The Sapphire Widow

by Jefferies, Dinah

  Louisa shook her head. ‘I was surprised. I didn’t get lost at all.’

  ‘Well, leave your case. One of the houseboys will bring it in. Let me take you through to the veranda at the back. We’ll have a long cool drink brought out.’

  They walked into the house and out again through some elegant French windows. And, blinking in the brightness, Louisa remarked at the buzzing and chirping filling the air.

  ‘It really feels wildly alive out here.’

  ‘It always does, especially in the morning, or late in the day like now.’

  Their drinks arrived and Louisa was grateful for the cool feel of the glass beneath her hands.

  ‘You’ll want a rest and maybe to freshen up, but I thought we could have a quiet chat for a few minutes.’

  Louisa gazed down at flower-filled gardens sloping down to the lake in three terraces, with paths, steps and benches placed between them, and the lake itself was the most gorgeous turquoise colour.

  ‘So,’ Gwen was saying. ‘How are you coping? I am so terribly sorry for what has happened. You must be devastated.’

  ‘It’s not easy. And, although my father is good to have around, my sister-in-law has gone back to her parents’ in Colombo. And nobody else really knows what to say to me.’

  ‘It was similar after Liyoni died. Everyone tiptoed around me until I felt like screaming.’

  ‘How did you cope?’

  ‘In some ways, it’s hard to remember the early days. I felt as if my world had come to an end, but then it became a case of putting one foot in front of the other and doing whatever there was to do next. It wasn’t long ago but it has become easier.’

  ‘I’m scared I’ll never feel normal again.’

  ‘Well, you won’t feel the way you did before. It will have changed you. It’s more a case of working out who you are now and getting used to that.’

  ‘I find myself crying at impossible moments.’

  ‘I know. Me too.’

  ‘Do you still?’

  Gwen nodded. ‘And I still feel such anger.’

  Louisa nodded. ‘It ambushes me when I least expect it and is so strong I can literally shake.’

  ‘I felt my world had ended, and it had. I didn’t feel alive: I felt broken. Truly. Broken.’

  ‘Thank you for being so honest,’ Louisa said. ‘I’m so glad I came.’

  ‘I hope it will help. At the very least it will pass a few days. If you can just keep going, keep living, keep caring, you will find your heart does ease.’

  They sat in silence for a few moments.

  ‘I’m afraid we have a visitor for supper tonight. I had hoped it would just be the three of us, but Savi Ravasinghe has arrived to see Laurence on a plantation matter on behalf of his wife, my cousin Fran. She is a shareholder, you see, but you’ll like Savi. He’s an artist and very kind. Can you tolerate that?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘Because you could have a tray in your room, if you prefer?’

  ‘No. It will do me good. I’ve been so little in company since Elliot died.’

  ‘Well, Savi is a lovely man. You can talk to him about anything. Come on, let me show you your room.’

  They went indoors and up a sweeping staircase, and then along a corridor to the very end. Gwen flung open the door to a room with windows in both exterior walls. ‘I love this room because it’s so airy. Will it do? The bathroom is next door. Dinner is at eight.’

  Louisa looked around her. ‘Thank you. It’s absolutely lovely.’

  After Gwen had left, Louisa went to the window overlooking the gardens and part of the lake and leant out to breathe the air. Rising up around the lake luminous tea bushes grew in symmetrical rows, and the women tea-pickers wore brightly coloured saris. A riot of pink, green, purple and blue. There was such a feeling of calm about it all, Louisa relaxed. It was a magical place, and she already felt as if the weight in her chest had lightened – for a few minutes she had actually forgotten Elliot.

  It didn’t last. As she lay on the bed to rest she felt torn between grief at his loss and being burdened by his lies. The worst thing was the fear that after twelve years she didn’t know who Elliot had really been. What if the love at the heart of her marriage had not been the love she had imagined?

  She listened to the sounds of the birds and saw the sky darken. It was time to dress for dinner and put on a mask of cheerfulness. Gwen wouldn’t expect it, but something within Louisa meant she knew it was what she would, nevertheless, do. She decided on a navy dress, nipped in at the waist and with a wide belt, and after she had brushed her blonde curls she felt a little better.

  As she entered the drawing room for drinks before supper she saw a bank of tall windows running across an entire wall. Their shutters had been left half open so she could glimpse the moon lighting the garden beyond. This room fronted the shining, silvery lake. The walls were painted in a soft blue-green and the whole place felt cool, with comfy-looking armchairs, and two pale sofas piled high with embroidered cushions depicting birds, elephants and exotic flowers. A leopard skin was draped across the back of one of the sofas.

  ‘Come and sit down with Savi,’ Gwen said as she stood to greet Louisa.

  An elegant Sinhalese man rose at the same time. He had longish hair, a slightly hooked nose and smiling caramel eyes with heavy brows. He held out his hand. ‘You must be Louisa. I’m Savi Ravasinghe.’

  ‘Lovely to meet you,’ she said as she shook his hand.

  ‘Will you sit?’ he said.

  ‘Yes, sit with Savi,’ Gwen said. ‘I need to check that Ayah is with the baby. Laurence will be down in a minute. Are you happy with Sinhalese food, Louisa?’

  ‘Oh, perfectly. Thank you.’

  ‘So,’ Savi said as they seated themselves. ‘Tell me about you.’

  She took a quick breath. It was awkward meeting new people. ‘I don’t know what you already know.’

  ‘I know you have only recently lost your husband. I’m so sorry. Do you mind me mentioning it?’

  ‘Actually, I prefer it.’

  He smiled. ‘That I understand. You know Gwen’s little girl died?’

  ‘I do. I think that’s why she invited me here.’

  ‘And she is a very sympathetic woman. My wife thinks the world of her.’

  ‘Where is your wife?’

  ‘She has business interests in England and we live most of the year there, but I like to come back home from time to time and spend a few months here. I have an apartment in Colombo in Cinnamon Gardens. My wife, Fran, often comes too, but this time she didn’t.’

  It was unusual nowadays in Ceylon to come across a mixed marriage, but Louisa knew it had once been perfectly normal at a time when English women had been in short supply.

  ‘Have you faced many difficulties?’ she asked. ‘You and your wife, I mean.’

  ‘More so in England, to be honest.’ He smiled. ‘But most people here tolerate us.’

  ‘I’m glad.’

  ‘You live in Galle, I hear.’

  ‘I was born there and wouldn’t swap it for the world, though it’s lovely here, of course. And recently I had cause to go to a cinnamon plantation. I couldn’t help falling in love with it.’

  ‘I knew someone who went to live on a cinnamon plantation not too far from Galle, or at least that was the rumour. She was a well-known artist in Colombo and then she simply upped and disappeared. I’m just trying to recall her name.’

  ‘Oh?’

  He frowned. ‘It was an unusual name but I just can’t remember it.’

  Louisa felt surprised. ‘Did she have red hair?’

  ‘Yes! You don’t know her, do you?’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t know her, but I think I may have met her just the once and then only very briefly.’

  ‘Small world.’

  ‘Do you know why she left Colombo?’

  ‘I don’t think anybody really knew. I’ve spotted some of her apparently new canvases for sale from ti
me to time so she must still be painting.’

  ‘But nobody ever sees her?’

  ‘No. Ah look, here is Laurence.’

  Louisa nodded, and watched Gwen’s tall husband approach. He was broad-backed with short light brown hair flecked with grey at the temples, and he wore a wide smile on his face. She thought of the last time she’d seen him at their Christmas party, when everything had seemed all set to be wonderful. And suddenly it was as if a cold wind swept through her heart. How swiftly life could change. How drastically it could all be gone.

  15.

  When Louisa woke the next morning, soon after dawn, she rose immediately and enjoyed gazing out of the window at the still lake. A pearly mist lay over the water and the air felt fresh and pure. It will be a good day, she told herself. It will be a good day. Gwen’s son Hugh was due back from school in Nuwara Eliya and they were all set to have a picnic beside the lake, although Mr Ravasinghe was leaving first thing. Before going down to breakfast, she washed and dressed in a pale green muslin dress with short sleeves, and then tied up her hair.

  Laurence was wearing shorts and already standing at the breakfast table with a plate in his hand when Louisa entered the dining room.

  ‘Morning. Would you like to join me on the veranda?’ he said.

  She glanced across to where he was pointing at the wide-open French windows.

  ‘Breakfast always tastes better outdoors,’ he added. ‘Don’t you think?’

  She smiled and looked down at the table where a serving dish had been topped with a rounded silver cover.

  ‘Kedgeree,’ he said. ‘If you want anything else cooked, just ring the bell. Cook makes a pretty good fist of poached eggs. Tea and coffee will be brought out along with the toast. I’ll see you out there.’

  She spotted a bowl of buffalo-milk curd protected by a square of netting, and baskets of fruit: mangoes, passionfruit, apples and bananas. She helped herself to a bowl of the curd and then drizzled honey over it.

  By the time she sat down at the wrought-iron table outside, the mist had burnt away. It was turning into a brilliant day, with the sun glittering on the lake and a light breeze to cool the skin. She watched a cloud of brightly coloured butterflies floating just above the white lilies growing in earthen pots all along the edge of the veranda.

  ‘I hope you slept well,’ Laurence said with a smile.

  ‘Very well.’

  ‘It’s our hill country air.’

  She nodded and met his eyes. ‘I suppose it must be. I’m glad to be here. It was kind of Gwen to invite me.’

  ‘My condolences about Elliot. We didn’t have a chance to speak alone last night.’

  ‘No.’

  He paused before speaking again and she noticed a muscle in his jaw twitch. ‘You may know that my first wife died,’ he eventually said.

  ‘Savi Ravasinghe told me. I was sorry to hear it.’

  ‘It was a long time ago.’

  She wondered what had happened and deliberated about asking him. Would it be insensitive? But with Elliot’s death still uppermost in her mind she felt she had to ask.

  ‘Do you mind telling me what happened?’

  He sighed. ‘She took her own life.’

  Louisa gasped. ‘Oh gosh. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.’

  ‘As I said, it was a long time ago.’ He paused again. ‘Anyway, enough of dwelling on the past. The present is what matters today. And this picnic will be delightful. I’m sure it will do you good.’

  ‘I already feel better just being away from home.’

  ‘Being in a different environment can take one out of oneself. Even if it is only temporary.’

  A couple of hours later, when Hugh was due to arrive home, Gwen and Louisa were in the large sitting room with baby Alice. Gwen asked Louisa if she was happy to hold the baby while she went to settle a few final details of the picnic. At first Louisa felt nervous at the thought but then, as Alice fell asleep in her arms, she watched the fluttering eyelashes and softly stroked the child’s rosy cheeks with her fingertips. She bent over to smell the baby’s hair and when a feeling of peace washed through her, she felt a sense of gratitude towards Gwen. Holding Alice had silenced the noise in her head. Coming here had been the right thing to do.

  A few moments later a tousled-haired boy tore into the room followed by Gwen.

  ‘Say hello to Mrs Reeve, Hugh.’

  ‘Hello Hugh,’ Louisa said. ‘Do call me Louisa. Just back from school?’

  He nodded.

  ‘And how old are you now?’

  He beamed at her and spoke proudly. ‘I’m ten.’

  ‘That is quite an age. And are you looking forward to the picnic?’

  ‘You bet! Can I see Alice?’

  ‘Of course.’

  He came across and knelt at her feet. ‘She’s very little, isn’t she?’

  ‘Do you want to hold her?’

  He got to his feet. ‘No. Mummy says I’ve got to change now.’ He grinned at her. ‘Will you come swimming with me?’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t bring a costume.’

  ‘I’ve got a spare one,’ Gwen said.

  Gwen and Louisa remained in the sitting room for another half-hour and then, when Hugh came racing back in, Gwen settled Alice in her Moses basket and called the butler to ask him to carry her down to the lake. After that she collected Laurence from his study and they all made their way down. A couple of houseboys carried the hamper and several bags, along with the rugs. They also extracted three chairs from the boathouse at the edge of the lake. As Laurence, Gwen and Louisa made themselves comfortable on the chairs, they were watched by a pair of long-tailed toque monkeys sitting at the base of a nearby tree.

  Gwen was wearing a blue gingham cotton dress with loose sleeves covering her arms down to her wrists, and she now opened a large white sun parasol attached to her chair, designed to protect her delicate complexion.

  Hugh ran up to Gwen, who gave him a towel and his bathers. Then he went across to the boathouse to change. Louisa watched all this with a feeling of anticipation. It was such a stupendously lovely place and the sky was so blue you couldn’t really be sad. She gazed across at where the bright green tea bushes grew and could see the women tea-pickers, or ‘pluckers’ as she now knew they were called. It seemed too hot to be working so hard, though of course it was cooler here than in Galle. A gust of wind whipped a loose strand of hair into her eyes and they watered. As she wiped her eyes and then tucked the curl behind her ear, Gwen leant over to her.

  ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘It’s just the wind.’

  ‘Good. When Hugh has changed would you like to use the boathouse? Here are my spare bathers and a towel. The bathers were always too big for me but as you’re taller they should fit.’ She passed a bag to Louisa.

  ‘Thank you.’

  As the wind got up a little more, Louisa stood, letting the warm air blow through her hair. Above the shimmering lake, a cobalt sky stretched across the horizon. She closed her eyes against the intense glare of a yellow sun reflecting off the rippling water, and acknowledged how good it felt to be momentarily released.

  By the time she had changed and was approaching the water’s edge Hugh and Laurence were already in the lake, splashing each other and shouting.

  Gwen came down to the bank. ‘I need to give Alice her feed now but do join the others. Just watch out for leeches at the edge.’

  Louisa glanced down and ventured slowly into the water. ‘It’s cool,’ she said. ‘How lovely.’

  ‘I always find it refreshing,’ Gwen said, then turned her back to walk across to the boathouse.

  Louisa waded in, and despite going deeper was relieved to still be able to feel the rocky bottom. Laurence and Hugh were further out now and swimming across to a small island. Not being familiar with the lake, she decided to remain in the shallows, and as she slid through the water she enjoyed a wonderful sense of exhilaration. Just feeling weightless with her body moving like this seeme
d to reconnect her to herself in some way; a simple but vital pleasure. That’s what going on living meant. Not just struggling through one day and the next, but fully experiencing what it meant to be alive; she had been missing this more than she realized.

  After a while she left the water and stood in the sunshine, towel-drying her hair. She could see Laurence and Hugh were taking a breather over on the island and Gwen was back in her chair under the sunshade, holding the now sleeping baby in her arms.

  Louisa settled down next to her. ‘That was absolutely marvellous.’

  ‘I often swim here with Laurence,’ Gwen said. ‘Our daughter loved the water.’

  ‘You must miss her terribly.’

  ‘I do, but it was complicated. She had a wasting disease.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Anyway, it’s you we should be talking about now. How are you feeling?’

  Louisa pulled a face. ‘Pretty good today, and all this helps so much but … well, you see, I’ve found out certain things about my husband I didn’t previously know.’

  ‘Things? Do you want to talk?’

  Louisa sighed. ‘I just don’t know what to think. Please don’t tell anyone, but the thing is, he lied about owning some shares in a cinnamon plantation.’

  ‘Is that so bad?’

  ‘Well, he seemed to spend an awful lot of time there. And now I don’t know where he really was. Plus, he had debts I didn’t know about. Although he denied it, I’m worried his gambling had got out of hand. It’s just so awful having to face the fact that I didn’t know what he was doing.’

  ‘Men do seem to have this ability to compartmentalize their lives.’

  ‘Surely not Laurence?’

  Gwen shook her head. ‘It was a long time before I got to the truth about his first wife’s death.’

  ‘He told me she took her own life.’

  ‘And that shows how far he has come. When we were first married, he refused to discuss it. He had bottled it up for so long he didn’t know how to unburden himself.’ She paused. ‘I don’t know, but maybe Elliot had got himself into trouble and kept it to himself to protect you.’

  ‘Maybe. But lying about having shares, how was that to protect me?’