The Secrets of a Lady

by Jenna Petersen

  Meanwhile, he pushed her dress up further and further, past her calves and up around her hips as his hands smoothed along her stockings, dipping in to grip the back of her knees and caress the smooth skin on her thighs.

  Though she should have felt exposed and shy, she didn’t. In fact, she felt more alive than she had in a long time. All her fears about the mission and Douglas Ellison melted away as she arched against Griffin’s chest and surrendered to his desires.

  He lowered her to the mattress, supporting her with one hand as he wrapped one of her long legs around his back with the other. She could feel the hard thrust of his erection even through the confining layers of cloth that separating them. She sighed with anticipation as she shifted closer. In just one day she’d gone from a shy virgin to a wanton who practically begged this man to thrust inside of her.

  He seemed to understand her silent plea, for he began working at her clothing in earnest, unclipping her stockings and peeling them off one by one, then wrenching the buttons on her dress open. The silken gown slid off easily, followed by the rest of her under things.

  Unlike the first time, now she was completely naked before him. In the carriage she’d been mostly clothed as they groped and tore their way through their first time making love. But now the pace was much slower and conventional.

  She was surprised she wasn’t embarrassed to feel his eyes roving over her from her head to her toes. In fact, she welcomed the gaze, reveling in the fact that he stood motionless, reverent before dropping to his knees beside her on the mattress.

  Silent only because he could find no words to describe the emotions pouring through him, Griffin reached out to touch her. His fingertips glided across the delicate curve of her collarbone, and into the valley between her breasts. Perfect breasts in his mind, just the right size to fill his hands.

  He cupped each one in his palms and smiled when Audrey gasped with surprise, then arched up against him. Her nipples were already hard, but he bent to take one into his mouth regardless. He’d not had the time to explore her body fully the day before, but tonight he had all the time in the world and intended to take it.

  He swirled his tongue around the sensitive skin of her areola, then suckled the hard bead at the tip of her breast. It hardened even further as she moaned and writhed beneath him. He moved to the other breast and sucked until she groaned, “Please. Please.”

  He understood what she needed, and pulled away for the brief moment it took to remove his trousers, then laid back down. This time, he spread her legs to lie between them, nudging the damp slit between her legs with the tip of his manhood as he kissed her deeply. When they broke the kiss, he slid fully into her.

  She braced for the shot of pain she’d experienced the previous day, but when none came she looked up at him in wonder and pleasure.

  “It only hurts the first time,” he whispered with a smile, before beginning to move slowly within her.

  His body screamed at him to go faster, harder, but he ignored its needs, concentrating instead on the reactions she gave. When she came close to the brink, he eased his movements, hoping to prolong her enjoyment as much as possible. Finally, she shut her eyes and bit her lip with a groan of pleasure, contracting under him as she shivered with the force of her release. He followed close behind, grasping her closer as he cried out her name, then withdrew to spend himself on the sheets beside her.

  Flopping down on the bed, Griffin gathered her into his arms and kissed her forehead while he took deep breaths. In his entire life, he’d never felt as fulfilled after lovemaking as he did at that moment.

  “That was lovely.” Stretching her arm over his chest, she gave a contented sigh. “Much easier on a bed.”

  Griffin laughed. “Well, adventure is all well and good, but there is something to be said for a soft bed.”

  “Yes.” Her voice became distant. “I’m beginning to appreciate that more and more.”

  Arching an eyebrow, Griffin shifted to look her directly in the face and saw a trace of sadness in her eyes. The look troubled him.

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  “No!” She glanced up at him with a shake of her head. “Far from it. I thought I made that abundantly clear.”

  He smiled, but said, “You looked… sad somehow.”

  “Oh.”

  Pulling from his arms, Audrey sat up and looked around the room, refusing to meet his eyes when she spoke again. “I hate having to go back to reality now that I’ve been in this dream world, that’s all.”

  Standing, she groped around on the ground until she found her chemise. Griffin watched as she slipped it over her head, loving the way the fabric moved over her skin.

  As she went to work on her stockings, he said, “Then don’t go back. Stay here with me tonight.”

  Her eyes flew to his face at his request, surprise evident by the way her lips parted. “You know I can’t do that.”

  Standing, he walked over to her, not bothering to cover himself as she’d done. He liked how her eyes dilated with desire, moving over his body in one swift motion before she forced them back to his face.

  “Why?” he whispered. “Just don’t go.”

  She frowned. “I must. My brother will return soon. We wouldn’t want him to find us this way, would we?”

  He shrugged one shoulder as he watched her hook her stocking with one hand. “I don’t care.”

  With a bark of disbelieving laughter, she straightened back up. “You will after my brother pistol whips you. When he calls you out and makes you…”

  She trailed off and a blush colored her cheeks as she turned away to find her dress.

  “Makes me what?” Griffin asked softly, turning her around to fasten the buttons of the gown.

  She pulled away from him as soon as her gown was closed and ran her fingers through her tangled hair with a distracted sigh. “Never mind.”

  Griffin knew full well what she meant was that Noah would force him to marry Audrey. After all, he’d made love to her not once, but twice. The honorable thing to do would be to make her his wife. It wasn’t the first time the notion had sprung into his mind, and each time it seemed like the best course of action. Certainly better than letting her slip from his life into the night.

  His heart had begun to beat faster somewhere between the time he’d gotten up from the bed and now, and all he could hear was the blood rushing in his veins. It had been a long time since he’d been so out of sorts, but he steeled himself to his task as he yanked his trousers over his hips and buttoned the first two buttons.

  “There’s something important we must discuss,” he said, clearing his throat. “About what happened tonight.”

  With a sigh, she paced away from the bed, throwing one last glance at the tangled mess of his bedclothes before hurrying back into the relative safety of his dressing room.

  “About what happened at the ball?” she asked, though he knew she was only trying to avoid the subject. “I realize you must be very angry. And your parents are in danger, so you must be worried, as well. But I assure you-”

  “No,” he interrupted.

  He followed her into the sitting room and neatly cut off her retreat by stepping in front of her to block the door. “You know very well that wasn’t it at all. This isn’t about anyone but you and me.”

  “Oh.” Her answer came out as no more than a squeak. Her eyes were lit up with anticipation, as well as remnants of desire.

  “All I could think about last night and today was what happened between us yesterday afternoon.” Reaching out, he took her hand. “What I knew would happen again tonight.”

  “It’s been on my mind, as well.” Her cheeks became a charming shade of pale pink at her confession.

  “But…” He drew in a deep breath before continuing. “I shouldn’t have let things go so far between us.”

  Her eyes flew to his face once more as her skin darkened further. “Oh.”

  “But I did, and now I must do what’s right.” />
  He cleared his throat a second time. Somehow this entire undertaking was proving more difficult than he’d imagined it would be. Especially when Audrey looked at him with hurt in her eyes.

  “You don’t have to make anything right,” she said. “I’m an adult and I made a choice. If there are consequences of that action, I must be the one to deal with them. I certainly don’t need anyone to save me from my own decisions.”

  He frowned at the way she held herself, on guard and ready for attack.

  “I was the more experienced between the two of us,” he reasoned. “I should have maintained control. Lord knows I tried to…”

  A small smile turned up one corner of her lips. “It wasn’t as if I was entirely swept away. I knew what I was doing.”

  Again, he frowned. He hadn’t expected her to reason with him, though perhaps he should have. If Audrey could do one thing, it was reason her way into and out of any situation.

  Ignoring her statement, he said, “We know we’re compatible in many ways. I respect your intelligence and wit. We have a friendship I value immensely. All these things can make a marriage a great success.”

  Her lips parted further and her eyes widened.

  “I realize this is sudden,” he hastened to add. “But it is what I must do to make up for my… lapse in gentlemanly behavior.”

  For a long moment, she said nothing and stared down at her trembling fingers as she twisted her wrinkled skirt in her hand. “Is that all?”

  “What?”

  “Are you through?” she repeated without lifting her eyes.

  “Yes.” He paused. “You realize I’m asking you to be my wife, don’t you?”

  “I’m aware of that fact.” She turned to pace away from him to his window. Her shoulders trembled as she looked down at the street below, silent again for a long time.

  Finally, she turned to face him with ashen skin. “No.”

  As he drew back, shock raced through him. “No?”

  “I won’t marry you.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m saying it myself.”

  His pride stung. “Then why are you?”

  Pursing her lips, she said, “I will not marry for anything less than love. And I don’t mean love from one person alone. Both the parties must feel the same level of regard for one another.”

  Griffin laughed bitterly. “That fantasy doesn’t exist. One person always feels more emotion than the other. We have friendship, esteem and passion. That’s more than most in the ton.”

  “It isn’t enough for me, Griffin,” she whispered. “So the answer is no.”

  Faint anger stirred in his chest at her utter refusal, even in the face of his reasoning. “I can force your hand, you know. I can make sure Noah finds out what happened between us in the carriage and tonight. After he beats me within an inch of my life, he’ll force a union between us.”

  At that, her face paled until it was nearly ghostly white, but her hands clenched into trembling fists. “My Mother and Father tried to compel me into a marriage once. I ran. Force my hand, and I’ll do the same now.”

  For the first time, Griffin realized just how serious she was. Audrey wasn’t playing coy or blurting out an answer without thought. Whether or not her ideas were valid, she was ready to bolt if he tried to make her follow his order.

  As her face began to regain some of its color, she spoke again. This time her tone was much gentler.

  “Passion will fade, and we’ll be left with what? A nice friendship? Cordial strangers who share a name?” She shrugged. “I don’t want a man who still loves and mourns his first wife.”

  This time it was Griffin’s turn to stiffen in reaction to her words. The reminder of Luci made his blood chill and his head begin to throb. There it was, one more thing his former wife could take from him. Had taken from him for years.

  Audrey.

  Choking out a laugh, he said, “Mourn for Luci? I can barely keep myself from cursing her to everyone who offers me condolences.”

  Drawing in a sharp breath at Griffin’s sudden outburst, Audrey stumbled away from him.

  And Griffin realized the time had come to finally tell her the truth. Even if it changed the way she felt about him forever.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Oh yes, that horrifies you, doesn’t it?” Griffin asked with a shake his head. “As well it should. One shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, especially one’s wife, and yet I hate her. I despise her with every fiber in my being.”

  Audrey stepped closer and blinked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. They weren’t for the anger in Griffin’s voice, but the anguish in his eyes.

  “What you see in me isn’t horror. This is just the first time I’ve heard this from your own lips. Others have implied you weren’t happy, but I didn’t know if that was idle gossip. I know how the ton can be, finding reasons to malign when there are none.”

  Closing his eyes, Griffin lifted his head to face the ceiling high above. From his pained expression, it was clear his emotions tormented him. She had never felt such sharp waves of pain emanating from a person before.

  “No,” he whispered. “They weren’t gossiping. It’s the truth.”

  Sucking in a short breath, she finally dared to touch him, very gently, on the top of his hand. His eyes flew to where her fingers rested, but he didn’t flinch away. For that she was glad. Somehow she needed to touch him, to comfort him while he told her the truth he’d kept hidden for so long.

  “Was it always that way? From the beginning?”

  He shook his head. “Not from the beginning. When I married her, I believed I cared for her and that she cared for me. After you kissed me, I couldn’t stop thinking of you, but I convinced myself time would change that.”

  Resisting the urge to stagger away again, Audrey stared at him. He’d spent the years thinking of her? She couldn’t believe that was true.

  “Of me?”

  “That’s right.” His voice was strangely distant as he reached out to draw his palm across her cheek. She shivered at the heat of his hands on her skin. “I had to force myself not to think of you. I did everything I could… riding, gambling and socializing with Luci and our friends. During the day, I could control my thoughts. But the nights… I couldn’t stop the dreams that haunted me.”

  Audrey bit her lip and dipped her head, her breath coming in shallow little gulps as she digested what he’d revealed. A shudder rippled through her. All these years Griffin had been obsessed with her while she’d been yearning for him.

  “Why did you think of me?” She didn’t dare to look up at him for fear he’d see how much his words affected her.

  “Don’t you know?” He slipped a finger beneath her chin to force her to tilt her face toward him. “When you kissed me all those years ago, you woke something in me. Perhaps it was a desire I’d always felt for you, but suppressed because we were so young or because you’re Noah’s sister. But once I realized my desire, I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t keep from wanting you.”

  The breath she drew in was ragged, more like a little cry than a breath at all. Her head was spinning with the words he said to her. Obsession, desire, a need to be with her. They were concepts she’d never dared to think of before. That Griffin would want and need her as much as she’d always wanted and needed him.

  “But what happened with… Luci?” she asked, barely choking out the question as she tried to remain focused and rein in her out of control emotions. It was nearly impossible.

  He dropped his hand back down to his side with a small sigh, as if her question brought him back to an unpleasant reality he didn’t want to face.

  “Things began to change between us.”

  “How?” Her voice cracked.

  “Though I tried to keep my feelings for you a secret, Luci was jealous of everyone around us. Even her friends became targets of her suspicion. She grew more and more distant from me and the acquaintances she’d had all her life. She took up with new people, people
I didn’t care for. She’d go out and not come home until very late, well past a reasonable hour. Even at events we attended together, she would slip away for hours at a time.”

  Audrey frowned as a sense of premonition filled her. Yet Luci couldn’t have been untrue! How could someone be married to Griffin Berenger and not be satisfied with only him? After just two nights with him, she knew for a fact that she could be more than satisfied with him for the rest of her life.

  Taking a deep breath, he moved away and returned to his seat. “I encouraged her to start a family. I thought becoming a mother would settle her down, that we’d be brought closer. I believed that with children we would become a real family. No more anger or fights between us. No more late hours and lies.”

  Closing his eyes, Griffin drew in a long breath, as if it pained him to say what he said next. “She laughed.”

  “Laughed?”

  Stricken by Luci’s viciousness, Audrey crossed the room to sit down on the chair beside his and cover his hand with her own. Luci’s betrayal had devastated Griffin, and she hadn’t even cared. So he’d suffered. Greatly.

  He lowered his voice to a dangerously quiet level. “She told me I would never be entirely certain if any child she carried was my own. She told me there was nothing I could do about it unless I wanted to bring shame upon myself and my family.”

  Tears stung her eyes before Audrey managed to blink them away. This wasn’t her pain, it wasn’t her story to cry about. Griffin looked up when she was silent.

  “I’m so sorry, so very sorry, Griffin.”

  The words weren’t enough. She felt stupid saying them to him. He’d been hurt. Hurt more than she could even imagine. Saying she was sorry was little more than putting a tiny binding on a gaping wound.