The Rest of My Life

by Sheryl Browne

  Sherry pulled up her shoulders. ‘It’s my cottage, Adam.’

  ‘I’ll be out of it by tomorrow,’ Adam assured her. ‘Don’t slam the door on the way out.’ He turned away, disgusted, but mostly with himself. If he’d needed a stark reminder of how messed up he was, this was it.

  ‘You’re a bastard,’ Sherry said behind him.

  Adam didn’t turn back. ‘I know,’ he said quietly. ‘But then, so did you, Sherry.’

  Chapter Nine

  He was here! Sienna peeped through her window, a thrill of excitement running through her as a glorious sight greeted her eyes: Adam, stripped to the waist, his toned torso on show, his beautifully sculpted calf muscles; the bit in between wasn’t too disappointing either, sexily packaged in distressed denim. Sighing dreamily, she watched as he fed himself into his engine well, his movements supple, languid, pulse-racingly sensual; he really was enough to stop hearts.

  Her excitement was soon replaced with trepidation, though, as she noticed Nathaniel emerge from his office. She watched as he looked over towards Adam’s boat, shaking his head, his expression one of tired resignation, which didn’t bode well.

  Damn. Sienna so wished Lauren hadn’t spouted her mouth off in Nathaniel’s car like that. Lauren had been contrite, of course, treating Sienna to a new bralet top with little diamante studs and a gorgeous pair of denim hot pants embroidered with little flowers. She’d even offered her her last chunk of whole nut chocolate, before she’d gone off to meet her boyfriend, an indication of how truly sorry she was. Sienna really wished she hadn’t felt compelled to share the details of her sexual encounter with Adam with his best friend, though, someone whose support Adam badly needed. Lauren didn’t know, of course, how badly he did need that support. She’d been appalled at Adam’s tragic history when Sienna had filled her in afterwards, saying she’d hold off on the electrodes, at least for a while.

  The damage was done however. Sienna could only pray Nathaniel wouldn’t be so despairing of Adam that he would wash his hands of him completely. She almost wished she’d never asked Adam to have sex with her – manipulated him into it, more like. The fact was, though, Sienna didn’t regret it, nor would she ever. Losing her virginity to Adam, bar the emotional anticlimax afterwards, had been one of the most beautiful experiences of her life. Closing her eyes at night she could feel him making love to her; holding her with his dark eyes, intent on tipping her over the edge and driving her to a climax that would touch the very core of her. And he had.

  No, she would never regret it. She just hoped Nathaniel wouldn’t do anything that … Hang on? Was he taking him a beer? Sienna strained her neck as Nathaniel strode past, heading for Adam’s boat, a stony, determined look in place of his normally cheery one, and a beer in each hand. But hadn’t he said Adam needed to cut down? Hadn’t he seen him out jogging, stone cold sober, obviously trying to do exactly that? What on earth?

  Flip! ‘Stay,’ she told Tobias, who was curled contentedly in his basket anyway, and headed swiftly to the front door. Nathaniel was testing him, that’s what he was doing. And if Adam failed that test? Well, everyone else might want to wash their hands of him, but Sienna wasn’t about to. If Adam needed a friend, she’d be that friend, because she’d grown to know a different man under the surface. A lonely, gentle, caring man, who did seem to want to fix himself. He was going to fall at the first fence though, if someone dangled a huge distracting carrot in front of him.

  Reaching the quayside, Sienna stopped as Adam popped up from his engine hole.

  ‘Afternoon,’ he greeted Nathaniel with a smile. Then, seeing Sienna behind him, he gave her a sunny smile, too.

  Nathaniel nodded shortly. ‘You look purposeful,’ he commented.

  ‘That I am.’ Grabbing a cloth to wipe his oily hands, Adam squinted up at his friend.

  ‘Got your piston pin?’ Nathaniel asked him.

  ‘Yep,’ Adam said, dragging an arm over his brow. ‘Needs a new oil filter and the fuel injection pump’s going to be a bit of a bugger, but she’s coming along.’

  Nathaniel nodded thoughtfully again. ‘Thought you could use this.’

  Sienna held her breath as Nathaniel extended the beer. Don’t take it, she willed him.

  Adam cocked his head to one side, looking at Nathaniel curiously. He looked from Nathaniel to the beer, eyeing it thirstily, then, ‘No, thanks, Nate, I’m good. Given it up for Lent.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ Nathaniel said, not sounding as impressed as Sienna thought he might. ‘Not given up taking the heights of prattishness to whole new levels, though, hey, Adam?’

  Oh, no. Sienna closed her eyes, guessing what might be coming next.

  ‘Sorry?’ Adam caught hold of the handrail and heaved himself up to standing.

  ‘You’re accepting payment for sex?’ Nathaniel gawked at him.

  Shoot! Sienna took a step back and tried to blend in with the nearest boat.

  Adam dragged his hand over his neck. ‘Yeah, well.’ He glanced quizzically towards Sienna. ‘I’m obviously good at something, hey, Nate?’

  ‘I don’t know! I haven’t had the dubious pleasure!’ Nathaniel bellowed. ‘For God’s sake, you’ll be sending their husbands a bloody invoice next!’

  Adam laughed. ‘Now there’s an idea.’

  ‘I don’t bloody believe this. I really don’t.’ Nathaniel blew out an exasperated sigh. ‘Have you got one single grain of common sense in there anywhere, Adam? I mean, are you looking to get yourself shot, or what?’

  ‘Erm, what?’ Adam shrugged hopefully.

  ‘It’s not funny, Adam. Someone’s going to get hurt. It’s very likely to be you, and I might just be the one to do it!’

  Adam sighed and raked a hand through his hair. ‘I know it’s not funny,’ he said, more seriously. ‘I do know, Nate. Look, I’m not charging for it, for Pete’s sake. It was just a misunderstanding, that’s all.’

  Nathaniel didn’t look convinced.

  ‘I’m not, I swear. I’m trying here, Nate. Give me a break.’

  ‘What, you mean another one?’ Nathaniel looked him up and down despairingly. ‘Look, Adam, if you really want to get your act together, use your brains, why don’t you, and use your hands.’

  Adam knitted his brow, puzzled. ‘Come again?’

  ‘You’re a mechanic. You’re surrounded by boats,’ Nathaniel supplied, not very enlighteningly.

  ‘Your point being?’ Still clearly confused, Adam looked again past Nathaniel to Sienna, who dearly wished the ground would open up and plop her in the river.

  ‘Boats have engines, Adam. Engines that constantly need tweaking and fixing. If you could stay away from the booze and the customers’ wives, you’d have a ready-made clientele; right here!’ Nathaniel pointed a beer can demonstratively at the ground, shook his head, and turned back to his office.

  ‘I suppose I should offer you congratulations on getting the jogging shoes on rather than your kit off,’ he added reluctantly over his shoulder. ‘It’s a start, at least.’

  ‘Cheers,’ Adam called after him. ‘So does that mean I can stay, or what?’

  ‘The former,’ Nathaniel said, giving Sienna a sly smile as he passed. ‘But if that boat sways other than from the natural ebb and flow of the water, you’re gone, Adam. And I mean permanently.’

  Adam crouched down to close his engine well half an hour later, concentrating on making sure the decking of the boat was sitting right.

  ‘I brought you a drink,’ Sienna said from behind him. ‘Some lemonade. I’m not sure you like lemonade, but I thought as you’ve been working so hard, and with it being so warm; and you obviously won’t have much in the way of supplies on board, so I …’ She paused for a necessary breath. ‘Well, I thought you could use one.’

  Adam turned and looked up at her from where he was crouching. ‘I could.’

  He stood up then. He looked taller on the deck, looming over her where she stood on the bank. She dropped her eyes from his inscrutable gaze, and found h
erself admiring his glistening torso instead. Damn. She twanged her eyes back up again.

  He was scrutinising her, his head tilted to one side and his hands on his hips. Was he annoyed with her? ‘It wasn’t me,’ she said quickly, in the absence of any conversation forthcoming from him.

  Adam looked perplexed. ‘Sorry?’

  ‘It was Lauren,’ she added, guiltily sacrificing her friend to save herself. ‘She didn’t mean to. It just slipped out when we were in the car with Nathaniel and she saw your honed muscles, and …’ Sienna trailed off. That didn’t come out right.

  ‘Erm …?’ Adam scratched his head. ‘I think I’m losing the plot.’

  Ah, yes, that was it, the plot! ‘My script!’ Seizing the lifebelt he’d thrown her, Sienna attempted to turn her gibberish into some kind of apology. ‘Lauren read it and she assumed, you know, and I did explain to her but … Anyway, I’m sorry.’

  ‘You are?’ Adam narrowed his eyes.

  ‘Yes.’ Sienna nodded earnestly.

  ‘Don’t be,’ Adam said after a second, his beautiful mouth curving into a smile. ‘I’m not.’ He pressed his hand to the handrail, to leap over it in that easy way he did, and drop down beside her.

  ‘You’re not?’ Sienna asked hopefully.

  ‘Not if you’re not,’ he assured her, his smile widening. ‘I am sorry I was a bit of a bastard, though,’ he added, his decadent chocolate-brown eyes clouding with concern.

  ‘You weren’t,’ she lied, trying to still an urge to lean forward and kiss his unfairly long eyelashes.

  He laughed. ‘You reckon? You’re probably the only one who doesn’t think so. And actually, I think I was. So, how about you accept my apology, I’ll accept yours, and we’ll call it quits?’

  ‘Deal.’ She nodded, relief washing through her.

  ‘I’ll accept that drink, too,’ he said, indicating the glass still in her hand. ‘And the sandwich, if it’s on offer,’ he indicated the cheese sandwich she’d forgotten she was holding in her other hand, ‘before it curls up and dies.’

  Adam was making coffee when Sienna dropped another bombshell. His first thought was to reach for a beer. His second: no beer. The first few days were the hardest. He knew that. He’d done it before though, survived without alcohol, only to fall off the wagon when he’d discovered Emily … Stopping his thoughts short, he grabbed up the coffee and turned back to Sienna, who was sitting in his seating area, munching innocently on a bag of cheese and onion crisps, having just casually asked him if she could write about his past sordid sex life.

  Adam shook his head and looked her over quizzically.

  What was this really about? Might she be trying to find out whether he lived up to his womanising reputation? If so, why not just ask? Probably because she imagined he’d lie. And if he wanted her to have anything to do with him in future, he probably should.

  He wasn’t going to lie though, he decided. Knowing someone is cheating on you was bad enough. It was the lies that hurt more. The realisation that someone didn’t even respect you enough to stop piling pain on top of pain, that’s what twisted the knife. Adam knew it. He’d watched his father destroy his mother’s confidence, inch by excruciating inch. Walking in on Emily and his so-called brother, he’d almost been destroyed, incapable of doing anything but focussing on the anger festering away inside him, mostly because of the deceit. He was wiser now, might handle it better, but it was too late to turn back the clock. Too late for Emily. Whatever she’d done, she’d needed someone, particularly once the baby was born, someone to just care. He hadn’t been there. So no, no more lies. Sienna would find out anyway, about his past exploits. It was better she heard it from him.

  ‘Let me get this right,’ he eyed her bemusedly and parked himself at the opposite end of the seating area, ‘you’re saying you only want me for my mind, right?’

  ‘Well, I’d quite like your body as well, but I can’t afford it.’ Sienna waggled her eyebrows mischievously and continued to munch on her crisps.

  You can have it for free, Adam almost joked, but stopped himself. If it opened up the conversation to her saying she wasn’t interested in anything more, gutted wouldn’t even begin to describe how he’d feel. He could cope if a sexual relationship was all she wanted – he watched, mesmerised, as she licked the salt from her lips with the succulent tip of her tongue – but he quietly hoped she might want an actual relationship.

  ‘Right, so …’ he coughed awkwardly, ‘… you want me to talk about my sexual encounters so you can write about them in your script?’

  ‘Describe how you felt, yes,’ Sienna confirmed, inserting her index finger in her mouth, sucking the salt from that, and slowly drawing it out. Did she have any idea what that was doing to him?

  ‘I want the male point of view,’ she said, reaching for her pad and pencil, then drawing her legs up underneath her and turning to face him, ‘what you’re actually thinking when you’re, you know, with a woman.’

  Sienna, you really do not want to know what I’m thinking right now. Adam tugged in a breath.

  ‘Are you okay with that?’ Sienna smiled, waiting expectantly.

  Adam steepled his hands under his chin and studied her thoughtfully. ‘Okay,’ he said at length, steeling himself. ‘Where do you want me to start?’

  ‘Just pick one encounter at random,’ she suggested. ‘But not me,’ she added quickly. ‘I’ve already written that one.’

  ‘Right.’ He nodded slowly. ‘I’ll start with my first casual encounter then, shall I?’ He worded it carefully, because other than two, including her, he’d never had meaningful encounters.

  ‘Perfect.’ She jotted hurriedly on her notepad. ‘So, where did this encounter take place?’ She looked back at him, her expression all business.

  ‘A pub,’ he supplied, glancing down and then back. ‘Er, the pub, to be precise.’

  Sienna’s eyes grew wide. ‘The Fish and Anchor?’

  ‘Afraid so.’ Adam smiled, contrite. ‘Sorry. I wouldn’t have said, but I thought as you work there, you’d be bound to find out sooner or later. I, er, got caught, in flagrante, as they say.’

  ‘Oh God, Adam.’ Sienna laughed, incredulous. ‘I wondered why the landlord looked at you like something the cat dragged in.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Adam rolled his eyes. ‘Doesn’t exactly extend the warm welcome, does he?’

  ‘So, you …’ Sienna glanced over her shoulder, for what Adam wasn’t sure, and then lowered her voice to a whisper, ‘… had sex in the pub?’

  ‘Well, you have to admit the place could do with a bit of livening up,’ Adam quipped, ‘but not the actual pub, no. The car park.’

  ‘Why?’ Sienna looked at him, surprised. ‘Why there, I mean? It’s not exactly the most romantic place in the world, is it?’

  ‘No,’ Adam conceded, ‘but it was the only place available at short notice. And the woman was definitely up for it, so …’ He shrugged in embarrassment.

  Sienna didn’t look overly impressed. ‘So you grabbed your chance.’

  ‘Yes, I did. Like I say, she’d made it obvious she was up for it, and I …’ Adam paused, now feeling distinctly uncomfortable. ‘I’d been abstaining for quite a while,’ he went on awkwardly, ‘let’s put it that way.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Sienna nodded, giving him a long, searching look. ‘Do you mind if I ask why?’

  Definitely fishing, Adam realised. Did he mind? He did and he didn’t. He supposed he’d do the same in her shoes. He wasn’t ready to share details, though, because he simply couldn’t. God knows, it was enough it haunted his dreams, dogged him every single day, no matter how hard he tried to push it away.

  ‘A bad experience?’ Sienna probed gently.

  Adam drew in a breath. ‘Yes.’ He nodded tightly. ‘And some.’

  Sienna nodded, in turn. ‘Fragile things, aren’t they?’ she said softly. ‘Hearts?’

  ‘Very,’ Adam replied quietly.

  ‘So what happened?’ Sienna urged him on.

/>   Adam closed his eyes. He really wasn’t sure he could do this. He was happy to answer her questions, but not about that. ‘Sienna,’ he started, ‘I …’

  ‘I mean, I assume you didn’t just say do you fancy a quickie in the car park?’

  ‘What? Oh, no.’ Adam blew out a relieved sigh. ‘She did.’

  Sienna blinked at him, astonished. ‘You’re joking.’

  ‘No.’ Adam resisted a smile. ‘I know it’s not usually the done thing for a woman to proposition a man, but …’ He let it hang, locking amused eyes on hers.

  ‘Oh, ho-di-ho, ho.’ Sienna blushed to the tips of her extremely nibbleable ears. ‘And?’ she asked, casting him a touché glance.

  Adam shrugged. ‘I said yes. She was attractive. I was lonely, so …’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ Sienna looked down, jotting quickly on her notepad again ‘Did you know her?’ She glanced back up, trying for a confident smile. It wasn’t working. Adam saw the swallow slide down her slender neck and badly wanted to trail his lips down after it.

  ‘Yes, vaguely,’ he said, not wanting her to think he was into one-night stands. ‘I’d cut some trees back at their house.’

  ‘Their house? She was married?’

  ‘They usually are,’ Adam confided. ‘Er, scratch that,’ he added quickly. ‘I should say were. I’m trying to clean up my act.’

  ‘You are?’ Sienna’s mouth curved into a delighted smile. ‘Why? I mean,’ her eyes flickered down again, ‘I thought you liked having sex?’

  Adam nodded contemplatively. ‘I do,’ he admitted, ‘but I’m beginning to think soulless sex isn’t good for the soul.’

  She smiled that radiant smile again, which somehow lifted his spirits and had Adam wanting to smile, too. ‘So,’ she said, arranging her face back to serious researcher, ‘it was a no strings thing, then? No commitment, the way you prefer it?’

  ‘The way I did prefer it, yes,’ Adam answered honestly.

  ‘Good.’ Sienna’s shoulders sagged with – relief? ‘I mean, this is good. Go on.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Adam gave her a small salute. ‘Okay, so she’s been watching me all evening, smiling, fluttering her eyelashes. You know the sort of thing.’