The Rest of My Life

by Sheryl Browne

  A faraway look in his eyes, he didn’t even seem to see her. ‘Adam?’

  Adam shook his head. ‘What?’

  He seemed utterly bewildered. ‘You look as if you’ve seen a ghost. Are you all right?’

  ‘I …’ Adam dragged his hands over his face and through his hair. ‘I did,’ he said quietly, looking back at her.

  Sienna scanned his face. His complexion was ashen.

  ‘I, er … shit.’ Adam got to his feet, shaking his head again and tugging in a sharp breath. He looked back to Sienna, and then moved towards her to pull her wordlessly into his arms.

  ‘I am so, so sorry, Sienna,’ he murmured, holding her close. ‘That’s hard.’ He buried his face in her hair. ‘So fucking hard.’

  Sienna heard his voice crack and felt a splinter pierce her heart. He knew. He knew how hard it was. Her mind strayed to his circumstances. His loss. She didn’t ask him. She didn’t know how, given the secrets Nathaniel had told her were just that, secret. ‘There’s more,’ Nathaniel had said. ‘Something Adam will blame himself for for the rest of his life.’ Sienna didn’t know what, but she had a sick feeling she was beginning to guess.

  She let Adam hold her instead, pulling her impossibly closer, his arms tight around her. Sienna waited, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat next to her own, his hand weaving softly through her hair.

  He eased back after a moment, bringing his hand around, under her chin, lifting her face to look directly at him. Slowly, he searched her eyes, the same smouldering intensity she’d seen once before darkening his own. There was something else there though, uncertainty, fear, longing.

  Hesitantly he leaned towards her, tentatively seeking her mouth with his, parting her lips so softly, Sienna felt something beyond physical dissolve inside her. His kiss was slow, deep and passionate, his tongue finding hers, exploring her, tasting her. Sienna reciprocated, her tongue more demanding, more wanting than his, as he welcomed her eagerly into his mouth.

  Stopping, out of necessity of breathing, he looked back into her eyes, and then pressed his forehead to hers. ‘I want you, Sienna,’ he said, his voice low and husky. On its own it sent a wave of white-hot desire right through her.

  He looked back at her, relief flooding his beautiful features as Sienna nodded. You have me, she wanted to say, but stopped herself. Would he ever want all of her?

  ‘Excellent,’ he said quietly. He didn’t seem cocky; over-confident that she would have said yes. She would have, though, however he’d asked her.

  Sienna closed her eyes, a thousand butterflies taking off inside her tummy as he cupped her face in his hands. Closing his mouth back over hers, his kiss was bolder this time, deeper, sensual, plunging his tongue into her as if he was making love to her mouth.

  His hands were in her hair, gliding down her back, over her bottom, everywhere. Sienna caught a gasp in her throat, wove her own fingers through his hair. She wanted him too. Like nothing she’d ever felt before, she knew that Adam making love to her was the only thing that could satiate her burning need. Her body ached for him. Her breasts tingled in anticipation of him, as he trailed his lips down her neck, his hands now sliding the straps of her top urgently over her shoulders.

  Sienna heard the low moan in his throat as he bent to suck a nipple into his mouth, circling with his tongue; savouring the taste of her so gently she was near to coming from that sensation alone. She was almost ready to fall over the precipice into sweet oblivion, when his teeth, nipping, softly biting, increased the sensation, and when he moved to take her other nipple into his mouth, she groaned out loud. Her tummy was melting, literally, she could feel it.

  ‘Adam,’ she groaned. Her voice, thick with need, was alien to her ears. She opened her eyes to look down at him. The sight of this man at her breast made her head swim and her muscles down below contract in need of him. A need that was taking her breath away.

  Adam found her mouth again, his hand seeking her bottom under her shorts, gliding up over the restricting fabric, seeking her waistband. His breath was ragged, frustrated, as he fumbled with the button. ‘Dammit,’ he cursed. ‘Sorry,’ he added quickly, and then, pulling in a breath, he scooped her into his arms and carried her upstairs, following Sienna’s guidance to her room.

  Laying her down on her bed, he ran his hands over her body, freeing her first of her top, then, his scorching eyes holding hers, he made short work of the button. Crawling over her, he eased the shorts down. Sienna lifted her hips allowing him to remove them all the way, and then waited, watching in awe, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps, as he peeled off his shirt.

  His body truly was heart-stoppingly beautiful, the scar on his chest where he’d fought for his woman somehow making it more so. Unzipping his shorts, his erection was just as full of promise as before. Sienna wanted him now. She wasn’t sure she could wait another second. Oh, but he was going to make her wait. And he was going to do terrible things to her while he did.

  She could barely breathe as he climbed back on the bed, easing her legs open as he did. She watched, her chest tight with yearning as he bent to trail his mouth slowly along her inner thigh.

  ‘I’m rushing,’ he said. ‘Sorry,’ he repeated. ‘I need to … Want to make love to you.’

  Sienna gasped out loud as he ran his tongue along the secret folds of her flesh, lapping at her, expertly circling her sensitive place, until her hips undulated beneath him. ‘Oh God, Adam, please …’ she eventually cried out. She didn’t know whether to scream stop or don’t stop. She wanted him so badly.

  Adam didn’t stop. Intent on administering pleasure that would surely kill her, he eased his hands under her bottom and pressed his tongue deep into her, drawing it slowly in and out, nipping at her, pleasuring her – until she came so hard she screamed and convulsed beneath him.

  ‘Shhhh,’ he whispered, pressing his mouth urgently back over hers and inserting one finger inside her, then two, his thumb paying meticulous attention to her now hyper-sensitive spot as he did. ‘I want to make love to you,’ he repeated hoarsely. ‘Open your eyes, Sienna. I need to see you.’

  ‘Oh God.’ Sienna let out a long, throaty moan. He was making love to her. He was making love to her with his words. She loved him. She absolutely did. And if he couldn’t ever love her back, she’d still love him, for making her unashamed of her body and showing her how beautiful sex could be.

  She opened her eyes, to see him watching her intently as he slid his fingers slowly in and out. She was so wet. So unbelievably wet.

  ‘You’re beautiful, Sienna,’ he said. ‘You should see. You should watch what your body can do to a man.’ He kissed her lips again tenderly, and then kissed his way down to her breasts, circling attentively again with his tongue. She stroked his hair, tugged his hair, entwined her fingers through it and yanked it hard.

  She couldn’t watch. Couldn’t keep her eyes open. It was impossible. Her back arched and her tummy muscles contracted and melted again in sweet, exquisite ecstasy.

  Adam brought his mouth back to hers. ‘I think we might be in trouble,’ he said as he peppered her face with kisses.

  Sienna’s eyes sprang wide. ‘Why?’

  ‘Contraceptives,’ he whispered, holding her gaze. ‘I didn’t think that you … That we, er …’

  ‘Lauren’s room, next door, bedside cabinet, top drawer.’ Sienna nodded him there, her heart now physically swelling with love as she realised he hadn’t been ever ready, that he hadn’t assumed.

  Adam was gone and back in seconds, it seemed. ‘Have I spoiled the moment?’ he asked worriedly, positioning himself back over her.

  Sienna shook her head. Looking as impressively magnificent as he did, as concerned, how could he ever?

  ‘Beautiful,’ Adam said huskily, finding her mouth again with his. ‘I want to see you, Sienna. Don’t close your eyes. Let me see you.’

  Sienna did as he asked, watching him, watching her as he pressed his erection against her, and then slid slowly all the
way in, deep inside her.

  ‘Okay?’ he checked. She loved him for that, too.

  She swallowed. ‘Perfect.’

  Closing his own eyes briefly, Adam smiled, withdrawing from her and thrusting slowly into her again.

  ‘Do you like it like this?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’ She could barely draw breath as he plunged deeply again.

  ‘Faster?’

  ‘Yes.’ She squeezed her answer out, her excitement spiked by the sound of the husky urgency in his voice.

  Stroking her hair from her face, he locked his eyes on hers and increased the pace, deep, sure strokes, plunging into her over and over. Sienna raised her hips to meet him, matching his tempo, pushing her tongue into his mouth, her fingernails finding his back.

  This time he didn’t seem to mind. Weaving his hands through her hair, he kissed her hungrily back. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ he whispered, thrusting harder and deeper until she bucked beneath him, a guttural moan escaping her. ‘Tell me when, Sienna?’ he said, holding back. He was holding back, so he could …

  ‘Now!’ she cried, a tear escaping her eye as a white-hot spasm clenched her muscles around him, followed by another and another, as Adam groaned throatily and jolted inside her.

  ‘Unbelievable,’ he murmured, exhaling hard and sweeping his beautiful dark, concerned eyes over her face. ‘Okay?’ he asked.

  Sienna nodded, too scared to speak. If she answered, what would he say? Glad to be of service, and then walk away?

  He brushed her lips with his. ‘It was a bit rushed,’ he said, kissing her eyelashes. ‘Sorry, we’ll go a bit slower next time.’

  Next time? Sienna blinked as he moved away from her. To climb off the bed and get dressed, she fully expected. But he didn’t. Instead, he excused himself to the bathroom, then came immediately back and settled back beside her.

  ‘Bed’s a bit small, isn’t it? Girl sized,’ he said after a moment, observing the edge, which he was perilously close to. ‘Roll over.’ He turned to face her.

  Sienna blinked again, bemused.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to molest you.’ He smiled, his eyes roving suggestively over her body. ‘I’ll need at least five minutes.’

  ‘Five whole minutes?’ She widened her eyes in mock-horror.

  ‘Okay, four.’ He laughed. ‘Roll over on your side,’ he said, a definite twinkle now in his eye. ‘Tuck that gorgeous bottom into me. That should hurry things up a bit.’

  ‘You’re bad,’ Sienna scolded him, turning to nestle into him. Bliss, she thought, wanting to preserve these few precious moments forever. He’d be gone soon, she supposed, back to his rocking boat.

  ‘I know,’ Adam said, finding her ear beneath her mad mess of hair and brushing it with his lips, ‘but I am trying not to be.’

  ‘I thought we were spooning,’ Sienna said after a second, realising he was perched on his elbow, now studying her obviously really interesting ear.

  ‘We are. I, er …’ Adam settled back behind her, circling her waist and pulling her close. ‘I just wanted to dispel any illusions you might have, while we do.’

  ‘Oh.’ Sienna’s blissful contentment evaporated.

  ‘I am bad news, Sienna. You know that, right?’

  Sienna nodded. Her voice seemed to have deserted her again.

  ‘So, if I asked you to do this officially. If I asked you to go out with me and you told me to get stuffed, I just wanted to say, I’d completely understand.’

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘You’ve gone completely insane.’ Lauren imparted her thoughts on Sienna’s state of mind, yet again, the next morning. ‘You need help, Sienna, you really do. You should speak to your dad. I’ll speak to your dad. You can’t possibly—’

  ‘Don’t you dare!’ Sienna stopped attempting to scrape the burned Bolognese sauce from the pan and stuffed it wholesale in the bin instead. ‘My love life is my business, Lauren, not anyone else’s.’

  ‘But it will be, won’t it? Do you think God’s gift to women is going to do the gentlemanly thing and not announce to his mates he’s notched you up on his bedpost, twice?’

  He doesn’t have that many mates, Sienna didn’t bother to reply. ‘He’s not like that,’ she said, resisting the urge to point out that Lauren had also had quite a rigorous night, judging by the inside-out top she’d arrived home in and the now considerable hangover. Rather than give her the third-degree, though, as Lauren seemed intent on giving her, Sienna was doing what friends did, making her a very strong coffee and providing the aspirin, although why she should bother …

  ‘No, of course he’s not.’ Lauren accepted the aspirin, wincing as she swallowed them. ‘He’s just so caring of women’s feelings he’s probably dashing out to buy you flowers right now as we speak – on his way to his next shag.’

  ‘Stop it, Lauren. That’s not fair.’

  ‘No, Sienna. It’s Adam who’s not being fair. He’s an emotion-abuser, you know he is. He’s just messing with—’

  ‘He’s not!’ Sienna gave up on her toast and scraped that into the bin, too. ‘He’s asked me out! Properly out.’

  Lauren rolled her eyes sky-high. ‘Because he wanted to get you into bed, Sienna, don’t you see?’

  ‘No, Lauren, I don’t see, because I’d already gone to bed with him, hadn’t I? And just so you have all the facts before coming to your oh-so-not-correct conclusions, it was earth-movingly orgasmic, both times, and I would hop into bed with him again in a flash.’

  Sienna plucked up Tobias’s lead and huffed towards the door. ‘Come on, Tobias. Let’s get some air.’

  ‘You have a self-worth problem, Sienna,’ Lauren said behind her. ‘You must have to get involved with someone who doesn’t give a damn about anyone.’

  ‘Yes, he does!’ Sienna turned angrily back. ‘He was lovely when I told him about Mum. You don’t know him, Lauren, so stop judging him.’

  ‘Oh, Sienna, Sienna …’ Lauren slapped her hand against her forehead. ‘You really don’t see, do you? He’s playing games with you, sweetie. You confide in him and he just knows all he has to do is offer you a bit of sympathy and affection, and then it’s wham-bam.’

  ‘Why on earth would he need to do that? I approached him for the pleasure initially, Lauren, remember? And it was!’ Sienna shouted, her face flaming.

  ‘To shore up his bloody ego! The thrill of the chase and all that crap. That’s what men like him are like! And when he thinks he’s got you, he’ll drop you like a hot brick. He doesn’t care about you, Sienna. For God’s sake, open your eyes.’

  ‘They are open!’ Sienna headed for the hall. ‘It’s you who can’t see, Lauren,’ she threw, over her shoulder, ‘past the spiteful gossip.’

  Outside, Sienna pulled in a breath, notched up her chin and set off at a march. I don’t care what they think. They were wrong, all of them. They simply refused to give Adam a chance. Yes, he had a terrible reputation, obviously deserved, but while there were no real excuses for his behaviour, there were reasons. It wasn’t just her who thought so either. Nathaniel did, too. And Adam was trying to change his ways, wasn’t he? Why couldn’t people give him the slightest benefit of the doubt and acknowledge he was?

  He did care about her. Would a man who didn’t care take her hand, his beautiful eyes clouded with worry, as he’d asked her if she was absolutely sure she wanted to go out with him? If she was sure she wanted to be seen with him? That wasn’t cocksure, confident Lothario Adam. That was a different Adam, a lonely, uncertain man. Sienna was as sure of that as she was that she absolutely did want to go out with him.

  She stopped in her tracks as the man himself leapt his handrail and dropped down in front of her like a vision from Heaven.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, looking tanned and toned, temptingly edible in his jogging gear, and extremely nervous. As if he thought she might have slept on it and decided she wanted no part of him. ‘How are you?’ he asked hesitantly.

  ‘Good.’ She smiled. ‘Better than.’r />
  ‘No regrets then?’ he asked, and there it was again, that look. A mixture of uncertainty and fear; Sienna just knew she wasn’t wrong.

  ‘None,’ she assured him. ‘It was beautiful.’ She felt herself blush, and didn’t much care.

  ‘My thoughts entirely.’ He smiled, his face flooding with obvious relief. ‘In fact, I hold you personally responsible for the fact that I didn’t sleep a wink for thinking how beautiful you were.’

  Sienna laughed. ‘Flatterer.’

  ‘It’s one of my better qualities,’ Adam said, falling into step with her as she walked.

  ‘Can I ask you something though, Adam,’ she said, after a pause, ‘about last night?’

  ‘Ask away,’ Adam shrugged easily, ‘as long as it doesn’t dent my male ego too much.’

  ‘It won’t.’ Sienna laughed. Adam-the-super-stud’s ego, she suspected, was probably much more fragile than it seemed. ‘About what I told you … My mum … What were you thinking about? You seemed …’ overwhelmed with emotion, she thought, ‘… shocked.’ She opted for.

  Adam stopped walking.

  ‘Adam?’ Sienna turned to face him.

  Adam glanced at his trainers. ‘Ghosts,’ he said quietly. ‘Someone I lost. Someone I should have been there for.’

  His fiancée? Noting his downcast eyes, the reticent body language, Sienna hesitated. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked carefully, not wishing to force him into telling her what he might not be ready to.

  ‘I, er … Sometime.’ He shrugged again, awkwardly this time, and looked back at her.

  Sienna scanned his eyes. Haunted eyes, she saw immediately. Eyes where a thousand dark shadows danced, those of a man who was more than scared, she realised, her heart constricting for him. He was terrified.

  Blow them all, she thought angrily. They could think what they liked. She would go out with him and world condemnation be damned. ‘In case you were wondering,’ she stepped towards him, ‘I still want to see you again and still want to be seen with you.’ She stood on tiptoe to brush his lovely lips softly with her own.