Faith (A Dark Romance Novel)

by Towers, Terry

  “I want you to go home.” I held my breath. I swear to God, my heart stopped for a moment as I waited with bated breath for her reaction. I really didn’t know what to expect her reaction to be, although I suspected after everything she’d been through, how I’d destroyed her family, she’d leave without looking back. The idea didn’t make me feel good. Truth be known, I was still trying to figure out the feelings going through me at the thought of no longer having her in my life.

  Her expression was stone blank – unreadable. For a moment I thought in her hazy state she hadn’t heard me. I was about to repeat my statement when she responded. “Okay.”

  Frowning, I continued attempting to read her, but couldn’t. “I mean you’re free.”

  She cocked her head to the side and frowned. “You don’t want me here anymore?”

  Huh? “Of course I do.”

  “Then why are you making me leave?”

  “But… Huh?” God, I must sound like a fucking idiot. “You miss your family, right?”

  She nodded, her eyes tearing up.

  Awww, fuck. Here we go with the tears again.

  “Then go back to them.” Two days of tears. I wished I knew how to make her feel better, but I didn’t. I wasn’t equipped to console her like she needed. I didn’t know the right things to say, I didn’t do sympathy and compassion well and I seriously doubted that would change anytime soon. I’d seen the changes in me, because of her, but I was so far from what society considered to be normal it was scary – I seriously doubted I’d ever get there, to be honest. She needed her mother and I had no doubt her mother needed her. If I was right about her sister, then her sister wouldn’t be giving her mother much support.

  “What about you?”

  All right, I admit, I was becoming confused. “What about me?”

  “Do you want me to go? Don’t you want me anymore?”

  “Of course I do. I’m not making you go, I’m letting you go.”

  “Then I can stay.”

  “Yeeees. I thought you’d want to go home. I really didn’t think you’d want to stay, all things considered. I’m not going to hurt your family, Emily, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

  She shook her head and sniffed. “You don’t get it. What I had and what I was is gone. I don’t belong there anymore, Tanner.” She fell silent for a moment and looked down at her fingers, which were picking at a piece of lint on the blanket covering her. “But I’d like to see them.”

  “Okay.” It felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I’d been worried she’d jump at the offer and never look back. If she was smart she would. But she hadn’t.

  “As long as you go with me.”

  “Why?”

  She sighed, raking a hand through her dark hair. “Because I don’t think I can do it on my own. I’m going to have to tell them I ran away and they’re going to be so angry and hurt. I need you to be there with me.” Her dark eyes pleaded with me, making it impossible for me to refuse.

  “If that’s what you want.” In truth, as uncomfortable as it would be I was somewhat relieved. Her sister was her father’s daughter. Rebecca had allowed Emily to take the abuse meant for her and when I’d met her it had seemed the last thing she was concerned about was her missing sister. Who knew what sort of affect her father’s death would have on Rebecca? If she decided to unleash, then Emily might be the perfect target. I could be overreacting, but when dealing with people like her – like us – it was best to consider all possibilities, regardless of how improbable.

  Chapter 29

  Tanner

  “I’m nervous,” Emily stated from the passenger side of the car as I turned onto the street of her parents’ home. While she stated she was nervous, since the discussion about her going home to see her mother, her demeanor had perked up. She was still grieving. Each time she looked at the bandages on her chest reminding her that her father had tried to kill her, she broke down all over again. And I felt powerless to help her; all I could do was stand by like an impotent jackass.

  “They’re your family. Don’t be.”

  “My mother is going to be upset with me. I can’t even begin to imagine what’s she’s going through with getting the funeral arrangements set up and dealing with the grief.”

  “But she still sees him as the good man she’s spent her life loving. Unlike you, she doesn’t know the truth. I assure you, what you’re dealing with is far worse.”

  “I don’t know about that.” She looked out the side window as the houses passed by. It was a nice upper-middle class suburban area. But it looked so generic, all of the houses looking the same. “He was her reason for living.” A damned sad reason for living if you asked me, but I kept my tongue in check and said nothing.

  I slowed as I came to her parents’ house and pulled into the driveway behind a Lincoln Towncar. Shutting off the car, I looked over at her. “Are you ready?” Her body was trembling.

  “Not really, but let’s go in anyhow.” She grabbed the door handle and let herself out before I even had a chance to respond.

  “So, you have the story down?” I whispered to her, taking her hand as we made our way up the steps to the front door.

  “Yes. That’s why I’m so concerned.”

  I waited for her to knock on the door, but she didn’t. Her fisted hand hovered over the wooden door, but she didn’t need to knock. The door flew open, revealing her mother.

  “Emily… Oh thank you Lord, Emily.” Tears sprang to the older woman’s eyes as she grabbed hold of Emily and pulled her tight. “I can’t believe it. Oh dear God, I’ve been so worried. I never, I just…” She held even tighter to Emily, her sobs growing louder.

  “What’s going on?” I looked past Emily and her mother to see Rebecca coming down the stairwell and towards the front door. She frowned as she stared at Emily. “Oh, Emily. You finally decided to show up, I see.”

  What a nice lukewarm greeting. Feeling my eyes on her, Rebecca glanced up from Emily to me. “Wait a minute, you’re that dude who showed up at the church.” She looked down at Emily and then back up at me.

  Emily’s mother pulled back and looked up at me, then back down to meet Emily’s eyes. “What’s going on, Emily? Did you run away with this young man?” A sob caught in her throat again. “Do you even realize your father was murdered? The police say someone robbed him and shot him dead. What kind of monster does that? To kill a man of God for some money.”

  And the crying began all over again as she once more clung to her daughter. I looked over at Rebecca and, unlike her mother and sister, her eyes were free of tears. Not an ounce of sorrow. But I could sense the suspicion, and slight annoyance. Apparently this wasn’t a sweet welcome home as far as she was concerned.

  “Well, come in.” Keeping her arm linked with Emily’s, she guided us into the house, me trailing behind the women. “The funeral is tomorrow.” She looked up at me. “You two will be staying, won’t you?”

  I’ll admit I was taken aback by the way she asked me if we were staying and not her daughter. The good pastor really did have the women of the house brainwashed to believe the woman’s place was to be submissive to the man. We weren’t even married, she didn’t even know the status of our relationship, but she was asking me. I huffed and then pasted a smile on my face. “Of course, if you’ll have us.”

  Her mother smiled. “Good.”

  So strange, but it sure was explaining a lot about Emily, and I suspected a couple of days in the presence of Mary and Rebecca and I’d have uncovered the slivers that remained unknown to me about her.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  Emily

  Aside from the one small outburst about why I’d been gone, my mother seemed to have completely overlooked the fact that I’d supposedly run off with the “young man” and been gone with absolutely no contact for close to three months. I supposed she had more important things to concern herself with right then. It pained me to see her grieving, and I felt the weight of the
blanket of guilt over me, suffocating me. Thank God I had Tanner with me to lean on. Like always, he was a rock.

  True, it was my father who’d brought his death upon himself. My father who had murdered over two dozen people and would have continued to murder until he was stopped, but it didn’t help the guilt and the sense that I was responsible, no matter how irrational that was.

  “What’s wrong?” Tanner asked, rubbing the back of my neck and looking at me as we sat on the back swing. Rebecca and my mother had gone to bed already since the funeral was at 9 a.m. It was past midnight and while I knew Tanner would have no problem sleeping, I did.

  I met his gaze and forced a smile to my lips. “I wish I was like you. I wish I could turn it off and not feel. And I know I shouldn’t be sad about my father, all things considered, but…”

  He took a deep breath in and slowly released it. “It has its advantages, I’ll admit. But the more I get to know you, the more I realize not feeling empathy keeps me living a shallow life. It has been since my mother died that I felt love from someone. I’d surrounded myself with fear, hatred and so many other harsh emotions that I’d forgotten how it felt. I’d blocked myself off, not even trying to grow an attachment with someone, but you’re making me see how having someone care for you and attempting to return those feeling adds an entirely new dimension to my life.”

  I inched closer to him and placed my head under his chin, closing my eyes. His arms immediately wrapped around me, holding me tight, reassuring me. Had someone told me when I’d first been taken this was how things would end up, I’d never have believed it. The man beside me was a monster, he’d done so many horrible things to me and others, but I couldn’t help the feelings I had for him, as much as I tried to fight them. Maybe it was in the genes, the women of my family falling for men who were bad in the worst possible ways. I didn’t know and I was tired of trying to analyze it.

  “I love you, Tanner,” I murmured, holding tight to him. I didn’t want to look up and see the blank look in his eyes. I wanted to allow myself to live in the fantasy, because I needed it now more than ever.

  His body stiffened against mine and he was silent for what felt like an eternity. But then he began stroking my hair and placed a light kiss on the top of my head. All right. I guessed that would have to do. But I was disappointed. Even if he was lying to me it would have been nice to hear the words back. But we’d promised never to lie to each other…

  “Emily.”

  I couldn’t look up and see the lack of emotion on his face. I wouldn’t.

  “Emily.” He pulled back, gripped my chin in his hand and forced me to look up at him. But his face wasn’t emotionless. I saw something, a spark, emotion. “You know how hard it is for me to return a feeling like that.” My heart sank. “I really doubted I’d be able to return any type of emotion, but when I thought I was going to lose you, I realized I was capable of one thing at least. I do love you, Emily.”

  Had I heard correctly? Frowning, I searched his eyes for a hint he was just saying it, a hint of the cold darkness that usually surrounded him, but it wasn’t there. All I saw was the affection and the truth in his statement. “Really?”

  Tanner chuckled and nodded. “I told you I’d never lie to you, why would I start now?”

  “I think maybe I’ve gone crazy for feeling this way for you.”

  “You probably are.” He grinned that sexy smile that tended to make my pulse race. “Maybe even crazier than I am, and I’ve got some severe mental issues, according to many, many people. The majority of the population, I’m sure.”

  “Guess that makes us a good pair then.” I leaned in to him, my lips brushing across his.

  “Isn’t this special?”

  I froze, a flush colouring my cheeks as I turned my attention to Rebecca as she stepped out of the house in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and plunked herself into a wooden patio chair across from us. There was something in her eyes – a coldness – that I’d never seen before. But perhaps it was simply my imagination. She’d been especially close to Father. Sometimes I’d say she was even closer than my mother was, not in a sexual way but just that they seemed to have a special connection, so it would only stand to reason that she’d be taking it hard.

  “I thought you’d gone to bed.”

  “I had. I got up.”

  “Oh.” I’d been close to my sister at one point. I would take her beatings for her. I’d do anything to protect her, but now… She’d changed. Or maybe I’d changed. I’d been sensing it the entire night; something just wasn’t right between us any longer.

  “You’re the guy who showed up at the church?” She cast an accusing stare at Tanner.

  “I was.” Tanner merely smiled at her, as calm and collected as I’ve ever seen him, reminding me of the day of the auction, the cool detachment. Gone was all the emotion I’d seen moments before.

  “Pretty interesting timing,” she continued, “Father is murdered, and not too long after you showed up without my sister.”

  “Coincidences happen. I wanted to get a feel for Emily’s family without the pretenses.”

  “Yes. I see. And you led us to believe you didn’t even know her. You saw how upset mother was and you just let her keep believing Emily could have been kidnapped, or dead. You stood there lying through your teeth to us. You disgust me.” She turned her angry stare to me. “And you, you could have come home.”

  “I’m sorry, Rebecca. It wasn’t my intention to hurt anyone.”

  She snorted as she leaned forward in the chair and looked from me to Tanner and back again. “Right.” I could see the hate in her eyes. I’d known it would be hard coming back, but it had been my mother I’d expected to be on the defensive from, not Rebecca. Certainly not the girl who’d been the prime example of a wild child, who I’d spent most of my life covering for. I’d taken so many lashes on her behalf I’d long since lost count. Surely if anyone could understand, it would have been her.

  I glanced over at Tanner, but his eyes were fixated on my sister, so I turned back to Rebecca. “You know how Father could be. He’d never have allowed me to be with Tanner had he known.”

  Her eyes narrowed at me. “Just so we’re clear, big sister. I blame you for his death.” She glanced over at Tanner. “Both of you, and I’ll never forgive either of you.” Without another word she stood.

  Feeling Tanner’s body tense, I placed a hand on his forearm. “Let her go,” I whispered to him. Despite my words, it was taking everything in me not to run after her. I felt like I was choking on her words. She’d taken my own guilt and thrown it at me. Nothing she said could have hurt me any worse.

  “Hey, Emily. Don’t go there.”

  I was fighting back the tears. “How could I not? We’d been close, and now…”

  “She’s a kid, she’s grieving.”

  Glancing up into his eyes, I saw that he was uncomfortable. “What don’t I know, Tanner?”

  “Nothing.” He fingered a lock of my hair, twirling it around his index finger. “She’s talking out of anger. It’ll smooth out.”

  I continued to hold his gaze and relented. He was right. Rebecca had always been one to react. It would smooth out. She didn’t know what I knew. “Promise me something.”

  Releasing my hair, he pulled me in to him again. “If I can.”

  Pulling my legs up and onto the swing, I settled in to him, closing my eyes, taking comfort in the gentle, rhythmic thumping of his heart. “Promise it’s all going to be okay.”

  “Your life is yours again, Emily. And I promise that for the rest of your life, I’ll do everything in my power to ensure nothing and no one ever hurts you again. So, it’ll be okay. Give it time and it’ll all be okay again.”

  And I believed him.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  Tanner

  “How are you doing?” I asked, looking over at Emily sitting in the passenger’s seat watching her parents’ house as it disappeared from view.

  “It’s weird, you know?”r />
  I frowned, glancing at her then quickly returning my focus on the road. No, I didn’t really know. “What do you mean?”

  “All those people at the funeral. Saying all those wonderful things. Praising him. As if he were a saint. But…” She sighed, placing her elbow against the door and placing her chin in her hand. “I know the truth. Is it bad that I wish I didn’t?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “I wish I didn’t know.”

  I nodded.

  “I just don’t understand. I mean, I can almost grasp that he was a killer, almost, but he was going to kill me. His daughter.”

  God, this was awkward. And for the hundredth time since her father died I felt powerless. I wished I had the magic words to make it all better, but I didn’t.

  Her hand rubbed at her chest, over the bandage, and then began to claw at it.

  “Whoa, stop.” Grabbing her hand, I laced my fingers with hers and placed our hands on my thigh. “You’ll pull out the stitches.”

  “Every day. Every time I look down, I’ll see that scar. Mother is lucky, she gets the good memories. I get—” she snorted. “—scarred. A lifetime reminder.”

  “We can find a tattoo artist once it’s healed, maybe have a nice chest piece done. You’ll never know it’s there.”

  Her full attention reverted back to me. “You don’t cover your scars.”

  I shrugged. “But the past doesn’t haunt me, sweetie.”

  “Lucky bastard.”

  Laughing outright, I gave her hand a squeeze. “You can only move on, love. You’ve reconnected with your mother and she doesn’t seem angry you were gone, only glad you’re back. If you want me to take you to see her every day, I will. But I’ll be honest, I’d rather buy you a car and have you drive yourself. But if you want me to play chauffeur, I will.”

  She smiled, the first smile I’d seen from her all day. “You really are trying to play Prince Charming, aren’t you?”

  “Considering I’m now out of a job, I don’t have anything better to do to occupy my time.”