You Have To Accept That Things Won't Always Go Your Way

by Ao Jyumonji

  This was Ranta. How had he figured it out?

  “It’s not like you, Haruhiro, you know that? Hmm? You ought to know your place. Okay?” Ranta slapped him on the shoulder.

  Haruhiro had a strong urge to knock Ranta flat, but he refrained.

  Even if I told you, there’d be no point. Would you understand? You, Ranta? I don’t think so.

  Ranta couldn’t possibly understand how Haruhiro felt.

  Haruhiro had nearly died. He had meant to give his life so his comrades could escape.

  True enough, his comrades had been fine, and Haruhiro hadn’t had to die. On top of that, he had even taken down Death Spots. It had gone great.

  The result had been great, but he couldn’t just say, “All’s well that ends well.”

  After all, he had just gotten lucky.

  Had he not happened to see the line that time, Haruhiro couldn’t have killed Death Spots.

  But I did see it, so what was wrong with that? I shouldn’t take it lightly like that.

  If he got in a similar situation again, would he leave his fate to the heavens then, too?

  He couldn’t do that. Well, what could he do, then?

  There were two things.

  One was to avoid getting into a life or death situation again. Of course, he intended to be careful not to.

  Then there was the other option: Make it not a fluke. He just had to make it so he was able to see that line at all times.

  But, it doesn’t work like that. Even Barbara-sensei said, “Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don’t. It’s not something you can see by focusing, after all.” It’s unreliable. It’s a mistake to try and count on it. I know that.

  But maybe, Haruhiro might have been thinking, it wasn’t a fluke at all. I might have some sort of talent.

  —If I do, that’d be nice.

  “Haru?”

  “Huh?”

  When he looked up, Merry was crouched down next to him.

  “Wh-What? Huh? I-Is something up...?” he asked.

  “I should ask you the same,” Merry said, laughing a little. “Worried about something?”

  “Nah—”

  If this hadn’t been the third level of the Cyrene Mines, and Merry had been the only one around, would he have opened up to her and been honest?

  Even then, he might not have.

  “It’s nothing,” he said.

  “I see. Well, that’s good, then.”

  The look on Merry’s face told him she didn’t think it was good at all. Haruhiro felt a dull pain in his chest, as if he had done something wrong.

  It’s kind of unfair, you know. All of this stuff.

  Chapter 2: Coincidence

  They returned to Alterna, sold off their loot, split the proceeds, ate dinner, returned to home sweet home at the volunteer soldier lodging house, bathed, went back to their rooms, then all that was left was to go to sleep. That was all, yet Haruhiro couldn’t get in the mood to do so.

  The hanging lamp on the wall had already been put out.

  That lamp, and two bunk beds stuffed with hay. That was all there was in this room.

  I want to say farewell to this place and find a better room to stay in. It’s an option now, but I just can’t take that leap.

  Haruhiro was lying down in his upper bunk. Moguzo was in the lower bunk of the bed next to him while Ranta was on the top one. There were three of them in a four-person room. In the beginning, the room had been at capacity, and there had been four of them.

  Haruhiro was about to quietly call their lost comrade’s name, but he stopped himself.

  When he came down from his bunk...

  “...Haruhiro-kun?” Moguzo called out to him. “Is something up?”

  Ranta was snoring loudly. It seemed he was asleep.

  “Uh... Yeah.” Unable to come up with a good answer, Haruhiro was vague. “Well, it’s not really that anything’s up.”

  After saying it, he regretted not just saying he had to go to the washroom or something.

  “...Are you going somewhere?” Moguzo asked.

  “Huh? I’m not going anywhere. Just... outside... to get some fresh air?”

  Haruhiro just said whatever came into his mind, and it felt kind of awkward, but Moguzo didn’t push the matter any further.

  “...Okay.”

  Haruhiro was relieved. “Yeah. Moguzo, you must be tired. You sound it at least. You should sleep. Good night.”

  “Good night.”

  After leaving the room, he debated whether to actually go out for some fresh air. He wouldn’t have minded it, but he didn’t especially want to, either. If Moguzo was willing to talk with him, maybe he hadn’t even needed to leave the room.

  Should I have asked Moguzo to give me some advice?

  I couldn’t do that, could I?

  Why couldn’t he? He felt like he could explain it, but also like he couldn’t. It was just, he couldn’t talk to Moguzo.

  Moguzo’s a good guy, though. He seems like he could keep his mouth shut. But that’s not really the issue.

  Haruhiro crouched down, leaning his back against the wall in the first floor corridor of the lodging house. There were a number of old lamps in the corridor and, while it couldn’t be called bright, it wasn’t pitch black.

  Now as for whether he could have talked with anyone other than Moguzo, that wasn’t really the case. Like, Ranta, never, no way. He wouldn’t even consider it. If he talked with Yume, the conversation felt like it would go off into another dimension and make no sense to him. As for Shihoru—

  Hmm... Now that I think of it, I’ve never spoken at length with her, have I? It was hard to imagine a situation where he would be talking with Shihoru alone.

  Now Merry, she would surely listen to Haruhiro.

  But, was that okay? It didn’t feel like it. He didn’t want to make Merry indulge him any more, he didn’t want to show her his weaknesses, he wanted to act cool, he had those sorts of feelings, but there was more to it than that.

  Merry joined the party after it had already been formed, so while it’s not quite that she feels less of a member than any of us, she’s more enthusiastic about it, you could say, like she feels she needs to contribute to the party, I think. I feel like I’d be taking advantage of that, and that makes me hesitant. I may be overthinking it, though.

  Besides, what did he need to worry so much over?

  After getting through a life and death crisis through sheer luck, they were doing pretty well now. True, if their luck had been bad, they could have been wiped out. However, running into Death Spots at that particular time had been bad luck, too, and it had been Haruhiro’s good luck that had let him kill it. It all balanced out.

  In the end, Haruhiro may just have been dissatisfied.

  He was thinking so hard about the party. With desperation and sincerity, he was wracking his brains and agonizing. Yet, what of his comrades? They were taking it pretty easy. They were learning new skills, procuring new equipment, and feeling like they had become stronger by doing so.

  Well, actually, they might have been getting stronger, but even so, Haruhiro and his group were the lowest level of volunteer soldiers. It was no time to be getting full of himself just because Kemuri of the Day Breakers had treated them to a round after he’d killed Death Spots. That hadn’t been skill, it had been purely that he’d been blessed with good luck. He had to make sure he didn’t jump to wrong conclusions from it. Why didn’t the rest of them get that? Was Haruhiro the only one who understood? Were things okay like this?

  If we get carried away with ourselves, that’s dangerous.

  Bad things always happen.

  Everyone should know that very well by now.

  And yet...

  “—Ah... Geez.” Haruhiro pulled at his hair.

  This is getting to be too much trouble.

  All this muddled thinking isn’t going to change anything. If everyone else is fine with things, then maybe it’s fine.

  When he went to stand up
, he heard a noise. Or, rather, he heard footsteps. Someone was walking this way.

  They were coming from the entrance hall.

  In the lamplight, he saw them. Two people. Both of them girls. Not Yume and Shihoru. The new volunteer soldiers, then?

  He knew that there were new people who had become volunteer soldier trainees after them. He had gone for a bath at close to the same time as two or three of the guys, so they’d spoken briefly, but he hadn’t even met the girls yet.

  Maybe I should go back to the room?

  But Haruhiro didn’t move. Because they were girls? Because he at least wanted to check out if they were cute or not? Because he was hoping he might get acquainted with them, that they’d become close? He couldn’t say that he was completely free of those ulterior motives, but he couldn’t say for sure that he had them, either.

  Well, I’ll just sort of see what happens.

  Haruhiro stayed crouching where he was. He tried not to look in their direction. Though, if he kept looking down, that would seem forced. He was looking at the wall, without staring off into space. That was how he was trying to look.

  Am I an idiot? What am I doing? They must be wondering who this weird guy is. It’s showing in the way they walk. They’re clearly on guard.

  It’s fine, I’m harmless, Haruhiro thought to himself. I won’t do anything, okay? Go on, go on. Don’t you mind me.

  He should have left before the girls came.

  It’s weird, isn’t it? I’m finding my own actions suspicious. It happens, I guess. Sometimes. I dunno. Does it? Hmm.

  The girls walked in front of Haruhiro.

  —Then, one of them stopped.

  Somehow...

  Huh?

  It feels like... someone’s looking at me?

  Haruhiro raised his face and looked towards the girls. He hadn’t been imagining it.

  A girl with her hair cut in a bob was staring at Haruhiro with her big eyes.

  Her eyes really were big. They looked like they might fall out at any moment.

  She had slight bags forming under her eyes. Her pouty lips gave her a moody appearance, and she gave off an impression of being hard to approach. Yet, on the other hand, he was strangely interested in her.

  —Hold on, this girl, why is she staring at me like this?

  “Choco?” the other, short-haired girl said, placing a hand on the girl with the bob cut’s shoulder. “Is something up?”

  “Huh—” The one who had spoken without intending to wasn’t the bob cut girl, it was Haruhiro. “...Choco?”

  Choco.

  —Did she say Choco?

  “Yes?” the bob cut girl asked, tilting her head to the side.

  I was crouched down in front of some big box full of light.

  There was someone standing next to me. A girl with her hair in a bob.

  —Choco.

  That was what I called the girl with the bob cut.

  ...What was that?

  Just now.

  I was remembering...? I remembered? I dunno. But. Choco.

  Choco.

  That name at least, I remember. Just the name? No. That’s not it.

  Those big eyes. The slight bags underneath them. Those pouty lips. Her hairstyle. That bob cut.

  I know her.

  “Uh, hey.”

  But what should I say to her?

  Do you know me? Like that? If she did, she would be acting like it. This doesn’t feel like a meeting between old acquaintances.

  But, she was looking at Haruhiro. Everyone had forgotten what had happened to them before coming to Grimgar. Maybe she had forgotten, too, but there was something tugging at the back of her mind. Like there was for Haruhiro. If so...

  The short haired girl stepped between her and Haruhiro. “...If you’re here, you must be a volunteer soldier, too, right? Did you need something from us?’

  “No, it’s not that I need anything.”

  “Well, goodbye, then.”

  “Ah... Right.”

  “Let’s go, Choco.”

  “Okay.”

  They walked off quickly.

  As they did, Choco turned back just once. Their eyes met. However, she soon turned away again.

  Did they think I’m creepy?

  If so, it’s a bit of a shock. No, not just a bit. It might be a major shock.

  “...Choco,” Haruhiro whispered, and then thought, If she could hear me, she’d be even more creeped out.

  Is she that same Choco?

  “It’s a coincidence... right?”

  Chapter 3: A Story of Impossible Dreams

  “—Heyyyyyy! Waaaaake uuuuuup!”

  “Gwah?!” Haruhiro shouted.

  What?! What happened?! An incident? An accident? A natural disaster? A manmade disaster?

  It was an elbow.

  Haruhiro was shocked into awareness when Ranta, the stupid jerk, elbowed him hard in the solar plexus.

  “...Wh-What was that for, out of nowhere?! What the hell, man! Don’t do that! I can only tolerate so much of your crap!” he shouted.

  “Huhhh? What’re you so mad about, Haruhiro?” Ranta asked. “You were sleeping the day away, so I decided to be a nice guy and gently wake you up, you know?”

  “I couldn’t get to sleep last night! Is there something wrong with that?!”

  “Yeah, there is! That’s why I’m saying something about it, duh!” Ranta said.

  “What could possibly be wrong with it?!” Haruhiro demanded.

  “When I went to the trouble of rushing back here to give you the extra special info I heard, you were snoring like a baby, that’s what’s wrong!”

  “U-Um, Ranta-kun...” Moguzo began.

  “Shove off, Moguzo! You just stay quiet! This is between me and Haruhiro! Until it’s settled, neither of us can move on! This is about setting things right between us, as men! Hey, Haruhiro! Right here, right now, we’ll settle this!”

  “...Settle what?” Haruhiro asked.

  “Huh?! You know what! That thing! Uh, basically... What was it again?”

  “How should I know?” Haruhiro sighed, sitting up. Every time he moved, his upper bunk of the bunk bed creaked. Looking up, he saw the familiar ceiling of the volunteer soldier lodging house.

  “—So,” Haruhiro reluctantly turned to face Ranta. “What’s this extra special info?”

  “Right, that!” Ranta grinned.

  What an incredibly aggravating expression. How can he manage to piss people off so badly with a simple grin? It’s practically a talent.

  Of course, it’s the worst, most awful talent ever.

  “You didn’t wake up at the usual time, and Moguzo said something stupid about waiting and letting you wake up on your own, so there I was, feeling real hungry, and so I went to the bakery. Yeah, the bakery. You know where I mean? Tattan’s Bakery, just outside of West Town. Well, when I did, there were a bunch of volunteer soldiers there. They were talking about it. Now, I’ll bet you want to ask what ‘it’ was, right? Well, hold your horses. There’s a proper order, a sequence, to all this. It’s like that in dating, too, isn’t it? Oh, maybe it’s too soon for you to understand that. You’re still just a little kid, after all. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that you’re still a virgin. Not me, of course. I’m the king of the old in and out. It’s like they say, experienced candidates receive preferential treatment. You get me? With my incredible technique, I leave those she-cats in an ecstatic frenzy.”

  “...Okay, could you just let me know how long I’ll need to listen to your nonsense before you get to the point?” Haruhiro asked.

  “It’s not nonsense,” Ranta insisted. “The only thing that comes out of my mouth is truth. In other words, it’s all fact.”

  “So, what’s the extra special info?” Haruhiro asked.

  “Before that, man, get down here. It’s extremely unpleasant having to look up to talk to a guy who I feel is beneath me.”

  Yes, it was a bunk bed, but it wasn’t that high. The top level was at
shoulder level for Ranta, who was standing on the floor. But, with Haruhiro sitting up in bed, he was looking down at Ranta. It may not have felt especially good doing so, but it didn’t feel bad either.

  “I don’t wanna.”

  “How about you try dying then? Huh?” Ranta exploded.

  “...Man, you whine about every little thing,” Haruhiro muttered.

  “Huh? Did you just say something?”

  “Yeah, I did,” Haruhiro said in irritation. “I said you’re a like a pesky insect. Ah. Sorry. That’s not it. I said you are a pesky insect.”

  “You dolt! I’m not a pesky insect, I’m a beneficial one!”

  “What, you don’t mind being an insect?”

  “Huh...?”

  Tired of the fruitless squabbling, Haruhiro got down from his bunk, taking a seat on the frame of the lower bunk.

  “So? What’s the extra special info?” he asked. “—Hold on, how many times am I going to have to ask that same question before I get an answer?”

  “Don’t try to get things without working for them,” Ranta said. “I sound like an old man now!”

  “Hah, hahaha...” Moguzo laughed, causing Ranta to crack a smile.

  “You get it, Moguzo. Unlike Haruhiro here. You get what makes a gag funny. Haruhiro’s hopeless. He doesn’t get a thing. He doesn’t have a single funny bone in his body!”

  Haruhiro did his best to clear away the murky feelings that were beginning to cloud his heart. “So? What’s the extra special info?”

  “You’re repeating yourself, Haruhiro-kuuuun,” Ranta said.

  “So? What’s the extra special info?”

  “Oh! There it is again! You’re trying hard now.”

  “Out with it!” Haruhiro leapt up, grabbed Ranta by the throat and started to throttle him. “Tell me! Just say it already! While I’m still holding back!”

  “Y-You’re not holding back...! Ow! That hurts! Sto— Are you trying to kill me?! Fine! I’ll talk! I’ll talk, okay! Okay?! It’s an order! There’s an order!”

  “An order...?” Haruhiro exchanged glances with Moguzo.

  Moguzo’s stomach grumbled. His face turned a deep shade of red. “Ah. S-Sorry. I’m hungry...”