front of him.

  “So Maverick, I realize we only met yesterday, and I’m totally fine if it’s not cool with you, but when we meet up with my party can I introduce you as my boyfriend?” Vega asked hopefully. Warren immediately began gagging on the piece of bacon he was eating. “What’s with him?”

  “Warren has such an intense phobia of commitment that even other relationships can give him a panic attack,” Maverick replied with a role of his eyes. “But yeah though, I’m cool with that. If you want to call me your boyfriend that’s…that’s all right.”

  “Awesome,” Vega smiled.

  “Dude, are you crazy? You just met this girl?” Warren asked. “And what is she talking about ‘meeting her party later’?”

  “He and I are going questing today,” Vega told him.

  “Maverick, no. Don’t let this girl distract you. You need to work today.”

  “I…don’t, actually,” Maverick replied hesitantly.

  “What does that mean?”

  “She and I made a pretty big score yesterday.”

  “How big?”

  Again, Maverick hesitated.

  “Sixty six kilos of Mythreal,” he said reluctantly.

  “Sixty six kilos?” Warren asked in disbelief.

  “I’ve already sold twenty five.”

  “So…you’re a millionaire?”

  “Technically.”

  “Then you don’t really need to be charging me rent anymore?”

  “I don’t really need a roommate at all, actually.”

  “The rent’s fine,” he agreed with a dismissive gesture. “So you’re just giving up gold farming?”

  “That’s what people do when they strike it rich; they quit their boring, pointless jobs and pursue their dreams,” Maverick claimed. “Fortunately for me, we’re living in a dream world. I’m joining Vega’s party, and I’ll be questing with her for the foreseeable future. ”

  “For real? You come in to all this money and you’re just g
oing to use it to play neurosims forever? Don’t you think maybe it would be better spent accomplishing something real?”

  “I have a real girlfriend. That’s all the reality I need for now,” he said.

  “She’s not your girlfriend! You didn’t know her this time yesterday!” Warren said.

  “Warren, calm down,” Vega insisted. “I get that you’re concerned about Maverick, but what he does with his life and his money is none of your business. I understand that you have a job and a body in real life, but he and I are Blue Pills. Surreality is the only reality for us. I realize that you think questing isn’t important, but my ‘little make believe adventures’ are basically my whole reason for living. I know I haven’t known Maverick very long, but I know that he never drew any sense of purpose from gold farming. I think it’s important for him to find some kind of purpose now, and if he wants me to help him find it in questing I don’t think you have any right to belittle that.”

  Warren sighed in resignation.

  “Can you at least tell me where you’re going?” he asked.

  “Apocalypse City, and after that the Aeolic Temple,” she replied.

  “Jesus Herbert Christ,” Warren muttered. “That’s your idea of a fun afternoon?”

  “The most powerful items in Surreality are locked up in the Aeolic Temple. If we can actually pull off a successful raid, we’ll be unbeatable.”

  “A successful raid on the most heavily infested Screech stronghold in the Game?” he asked dubiously. “When was the last time you even heard of anyone beating the Aeolic Temple?”

  “About the same time someone got their hands on enough Mythreal to armour their entire party,” she replied smugly. Warren became pensive for a moment.

  “I’m coming with you,” he said at last.

  “Excuse me?” Vega asked.

  “I just want to make sure that you’re for real and not running some kind of con on Maverick,” he replied. “He doesn’t have the best track record with this kind of thing.”

  “Warren, you don’t need to baby sit me,” Maverick protested. “And don’t you need to work today?”

  “I can take a personal day,” he assured him.

  “What class and level are you?” Vega asked.

  “I don’t remember or know,” he replied. She rolled her eyes and pulled up his profile.

  “Seventeen Spartan? Are you serious? How can you only be a level seventeen?"

  “It is hardly my fault that the people who program this game reward sexual achievements with so little XP,” he vindicated himself. “Newb or not, I’m coming with you. Finish your breakfast, and eat well, for today we do battle with the most notorious and vile monstrosities in all the realm!”

  “All right, but I’ve got to stop at the bank first.”

  Apocalypse City was a great metropolis of decaying and crumbling skyscrapers overgrown with vegetation. At its center was a deep crater over a thousand meters across. All around its outskirts the city was encompassed by a tall and intimidating perimeter fence, plastered with bright yellow signs warning of almost every possible danger. Heavily armed foot patrols kept a lethal vigil, while also presiding over the precious few entrances into the city.

  Maverick, Vega, and Warren loaded themselves just outside the city limits, in front of the local Grimwald Bank. It was a gothic looking monstrosity that stood in pristine condition in contrast to the desolation around it. The interior was elegantly decorated, with hanging chandeliers, a large fountain in the center of the lobby, and an enormous portrait of Grimwald, the bank’s founder. Like all bankers in Surreality, Grimwald was a hobgoblin, and looked like a Jewish caricature from Nazi propaganda.

  “Ms. Tir-anna, a pleasure to see you again. Come to make a deposit I trust?” one of the hobgoblins greeted her with a greedy smile and clasping of his long fingers.

  “Oy vey,” Warren muttered.

  “You’re one to talk. You’re a stereotype from an evangelical’s brimstone sermon,” Maverick claimed.

  “Yeah but I’m not campy though,” Warren said. Vega cleared her throat, indicating that they should fall silent.

  “I have, but I’ll also need to be taking out some equipment,” she replied to the hobgoblin. “Can you take me to my vault please?”

  “But of course. Right this way,” he said, stepping down off his stool and leading them to the back. “If either of your gentlemen friends would be interested in opening an account with us we’re currently offering the first six months with no transaction fees, with some exceptions of course, and you’ll receive your choice of reward as part of our referral program.”

  “Just the vault today, thank you very much.”

  “Hmmm. As you wish.”

  When they got to the vault the hobgoblin dialed in the combination that loaded Vega’s account. He slowly pushed it open, revealing Vega’s personal treasury.

  “Take all the time you need,” the banker said.

  “Mazel tov,” Warren nodded at the goblin as he returned to the teller counter.

  At the center of Vega’s vault was a hoard of millions of gold coins from various mintages, ranging from royal shillings to pirate doubloons. The hoard was sprinkled with various common gemstones and generic jewellery. There were racks of weapons and equipment lining the side walls, with a wardrobe and a trophy case in the back.

  Vega dumped the ten thousand coins she had received from killing Idolum out of her pockets and into the pile, and then placed the Teleportal Castor onto its mantle.

  “Don’t you think maybe we should keep that with us?” Maverick asked. “It’s pretty useful.”

  “Believe me I’d love to, but at level 99 my inventory is a popular target for hackers,” Vega replied. “My avatar only has so many secure holding slots, so unless I really need it everything valuable goes in here. I need all my safe slots available for the Temple later.”

  She turned to her weapons rack and picked a double bladed black battle axe. Its blades were shaped and decorated to look like swan wings, and the spike in the middle resembled a swan’s head.

  “This isn’t a holy weapon, so as a Paladin you won’t get bonuses from it, but I did put an augment on it that increases the experience you get from kills,” she explained as she presented it to him. “May you wield it with the same skill as your humble pickaxe.”

  “It’s beautiful, thank you,” he said as he took possession of it.

  “It doesn’t really go with your outfit though. I’ve got some Paladin Robes in my wardrobe if you’d like to try them on,” she suggested.

  “I’d love to,” he agreed, perhaps a little overeagerly.

  “You’re going to let her dress you now?” Warren asked in revulsion.

  “Ignore him,” Vega said, taking him by the hand and leading him to the wardrobe. She flipped though her vast collection of clothes until she came upon the Paladin Robes. Maverick tapped the screen, and the hooded robes rezzed onto his body. They were silver white, inlaid with spiral patterns of shimmering satin and embroidered with glittering silver threads along the edges. They came with a pair of silver vambraces (each of which held a holy dagger), a wide black belt and a pair of tall black boots.

  “That’s so much better,” Vega complimented as he slung the Cygnet Axe onto his back. “It’s kind of hipsterish to wear real fashions, you know? It gives people the impression you think you’re too cool to be here.”

  “I know,” Maverick nodded contritely.

  “Well I am too cool to be here, so you’re not going to be putting any ridiculous costume on me,” Warren said. “Just give me something to defend myself with.”

  “Luckily for you I’ve held onto some low grade weapons,” she said, tossing him a javelin and a large, bronze shield. “Come back with that shield or on it Spartan.”

  “Spartan’s had swords too. I want a sword,” he complained.

  “Too bad. All off my swords are too valuable to entrust to you,” she claimed.

  “This is a phalanx weapon. How am
I supposed to use this?” he protested.

  “Dude, you can’t invite yourself onto my party and then demand I provide you with premium weapons,” she said. “In fact, if you lose those you owe me 900 gold.”

  She threw him a pouch full of translucent red gel capsules.

  “Use your panacea pills sparingly,” she said as she handed a pouch to Maverick. “The radiation in Apocalypse City will drain your Health at a rate of ten points per minute, and if you get infected with Doom Plague it will drain twice as fast.”

  “I can cast a Blessed Aura on each of us that will stop our Health from draining,” Maverick said. “I also know some healing spells in case we get injured, and if you have a Lazarus Phial I can resurrect dead party members.”

  “Sweet. Do you know any aggressive magic?” Vega asked.

  “I know White Fire and Whirlwind, which I can weave together, but that uses up nearly all my Mana.”

  With a gust of wind Vega rushed towards Maverick at impossible speed, but instead of colliding with him she passed through him like a ghost. She leaped onto his back from behind.

  “That was my Quantum Rush. I can effectively teleport behind my enemies and stab them in the back. I can never be surrounded. ”

  In an instant she was back where she was standing before. She held out her swirling palm and conjured some crackling lightning.

  “I can also do some classic lightning, which I mostly like to channel through my weapons.”

  “I can pull a quarter out from behind your ear,” Warren said dryly.

  Vega ignored him and grabbed a green Lazarus Phial from her apothecary chest and tossed it to Maverick.

  “Okay, I think we’re locked and loaded. Let’s move out.”

  The streets of Apocalypse City were cracked and overgrown with plant life, and lined with the remains of vehicles that had long since been gutted for parts. There were usually at least a few corpses in sight, and some of the buildings were in such a severe state of decay they looked like they might collapse at any second.

  “We’re not in the quarantined quarter, but keep an eye out for the Infected. They break out from time to time,” Vega said, continuously glancing in every direction for signs of trouble.