Shafted

by Unknown

  Adopting a martyred air – secretly loving that her friend had defended her against her precious son – Hilda said, ‘Don’t mind him, Nora, love. If he don’t want to know that the tea’s urging him towards riches, that’s his business.’

  Sharing a piss-taking smirk with Patrick, Dex said, ‘So, what’s this week’s lottery numbers, then, Hilda? Only if the tea wants me to be rich, I might as well go straight for the biggie, eh?’

  ‘It doesn’t work like that, actually,’ Hilda informed him primly. ‘I’m not meant to know things like that, because my gift is to help others, not to bring me personal gain.’

  ‘Who said I was gonna share it with you?’ Dex snorted, finishing his tea and shoving his cup towards her. ‘Go on . . . knock yourself out.’

  ‘Mock if you must,’ Hilda said wearily, pushing the cup back across the table to him. ‘But I know what I saw, and it’s your lookout if you want to ignore it.’

  ‘You wanna watch yourself,’ Patrick told her. ‘They drown people like you.’

  Laughing, Dex said, ‘Yeah, but usually at birth, not this close to death.’

  ‘Pack it in,’ Nora muttered, superstitiously crossing herself because she was actually a few years older than Hilda and was terrified by the thought of dying any time soon.

  Sparking the single-skin spliff he’d rolled while she was showing Larry out, Dex sat back in his seat and peered up at his mother with a questioning smile on his lips.

  ‘What?’ Frowning, Nora turned a full circle, like a dog seeking its own tail. ‘What you looking at me like that for?’

  ‘Just wondering how come it took you so long to see Logan out, that’s all. Sure you weren’t setting up a date with him?’

  ‘Don’t be so bloody soft!’ she snapped, giving him a clip round the ear.

  Chuckling softly, Dex leaned back in his chair and blew smoke rings into the air, aiming them at the fire alarm to see if he could set it off and really wind her up. She had a razor blade for a tongue, his mother, but she was a soft-hearted old bird when it came to her boys, and he’d always been her favourite.

  Temper dissolving as suddenly as it had come on, Nora reached for a cigarette, wondering how to bring Dex round to the idea of going on Larry’s show while making him think it had been his own decision. Gazing off into the distance now, she said, ‘Aw, but he’s a lovely lad, though, isn’t he? Beautiful skin, and gorgeous hair. Did you see it how shiny it was? Proper expensive cut an’ all, that was.’

  ‘Behave,’ Dex snorted. ‘Why am I gonna be checking out another bloke’s fucking hair?’

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to our Molly and Hilda,’ Nora informed him, using her free hand to sweep the bits of tobacco and weed that he and Patrick had spilled on the table onto the floor. ‘Anyway, I don’t see what you’ve got to be so sarcastic about. I notice you didn’t object to him giving you that champagne, did you? And he didn’t have to, you know – not after you went and wrecked his chances of sorting his life out. All he wanted was for you to help him out,’ she went on, sighing heavily now. ‘But you couldn’t do that for him, could you, you selfish sod? No. You’ve got to send him away with a flea in his ear – snatching the bottle out of his hand on his way out the door!’

  Looking up at her, Dex shook his head and said, ‘You don’t half talk crap sometimes, Mam. He’s lucky he’s got another show after the way he fucked up his last one.’

  ‘That weren’t his fault, as you well know,’ Nora countered defensively. ‘And don’t tell me you’ve never done nothing wrong, ’cos I’ll eat me bloody frying pan if you’re trying to deny all the stunts you’ve pulled over the years.’

  ‘Make us a bacon butty first, though, eh?’ Dex shot back, grinning now. ‘Me belly feels like me throat’s been cut.’

  ‘Should’ve thought about that when you was busy turning your nose up at twenty grand,’ Nora muttered, folding her arms. ‘You could have hired yourself a maid to make your sodding butties with that, couldn’t you?’

  ‘Got three of them already,’ Dex quipped, winking at Molly.

  ‘Don’t be including me in that,’ Molly grunted, snapping out of her daydreams and pocketing the lighter that Larry had given her in case her dad spotted it and took it off her. ‘I’m no man’s slave, me.’

  ‘Get her,’ Nora sniped. ‘Anyone would think she was someone special.’

  ‘She is,’ Dex said proudly. ‘And let me catch any cunt treating her any different when she starts dating, and they’ll soon know about it.’

  Tutting softly, Nora shook her head. When she starts dating, indeed. For a man who claimed to be so smart, his eyes and ears were shut tight when it came to that girl. But if he didn’t open them quick-smart, Molly was going to end up just like her whore of a mother – and God only knew what Dex would do then, because he couldn’t put her in hospital like he had Jane, that was for sure. Not that Jane didn’t deserve it, though, for grassing him up to the coppers like that, and all because she’d caught him in bed with another lass. Some women were just too damn precious for their own good. Couldn’t accept that they weren’t the entire universe with jam on, and freaked out when their man fancied a change of menu. But Jane had messed with the wrong one trying to put their Derek on a short leash – and messed with him even worse by throwing her hand in with the pigs over him. And dropping her knickers for his so-called mate the minute his cell door banged shut behind him had been her biggest mistake of all – the treacherous slut.

  ‘Don’t you reckon he should go in for it, Mam?’ Patrick asked suddenly, interrupting her thoughts – and earning himself a rare pat on the head from her for unwittingly helping her out.

  Adopting a weary expression now, Nora sighed and flapped her hands, saying, ‘Aye, I do, son. But it’s his decision, not ours, and he don’t want to do it.’

  ‘Yeah, but look at all that money he’s missing out on,’ Patrick persisted. ‘If it was me, I’d go for it like a shot.’

  ‘Specially when you know he’s gonna win,’ Hilda interjected, getting dirty looks from everyone for interfering in family business.

  ‘I don’t want to do it,’ Dex told them – slowly, to make sure they got the point. ‘In case you’ve forgotten, I’m on the run – so how smart is it going to look if I go and splash me face all over the telly? The pigs would be all over me like a rash.’

  ‘But no one would even see you over here,’ Nora pointed out. ‘It’s a pilot, and it’s only being shown in America.’

  ‘She’s right,’ Patrick affirmed, telling his brother exactly what Larry had told them before he’d come in. ‘So, there’s no danger of you getting nabbed because of it,’ he concluded. ‘And you won’t just get the money and the car – you’ll get paid for going on the show, an’ all.’

  ‘You sure about that?’ Dex asked, frowning thoughtfully. ‘The last time I saw Logan, he was live on that crap charity thing. I thought this would be the same.’

  ‘No, it’s definitely not being shown here,’ Nora told him, reaffirming what Patrick had said.‘That’s what he told us – isn’t it, Molly?’

  Shrugging when her dad looked at her, Molly said, ‘That’s what he said, yeah. But I didn’t think you’d go for something like that, Dad. Not exactly cool, is it?’

  ‘Who cares about cool?’ Patrick sneered. ‘No one’s gonna see you, and just think what we can do with that kind of money, man. If you win, we export the car and pocket the money along with the twenty grand. Lose, we just find out where the winner lives and do the fucker over. It’s a total win-win situation.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Dex murmured, relighting his spliff.

  Refusing to let it go if there was even the slightest chance of making his brother change his mind, Patrick said, ‘Come on, Dex . . . this is the best chance we’re ever gonna get to make some serious money and get ourselves out of this shit-hole. Even if it’s only a month in Spain, or something, I don’t care. I just want to be able to pay off my debts and chill for a bit. And you can
have your tattoos lasered off so you’ll be less recognisable next time you get pulled.’

  ‘I’m not gonna get pulled, and the tats are going nowhere,’ Dex snapped.

  ‘You should invest in a nice toupee,’ Hilda told him. ‘I know you lads say you like it short, but that’s just an excuse because you’re going thin, isn’t it? You’ll look like that man off the telly soon, if you’re not careful – him what has that daft bit combed over the top what lifts up in the wind.’

  ‘Don’t talk to my dad like that,’ Molly snapped indignantly. ‘If anyone needs a new wig, it’s you, ’cos you’ve probably got all sorts living in that mess of yours.’

  Wanting to keep Dex’s mind on the subject at hand, Nora told Molly to button it, then said, ‘What d’y’ reckon, son?’

  Shrugging, he said, ‘Our Pat should do it instead, seeing as you all think it’s such a good idea.’

  ‘They won’t let me or I would,’ Patrick told him, his eyes showing how much he’d have loved to do exactly that. ‘It’s you or nothing, our kid. You’re the only one who can give me mam a better life – and God knows she deserves it after all the shit she’s put up with off us over the years.’

  Frowning at him, Nora said, ‘All right, no need to lay it on so thick.’ Then, back to Dex: ‘Your decision, son, but you’d make me that proud if you did it, you really would.’

  Reaching out when she took a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed at her eyes, Dex put his arm around her waist and gave her a hug. ‘Don’t start blubbing, you dozy auld cow. I’d do it for you if I could, but it’s too late now, ’cos he’s gone, isn’t he? And I don’t know where they’re doing the filming.’

  Smiling, Nora looked down at him. ‘You’d really do it for me?’

  ‘Too right.’ He winked at her. ‘I don’t usually agree with our kid, but he’s right about this – you do deserve something good after all the shit we’ve put you through.’

  ‘Good,’ Nora said, all trace of teariness gone now. ‘’Cos he’s waiting outside. You’d best get a move on, though, ’cos he won’t be there for much longer.’

  ‘You kidding me?’

  ‘Do I look like I’m kidding? Now, get yourself up the stairs and put something nice on, ’cos I’m not having you going on telly in your scruffs and showing me up – even if I won’t get to see it.’

  Laughing, amused that he’d just been manipulated by the crafty old girl, Dex stood up and went to do as he was told.

  ‘Result!’ Patrick crowed, jumping up and giving his mother a kiss. ‘Just wait till he comes back in that Range Rover, Mam. Then you really will be proud!’

  ‘Horses and chariots,’ Hilda piped up, her face a picture of smug satisfaction.

  Too excited to be annoyed with her, Nora took a cigarette out of her pack and chucked it at her, saying, ‘Here . . . get that in your gob and belt up, for gawd’s sake!’

  Even Molly laughed now. She hadn’t thought her dad would go for a game show, but she had to admit that she was chuffed to bits that he’d decided to do it. None of her mates’ dads could lay claim to being on first-name terms with a big star like Larry Logan! Just wait till they heard about this.

  ‘Bloody hell, he’s coming,’ Larry said, his eyebrows arching with genuine surprise when the Lewises’ front door opened a few minutes later and Dex walked out, looking much smarter than when Larry had left him, in a shirt, trousers and a black leather jacket. ‘I can’t believe she managed to persuade him.’

  ‘That’s mothers for you,’ Dave grunted amusedly. ‘Wish I could be a fly on the wall to see her face when she realises she’s sent her precious son to the gallows, though. And I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes when she does, ’cos she’s gonna be after your blood.’

  Grinning because he was so pleased with himself for netting Keeton’s most-wanted, Larry said, ‘Tough. She’ll be too late to do anything about it, won’t she.’

  ‘Best get out and open the door for him,’ Dave said now, watching Dex out of the corner of his eye as he came towards the car with his head down.

  ‘That’s the chauffeur’s job,’ Larry reminded him.

  ‘Only if you want him to do a runner before we even get moving,’ Dave hissed, pressing the button to slide the mirrored panel across to shield him from view.

  Tutting softly when he found himself staring at his own reflection, Larry opened the door and climbed out. Ushering Dex in, he waved to Nora, Molly and Hilda, who were standing together at the gate now, and called, ‘Promise I won’t keep him out too long, Nora, but you’d best not wait up – just in case.’ A grin now. ‘You know what it’s like when lads get together to celebrate – hard to keep track of time.’

  Delighted that the neighbours were still out to witness this, Nora called back loudly, ‘You keep him out as long as you like, Larry, love. Only don’t go getting him too pissed, or I’ll have to tan your backside for you!’

  Laughing, Larry climbed into the car with Dex and said, ‘She’s a character, your mum, isn’t she?’

  ‘You can say that again,’ Dex agreed, rubbing his hands together as he scanned the booze. ‘Do we help ourselves, or have you got a servant stashed away somewhere to come and pour it for us?’

  Waving for him to help himself, Larry said, ‘Knock yourself out. It’s all free.’

  Reaching for a glass, Dex filled it with neat brandy, then offered the bottle to Larry. Grinning when he refused, he said, ‘Bit of a lightweight these days, are you?’

  ‘Only in public,’ Larry said, intimating that he was just as much of a hard-drinking man in private as ever, because he sensed that Dex would respect him more for that. In actuality, he’d cut down dramatically since securing this contract, disgusted with himself for letting it get so out of control in the first place and almost losing everything.

  Settling back in his seat, Dex stretched his legs out and gazed around the lush interior of the car. ‘No wonder you’re so desperate to get yourself back on telly if this is what comes with it. Get to ride round in one of these all the time, do you?’

  ‘When I’m working,’ Larry said, reaching for the remote and switching on the small plasma-screen TV. ‘What do you fancy?’

  ‘It’s the business this,’ Dex said, looking thoroughly impressed. ‘Stick it on Q, or something – see if they’ve got any of them rock bands on with the birds in hot pants.’

  ‘Wouldn’t have taken you for a rocker,’ Larry said, scrolling through the menu to find the channel that Dex wanted. ‘Thought you’d have been more of an Eminem guy.’

  ‘Won’t catch me listening to that shite,’ Dex sneered, swigging on his drink. ‘Pure metal merchant, me.’ Sitting up straighter as they turned out of his mother’s street onto the main road, he peered out of the window, saying, ‘Hey, there’s some of me mates. Watch their faces when they cop me in this!’ Pressing the button to lower the window, he climbed halfway out and waved his glass in the air, yelling, ‘Yo! Mark . . . Reidy . . . Chinko! Check me, you cunts!’ Laughing when the men started yelling back, asking what he was doing in a motor like that, he gave them the wanker sign and flopped back onto his seat. ‘They’ll be straight round me mam’s to find out what’s going on, you watch.’

  Closing the window again from his side, Larry smiled, amused by Dex’s boyish excitement because it was such a stark contrast to the mean, moody macho act he’d put on in his mother’s house. Listening as he chattered on about how jealous his mates were going to be when they saw him in his own new car, and how he was going to treat his mother to a cruise with the money, and buy his daughter a whole new wardrobe of clothes and shoes, Larry wondered if Inspector Keeton had been talking about the same man. Dex wasn’t the kind of person Larry would choose as a mate, but he definitely didn’t seem as bad as he’d been painted, and Larry actually felt a bit guilty for setting him up.

  But only a bit. Definitely not enough to let him off the hook and warn him what was coming.

  Which reminded him . . . he needed to talk him through
the show before they got there; make sure he knew there could be delays in case he got jumpy and thought about taking off before Keeton got around to him, because his arrest would be the money shot of the show if they got it right.

  ‘I’ll run you through the schedule before we get there so you know what’s what,’ he said. Then – to make Dex feel really privileged – he added, ‘But don’t tell any of the other contestants that I personally came to get you, because we don’t want them thinking I’m playing favourites, or anything.’

  ‘Secret’s safe with me,’ Dex drawled, tapping the side of his nose with his finger. Then,‘So, who am I up against? Bet they’re all dead posh, aren’t they?’

  ‘I haven’t actually met any of the others, but I imagine there’ll be a fair mix,’Larry said.‘I’d prefer not to have posh ones, ’cos I reckon if they’ve already got money they should leave things like this to the people who really need it. But if there are any, I’ll just take the piss out of them – and that’s always fun, ’cos they never catch on. You’ve got nothing to worry about, though,’ he said now, giving Dex a conspiratorial smile. ‘I reckon you’re gonna do really well.’

  Grinning, convinced that his new mate Larry was going to make sure that he won, Dex said, ‘Cheers, mate. And fuck the posh cunts, ’cos us working-class heroes are coming to snatch back some of the money they’ve been sitting on!’

  ‘Too right,’ Larry murmured, wondering where people like Dex got the idea that they were any kind of heroes when the only work they ever did usually involved ripping off honest workers. He knew the type only too well, because his brothers, his dad, and even his mum to some extent had been like that. They all thought nothing of stealing what they couldn’t afford to buy – even from him. Bastards!

  ‘Anyway, the schedule,’ he said now, shaking the thought of his family away because they annoyed him even from a distance. ‘You’ll get a champagne reception when we get there, and then you’ll be introduced to your team.’