The Sound of Salvation (Deliverance Book 1)

by I. A. Dice

  “Thomas! This is the best party ever!” he exclaimed. “I bloody love you, mate!”

  I sighed, ignoring The Drunk Jerk, and focused back on Nadia.

  “Please take care of yourself, baby.”

  “Done,” she barked, and hung up the call.

  Awesome. Now she was pissed off. She had the right to be, though. The green-eyed monster in my head turned off my rational thinking.

  Nick elbowed me in the ribs. “And? What’s going on?”

  “They’re fine. Nadia hurt her ribs, but she’s okay. The security is kicking out the guys who came back to the hotel with Martha and Jess.”

  Guilt clouded my vision, and I tapped out a text message to Nadia.

  I overreacted. I’m sorry. It drives me insane thinking about someone touching you. Seeing it was beyond me. You have every right to be mad, just don’t stay mad long.

  It was seconds before my phone lit up with a reply.

  Stop acting like a lunatic and start trusting me!

  “Am I acting like a lunatic?” I asked Nick.

  “When it comes to Nadia? You almost took Scorpio’s head off with that glass you threw just now, so yeah. You’re fucking cray-cray.”

  “I don’t think you’re cray-cray, Thomas,” Ethan said. “If you didn’t steal Nadia from me, I would be the same way.” He sat up pulling his brows together. “I could still win her over her. She could love me.”

  “You’ll die trying,” Scorpio laughed throwing a pillow at Ethan.

  What was it with him and the pillows?

  I trust you, but I don’t trust anyone around you.

  Nicholas got up from the couch. “I don’t know about you, but I’m off to bed. It was a great night.”

  As if to confirm it, we heard a girl moan in pleasure from one of the attached bedrooms.

  CHAPTER 30

  NADIA

  You should be dead

  The plane landed at Heathrow late on Sunday. Nick, Thomas and the rest of the party were due in an hour. I considered waiting for them at the airport, but Mel’s green complexion and general unwellness changed my mind.

  She dozed off during the flight but was woken up by the urge to throw up all the colourful drinks she poured down her throat the night before. Thankfully, she held it in, and the paper bag handed to us by the flight attendant wasn’t needed.

  By the time I lay her on the couch in the living room, Thomas had texted me that they landed. A peculiar unease settled over me, because I still hadn’t had the time to process my conversation with Adrian and come up with an action plan. I was confused, and despite needing to make a conscious decision to stay or leave, I felt bad keeping the conversation with Adrian a secret from Thomas.

  Amelia fell asleep before I covered her with an orange, fluffy blanket. I made three cups of coffee, expecting Nick and Thomas back in less than half an hour.

  The longer I thought about what Adrian said the more confused I became. It didn’t help when he emailed me a one-way ticket to New York minutes after our conversation. I had one week to decide which road to take. I wanted to help him through the pain and suffering, since he deserved a chance, but I could no longer imagine not having Thomas by my side. If it weren’t for him, I would still consider myself a victim; a weak, bruised girl, not a fighter and survivor.

  The choice I had to make was like choosing between bad and worse; either stay and risk that Adrian would try to take his life again or leave and waste the chance at happiness I had with Thomas.

  Immersed in my thoughts, I jumped when the front door burst open.

  “Honey, I’m home!” Nick exclaimed, imitating Fred Flintstone.

  I got to my feet, the anxiety that arrived with Adrian’s voice no longer there. Thomas’s presence was enough to push my worries aside.

  Twenty-four hours was enough for me to miss him. That wasn’t normal or healthy, but neither was I.

  I rushed to the hallway. Dark circles surrounded his eyes betraying the lack of sleep. He dropped the bag he held just in time to catch me.

  “What’s wrong, baby doll?” His voice quiet, filled with concern.

  I inhaled his scent, letting it overwhelm my senses.

  The choice between bad and worse was easy with his hands around my back and his lips on my temple. He was the one I deserved. The trouble was that he deserved so much more than me.

  “Nothing,” I muttered, nuzzling my face in his neck, the smell of sandalwood and leather better than peppermint tea. “I missed you.”

  “Jesus, it’s been one freaking day!” Nicholas snapped aiming to sound irritated, but the playfulness in his tone ruined the effect. “Where’s Mel?”

  “Asleep in the living room.” I stood back on my own two feet “I wouldn’t wake her if I were you. She’s not well.”

  He grimaced, ignored me, and disappeared in the living room to check on his fiancée.

  Thomas ghosted his fingers over my ribs. “Does it hurt?”

  “It could be worse,” I chuckled, but he wasn’t amused. “Don’t tell me you didn’t laugh when I waved my arms like an eagle to keep from falling.”

  “Laughed?” Nick reappeared in the hallway. “He smashed a glass of whiskey against the wall.”

  Thomas sent him a warning glare, then back to me. “All of this,” he, sized me up and down, “is mine now. I would appreciate it if you took better care of it.” He pecked my forehead, and we followed Nick into the kitchen. “Take a day off tomorrow,” he told my brother. “I’ll take care of the paperwork.”

  “You could use a day off too.”

  The main door opened, and we all looked around, eyebrows raised in confusion. A voice I loathed with a passion reverberated through the house, sending cold chills down my spine.

  “Hello! I’m here!”

  Karen walked into the kitchen in a pair of white cigarette pants and a red silk blouse with floral patterns. Suitcase in hand, she smiled, and every cell in my body screamed in agony.

  “It’s Dad,” Nick said, tears in his eyes. He pushed the plate of fish and chips aside, not breaking eye contact with me.

  Silence rang in my ears while Nick swallowed hard as if swallowing a big lump in his throat to make room for words.

  “He had a heart attack.”

  My mind drew a blank. The fork I held slipped out of my hand and took an extraordinarily long time to hit the plate. Time slowed; my heart ceased to work.

  Nick’s words echoed in my mind, traveling through my subconscious, poisoning every thought. Cold hands gripped my throat, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t utter a single word, staring at my brother, with his fake composure and the forced strength he emanated.

  He gritted his teeth and wiped his eyes before a single tear rolled down his pale skin. “He’s gone, baby girl.”

  For months I was convinced that my reaction consisted of silence. I thought I slid down to the floor and cried for hours in Nicks arms. I thought I dreamt the screams, but the reality was more sinister.

  The sheer madness coursing through me, the pain ripping my chest wide open… I pushed it out of my mind, not wanting to remember the darkness that filled my heart and soul, but months later, Amelia confessed she was never more scared than when she walked through the door to find Nick’s apartment trashed and my hands covered in cuts and bruises from breaking every glass and plate in the kitchen.

  Nick sat on the floor with my head on his lap; torment and helplessness in his voice when he whispered to Amelia that Dad died.

  I was numb by that point, clutching a teddy bear Daddy bought me the day I was born, and Nick held me until dawn, singing a lullaby our father used to sing when I was a little girl.

  “Hey, mum,” Nick said, his words like a bucket of water in my face. “I thought you were coming over on Thursday.”

  I felt myself tremble; the darkness resurfaced, and pain threatened to turn into rage and unleash on the woman before me. I squeezed Thomas’s hand, willing him to work his magic, to turn into Xanax, Diazepam and
any other sedative out there.

  “I thought I would surprise you and maybe help a little,” Karen said, her voice seeping through the cracks in my composure.

  “Let’s go,” I told Thomas the second Karen walked into the kitchen, leaving the doorway unobstructed.

  “Stay,” Nick pleaded, looking from Karen to me and back. “Come on, we’ll have a coffee together. Catch up?”

  I shook my head, holding onto Thomas’s hand for dear life.

  One step at a time. Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg. Leave. Go. Don’t turn back. Don’t listen. Don’t engage.

  “Leave it, mum, she’s not going to talk to you,” Nick said when we were halfway down the hall.

  I focused on my senses: the way my heels clanked against the tiled floor, the warmth of Thomas’s hand, the creak of the doors opening, the crunching of the gravel, the smell of water and grass in the cool evening air.

  Thomas let go of my hand to take out the keys to his BMW, and the lock clicked open. I stared at the orange letters printed on his t-shirt, unable to make out the words.

  “Hey,” he muttered, his long fingers on my face.

  He opened his mouth to say more, to ask a question or maybe repeat something I didn’t hear him say, but instead, he pressed his lips to mine, the kiss firm, calm and demanding.

  The door to the house burst open behind my back. I inched away from Thomas the soothing effect of his lips gone—replaced with a feeling of impending doom.

  “Nadia, wait,” Karen yelled, rushing down the driveway. “Will you please just talk to me?” She grabbed my arm to spin me around.

  The touch of her hand brought to life a side of me I considered buried. But I was wrong—it was still there, asleep. Karen woke the Cerberus and the gates to hell stood open.

  “Don’t touch me,” I spat out, turning to face her. “Don’t look at me. Don’t speak to me.”

  Her eyes glistened with fresh tears, but it didn’t work on me. The sadness on her face and the hurt in her eyes all gave me a sick sense of satisfaction—short-lived—but satisfaction, nonetheless.

  “Nadia… sweetie, please, at least let me explain.”

  I scoffed; my arms crossed over my chest. “Spare me. Nothing you can say will change what I think of you.”

  “He blackmailed me!” she cried when she saw me flinch toward the car. “He knew things about Arthur, and—”

  Dad’s name sliding off her tongue diminished any inhibitions I hoped to have.

  “Don’t ever mention his name again, you unfaithful bitch!”

  “Nadia, calm down,” Nick cut in, appearing behind Karen.

  The pure lava in my veins, the hot, white frenzy in my mind was unstoppable. I was too far gone to see reason, to reconsider, or to understand that she wasn’t worth a second of my time.

  “Please, let me explain.” Karen took a step back for each one I took forward. “Nadia, I loved your father.”

  “You killed him!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “He’s dead because of you!”

  “I wish I could take it back; I do. Please, I need you to understand, sweetie. Let me tell you my side of the story. You never let me explain.”

  My body trembled. Dad’s face flashed before my eyes and I crossed a line between anger and hysteria.

  “You should be dead,” I cried, shaking all over, and taking one more step forward. “You should be dead, and Dad should be here.”

  “Nadia, stop it.” Nick jumped in front of Karen, caught my arm and shoved me back at Thomas. “Go home and calm down.”

  Thomas wrapped his arms around my middle, but I stepped away, anger quivering inside me like a loose wire.

  “You were the one who wanted us to talk! What did you expect?” I looked at Karen who stood there, sobbing. “I’ll never forgive you. And after the wedding is over, you won’t see me again. You’re dead to me. I wish you were dead.”

  I turned on my heel and bumped straight into Thomas’s arms. He hugged me tight weaving his hands through my hair to calm me down, but this time I didn’t want to stop feeling.

  “Take me to Dad.” I stepped around him and got in the car.

  No one dared to stop me. When Thomas backed out of the driveway, I took a notepad and a pen from the glove compartment, unbuckled my seatbelt, and climbed over to the back of the car to write a letter to Dad.

  “We’re here,” Thomas said twenty minutes later. He cut the engine and turned to look at me. “You want me to go with you?”

  “No. I want to be alone tonight. Go home. I’ll get a taxi back.”

  It wasn’t fair to him. He did nothing wrong, and he shouldn’t suffer. My mind was like a nest of snakes; the thoughts, plans and ideas never stayed in one place for more than a second lately, and I had to get my priorities in order.

  I opened the door, expecting Thomas to drive away, but he stepped outside, a packet of cigarettes in hand.

  “Take as long as you need. I’ll wait. Maybe by the time you’re done talking to your dad, you’ll change your mind about being alone tonight.”

  I rose on my toes and kissed his lips, not sure what to say.

  It was getting dark, but I didn’t mind the cemetery at night. The bench in front of Dad’s grave was one of the few places I felt truly safe.

  Daddy,

  I hate her so much it hurts. You used to say that hate causes a lot of problems, but it fixes none. It’s true. The hatred I feel towards Karen for taking you from me solves nothing. It doesn’t ease the pain; it just hurts Nick. It doesn’t bring you back; it takes the one parent I have left.

  I tried to forgive her, but it’s impossible. I would forgive Adrian over her every time. At least I know he hurt me because he was on drugs. Karen has no excuses. She made a conscious decision to cheat on you. Maybe if you were still here, if her actions didn’t take you away from me, I would be able to forgive her.

  But you’re not here. You’re dead, and I’m lonely.

  It’s funny how I came back to London to start over, and just when I thought I found a way to do so, my past came back to laugh in my face.

  There’s no escaping him, Daddy. I think he’ll forever be a part of me no matter how far I run or where I hide. I owe him so much, and the time has come to pay my debt.

  Why is life so complicated? Why can’t it be simple? Why can’t there only be wrong or right; black or white? Why aren’t you here to help me choose? What am I supposed to do now? Which door to take? I wish you were here to tell me which one of them is right.

  But you’re not, and I’m stuck.

  I know it should be easy. Adrian turned my life—our lives into a nightmare, and Thomas is leading me out of the dark tunnel. He makes me happy, Daddy. He makes the bad memories fade; he makes me forget the pain, and when he’s with me it’s like the huge hole in my heart is almost healed.

  I still miss you, but when he’s around it’s easier to find peace without having you here. He’s the one I want, and he should be the one I chose, but it’s not that easy. Nothing ever is, right? Isn’t that what you always said?

  I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t know how much more I can take before I get to the point where I won’t be able to get up again. I’m scared of making the wrong choice. I’m scared of losing Thomas if I leave, and I’m scared Adrian will do something reckless if I stay.

  There’s no wrong or right choice here. It’s a choice between what’s best for me, and what’s best for them.

  I love you so much, Daddy.

  CHAPTER 31

  THOMAS

  You’re next

  Nadia was distant all week. She chased her thoughts most of the time we spent together, which wasn’t much. Amelia took the week off and dragged Nadia with her to every meeting, appointment, and dress fitting.

  I tried to talk to her and ask about her parents and Karen, but she dismissed every question. After a few tries, I gave up, not wanting to armour the wall that grew between us the moment Karen arrived. I had a feeling that Karen was
only partially responsible for Nadia’s daydreaming though.

  The week dragged on as if it dragged last week’s dead body behind it. The anticipation ahead of the wedding hit an all-time high, and even I got a bit nervous by Friday. The good thing was that Nadia’s worries were pushed out by excitement, and by the time Saturday morning arrived, she was more or less back to her normal self.

  “Why aren’t you here? I need you! Get down here right now!”

  Amelia screamed down the phone so loud that I heard every word despite standing in the doorway of my living room.

  It was just past eight a.m., and the hairdresser was finishing Nadia’s hair. I was still in my gym pants, sweaty from my morning work-out. I half hoped for a morning work-out session with Nadia’s naked body writhing underneath me, but since she was up before the alarm I settled for the gym.

  “I’ll be there in thirty, Mel. Is the hairdresser there?” This time I didn’t hear the reply. “Good. Sit down and let her do her job.”

  She hung up after that and glanced over her shoulder. “Why aren’t you ready? Mel’s freaking out; we need to leave soon.”

  She shooed me away, and the small chance I hoped I had for morning sex was gone. Twenty minutes later, we were on our way to Nick’s house, and once we arrived, we were swallowed by the chaos.

  No, really, it was disgraceful.

  Nicholas jumped out on us as soon as we entered the house. “Do something!” he yelled over the noise of seventeen people talking at once. “Everyone’s everywhere! No one knows what to do! I don’t know what to do! Mel’s throwing up every ten minutes; her mum is crying, and…”

  “Whoa. Calm down.” I patted him on the back. “Calm down.”

  I looked around the madness. There were people everywhere, shouting and running around like a flock of sheep without a dog to herd them into a pen. Scorpio was on the phone, screaming. Mel’s foster parents, Jack and Grace, were in the living room, arguing. Karen was rushing down the stairs with Nick’s suit jacket in hand, and the bridesmaids giggled in the corner.

  I caught Nadia’s hand when Karen approached, half expecting another round of screaming, but Nadia held her head up high, and swallowed her pride. I knew she did it for Nick’s and Mel’s sake, but I was still fucking proud of her considering how much hatred she harboured toward the woman.