Harris drew her into his arms. Anyone looking on would have thought he was giving her a comforting and congratulatory hug.
She knew better.
“What were you thinking?” he whispered in her ear.
“I wasn’t thinking,” she said. “It was stupid. But I really — ”
“I know.” He cut her off; she didn’t have to tell him she’d been sincere in her desire to help the girl. “But it was stupid. And unlike you.”
“What would you have done if it was Missy?”
Harris went still and drew back. He looked into her eyes that matched his own so perfectly. “So that’s how it is?”
“More or less. Yes and no.”
“I can tell you this, cousin. If the less and no outweigh the more and yes, you’d better pretend otherwise for a while.”
“I’m way ahead of you, Harris.”
Her stomach was heavy. She’d thought that after tonight, it wouldn’t matter if the world knew they’d parted ways. But questions had been raised and they were under a magnifying glass. After Jamie’s statement had been released, the Internet had lit up like a royal wedding, southern style. They were painting Nathan as a tragic romantic hero, a beautiful but broken man who would always limp. She was the good woman who had never doubted him and never would. Who were they to make up fairy tales about people they didn’t know? She just needed to be away from him — far away, so she could stop hurting.
And it looked like that couldn’t happen, at least not right now. How long before she could walk away and tell the world that they just didn’t work out? A week? A month? Forty-three years?
Too long, even if it was an hour. But for now, she just wanted to go home. She wanted to put on her pajamas, watch television, and hear about Kirby’s day. He would be thrilled to hear that Nathan was coming back.
As they made their way to the parking lot, Nathan put his hand on the small of her back. She used to love that. Now it only reminded her of what she couldn’t have. He guided her to his truck as he made plans to meet his assistant coaches at the field house in an hour.
“I came with Harris,” she told him when he started to open the passenger door for her. “My car is at his house.”
“I’ll take you,” Nathan said. “I’m going to the school and it’s on my way.”
And what could she say in front of all these people? If they suspected they weren’t together anymore, what else would they suspect? That she had lied about the bribe? That he wasn’t innocent after all?
“I wanted to talk to you anyway,” Nathan said.
“We seem to do a lot of talking in vehicles these days,” she said. But soon they wouldn’t be talking at all. “How do you feel about things?”
“Not great. Not awful.” He pulled out of the parking lot. “I admit for a little while there tonight, I would have left that room, left this town, left this state. I have never been one for a half baked victory.”
“Sometimes that has to be enough,” she said.
He gave her a sidelong look. “I never stop fighting until I have won completely.”
It didn’t take a soothsayer to know they weren’t talking about that board meeting anymore.
“Don’t fight, Nathan. It’s over.”
He pulled in front of Missy and Harris’s house. “I would like nothing more than to go home with you right now, but I have to go make some plans for the game. I don’t have much time. Can I come over later?”
She wanted to scream. “No, Nathan. We need to keep this façade up for a while and I don’t have to explain why. But no. Don’t come over. Don’t call. Just leave me in peace.” And don’t ask again, because, God help me, how many times can I say no?
“It’s not a façade for me.”
She reached for the door handle. “Well, nothing has changed. I did something bad to you. I ruined your life. You can’t get over it. You can’t even hear me out, so you might get to a place where you could begin to forgive me. I get all that. But, though you will never forgive me, I have decided to forgive myself. I talked that girl down. All that talk I did at that board meeting about how the truth would have come out in a trial was just that — talk. Even if you had been cleared, you would probably have never worked in another school system. It’s just too risky. But that’s over. You can coach if you want to. Go to ESPN if you want to. I made this go away and we are even now.”
“Even?” He shook his head. “That’s how you see it? Well, this is how I see it. You messed in my business, like I asked you not to — like I have asked you not to fifty times. And I let it go. I am letting it go because I love you. I have accepted that this is who you are — a meddler. And if you have to meddle in my business, well okay. I wish you wouldn’t do it in public, but I am going to forgive you every time. And I am going to have you, Townshend. And you are going to have me. Because that is what we want. No! That is who we are.”
Forgive her, was he? For this? He couldn’t give her the forgiveness that she so badly needed, but he was forgiving her for something he ought to be thanking her for? It was a thousand million wonders they had snatched the few happy times they had.
But those times had been sweet, so sweet. And gone, so gone.
Ice. Ice. Ice. This time when she called, it came. It came so quickly and thoroughly that it froze everything about her that counted — her heart, her brain, and her ability to speak.
That might be a good thing. She shook her head, got out of the truck, and walked to her car. She sat there for a long time, trying to wait him out.
Still, he didn’t leave until she started her car and pulled out of the driveway.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The last time Tolly drove to the Avery farm it had been to chaperone the float building. Such a short time ago, but things were so different now.
But were they really? She and Nathan had been at odds then too, like they had been for most of their short relationship. But now, it was more than being at odds. At odds meant hope and they had none. They were finished, even if he hadn’t accepted it.
It had been scarcely twenty-four hours since they had driven away from each other, and he’d called four times and brought a box of doughnuts to her house just as she was leaving to go to book club. She’d left him and Kirby eating fried sugar and watching game film. So much for the nutrition plan. She guessed it only counted when Nathan didn’t want a doughnut eating partner.
He acted like nothing had happened. He’d even tried to kiss her goodbye in front of Kirby.
“Don’t be here when I get back,” she’d said in a hissing whisper.
“Sorry. Didn’t hear you.”
He smelled like doughnuts.
She turned in the mile long driveway that led to the farmhouse. The canopy of trees made a tunnel of autumnal colored leaves. One of the best things about the south was early November. The leaves were still putting on a show and it wasn’t really cold yet. Today had been especially sunny and had left a golden twilight filled with promises of football, Thanksgiving, and cozy fireplaces.
It was the kind of day when everyone should be happy.
Lanie had said they were having book club on what the Averys called the screened in back porch, but was really an outdoor room. With its stone fireplace, comfortable furniture, and warm thick rugs, the space was a cozy haven. The fichus trees strung with twinkle lights and antique trunks filled with Emma’s toys made for a feel of magic.
It was the kind of room where everyone should be happy.
And they seemed to be. Missy, Lucy, and Lanie were already there and Tolly could hear their bright, happy laughter. The door was decorated with a fall leaf garland and there were pumpkins and gourds on the steps.
They hadn’t seen Tolly yet and she studied them for a minute, these women who she had taken to heart, taken to task, and sometimes ta
ken for granted. They would pick her up, dust her off, and wash her in their own tears if need be. If she couldn’t be sure of anything else in life, she could be sure of that.
She would tell them tonight that she and Nathan were broken up. She couldn’t tell the whole story, of course, but at least she wouldn’t have to pretend with them.
She might have stood there a while longer, enjoying their happy chatter, but Lanie caught sight of her on the steps.
“Tolly, come in! I have potato bacon soup and news.”
Tolly put on her smile, and found it wasn’t so hard to do. So many people had so much less. “Then by all means, let’s have the news.”
Lanie filled a mug with warm cider and added a shot of spiced rum. “First,” she said, handing the drink to Tolly, “let’s toast to Nathan’s return to work and all being right in your world again.”
“Here, here,” Missy and Lucy raised their cider.
Tolly choked down a swallow. She’d tell them. Just not yet.
“Let’s have it, Lanie,” Missy demanded. “You said you’d tell us when Tolly got here.”
“Well … ” She gestured to their beautiful surroundings. “You know Luke and I have been trying to decide about where we were going to live. We’re here!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Missy said. “Now I know things are getting a little cramped in the apartment above the shop, but do you want to live in your in-laws’ house? Really? Where they will be spending holidays and part of the summer? Where Arabelle comes when it suits her?”
“We’ve talked about all that,” Lanie said. “Candidly. It’s a family house. Gail admits it might take a little bit of adjustment on her part at first, but they truly want us to live here and she insists it will be my house to run — and that we take the master suite. After all, she has a house in Montgomery and the bay house. And as far as those few weeks when they are in Merritt — it’s a big house. And I love Luke’s sister. Remember I have four siblings. I grew up in a houseful of people.”
“Well, it all sounds good,” Missy said skeptically. “I couldn’t do it. No offense to your aunt, Tolly.”
Happy for the distraction, Tolly laughed. “There’s not a house on this planet big enough for you and Aunt Mary Alice. But I think Lanie will be fine.”
“Tolly,” Lucy said, “how are you? I know you’re exhausted after that ordeal.”
“Not to mention the fame,” Missy said. “The back of her head is the most famous one in the world. There’s not a street in the world she can walk down backwards without being recognized. I swear, that picture was on the cover of ten magazines in the bookstore today. And I’m not talking tabloids either. Real magazines. And that’s after all the newspapers.”
“You’re exaggerating,” Tolly said. It was more like four, though there had been a number of calls from journalists asking for interviews — all of which she had ignored.
“I’ve been thinking,” Missy plowed on. “I think I know why the tabloids didn’t pick it up.”
“Please carry on,” Lanie said. “We are all enthralled.”
“You should be.” Missy gestured with her cornbread. “See, the story wasn’t pop culture enough. First, it’s been a long time since Arianna has modeled. She was yesterday’s news a long time ago. And then there’s Nathan. Who is he, anyway? A big deal in college, sure. But that ship has sailed. Never went to the NFL. So tabloid readers aren’t going to be interested in that.”
“I am quite impressed, Missy,” Lucy said. “I think once the baby is born you should consider getting a job with a tabloid as some kind of a demographic marketing expert.”
“Do you want to know what else I have figured out?” Missy said.
Hating herself, Tolly nodded. “I have to know.”
“See, extreme beauty — and let’s face it, Nathan has it — is an attention getter for sure, but it isn’t everything. That picture of Nathan drew people in, but it was the tragic story that captured them. They want him to have a happy ending. They want him to have everything. He’s lost enough. That’s why there’s a website where they do nothing but speculate on your wedding date.”
Good grief. “Please tell me you are making this up,” Tolly said.
“Could I have even thought of all this? No.”
“It’s true,” Lucy said hesitantly, looking at her hands.
“What? Not you too?” Then Tolly looked at Lanie, who only nodded with an apologetic half smile.
“So what we have here,” Missy said, “are some Kardashian girls. Nathan is famous for being famous. Pretty soon somebody will call him to do a music video.”
“I am sure that Nathan would be delighted to hear that he is a Kardashian girl.” Only she couldn’t tell him.
This was killing her.
“I’d like to spank Jamie Fisher,” Missy said. “And to think I put that Homecoming crown on her head. I’m going to call all the old queens and see if we can revoke it.”
Tolly would have liked to think Missy was kidding, but this was Missy in the late stages of pregnancy.
“No, Missy. She’s a child. She did a terrible thing, but children do. Sometimes.” She wished she could excuse her own teenage sin so easily.
“You’re very generous,” Lanie said. “But I think Missy is on to something about the allure of Nathan and his story. But it’s more than that. Lots of people have lost far more. Lots of men are better looking.”
“Not that many,” Lucy said.
“Maybe not. But still. Nathan has something. Even though there was no spark between us when we tried dating, I recognized at the time that Nathan has this charisma and strength. I’m not saying this very well. It’s practically magic.”
What did they say in fairy tales? That magic always comes at a price? Yes. Always. A high one.
“I know what you mean,” Tolly said in a low voice.
Missy, Lanie, and Lucy laughed.
“I’m sure you do,” Lanie went on. “This media thing isn’t going to last long. In the scheme of things, it’s a moment in time. But if so many people got caught up in the Nathan magic, for even a moment, I can see how a teenage girl would. Not that I excuse her. But as Tolly said, she’s a child.”
What about grown up lawyers? Were they so caught up that they could never recover?
“She’s getting counseling. Mason-Harper made it a condition of her acceptance,” Tolly said.
Lucy smiled. “So maybe the world will get the happy ending they are hoping for.”
It was now or never. And it couldn’t be never.
“Not quite,” Tolly said.
Three pairs of eyes settled on her questioning.
“You see, Nathan and I couldn’t work it out. We aren’t suited. We aren’t together anymore.”
She couldn’t breathe. Boulders moved in and chased her heart away, her blood, every vital thing about her.
“Oh, Tolly. No.” Missy’s eyes met hers. Late stages of pregnancy crazy Missy was gone. The real Missy was back — at least for now. “This isn’t because — ”
“No!” Tolly waved her hands in the air. “No. We broke up the night before Nathan was arrested. I ended it. But I had to stand with him, you see?”
Lucy came to kneel beside her.
Lanie followed suit.
With some effort, Missy rose from her place and came to sit beside Tolly. “I can’t get down there to kneel at your feet. Lanie and Lucy will have to be our handmaidens.” She wrapped Tolly in a blue throw.
“But why?” Lucy asked.
“It’s just not working out. But it’s a secret. After all the controversy at the school board meeting, it would be better if we appear to be a couple for a while longer.”
“Better for whom?” Lanie asked. “Not you.”
“Yeah, well … ”
&
nbsp; “How long?” Missy asked.
“I don’t know,” Tolly said. “But if it appears that we break up now, it might look like I think he was guilty. I can’t have that.”
Lanie said, “We don’t have any details here. Clearly, you aren’t going to give us any. But I know this. The kind of pain you’re in always has love mixed up in it.”
“If you’d give us the details, we could help you figure this out,” Missy said hopefully.
“Nice try,” Tolly said. “I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t made the attempt.”
“I have no wisdom,” Lucy said. “I’ve never had any when it counted.”
“Ask yourself this question,” Missy said. “If you are sure this is over — ”
“I’m sure,” Tolly said emphatically, because she could not debate this with them. It would kill her.
“Okay. If you are sure, why keep it a secret? What will happen? He’s got his job back. Harris says legally, it’s a done deal. So what if people talk? People talk every day. Get yourself away from this so you can start healing.”
There was sense to what Missy said. And sense to what she didn’t say. Tolly could hear it rambling around in Missy’s head, just as surely as if it had come out of her mouth.
You’re keeping up the pretense because you can’t let go. “I’ll know when the time comes,” Tolly said.
• • •
Game day. Last game day of the season and they weren’t ready. Under the circumstances, Nathan wasn’t sure there was a coach who had ever lived who would be ready, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He couldn’t blame his team or assistant coaches. They were doing the best they could but they’d all been one big emotional mess all week, not knowing what was going to happen. That was hard to come back from, coupled with the fact that they just had not had enough time to prepare properly.
Scrimmage Gone South (Crimson Romance) Page 23
