The Heart of the Stars

by Nicole Shay

  “Olivia, what’s wrong?” Elaine asked in a quiet tone as the two walked in silence towards the locker rooms one day.

  “How bad do I look?” Olivia asked in return.

  “On a scale of one to ten? I’d say about a seven...but you’re slowly climbing to the ten,” Elaine admitted, an apologetic smirk on her lips.

  The striker let out a long sigh, running a hand through her messy hair. “This has never happened to me before, Elaine.”

  “I can see that,” the keeper nodded slowly.

  “It’s Imogen,” the younger girl whispered. Saying the name aloud made the situation more real than it had been a moment ago. “We’re…”

  A look of concern immediately swept over the keeper’s face. “What? Did you guys break up?”

  Olivia bit her lip. “I don’t know..”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

  “I told her she had to pick me or the rivalry,” the smaller girl explained, playing with the strings of her hoodie. “Every time we see each other in public she ends up taking it too far and I’m sick of it.”

  Elaine eyed her carefully. “Are you saying that you’d go public with this?’

  Olivia nodded slowly. “For her, yeah. For us to stop worrying about hiding and not being seen.”

  “Huh,” Elaine nodded slowly. “Ornella and I never talked about that.”

  “Well you and Ornella aren’t captains of rival teams. At least Ornella isn’t the one making snide comments towards you every damn time,” the striker snapped harshly. Once the words were out of her mouth, she realized the tone they were delivered in. “Shit, I’m sorry Elaine, I didn’t-”

  The older girl put a hand up to stop her. “No, I get it Olivia. Look, just hang in there. Maybe Imogen’s still trying to figure out all the consequences of each decision.”

  “Really?” Olivia asked weakly, looking for any type of hope to hold on to.

  Elaine offered a small shrug. “Only time will tell.” With that, she walked into the locker room without another word.

  It was enough to get Olivia through the afternoon.

  It was the same as the night before, and the night before that. Imogen was restless and falling asleep was the last thing on her mind. As soon as she closed her eyes images of a disappointed Olivia filled her conscience. The only thing she heard were the girl’s last words Goodbye Imogen and she wondered how permanent that statement was to Olivia.

  Imogen’s days were consumed with silence now that her ability or want to speak was ripped from her last conversation. Her teammates were worried about her, especially Ornella who suspected what was going on. It had been four days since the conversation with Olivia and finally giving up on her patience, Ornella cornered her friend.

  “Imogen? What the heck is going on?” Ornella exclaimed as she barged into Imogen’s room.

  A little startled but not fully surprised at seeing Ornella in her doorway Imogen merely sighed.

  “Nella, I’m fine, just a lot on my mind lately.” She mumbled out as she resumed to laying back and staring at her ceiling.

  Ornella furrowed her brow as she stared at her friend in disbelief. She looked around the mess of a room which was usually tidy and simple.

  “You’re not fine, this is a mess, and I know it’s because of Olivia! Now spit it out Sloane!” Ornella said as she took a step closer to her friend.

  Imogen nearly cringed at the sound of her girlfriend’s name. “I’ll clean it, there’s just a few extra things lying around” Imogen stated.

  “I’m not talking about your room….Imogen...what happened?” Ornella asked softer as she sat down beside the girl.

  Imogen sat up on her elbows as she looked to her friend. She knew Ornella wouldn’t leave until she told her so she did the best she could to explain her impossible situation.

  “Olivia gave me a choice. Our relationship or the rivalry… “

  “Oh..well that’s an easy choice? I mean you seem crazy about her.” Ornella reasoned, confused now as to where the difficulty lay.

  “I am crazy about her, it’s just...everything would change if I fully committed you know?”

  “Yeah, I know” Ornella said with a nod as she knew all too well what it was like having a secret relationship with someone she wasn’t supposed to be with.

  “You’ll figure it out though Imogen, just follow your heart” Ornella said with a serious expression.

  Imogen bit her bottom lip as she thought hard about her heart’s direction. She concluded that Ornella was at least right about one thing.

  This is a mess.

  “Here,” Maeve slid over a Starbucks cup to Olivia during lunch. “You really need it.”

  Olivia managed a weak smile. “Thanks Maeve,” she nodded, taking a sip of the cold drink.

  Her hair was up in a careless bun and she hadn’t even bothered to wear makeup. Though Elaine’s words had sparked something in her for a few hours, it had quickly faded when Olivia had woken up to another morning without a reply. Her hope was wearing thin, but she was still holding out. Yet it seemed more and more likely that she’d spoken her last words to Imogen when she walked away.

  “Ollie, I’m concerned,” Maeve started with a frown. “You look like hell and you’re losing yourself in practice.”

  “Wow thanks, I couldn’t tell,” Olivia rolled her eyes, not in the mood to be generous.

  “Is this about Julio?”

  Olivia gave her best friend a strange look. Out of all possible things that could have upset her, Maeve decided to bring up Julio. “Maeve, that was a couple of weeks ago.”

  Maeve’s eyes widened. “You hesitated in answering! I was right!” she declared, standing from her chair and slamming her hands on the table.

  “Maeve!” Olivia hissed through clenched teeth. Though she loved the girl to death, causing a scene wasn’t helping her mood in the slightest.

  “Sorry,” the other striker apologized, slinking back into her seat.

  As Maeve took her seat again, Olivia realized that she had no other excuses to come up with for why she was upset. She could always admit the truth to Maeve, but it was evident the girl had a burning hatred for Imogen and anyone on the rival team. Plus, she still had no answer from Imogen. So she went along with it.

  “Okay fine, you got me. It’s Julio,” Olivia sighed dramatically, trying not to roll her eyes as she said it.

  “Ha!” Maeve smirked, then became the considerate friend she was when it came to relationships and things of the like. “Girl, I don’t know why you’re even upset. He’s an ass.”

  The striker knew she had to sell this one or else she’d have to confess. So she allowed her shoulders to droop and her eyes focus on the drink in front of her. “I know,’ she nodded. “but he was just so damn charming for so long...’

  “That’s how he reeled you in. Hell, he had me reeled in for you,” Maeve explained, shaking her head. “He’s old news now Ollie. No point in looking back.”

  “If you say so,” Olivia mumbled, but her mind was on Imogen. What was her girlfriend - or ex now, Olivia wasn’t even sure what the title was - up to now?

  “I know what you need!”

  “Sleep?” Olivia suggested.

  “A date!” Maeve exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

  Olivia internally groaned. “With who?”

  “Nathan!” her teammate beamed, obviously proud of herself for coming up with the perfect plan.

  “Nathan as in...swim team Nathan Adrian?” Olivia asked, trying to figure out just who Maeve was trying to play Cupid with.

  Maeve nodded eagerly, eyes lighting up. Olivia knew the girl was already planning out the date. “Yes! You know he had a major crush on you freshmen year.”

  Olivia crinkled her nose a little. “Maeve, that was freshmen year.”

  “So? I can re-kindle his love,” Maeve smirked, then added. “You know...as long as you don’t look like hell.”

  “Thanks,” Olivia glared at her.
r />   “Just saying,” Maeve shrugged with a sing-song tone. “But come on, he’s totally into it!”

  Olivia spit out the most recent sip of her drink she’d had. “You already talked to him about it?”

  “Well yeah,” Maeve nodded as if it was no big deal. “You look like you need something to get you out of this. I’m trying to help.”

  It would help if you could get my girlfriend here, Olivia thought to herself, then realized it was a bad idea when the thoughts of Imogen once again returned to her.

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to go out with him,” Olivia said out loud.

  “Olivia, why not?”

  “Nathan’s nice and all, but he’s not for me,” Olivia said, hanging her head low. “And I don’t feel like going out.”

  There was only one person for Olivia; someone she was ready to commit to. She’d talked to Nathan a few times over the past couple of years, but she couldn’t go out with him when she was technically still with someone. She wouldn’t want to even if she wasn’t. Imogen had come in and changed everything.

  “Aw come on,” Maeve pouted.

  Olivia firmly shook her head. “I can’t, Maeve. I just really can’t. Maybe it’s better if I’m left alone,” she insisted, standing from her seat. “I’ll see you at practice,” she nodded before walking away.

  She wasn’t sure how many more days she could go without hearing a final answer from Imogen. What scared her most was to officially know the answer wasn’t her.

  It had been a week and Imogen hadn’t made a decision yet. She wondered if it was even her decision to make anymore. Had she waited too long? Had Olivia moved on and given up on her already? She wanted so badly to call her and tell her she had made up her mind. But she knew that she had to be one hundred percent sure in order to make that call. And she wasn’t. Imogen was never one to over think many things. In fact spontaneity was always considered one of her most prominent attributes. This was different though. This was Olivia, and everything was on the line. Or at least it felt like it was.

  Not knowing the reason for Imogen’s odd behavior, her teammates each tried to cheer their captain up as her performance began to drop significantly in practice.

  Lilith was especially worried for her friend who was usually never frustrated or sad about anything for too long.

  “Hey Imogen! I have a friend I want you to meet if you’re free tonight?” Lilith excitedly said with a grin.

  Imogen smirked “I’m not in any mood to be going out tonight, thanks though.”

  “Come on, just come eat with us, one night Imogen!”

  It was then Imogen realized just how pathetically mopey she had let herself get in the past week without Olivia. So much so, that her friends were nearly dragging her out to be normal again. With this epiphany she reluctantly put on her best ‘happy’ face and agreed to meet Lilith’s mystery friend that night.

  “I knew you’d come around, We’ll pick you up at 7 okay?” Lilith said with a wink as she left the locker room .

  Imogen blankly stared at her closet of clothes as she wondered who Lilith’s friend was and what the night held. She finally decided on jean shorts and a white v-neck, not aiming to impress anyone. Lilith picked her up at 7 like she said and informed Imogen that they were meeting her friend at the restaurant, a higher end restaurant, yet still casual.

  “Imogen, this is my friend Joseph, Joe, this is Imogen.” Lilith said, hope in her eyes as she watched the two interact.

  Imogen lazily took the guy’s hand still oblivious to the fact that Lilith was attempting to play cupid.

  “Nice to meet you Imogen” Joseph said with a smile.

  “Nice to meet you too John” Imogen said seemingly distracted.

  “It’s Joseph” he said with a lighthearted laugh.

  Noticing her mistake Imogen turned a shade darker in embarrassment “Oh sorry! I’m just a little out of it!” She said perking up a little as she tried to recover.

  “It’s alright, we all have those days” He said as he scooted Imogen’s and then Lilith’s chair in as they sat down.

  It had been twenty minutes and Lilith finally decided to leave her two friends alone for awhile while she ‘made a phone call’. Alone now, Imogen grew more nervous as she fully realized what was happening. Lilith was trying to set her up and now she was stuck at this restaurant, all alone with this guy. She wondered how she would get herself out of this one.

  “So I don’t mean to pry, but where did that scar on your cheek come from?” Joseph asked as he pointed to the spot where Maeve’s fist met Imogen’s face.

  “Oh you don’t want to know” Imogen awkwardly said as she touched the spot on her face full of bad memories.

  “Well however you got it, it doesn't detract from your beautiful smile” he stated with a shy smile himself.

  How do I get myself in these situations? Imogen thought as she forced a smile hoping Lilith would come back soon to rescue her.

  Olivia had been planning on falling asleep as she watched Netflix for her night, but apparently her friends had other plans. Justine insisted they go out. They could do anything Olivia wanted or nothing at all, as long as Olivia wasn’t left at home to mope by herself. Justine had been chosen by her teammates to do the job because Maeve’s initial attempt hadn’t worked and Elaine claimed to be busy that evening already.

  So there they were, at a restaurant Justine’s sister worked at, waiting to be seated.

  “Olivia, I’m making you eat everything you order,” Justine announced, giving her a look. “You’ve hardly eaten and I think you’re losing weight.”

  Olivia only offered a shrug. “Okay.”

  Justine let out a quiet sigh, knowing whatever was affecting her teammate needed to be stopped. It was doing no good for the team to have Olivia’s game completely off, especially when no one had seen her quite like this.

  The two were seated and Justine immediately picked up her menu, exploring options that would be good for the both of them to eat. She began to suggest things out loud, mainly talking to herself because she wasn’t expecting Olivia to be responsive as much as she usually was. Olivia’s eyes gazed over the menu, but she was unable to make out any words. Her condition had gotten worse as the week had gone by, and she was giving up all hope on Imogen. There were times she’d wanted to text Imogen and ask her just to get it over with, but stopped herself every time. Imogen would come to a decision when she was ready and she’d share her decision. Or at least that’s why Olivia tried to tell herself.

  Tired of looking at the menu and not actually reading, her eyes wandered around the restaurant, taking in all the people that were there. She spotted a few couples out on a date and it felt like lead in her heart because it reminded her of Imogen, who wasn’t with her and typically couldn’t be with her in public. Just as she was about to suggest to Justine that she wasn’t hungry, her eyes fell on two teenagers a few tables away. There was a handsome guy maybe a year older than her talking softly to the girl across from him. He seemed shy and bashful, but he seemed to be able to carry on a conversation. It was obvious he was into whoever he was talking to: his elbows were propped up and he leaned in just a little. Curiosity getting the best of Olivia, she shifted her eyes over a little to take a look at the girl. Her heart stopped.

  Across from the handsome boy sat a girl she hadn’t spoken to in a week. She was dressed simply, but it fit her perfectly. Her interest was in the boy, but Olivia couldn’t see any signs of uneasiness or unhappiness anywhere on the girl’s expression or posture. It almost seemed like she was enjoying herself. Then it hit her. It’s a date.

  “Justine,” she said suddenly, dropping her menu. “I can’t be here.”

  The midfielder frowned. “Ollie, what are you talking about? We literally just got here.”

  Olivia shook her head. “No,” she said, her throat tightening and her eyes stinging. “I can’t. I have to go. I can’t be here.” She abruptly stood up and made her way to the exit, thankful she
was out of her boot and her injury had healed almost a week ago.

  She made it to the parking lot before everything began to give out. She put a hand on the closest car, hunching over as she let out a soft cry. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to take steady breaths. Her heart hurt a thousand times more than it had throughout the past week and her whole body shook. She wasn’t even sure if she could stay upright for much longer.

  She’d seen Imogen. Imogen was with that guy. Imogen was having a nice time with that guy. Imogen was on a date with that guy. Imogen had made her decision.

  The choice wasn’t Olivia.

  Imogen was getting tired of faking a smile but soon realized she would have to keep going as Lilith had seemingly gotten lost. Joseph was trying very hard to start conversation with her but she was having none of it. The only thing looming on her mind was Olivia’s ultimatum and what she should do about it. She let her mind wander as Joseph recanted a story about his youth football team. She wondered what would happen if Olivia or Elaine were to see her and suddenly grew a little nervous at the thought of it.

  “Are you okay?” She heard Joseph say as he looked at Imogen curiously.

  “-Oh yeah! Sorry, something just came to mind.”

  “Care to share?” He asked with a casual grin.

  Imogen wanted nothing more, actually. All she wanted to do was tell him that she was already in a relationship. She wanted to tell him how perfect Olivia’s eyes were, how cute she was when she was mad, or how her raspy voice sent chills up her back. But she couldn’t. She could tell he suspected the issue was something more serious than just a simple forgetting or blip.

  He sighed “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, you know?” He offered with kind eyes.

  Imogen looked at him apologetically “I’m sorry, Joseph… Friends?” She asked sincerely hoping she could get to know him better, but just as friends.

  “Deal” He said with a knowing smirk.

  Lilith came back a moment later “Sorry, I ran into a friend on the way back!” She said although both Imogen and Joseph knew the real reason she was gone for so long. “What did I miss?” Lilith asked excitedly.