Crave

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “How was whatever it is you did?”

  Jaeger’s face falters, his cute smile drops and his eyes lower. “Good, but I don’t wanna talk about that, I just want to kiss my girl.”

  My girl, hmmm, caveman.

  Jaeger stalks toward me, slowly. His heated gaze burns straight through me with the same intense, dark orbs that always make me melt inside.

  “Nix,” he says in a low voice before his mouth descends on mine. The kiss is anything but gentle. Jaeger is pushing his body into mine, his obvious hard-on pressing into the lower part of my stomach.

  He’s got a gentle smell of smoke clinging to his mouth; the taste travels into all my senses as my tongue and his tango together.

  Jaeger’s hand moves slowly from my hip, up past my ribs to tighten at the nape of my neck.

  Holy shit. His fingers apply pressure as he devours my mouth. Claiming me, owning me, consuming every part of me.

  Jaeger’s other hand moves up to my breast as he starts to roughly grope me, kneading my breast between his fingers. He pinches my nipple through my clothes and growls into my mouth at the same time.

  Why do I want this? Why am I so turned on when he’s so rough with me? Is this really what I want?

  “Unless you want me to fuck you here in the kitchen, get your ass into our bedroom,” Jaeger whispers as he nips on my ear and pushes his body further into mine.

  Damn it, why do I want to run as fast as my legs will take me into the bedroom? This isn’t me. I don’t do bad boys like him.

  I like gentle and sweet, not rough and sweaty, all-consuming alpha men.

  I turn to slowly walk toward Jaeger’s room and he swats me on the ass, hard.

  My body shudders as a bolt of ice rips straight up my spine. The blood pumping through my veins quickens, heating every part of my body.

  “I love the way your ass moves when you walk away from me. It’s got the perfect amount of bounce to it,” he says from behind me.

  Why not tease him? I add swagger to my hips as I walk in front of him.

  The door to his room is closed and when I reach to open it, he stops me by pulling both my wrists behind my back, capturing them in his one big, warm, calloused hand and pushing me face first into the door.

  His entire body is on mine as he holds me against the cool of the wood door.

  Jaeger moves his hand into my jeans and straight to my pussy, I open my legs to allow his hand room to stroke me.

  But he pushes a finger into me and I can’t help but intake a huge breath followed by a small groan.

  Christ, he feels so good as he proceeds to finger me.

  “You’re fucking beautiful, and so damn turned on. If I pull your jeans down right now, you’d probably let me fuck this hot ass of yours, wouldn’t you, sugar?” Jaeger licks my neck and sucks the exposed sensitive skin into his mouth.

  “Hmmm,” is all I can say or think as he keeps fingering me right here in the hallway outside his bedroom.

  He’s everywhere, beautifully overtaking me, all parts of his body touching every part of mine.

  “Do you want me to fuck this ass?” he asks as he drives his clothed body and erect cock against me, continuing to finger my sex.

  “God, yes,” I moan as I push back, trying to get that burning hot friction between us.

  “Only I’m to touch your cunt or any other part of your body,” he hungrily growls as he licks my jaw.

  Shit!

  Why does he turn me on so much?

  His finger is soon joined by a second; I let out a small sigh of satisfaction as I grind down on his attacking digits. He feels so good as his assault on me begins to intensify. He adds his thumb to my clit in slow meticulous circles as he continues to finger-fuck me out here in the open.

  “J, man,” Aaron, or someone calls from somewhere. What am I even thinking?

  “Fuck off,” he spits over his shoulder, but keeps his fierce hold on my wrists while his hand down my pants gives me what I’m craving.

  “I’m the only man who’ll ever touch you again.”

  With my arms restrained behind my back, and all the sensations coursing through my body, I can’t help but to simply submit to the intense ecstasy that Jaeger gives me.

  “Say it. Tell me you understand,” he says, claiming me.

  “I understand,” I cry between short bursts of air.

  “I want to hear you say it.” He lets my wrists go, weaves his fingers into my hair and tugs it to the side, exposing my neck to him. “I need to hear you say the words, Nix.” Jaeger licks the column of my throat before sucking on my earlobe. “You’re so fucking wet, so ready for me to screw you. Tell me what I want to hear so I can bend you over the bed and ram my cock into your needy cunt.”

  “Stop talking, just fuck me,” I barely manage to say.

  “Hands flat on the door, either side of your head,” he demands. And I obey.

  My blood is violently pounding through me, I can feel the powerful rush as it speeds along my veins, heating me with a heavenly desire.

  “Tell me, or I stop and won’t give you that release you’re chasin’.”

  Damn him, he’s reading every frenzied sign my body is giving him, but I don’t want to tell him that only his hands will ever touch me again. I don’t want to admit to him that only his mouth will lick my sex, only his tongue will lap at my nipples.

  No, I don’t want to say those words. Because once I do, then I’ll have to acknowledge that I actually like the dumb-ass, macho-man crap he does.

  “You don’t want to come, sugar? That’s fine by me.” He lets go of my hair, pulls his other hand out of my jeans, and before I even have a chance to miss his warmth and his contact, I grab onto his hand that was deep inside me.

  “Don’t go,” I say as I turn my head, resigned to the fact that I enjoy him and his stupid ways.

  Jaeger steps back, his arousal so obvious, his deep brown eyes are famished, and the only food that will satisfy his craving is me.

  “Only you,” I mumble, hoping that’s enough to keep him happy.

  He takes that one step toward me, and pushes me against the door. His entire body blankets my own, covering me in a hot, protective way.

  “I’m good enough to fuck you, but not good enough for you to say the words I want to hear?”

  What?

  “No!” I cry, “that’s not it.”

  “Tell me why I should give you my cock if you don’t want the man attached?”

  “I…” What do I say? What can I say?

  “You what?” he licks my neck again, teasing me with the pleasure that waits if I just tell him that I won’t let another man ever touch me again.

  “I’m the flavor of month. I’m the thirty-three percent that normally says no, I’m nothing more than a challenge to you. When a sixty-six percent girl walks through those doors, you’ll forget about me and go to her.”

  “Is that what you think to protect yourself?”

  “It’s true, Jaeger. I’ve seen the women that hang around here, the way they hang off your every word, giggle at you like a school girl when we go to supermarket. And you want me to believe that I’m anything more than a lay? A screw? I’m just fresh meat that’s a challenge because I fight you every time you open your mouth.”

  Jaeger steps away, leaving me to peel myself off the door and turn to face him.

  “Tell me it’s not true, tell me all the crap you say to me, you’ve never said before,” I challenge him, straightening my shoulders as I’m zipping my jeans.

  He snorts and rolls his eyes at me. “It’s the furthest thing from the truth,” he says as he crosses his arms in front of his tight strong chest. “I told you I’d never lie to you.”

  “Whatever.” Liar, how dare he tell me he hasn’t used that dirty mouth to seduce other women.

  I turn the door handle to his room, enter, and try to shut it behind me. I just need to clear my head, away from Jaeger.

  “You don’t get to run in here and close the d
oor on me. We’re doing the whole bullshit girly thing of ‘talking’.” He air quotes and screws his nose up.

  “If it’s so painful to do it, leave.” I sit on the bed.

  “I’ve screwed girls, and I don’t give a shit about them. But I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I’ve wanted to get my mouth on your pussy and stay there for life. The first night I saw you, I just wanted to fuck you, and I’ve often thought of you while I’m screwing other chicks.”

  The first time he saw me?

  What the hell!?

  I turn to look at Jaeger who’s sitting on the arm chair in his room. I feel my brows knit together and my lips purse into a thin line.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “You really have no idea, do you?” he asks.

  No idea about what?

  Grit: Chapter 19

  Pain in the God damn ass.

  That’s what Phoenix is, and what she’ll always be–a damned pain in the ass.

  “Yeah. I saw you years ago, and I’ve wanted you ever since.”

  I watch her reaction, and it’s one of pure confusion. Her eyebrows are drawn down together and she’s biting on her lip as she just stares at me, almost blankly.

  “What?” she finally asks after a long minute of silence.

  “Years ago, I saw you and I wanted you.”

  “Yeah, I get that, but where did you see me?” She draws her legs up and hugs her knees, obviously protecting herself from what she thinks I may say.

  “It was a fight. You were with some older guy, clinging to him, and looking frightened as hell. The fear you had, the way you were looking so innocent and scared, it turned me on. The other guy got a punch in, which is the only way I dragged my eyes away from you.”

  Phoenix’s mouth falls open, and I see a shiver rip through her as her shoulders begin to shake. Emotions flash across her face in quick succession. Horror, surprise, then understanding, but the one emotion I didn’t want her to feel is the final one I see. Fear.

  She scoots back on the bed until her back is at the headboard and she’s as far away from me as she can possibly be.

  “I remember. I freaked out and made my uncle take me home.” She pauses, her face tellin’ me she’s thinkin’ about it. “You killed him,” she says in a tiny whisper. She looks shocked and clearly disturbed.

  “Yeah, sugar, I did,” I say softly.

  Phoenix looks away from me, not wanting, or maybe not willing to meet my eyes any longer.

  “You killed him,” she repeats in an even smaller voice.

  “Yeah.”

  “You killed him.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’ve killed a person.”

  “People,” I correct her.

  “People?” Her eyes slowly find mine. She’s shaking all over now, and retreating further into herself.

  I stand from the chair, and take a step toward her. Phoenix’s eyes go straight to my feet and with the next step, she tries to melt into the headboard of the bed.

  “I’ll never hurt you, Nix.” I hold my hands up, showing her that I’m not the monster she saw that night.

  “You’re a murderer,” she sighs as I watch her beautiful face pale with tears spilling from her eyes.

  “I am,” I admit.

  I take another careful step toward her, and she cringes and pulls in a sharp breath.

  “I won’t hurt you, but you have to let me near you.”

  She’s shaking her head, not believing a word I’m saying.

  Like a wounded, frightened kitten, she balls into herself further, refusing to believe in me, in us.

  “Nix, all I want to do is protect you. I’ll kill any motherfucker who puts their hands on you. But I’ll never lay an unwanted finger on you.”

  Her eyes are red and tears fall, clinging to her cheeks.

  Her vulnerability and fear are so beautiful and sexy. She’s everything I’ve never thought I deserved and every time she’s near me, I just want her.

  I have an insatiable need to be inside her, to be with her and to protect her.

  It’s crazy and stupid. I shouldn’t want her like I do. She’s right about one thing. She’s way too good for me and for this life.

  But I’m far from selfless and noble. I’m an egocentric, narcissistic, self-centered prick, and I want her all for myself. I’m not sharing her, ever, with anyone. And if she thinks she has a choice in the matter, she has another thing coming. I’ll keep her here until she finally realizes that we’re meant to be in this fucked up thing called life together.

  With me at the helm, always protecting the only good thing that’s ever happened to me–her.

  “Nix,” I say as I take another step toward her. She whimpers and shakes her head at me to stop my progression toward her. “Phoenix, if I wanted to hurt you, I already would have, so stop this immature, bullshit behavior and look at me.”

  “Immature,” she shrieks and jumps off the bed.

  There she is. My wild tiger is back.

  “Yeah, immature. You’re acting like me killin’ somebody is the worst thing you’ve ever heard.”

  “Do you even hear yourself? You’ve killed before!” she says, angry.

  “Yeah I have, and I’d do it again. I’d do almost anything to protect you.”

  Her look changes from angry to questioning as she put her hands on her hips. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. But I’ll do anything for you. You’re…” I try and find the right word, any word that I can use to describe what’s going on inside my fucked-up, deviant, black mind.

  “What am I?” she asks, less angry but still confused.

  “I don’t know. I just have a need to protect you from anythin’ or anyone that can hurt you.”

  “You can hurt me,” she drops her chin to chest and starts crying again.

  “Never,” I say with authority and force. “I’ll never hurt you. I’d cut off my own arm before I’ll raise it in anger to you.”

  I close the distance between us, and pull her into a hug.

  She’s rigid and cold, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t believe anything I’m saying.

  “I don’t know how to feel about you,” she quietly admits.

  I wrap my body tighter around hers, not giving her a chance to escape. Slowly, I feel the rigidity leaving her.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re not what I ever thought I wanted. You’re arrogant, an asshole, an alpha male, and I don’t go for those types.”

  A chuckle reverberates through my body. An alpha male. What a stupid-ass description. Alpha males don’t exist. There are only men with balls and men that are pussies.

  “Then you’ve been going for the wrong sort of man, because obviously, I’m the right one for you.”

  “But you’ve killed,” she says, holding onto whatever she can so she can justify to herself why she shouldn’t be here.

  “Yeah, and I’ve never claimed to be a good man. But I’ll be the best I can for you.”

  “Can you promise me not to kill anyone?”

  “No can do, sugar. I can only promise you that I’ll never cause you any pain.”

  She melts into me, and her hands go to my hips. It’s like she’s still unsure of me. I suppose if the guy you’ve been sleeping with tells you he’s killed before and will kill again, it’s a pretty big thing for a woman to wrap her mind around.

  “Nix, this is who I am. It’s who I’ve always been, and who I always will be. I haven’t lied to you or told you something just to shut you up. There are things I can’t tell you, but only because I don’t want you in danger.”

  “But I’m in danger being here with you,” she says as she moves closer into my chest.

  “You’ll always be safe when you’re close to me, and any of these guys,” I say as I point out toward the bar, “they’ll protect you too.” Nix’s nose screws up, but her eyes have cleared of the tears that were falling.

  “I don’t know, Jaeger. It’s
tearing me apart. I just need some time to think about all of this.”

  She’s right. This lifestyle is a bit hard to handle, especially if you’ve never been around it before.

  “What’s happening with my farm?” she asks, hopeful that I have good news.

  “I was supposed to go to the bank and pay out what your dad owed, but I had to push it back ‘cause of some other things. The bank manager is coming out here in two days with the paperwork.”

  “So that’s it? It’s gone, just like that?” She lays her head on my chest again and I can feel the vibration of quiet sobs as she tries to come to terms with it.

  “Yeah, that’s it. It’s going to be mine by the end of the week.”

  More silence passes between us. Nothing is said and nothing needs to be said.

  Phoenix breaks the quiet, “I need to find a job and somewhere to stay.”

  “You’re not going anywhere. But you can get a job.”

  Her back straightens and I feel an impending argument.

  “You’ll let me have a job?” Yep, she’s pissed.

  “Yeah, you can get a job, I’m cool with that.”

  Nix steps away from me. And so it starts again. Oddly, I’m relieved.

  “Let me? Seriously, you think you can stop me?”

  “Uhhh, yeah.”

  “You’re a dick!” she yells and takes another step away.

  “Why are you moving away from me? I wanna fuck you.”

  “Go away!” she shouts again. “You’re an arrogant ass.”

  “I already told you I was.”

  She rubs her hands over her face, then trails them through her red mane.

  “Seriously, Jaeger, you said you’d tone it down.”

  Tone what down? What the hell’s the problem this time?

  “You don’t need to work. I’ll support you.”

  Shit, I think that was the wrong thing for me to say. Phoenix’s face changes into a demonic, angry scowl. She grinds her teeth together, her hands ball up into fists, and her entire body is shaking as her eyes widen with red-hot fury burning in them.

  “Give me your damn phone so I can call Milina to come get me, you selfish…” She’s trembling with rage, and she’s trying to spit something out, but she looks like she’s struggling.