Blue Pills

by Armand Vespertine

  “Really now. I know everyone hates fast zombies but this is ridiculous,” Kush moaned. He reached underneath his throne and picked up a brick of cocaine.

  “Look alive fellas,” he said, tossing it into the horde. “Undead or not, nothing motivates a man more than having a monkey on his back.”

  The brick exploded into a cloud of powder upon impact. Those that inhaled it were instantly thrown into a berserker rage. However, in their drug addled state, the tribalism that prevented them from attacking their own kind was gone. In a mad fury they lashed out at those nearest to them, ripping off limbs and tearing out organs. Those unaffected were too slow witted to respond, and merely stared dumbly until they themselves were torn to pieces.

  “Oh my,” Kush said as he observed the scene in horror. Vega on the other hand couldn’t stop laughing.

  “So we don’t even have to fight them?” Maverick asked.

  “Not if we don’t want to. This is mainly a breather round,” she replied. “I never fight them because I think coked out zombies are hilarious.”

  Before long there were only a few zombies left. They did not attack each other, but neither did they attack Vega and her party. Instead, they turned their sights on Kush. They pounced over to his Emperor’s Box and began clawing up the walls.

  “I will be having none of this!” Kush shouted, grabbing a shot gun and blasting the zombies back down. Once he was content that they would stay dead he put down his gun and regained his composure.

  “Ah…I hope y’all enjoyed that little PSA about the dangers of cocaine. I like to contribute to the community, whenever I can. I think there was a good message for the kids in there, somewhere. Remember; the only difference between a zombie and a coke addict is that the zombie was dead to begin with, or something.

  “Anywho, I see that Vega is still alive, and that is beginning to frustrate me. I’m thinking that this next round should be the last, and for that I’m going to have to bring in an abomination of especial maleficence.

  “Unleash the Crocanthrop!”

  The party turned towards the gates of the arena, and watched as a twelve foot tall humanoid crocodile slowly emerged from the shadows. Its long arms hung nearly to the ground with a massive pair of fists on the ends. It’s dark green scales looked impenetrable, and the spines running down its back and enormous tail were razor sharp and stained in blood. It sniffed the air eagerly, a ravenous bloodlust apparent in its sickly yellow eyes.

  A deafening roar escaped its monstrous maw, and it charged straight towards the party with murderous resolve.

  “Split up!” Koby yelled. The three of them all ran in different directions, leaving the Crocanthrop to crash into the stadium wall, cracking it badly. Its Health bar went down a notch, but it appeared otherwise unharmed.

  Vega was closest to it, so it went chasing after her. It quickly cornered her against a wall, but as soon as it went in for the kill she vanished, using her Quantum Rush to dash behind it and smash its tail with her hammer.

  The beast roared in agony, and with one smack of its broken tail it sent Vega flying into the far wall. A white fireball struck it in its face, and it turned its attention towards Maverick. Roaring furiously it ran towards him, grasping with its monstrous claws.

  Maverick held his ground until the last instant, rolling out of the way and letting it crash into the wall again. He struck it multiple times with his axe while it was disoriented, but this only nicked the creature’s thick hide. Without warning it spun around and grabbed him, hoisting him high over its head, opening its jaw wide.

  Koby took this opportunity to chuck a grenade down its gullet. A muffled explosion could be heard from inside it, and smoke started billowing from its mouth as if it were a dragon.

  It dropped Maverick, doubling over and clutching its stomach, moaning in pain and coughing up blood. Vega jumped upon the thing’s back and began pummeling it mercilessly with her hammer.

  “This is completely unacceptable!” Kush proclaimed. “This is a clear case of animal cruelty, and I will not abide it. Kush Kids, get off your worthless behinds and get in there! Defend that innocent creature!”

  Every single gang member in the Coliseum started pouring onto the field, screaming fiercely and brandishing whatever weapons they had.

  “Keep them off me!” Vega ordered.

  Koby laid down some more suppressive fire, but they were coming from every direction and he couldn’t hold them all back.

  Maverick thought that now would be the best time to weave his white fire with his whirlwind. He held his axe over his head, shouted an incantation and slammed his axe into the ground beneath him. A powerful vortex of wind spread out from his position, interwoven with a tornado of white hot fire. Most of the gang members were caught in it. They were thrown around like rag dolls, and burning like paper. Their Health bars were brought low, but they were still alive.

  Vega decided to finish them off. Casting a lightning spell on her hammer, she summersaulted off of the Crocanthrop and swung her hammer into the ground, sending out an electric shockwave. The Kush Kids writhed in agony as the electricity coursed through their bodies and depleted their remaining Health.

  “I didn’t want to have to do this, because it scares the bejesus out of me, but you have left me no choice!” Kush shouted.

  He pushed a big red button on a radio remote. A barrel of nuclear waste slid out of a chute and rolled onto the field, stopping right in front of the Crocanthrop’s feet. It tore the lid off and chugged the glowing green ooze down its throat. Within seconds its eyes started glowing green as well. It grew to fifteen feet tall, and its muscles bulged so much its skin split. Its spines, teeth and claws all grew several inches as well. It held its head up to the sky and released an insane sounding roar, belching radioactive fire.

  “Behold; the Atomic Crocanthrop!” Kush announced. “I…I instantly regret this. I have no idea how I’m going to get this monstrosity under control. Sometimes I wish I was not a man of such unbridled passions.”

  The few Kush Kids who remained alive ran in terror at the sight of the unholy abomination.

  “Boys, stand back. Let me handle this,” Vega said. Koby and Maverick made no disagreement and quickly retreated to a safe distance.

  The Crocanthrop snarled at her, and then charged. Vega stood perfectly still, and at the exact right moment swung her hammer with such force that she hit the beast on the head and sent it flying sideways. In a burst of super speed she beat the croc to its landing place and struck it again, sending it flying in another direction. She dashed in front of it again, but this time sent it flying up in the air. As it came tumbling down she smacked it like a tennis ball, sending it crashing into the wall.

  To her dismay, the Health bar over its head remained nearly fully.

  “Koby, adhesive grenade!” Vega ordered. Koby immediately lugged a globular grenade onto the temporarily stunned creature, encasing it in a thick sticky resin. Both Vega and Maverick rushed to the immobile beast and imparted a rapid succession of blows from their melee weapons. As its Health dropped it became angrier and angrier, until finally it burst free of its adhesive prison. With a single back handed blow sent its two attackers flying across the stadium.

  Koby grappled up to the top of the goal post, where he thought he’d be safe, and began firing a continuous stream of bullets at his adversary. The projectiles bounced off the creatures hide and did little damage.

  It was enraged regardless.

  It grabbed hold of the goal post and freed it from the ground in a single pull. The Crocanthrop began swinging it wildly, sending Koby tumbling to the ground. The reptile immediately began bashing him with the post relentlessly.

  “Now what?” Maverick asked.

  “Well, usually when we fight cold blood adversaries we have our Mage cast an ice spell,” Vega explained. “But she’s not here.”

  “What about a CO2 fire extinguisher? There’s probably one in a place like this, especially if it can help us beat this t
hing.”

  “I’ll see if I can find one,” she said, dashing off at super speed.

  “Vega! I say, Ms. Vega get back here!” Kush demanded. “You are not dead yet missy! Why can these gladiatorial death sports never end civilly?”

  The Crocanthrop, either growing bored with beating Koby or convinced that he was sufficiently incapacitated, chucked the goal post into the stands and turned its gaze to Maverick. Snorting like a bull, it let out a bellowing roar and then charged straight for him. Maverick knew he couldn’t outrun it, so he stood his ground, holding his axe firmly in his grasp, and wishing he had saved his fire whirlwind for now.

  The ground literally shook with each stride the behemoth took. Maverick thought that maybe if he maneuvered himself correctly he could decapitate the thing as it ran past, but he doubted it. The monster coming at him seemed to be the embodiment of an unstoppable force, and he was hardly an unmovable object. It roared again, loud as a jet plane, ready to annihilate its target.

  Just as he was sure he was about to die, Vega appeared beside him, holding a fire extinguisher. She pointed its nozzle at the Crocanthrop and fired, engulfing it in a white cloud. It took several seconds for the haze to clear, but when it did they saw the crocodile man frozen solid, encased in dry ice.

  “Good idea,” Vega said, smiling in relief. She pulled out her war hammer, spun round and round to charge up her critical strike, and with one blow she smashed the beast into innumerable little pieces.

  “Well now. It appears there are no more challengers for the title of Coliseum Champion,” Kush lamented. “This is not at all how I wanted today to go. I only keep those extinguishers in the building because of the municipal health and safety bylaws, and I do not think it is right to take advantage of my deep and heartfelt concern for the wellbeing of my citizenry.

  “As a matter of fact, I will not allow you the title of Coliseum Champion just yet. If you wish to claim yourself the victor of these tribulations, you must first defeat me in a battle of fisticuffs.”

  Kush let out a battle cry, jumping from his Emperor’s Box and landing face down in the field.

  He didn’t get back up.

  “So, we won right?” Maverick asked.

  “Yep. Congratulations; you are now a Coliseum Champion of Apocalypse City,” Vega said proudly. “What do you think of that Koby?”

  Koby, who seemed fully recovered, rose from the ground and calmly strode over to join them.

  “That was good thinking with the fire extinguisher, and there aren’t many intermediate players who can say they survive the Coliseum, even if they are a twink,” he said.

  “I’m not a twink,” Maverick objected. Koby merely smirked, but his expression suddenly turned to alarm.

  “What is he doing here?” he asked. They turned around to see what he was talking about. Perched on top of the towering flood light was Idolum, gazing down at them with his expressionless face.

  “Jesus Christ!” Vega cursed, clenching her hammer. “What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me? Do you want a rematch? Come and get it then, I’ll take you down with one blow just like last time.”

  He stood there for several seconds without responding, slowly tilting his head from one side to the other, lazily flapping his skeletal wings.

  “Dude, if you don’t fuck off right now I will report you to the Game Masters for griefing!” Vega threatened.

  “Hold on. Let’s see if he really is so easy to kill,” Koby said, pulling out his automatic rifle. He carefully aimed it and fired a stream of high caliber bullets.

  Idolum didn’t even flinch.

  “Damn it, there’s no PvP combat allowed here. No wonder the bastard’s so confident,” Koby said.

  “Fine, then we’ll go somewhere where there is PvP combat,” Vega declared. “And if you follow us glass jaw, I will kill you again!”

  The entire party derezzed as Vega loaded them to a new location. Idolum continued standing there smugly, a raspy laugh escaping his throat.

  Chapter Three – An Arrow to the Knee

  The party rezzed back into being just outside the entrance to a medieval village, surrounded by an immense redwood forest.

  “Where are we?” Maverick asked.

  “The village of Brawler’s Grave, in the Shadowin Forrest,” Koby replied. “There’s a PvP arena here, which happens to be where the rest of our party is at the moment. We’ll have to wait until they’re done until we can talk to them.”

  “That’s fine. We have to get our armour upgraded first anyway,” Vega said. “Keep an eye out for Idolum. I doubt he’ll appear anywhere he’s vulnerable, but you never know.”

  “Maverick!” an angry voice called from far behind them.

  “Uh oh, I’m in trouble,” Maverick bemoaned.

  “Don’t worry babe. I’ve got your back,” Vega smiled, pulling out her war hammer.

  “Maverick!” Warren shouted again, running furiously towards them.

  “That’s as far as you come Spartan,” Vega warned, holding out her hammer to keep him at a distance. Warren skidded to a stop, kneeling over to catch his breath.

  “Oh damn. My avatar is out of shape,” he gasped. “How sad is that?”

  “You have resurrection sickness,” Vega informed him. “Why did you come back?”

  “Why didn’t you bring me back?” Warren asked. “I respawned as a Shade in the Halls of Lachrymose. The Angels wouldn’t resurrect me because my Alignment isn’t good enough so I had to pay a Ferryman to bring me back. One of you owes me a thousand gold coins.”

  “If we had resurrected you, you would have just died again,” Vega claimed. “You’d still be out a thousand gold, and we’d be out a Lazarus Phial. And you didn’t have to have a Ferryman resurrect you. If you can return to the Mortal Plane and find your body you can resurrect it yourself.”

  “How was I supposed to do that?” Warren asked.

  “I don’t know,” Vega shrugged. “I’ve always been good, so I’ve never had a problem getting the Angels to send me back.”

  Warren groaned, half in annoyance and half in pain. He sat on the ground and hugged his knees, trying to suppress his nausea.

  “Warren, you’re sick. You should go home,” Maverick suggested.

  “Not until I’m satisfied that this girl isn’t up to something,” he said, puking a little in his mouth.

  “You realize that it’s incredibly insulting to just assume that a girl who says she likes me must have ulterior motives?” Maverick asked.

  “I think he’s jealous,” Vega speculated. “I think he liked things the way they were, and he’s mad because I’m upsetting his status quo.”

  “Oh, fuck you Yoko,” Warren said.

  “We are not the Beatles,” Maverick said, shaking his head.

  “Listen dude, we’re heading off to the Blacksmith. If you can keep up you’re welcome to tag along,” Vega said, heading off into the village. Maverick and Koby followed without hesitation.

  “You can’t just leave me!” Warren protested. “There are wolves out here! Big Bad Wolves who want my picnic basket! Guys? God damn it.”

  Warren forced himself up, and reluctantly followed them as quickly as he could.

  The Blacksmith’s shop was fair-sized, and decorated with some of the finest samples of his work. A particularly ornate suite of plate armour had caught Warren’s attention.

  “Look at this,” he said, eyeing it over. “What do you guys think of this?”

  “It’s plate armour; it’s only meant for elite warrior classes,” Vega told him. “On anyone else it drains too much stamina to be worth it.”

  “Well what good did stamina do me against those mutts?” Warren asked. “My Health is ridiculously low compared to you guys. I need serious protection against all the freaky monsters you insist on fighting.”

  “So what are you planning on doing? Just stand there in your metal husk while the rest the party kills everything?” Vega asked.

  “I don’t die an
d I do no work; its win-win,” he smiled.

  “Whatever dude. It’s your money.”

  “Can I help you?” the Gnomish Blacksmith asked, stepping out from his forge. He had a very shiny bald head and a long grey goatee, and was dressed in a stylized steampunk outfit.

  “Fizwitz, good to see you again. I need six elite outfits augmented with Mythreal,” Vega replied, pulling out the item cards from her pocket.

  “Seven! I’m getting this one,” Warren announced. “And this mace.”

  He picked up a mace from the rack, but its heavy head immediately fell to the ground.

  “It’s okay, I got it!” he claimed, dragging the weapon to the counter. “Maverick, you can buy this for me right? I’ll pay you back in globecoins later.”

  “I’m not paying for it if you break it. Put it down,” Maverick replied. Warren carefully leaned the weapon up against the counter, cautiously hovering over it in case it fell.

  Fizwitz glared at him distrustfully, but turned his attention back to Vega.

  “It will take twenty eight kilos to augment seven outfits,” he stated. “Do you have that much Mythreal?”

  “And then some,” she smiled proudly.

  “Well then, I assume you won’t have a problem paying for this augmentation,” Fizwitz said. “As you know, Mythreal’s not easy to work with, even for the most highly skilled of smiths.”

  “Out with it; how much is it going to cost?” Vega asked.

  “At least thirty eighty thousand gold. Each,” he replied.

  “Thirty eight grand a piece? That’s ridiculous!” Vega protested.

  “Augmentations are charged by the level,” Fizwitz explained. “The Mythreal will increase your durability tenfold, so an elite outfit will effectively become at least level eight hundred. That Mythreal’s no use to you until it’s made into armour. Either pay my price or let it sit in your inventory.”

  “Vega, I can help pay for it if you want,” Maverick offered.

  “No, you need your money to pay for your pod,” she insisted. “Besides, this is my quest. You shouldn’t have to blow six fix figures just because I want to get to level 100.”