The Silence of Murder

by Dandi Daley Mackall

  We turn onto a one-lane road I’ve never been on. The only sounds are the rain tapping gently on the roof, a rumble of thunder, and the hum of the windshield wipers starting up. We pass a dozen black-and-white cows huddled under a tree in spite of the threat of lightning.

  Our silence has turned uncomfortable, awkward. I wish T.J. hadn’t asked Chase for a ride.

  I sneak a glance at Chase in the rearview, and he catches me. Before I can look away, he grins.

  “You don’t talk much, do you, Hope?” he says.

  “More than Jeremy,” I answer before I can stop myself. I want the words back. It feels wrong to talk about my brother with the son of the enemy. Besides, people like Chase Wells don’t get Jeremy. They don’t get me either. Whenever we move somewhere, it’s almost funny how popular I am right off. From day one, guys try to sit by me in class. The cool girls invite me to eat with them. They think I’m like them because I look like them—blond hair, blue eyes, pimple-free heart-shaped face, and a figure that made me self-conscious in elementary school because I developed earlier than everyone else.

  But I’m not one of them, and it only takes a couple of weeks for them to figure that out.

  “So, Chase, bet you miss Boston, right?” T.J. asks, changing the subject with the grace of a hippopotamus.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I miss Mom and Barry sometimes. But after three summers, Grain’s home too, I guess.”

  “You play ball there too, don’t you?” T.J. says. “Must be where you learned that wicked curve. I wish you’d teach me that one.”

  We come up over the crest of a long hill, and an Amish buggy appears in front of us. “Look out!” I scream. Chase slams his brakes, then swears and swerves to pass. I look back and see a mother and three little boys. “You can’t drive like that around here.” I keep staring out the back window to make sure they’re all right.

  “Man.” He’s breathing heavy. “I know. I’m sorry.” He slows to about ten miles an hour.

  “That’s the worst part of driving around here,” T.J. says.

  “No kidding,” Chase agrees. “I love seeing the buggies, but I’m always scared I’m going to hit one, especially at night. Aren’t you guys?”

  “Yep,” T.J. answers.

  Taking his eyes off the road, Chase turns back to look at me. He’s waiting for me to answer.

  “Hope doesn’t drive,” T.J. says.

  “You mean she doesn’t drive at night?”

  “Hope doesn’t drive, period,” T.J. explains.

  “Why not?”

  I answer for myself this time. “Rita doesn’t want to share the Ford.”

  “Ah,” Chase says. “I get that. I thought it would be tough sharing the Stratus with Dad, but it’s worked out. He’s got the squad car. And in a pinch, he can borrow one of the impounded cars at the police lockup.”

  “Cool,” T.J. mutters.

  “The what?” I smooth my skirt and wish I were wearing jeans. Raymond picked out my court clothes—white shirt, gray skirt.

  “Impounded,” T.J. explains. “You know. Cars they lock up from drug busts or three-strike drunk drivers.”

  Chase continues, “The sheriff’s office really isn’t supposed to use the vehicles, but Dad’s deputy, Dave Rogers, took me for a spin in a silver BMW they found drugs in last summer. I don’t think my dad would take anything out for a joy ride, though. He’s not exactly into joy.”

  “He looked pretty happy watching you pitch for the Panthers at that Lodi game,” T.J. says.

  I’m not so sure I’d call it happy. Chase’s dad screamed at Coach and shouted to Chase for every play. I remember I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed for Chase or jealous. I played T-ball one summer, and Rita didn’t attend a single game. She’s never come to Panther games either, except for the big Wooster-Grain game. Everybody in both counties goes to that one. At least they used to … until this summer.

  “Dad definitely gets into it,” Chase admits.

  T.J. leans forward. “Man, can you imagine what he’d do if he watched you pitch the Wooster game? He played in that game ‘back in the day,’ right?”

  “Yeah. Still, I don’t get why everybody around here makes such a big deal over that one game.”

  “Are you kidding?” T.J. grips the seat in front of him. “Wooster and Grain have hated each other since, like, forever! It’s the biggest summer-league rivalry in the state. The Cleveland Plain Dealer covers the game. Even people who don’t like baseball come for the fireworks, and the picnics and tailgate parties. You know what I’m talking about. There’s nothing like the Wooster-Grain game. I was almost relieved when Coach said you’d be starting pitcher. Too much pressure for me. The whole state would have turned out for that game if—”

  He stops short of saying “if Jeremy hadn’t knocked off Coach,” but the words are there, invisible, in the air of the car. We hear them.

  In silence, we cross the railroad tracks, where I don’t think trains have passed in years, and enter Grain, population 1,947, give or take. Cornfields flank the blacktop on the left all the way to the Dairy Maid, a tiny white shack with a single serving window. BEAT WOOSTER! is still printed on the side window in big black letters. Half a dozen girls are eating ice cream cones while they sit on—not at—the wooden tables outside. As we pass, Bree Daniels looks up. Her gaze follows us, her expression unchanged.

  “I think you may have some explaining to do,” T.J. says when we’re past.

  Chase turns around to look behind us. There’s something about his jawline and the way it hits his chin. Boys from Grain don’t have faces like this. “Bree and I aren’t talking anymore. I just wish we’d broken up two days earlier than we did.”

  “How come?” T.J. asks. This time I elbow him.

  “Then I wouldn’t have this to remember her by.” He lifts the short sleeve of his shirt and leans forward to show us the back of his shoulder, tanned and muscled. I can see something tiny and green moving with his skin. I think it’s a four-leaf clover.

  “Lucky,” I mutter.

  “Lucky I didn’t get the idiotic clover tattooed on my forehead, I guess.” He lowers his sleeve. “She got one on her ankle. I have a feeling she’s regretting it too. It was a dumb impulse. We were at her cousin’s house, and he does tattoos on the side. One minute we’re looking at patterns. The next we’ve got these clovers drilled into our skin forever. One second of stupid, a lifetime of tattoo.”

  My throat burns, like it’s being tattooed. Because I’m thinking that life is like that. In one single moment, things can change forever—like Rita’s hand smacking Jeremy’s cheek and mine not lifting to stop hers. Like the bat picked up and swung, and Coach Johnson’s life leaving his body forever.

  I need to get out of here. “Listen, Chase. Thanks for the ride and all. You can let us out now. I can walk from here.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll take you home. I know where it is. I run by there every morning. T.J., want me to drop you off first? Unless you’re going home with Hope?”

  T.J. turns to me, his bushy eyebrows raised. I shake my head. I just want to get home and be by myself. “Just let me out at the intersection.” He points to West Elm, his street.

  Chase pulls over, and T.J. climbs out, thanking our driver two more times, then leaning into the back before shutting the door. “I’ll call you about tomorrow.”

  I nod. “Thanks, T.J.” Amazing how much thanksgiving is going on in this car.

  In dead silence, with me still in the backseat, Chase drives through town and turns onto my block. I should feel embarrassed by the house we’re renting. It’s pretty awful. But I guess I’m past being embarrassed. Having a brother on trial for murder will do that to you.

  “Uh-oh.” Chase takes his foot off the gas.

  “What?” I look up to see a blue van with WTSN on the side. It’s parked in front of my house.

  6

  I don’t say anything, but I’m grateful when Chase drives past my house. I slump down in the ba
ckseat as he passes the minicrowd hanging out on our front lawn. “Stay down,” he commands.

  After they arrested Jer, it was like this for a week or two, but they’ve mostly left Rita and me alone since then. “If you let me off at the next block, I can circle back and go in through the kitchen.”

  Chase stops where I tell him to, and I get out. “Thanks, Chase,” I say through the window. Only I mean it this time. Maybe he’s not Jeremy’s and my enemy just because his dad is. I suppose I’m the last person who ought to judge a kid by his parent.

  He nods and drives off. I watch his car until it turns the corner—I’m not sure why I do that. Then I hightail it through Old Man Galloway’s yard and backtrack to my house.

  I guess I haven’t walked through our backyard in a while—that, or Jack Beanstalk sprinkled seeds out here last night. Some of the weeds are almost as tall as I am. I pick up the beer cans, empty potato chip bags, and candy wrappers on my way through, then dump everything into the smelly trash bin by the back door.

  The second I step inside, I’m smothered by a blanket of humidity. The after-rain freshness hasn’t touched this house, where a musty onion smell hangs in the air. It takes a few seconds for my nostril cells to die so that I can breathe again.

  Heavy metal blares from the bedroom radio, and canned laughter cackles from the TV in the living room, where lights and shadows battle.

  I make it as far as the hallway when Rita steps out of her bedroom. She’s wearing a denim skirt that’s too tight and too short, but I’d never say so to her face. Her red checkered shirt is unbuttoned for maximum display. There’s never been the slightest question of where I got my own cleavage. Other than that, we don’t look a thing alike. We’re about the same height, five six, but I don’t think Rita has ever been thin like me. Her eyes are big and brown. Her hair is bleached blond now, frizzy and overpermed, but she’s a natural brunette. The dark roots have grown a couple of inches out from her scalp. I can tell she’s heading off to waitress at the Colonial Café because she’s caught up her hair in a rhinestone clip—a safety pin snapped around a haystack.

  She squints up the hall at me. “Where the devil have you been?” In other families, like T.J.’s, mothers greet their kids with “Hi, honey. How was your day?” This is Rita’s version.

  “I’ve been in court.” Suddenly I’m dying of thirst. I head back to the kitchen.

  “I know that,” she snaps, following me.

  “And you didn’t drive me home, so—”

  “I know that too. What I want to know is why that TV van is parked out front. What did you say in that courtroom?”

  “I said Jeremy was crazy. Isn’t that what you wanted me to say?” I open the fridge. Nothing to drink but beer and out-of-date milk.

  “You better have said that.” She checks her watch. “Raymond called and wants you at his place at seven.”

  I step back so I can see the pear-shaped kitchen clock that hangs above the toaster. It’s six-fifteen. The sooner I get out of this prep-school skirt and blouse, the better. I need my jeans. I head for my room, which is just off the living room. Jeremy’s bedroom separates Rita’s and mine. “Can you drop me off on your way to work?” I ask.

  “No. I’m leaving now. I was supposed to be there at six. I hate this shift.” She says this like it’s my fault she’s working tonight. It probably is. If I didn’t have to get coached by Raymond, Rita would likely make me work for her.

  Coached by Raymond. I don’t even want to think the word coached. Suddenly a picture pops into my head of Coach Johnson straightening Jeremy’s Panther hat before a game, as if my brother would be stepping up to the batter’s box and had to look just right. Jeremy’s tongue is hanging out, like a puppy that’s been patted on the head.

  I shake my head to get rid of that image. As if my brain is an Etch A Sketch, the tiny gray crystals of Jeremy and Coach together break up and slide down. But they’re both still on my mind.

  Rita hasn’t left yet. I trail back to the living room, where she’s reapplying dark red lipstick, making a fish face in the mirror. “Rita,” I ask, leaning on the back of the sofa, “what was he like?”

  “Who?”

  We’re six feet apart, a body’s length. Coach was about six feet tall. “Coach Johnson. What was he like?”

  She shoves a pack of cigarettes into her purse. “You saw him more than I did.”

  “But you and Coach went to high school together, right? What was he like then?”

  Still not looking at me, she stands on one foot and slaps a two-inch-heeled sandal onto her other foot. “He was like every high school boy—girl-crazy. And not a one of them knew what to do with a girl when they got one.” She sticks her other foot into a sandal and stares at her red-tipped toes. “Jay Jay wasn’t quite like the rest, though. He was all right.”

  This is a lot for Rita to say about any male. I try to imagine both of them at my age, but I can’t see it.

  “It was a long time ago.” She grabs her purse off the back of the chair and opens the front door. “The TV van’s gone.” I can’t tell if she’s disappointed or relieved. She takes our umbrella and closes the door behind her.

  By the time I grab a sandwich and change into jeans, I have to leave for Raymond’s. I know where his house is, even though I’ve never been inside. All of our other meetings with Raymond have been at our house, or in his tiny law office on Main, next to the Subway shop.

  Since Rita took the umbrella, I have to hope the rain holds off for now, and that Raymond can drive me home when we’re done. The shortest route is straight up Main Street, but I don’t take that. Instead, I circle the back lot behind the IGA and go across the street to the thrift store, behind the post office, through the bank drive-through to the sidewalk by St. Stephen’s Catholic Church, then across the damp grass of the practice field behind the high school, where Ann, who used to be kind of a friend at school, told me couples go to make out.

  From here, it’s about a ten-minute walk. It gives me time to think. And to plan. Since day one, Raymond and Rita have gone with the insanity plea for Jeremy. I went along because it scared me to think about what would happen to Jeremy if the jury found him guilty. Raymond’s lined up doctors to talk about what’s wrong with Jer, and I’m supposed to help with the “human side.” But I hated telling those stories in court. My brother isn’t insane. He’s innocent.

  So far, the rain is holding off, sticking to the air like it’s afraid to hit earth. A girl younger than me is mowing her lawn with a push mower. She’s wearing a tank top and shorts and listening to her iPod. When she looks up and sees me, she wheels the mower around and cuts a strip through her lawn all the way to her front porch.

  Seconds later, a car pulls beside me. The driver gawks like I’m a traffic accident, then drives away. At the next intersection, an Amish buggy crosses. I close my eyes and listen to the clip-clop of the horse’s hooves on pavement, the squeaky jiggle of the buggy. I’d trade places with any of the four kids piled into the back of the buggy, or the mother driving. I could disappear into the black dress and white bonnet, the sensible shoes, and the sensible family.

  Raymond’s house is set on a hill, back from the road. It’s a brick one-story, really nice by Grain standards. Flower beds flank both sides of the walk. He must take a lot of real cases, not just freebies for the state, “pro bono,” like ours.

  I ring the doorbell, and the door is opened by a tall woman with thin brown hair and a big belly under a spandex top and cotton sweats. Raymond is going to be a daddy.

  “You must be Hope.” She stands on tiptoes to gaze out at the road. “Isn’t your mother coming in with you?”

  “No.”

  She motions for me to step in, so I do. Her smile makes her pretty. She puts one arm around her belly, like she’s protecting her child. “Come and sit down. Ray will be out in a minute.”

  I take off my soggy sneakers and wish I’d worn socks.

  “You don’t have to do that, Hope,” Mrs. Munr
oe says.

  “It’s okay.” I take a whiff of the house and wish Jeremy were here to breathe Munroe air. There’s nothing stale or musty here, just a hint of vanilla and maybe lemon. The white carpet looks new, and it makes me nervous to walk on it, even in bare feet. The furniture matches, and the only mess is on the dining room table, where papers are spread out all over.

  “Becca, is that Hope?” Raymond comes out of the hallway, wiping his face with a little towel. He tosses it into a room I’m guessing is the bathroom. “Hey, Hope. We better get down to business. We have a lot to cover.”

  “If you’ll excuse me,” Mrs. Munroe says to both of us, “I think I’ll go lie down for a while.”

  Raymond stops in his tracks. “Are you okay? Are you nauseous?”

  “I’m just tired, Ray. Offer Hope something to drink, will you?” She smiles at me.

  “I’m good, thanks.” I feel as if I’m watching one of those TV family shows, where people are nice to each other even though they’re related.

  She kisses Raymond on the forehead and disappears down the hall. He watches her go before settling us at the table.

  Soon as we sit, he gets serious. “What happened after court adjourned today can’t happen again, Hope.” He doesn’t raise his voice or sound mad, but I know he means business. I think Raymond Munroe might make a good dad. “You and your mother, and Jeremy and I, have to present a united front, whether court is in session or out.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. But … but I don’t agree with you and Rita about Jeremy.”

  “I realize that, Hope. But even if we have differences, we have to appear as though we’re on the same team.” He reaches into his briefcase like this discussion is over.

  “Please, Raymond? Could I just say something?”

  He sighs. I think he’s going to say no, but he puts down his pen. “Two minutes. That’s all I can give you. We have to prepare the rest of your testimony and your cross.”