Somebody to Love

by Danielle Burton

  I glanced back to see a frown on Kirby’s face and her gaze was indeed on Gabi. When she caught me looking, she dropped her eyes to the table. I fought back a smile at her obvious jealousy. There was nothing for her to worry about though. The sun was too bright for me to see anything else.

  “Can I get you anything else,” I asked Gabi, “or just the breadsticks?”

  “Actually, I’m going to get my food to go. Don’t want your not girlfriend to beat me up,” she said with a smile.

  Kirby was about as threatening as a stuffed bunny and Gabi was much bigger than her so I knew she was just teasing.

  “Okay. Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

  She threw a wave over her shoulder as she made her way to the take-out counter.

  When Kirby’s order was ready I approached her table, watching her carefully. I’d looked over periodically since Gabi had left and since then she’d worn the same expression. The one which was her thinking face. She sometimes made the same face when she was perplexed by something while we were studying. My guess was it had something to do with Gabi.

  I’d been considering how to approach that while I checked on my other tables. Kirby and I were only friends so was it necessary for me to explain that Gabi was my ex? I concluded that it wasn’t.

  “For you madam.”

  She jumped out her daze and looked up at me, a small smile on her face. It was dim compared to the one earlier.

  I sat her plate of pasta in front of her then did the same with her breadsticks. “Need anything else?”

  She shook her head while she unrolled the paper napkin wrapped around her silverware and unfolded it on her lap.

  I glanced around to make sure my supervisor was nowhere in sight then leaned down beside Kirby. “You doing anything this weekend?”

  Her curls bounced lightly when she looked over at me then shook her head. “Why?”

  “That new animated movie is coming out. Feel like catching the matinee with me?”

  Her mood instantly perked up, eyes shining bright. “I’ve been waiting to see that all year.”

  “Does that mean you’ll join me?”

  Smiling wide, she nodded. “Can’t wait!”

  Chapter Twenty

  ~ Kirby ~

  It felt like I’d been sitting on pins and needles all day when Keem arrived to pick me up from Esme’s. I knew it wasn’t a date, but I was excited to spend time with him outside of the library. And even more excited to go to the movies. It had been a while since I’d gone and the movie I’d been waiting to see being out made this day even better.

  Dark movie theaters were usually where couples went to make out, at least that’s what TV always portrayed. I of course knew better, Keem and I were only friends. Plus, that would be inappropriate at a kids’ movie.

  It was nice to imagine though. His arm draped over my shoulder, holding me close while his sexy lips gently caressed mine. Sigh.

  At the theater, Keem purchased our tickets, though I offered to pay for my own. It was his invitation, he’d said, only fair that he pay my way.

  Afterwards, we made our way to the concession area. I recognized the girl behind the stand. She was the one that had been at Angelo’s, smiling at Keem and flipping her hair around. Why was she everywhere? And why was she so freaking pretty? I bet she had boys wrapped around her finger with her long hair and perfect skin. She better forget about using her seductress ways on Keem. He was mine. Well, not mine, but…

  I looked over at Keem to see if he was taken in by her beauty, but his eyes were on me. He smiled and my heart quickened.

  He was looking at me.

  I wanted to stick my tongue out at that red headed vixen, but resisted the urge of immaturity.

  “What kind of snacks do you want?”

  “Um…” I turned my attention to the large menu over the concession stand. There were dozens of menu items and I wasn’t sure which, if any, were vegan friendly. “Popcorn, no butter. And a lemonade.”

  Keem pulled out his wallet then his debit card. “I’ll have the same. Actually, make that only one popcorn, a large. We’ll share.” He looked at me. “That okay?”

  I gave a small shrug.

  He narrowed his eyes at me, a small smile on his face. “What, don’t want to share with me?”

  I offered another shrug, failing at fighting a smile of my own.

  “Stingy.”

  I did stick my tongue out at him.

  He paid for our goodies then we were on our way.

  I held only my drink, and Keem juggled his with the popcorn. The big tub was tucked awkwardly between his arm and chest while he sipped from his straw.

  I was about to ask why he didn’t just use both hands, when his free one wrapped around mine.

  Oh.

  We found our theater just as the previews started, one of my favorite parts. Keem sat us toward the middle. I was hoping he’d continue holding my hand, but he released it as we settled in our seats.

  The movie was awesome. Superheroes were among my favorite genres, especially when the hero was a heroine! Besides parents, we were the oldest of the movie goers and got a couple strange looks as we made our way to the exit. Normally that would’ve made me uneasy, as would the large number of people, but with Keem holding me tight around the waist as we navigated through the crowd, I hadn’t a care in the world. He was my safety.

  I was glad that he didn’t let go when he entered the hall. I wondered if I’d ever not feel like a pile of mush when he touched me.

  We reached the corner and I halted my steps, all the gooey feeling slipping away. “Oh my gosh!”

  Keem frowned down at me. “What? What’s wrong?”

  I slipped from his hold and grabbed his hand, pulling him back the way we’d come. “My sister, Raina. She can’t see me with you,” I said, searching around frantically with tear filled eyes. “We have to hide.” She still hadn’t quite move past my all-night disappearance. If she saw me with Keem I may as well kiss RCU good-bye.

  Keem began looking around too, then took charge, leading me toward a tall cardboard cutout advertising some scary movie. Those things freaked me out. I’d never understood the concept of purposely terrifying yourself, but I couldn’t think about that now.

  He pulled me behind the sign then moved it so it blocked us from view of passersby.

  My hands shook so hard from the possibility of facing the wrath of Raina that I had to ball them into fists to make them stop.

  It wasn’t until Keem’s thumb brushed a tear from my cheek that I looked up from the floor.

  His head was tilted to the side, looking at me in a peculiar way. “Why are you so scared?” he asked in a low voice.

  I wiped more of the wetness from my face and responded at the same volume. “I’m not supposed to hang out with boys.”

  That twisted his expression. “You realize you’re eighteen, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then why do you let them control you?”

  I leaned away from him a bit. “I-I…they don’t. They take care of me.”

  He shook his head. “They treat you like a child. Saige enrolled in all your classes to keep an eye on you. They won’t let you pick your own major. You can’t hang out with ‘boys’. You can’t live on campus. You can’t go to a club. I’m surprised they don’t dress you.”

  Something about his words, his tone, irritated me and in that moment, I regretted confiding in him. “You wouldn’t understand. You don’t know what they’ve done for me, Raina especially. They take care of me. They only want what’s best.”

  My voice had risen a few decibels and more tears fell, but these weren’t ones of sadness or fear.

  His shoulders seemed to sag. He lifted his hand to my face, but I moved out of his touch.

  He sighed. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Kirby. Far from it, but I can’t help but notice how miserable you are when you study for your classes. You hate it. And we’re hiding behind a sign for doing somethi
ng completely innocent.” He looked away for a second then sighed again. “You say they want what’s best for you. What about what you want. Animation is your passion and you’re giving it up because they said so. How is that fair? And hanging out with me? You enjoy it, right? Why shouldn’t you be allowed to do what makes you happy? It’s not like you’re out here sleeping around with a bunch of guys, we’re friends, and you’re not even like that. So, what’s the issue?”

  I dropped my gaze because I had no answers to any of his questions.

  “I get that they’re trying to protect you, but have you ever asked yourself what exactly they’re trying to protect you from? If it’s life, then that’s a waste of time because it’s impossible. Not only that, but they’re stopping you from flourishing and reaching your full potential. You’re capable of so much more than they give you credit for. I know that from experience. My parents tried to do the same with Savannah. Hide her from the world, hide it from her, not knowing that keeping her in that box was doing more harm than good.”

  He was right about how they treated me. I knew it when he said it, but I didn’t like it and didn’t want it to be true. I hated when they took away my choices or made them for me, but they were right, too. As much as it sucked, they did what they did because they loved me. They’d been there for me. Forgiven me.

  I’d barely made it through high school, and where would I be in college without Saige, or Esme, or even Keem? What if he hadn’t been there during that meltdown, or hadn’t known how to help?

  Anyhow, it was only because of his sister’s condition being similar to mine that he was able to understand me, put up with me. The capable and able to function in the world person he wanted me to believe I was, didn’t exist. That’s why he didn’t want me as anything more than a friend. And who could blame him? Why would a guy like him ever want someone like me? Not just broken, but unfixable.

  “Kirby?”

  He was a blur when I opened my eyes.

  I shuddered when he touched my cheek and didn’t pull away this time.

  His thumbs caressed away my tears as he held my face in his hands. “Please don’t cry.”

  When my vision finally cleared his gaze was fixed on mine. As painful as it was for me to hold it, I didn’t look away. Neither did he.

  Silently, I begged him to pull me near, to hold me, to kiss me, to just love me. But he didn’t. He never would. Accepting his friendship had been stupid.

  He dropped his hands away and took a step back though he couldn’t go far with the cardboard behind him. “Your sister should be gone now.”

  I nodded, feeling suddenly drained. “Take me back to Esme’s please.” My voice sounded monotone to my own ears.

  For a few seconds he just stared at me. I felt more than saw it because I refused to look at him.

  He led me back to the hall and we walked in silence. I had my arms folded so he couldn’t touch my hands, so instead he put an arm around my waist.

  I stiffened.

  He must have felt it because he dropped his arm a second later.

  The car ride was silent.

  The walk to the door was silent.

  And I didn’t tell him good night.

  In Esme’s dorm, I lay down on her bed still in my coat. I heard Esme’s voice, but it sounded garbled. Then there was silence, so I just stared at the wall for a while. After that I closed my eyes. I just wanted to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty - One

  ~ Haikeem ~

  She wouldn’t answer her phone. Three days had passed since I’d seen or spoken to her and it hurt. The things I’d said about her sisters must have really upset her. I didn’t regret it though. I couldn’t when it was nothing but the truth. I wished she was able to see the greatness in her I did, but her sisters had her thinking she was helpless and unable to control her own life and make sound decisions.

  The stigmas of mental conditions pissed me off. It was worse when it came from your own family. Asperger’s and even Autism wasn’t at all what people painted it as. Especially for those on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. Sure, it was an obstacle, but for the most part those with the conditions were no different than any so called normal person.

  I wouldn’t pretend like I hadn’t once been ignorant to it myself, but my parents changed all that. They educated themselves as well as us and introduced Savannah to a supportive community of those like her. In doing so I’d also had the chance to meet dozens of people who’d I’d have never guessed had the condition if they hadn’t told me.

  I wondered if Kirby had ever had that opportunity. Somehow, I doubted it. Having my mom as a teacher meant she’d been in special education at least one point in her life, but that didn’t mean she was in a class with those who shared her specific struggle. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to feel alone in the world or made to think something was wrong with you. Intentional or not, that seemed to be exactly what her sisters were doing.

  One day I was going to make her see how special she was, and somehow show her how capable she was of being independent. That is if she ever talked to me again.

  I’d hoped Esme could get through to her. The night I’d dropped Kirby off, Esme had caught me in the hall, ready to whoop my ass for whatever I’d done to upset her friend. After explaining to her what happened, she’d agreed with me and said she’d talk to Kirby.

  Whether she had or hadn’t, it was clear Kirby didn’t want to be bothered with me each time I went to Esme’s dorm and she refused to come to the door. Pain shot through my heart at the thought of never seeing her again.

  ~ ♥ ~

  Day four and still no Kirby. To say I wasn’t in a great mood was putting it lightly. I’d grown so used to her in a few short weeks that I kinda felt lost without her. Studying felt different without her across from me and I was too distracted to absorb anything. At Angelo’s my focus was off too because I kept expecting her to pop up for a surprise visit like she did sometimes. Nights were sleepless, she was all I could think about. I just kept waiting for a text to come of a cute random emoji. It had become her way of saying hi instead of using the word. She sent a different one each time.

  I didn’t stay at the library long today, too depressing. Back at my dorm I sat at my desk to try to finish my assignment. Jayson’s rambunctious laughter didn’t help my already divided attention. He was on his computer, video chatting with his obnoxious cousin.

  When the loud laughter came a third time, my grip tightened on my pencil. I looked over my shoulder, frowning so he knew how annoyed I was. “Do you mind keeping it down?”

  He glanced at me, seeming unbothered and after a second, nodded. “My bad.”

  “Yo, who that?” came a voice from the computer.

  “My roommate,” Jayson replied. “Haikeem.”

  I faced my desk again, determined to tune them out. They of course weren’t making it easy.

  “Haikeem?” Benji repeated. “Haikeem who?

  “You know Haikeem,” was Jayson’s dry response.

  “Nah… don’t think I know a Haikeem.” After a short pause, “Ohhhhhh, that Haikeem? You mean the one that almost stole Gabi?” Benji’s silly laughter filled the room and I sighed. Clearly I wasn’t getting any work done tonight.

  “Shut up, dumb ass.”

  Benji laughed again. “Aye,” he continued. “Yo ass better act right. Fuck around and ol’ boy just might get the kitty this time.”

  “Aye, fuck you, bro,” Jayson said with a laugh. “Don’t make me slap ya retarded ass.”

  “I’d like to see you try. Must have some long ass arms to reach me.”

  They proceeded to crack jokes on one another and I rolled my eyes. Grabbing my headphones, I stood. My doing so must have finally clued Jayson in on my annoyance. He directed Benji to quiet down.

  I had no idea if he listened because I slipped on my headphones and turned up the volume on my phone. The song playing was one Kirby had put me up on, Wild Things by Alessia Cara. It only reminded me m
ore of her. Funny how we as humans have the option to do things that make us happy, like listening to an uplifting song. But instead we choose the one that brings us misery.

  The song repeated over and over again until the sandman claimed me.

  I was startled awake by my text tone in my ear. How that woke me while I slept through blasting music was a mystery.

  Rubbing at my heavy eyes, I looked around the room. Jayson was gone, his bed neatly made, which meant he wasn’t coming back until at least tomorrow. Not long enough.

  I yawned while taking off my headphones then unplugged the jack. I sat them beside me on my pillow while I pulled down my notifications.

  My heart hit me right in the ribs and I sat up like a jack rabbit. I wasted no time tapping the text alert. Upon opening it, a panda emoji stared back at me. Instead of responding, I hit the phone icon to call her.

  A text wouldn’t suffice, I needed her voice.

  It rang and rang just as it had each time I’d called over the past few days. The line clicked on and I waited for voicemail to instruct me to leave a message. It didn’t. A soft voice sent my heart crashing again.

  “Hi.”

  I was beyond understanding how something so simple could realign my world. Didn’t know if that was good or bad and right now I didn’t care. I just wanted to be near her.

  “Where are you?”

  “Esme’s,” she responded barely above a whisper. “I’m spending the night.”

  I glanced at the clock. It was a little past ten. “Can I come see you…please?”

  My heart beat double time at her long silence, then finally, “Yes.”

  The air in my lungs slowly seeped out. “On my way.”

  I was at her door in less than twenty minutes, pulse racing because I’d half jogged and because the subject of her absence hadn’t been mentioned over the phone. Sure, she’d allowed me to see her, but that didn’t mean things were copasetic between us. I’d make it so though, even if I had to apologize a million times. I just didn’t want her to be mad at me anymore.