by Komal Kant
The three of us were part of a world that I didn’t want Dylan getting involved in. I knew that eventually Ryder would start introducing Dylan to what we did, but I was hoping that if I set Dylan on the right path from a young age, he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the Madden gang.
That was why I fought the fights. That was why I put myself through all this shit. Because I wanted a better life for Dylan. I wanted him to have choices. For him to have a shot, I needed money. I needed money to put him through private school and to get him a tutor so he maintained his grades.
“You look fine, kid. We’re only meeting your tutor, not applying for college.”
“Yeah, but if I don’t get a tutor, I’ll fail Math and then I won’t go to college.”
The kid had a point. “Just smile and be the awesome guy you already are and I’m sure she’ll take the job.”
Dylan frowned as he peered up at me. “It’s not me I’m worried about, it’s you.”
I stared at him in surprise. “Me? Whaddya mean?”
Dylan sighed and shook his head. “It’s just…you scare off all my tutors. Can’t you try to be nice for once?”
“Nice?” The word sounded strange on my tongue, so I said it one more time just to get a better grasp of it. “Nice.”
No one had ever wanted me to be nice before. Ryder had always taught me to be tough and to never act like a pussy. Growing up, he’d always had this saying: Never run away from a fight; even if you know you’re going to lose, fight like you’re a winner.
That’s what I kept telling myself every time I started showing signs of what Ryder called “weakness”. To him, a weakness was when you let someone in, when someone got too close. The only people we should share everything with were the brothers of our gang.
Any other displays of friendship, attachment, caring, kindness, or love were all signs of weakness, and Ryder didn’t stand for weakness.
“Yes, nice.” Dylan’s voice cut into my thoughts, and when I glanced back at him, he had a look of determination blazing in his eyes. “If you’re nice to people, they’ll be nice back. So, pleeease, be nice to the tutor. I want her to like me.”
The kid was worried for no reason. If the tutor didn’t like him, I’d make her like him.
There was the squeal of tires on asphalt, and a car turned into the parking lot of the library. It was a beat up old station wagon, pretty ready to fall apart. As the car screeched to a halt across the lot, my eyes darted over it critically.
There was no hope for that smoking crap pile of metal. Even I wouldn’t be able to do much to help it. That car needed to be put down, that’s how much pain the engine sounded like it was in. Poor thing.
The passenger side door opened and a girl got out. She shut the door and leaned in through the open window to speak to the driver.
As she spoke, I studied the honey brown hair that fell in long waves down her back. That color wasn’t out of a bottle—it was pretty obvious it was natural—and her hair was fucking hot. It was the kind of hair you wanted to grab onto when you were screwing a girl.
Her clothes were kinda plain, though. She was wearing an ankle-length skirt and a baggy sweater over the top. Who the fuck dressed like that?
Then, as the car finally drove away with a screech, she turned around, and it felt like my head had split in two. All of a sudden, it hit me who dressed like that. There was only one other girl I knew who dressed like that.
No fucking way. It couldn’t be her. It couldn’t be the girl I was trying to forget about. Life couldn’t be that screwed up that she would walk back into mine so soon after I’d decided I would never approach her in Penthill ever again.
“She’s pretty!” There was excitement in Dylan’s voice as he straightened up beside me.
She was more than pretty; she was fucking beautiful, old woman clothes and all.
Estella’s eyes widened as they focused on me, and that rose bud mouth that I wanted to kiss so badly, opened in surprise. She stopped a few feet away from Dylan and me, staring between the two of us like someone had slapped her across the face.
The feeling was mutual.
“Are you the tutor?” Dylan sprang forward, extending his hand towards her. “It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Um…uh-I.” Estella looked winded as she took his hand in hers—she continued staring at me with those whiskey eyes that intoxicated me.
Shit. I was completely screwed.
Dylan didn’t seem to notice her hesitance. “I’m Dylan Madden. I spoke to you on the phone this morning. I needed a Math tutor, so my brother put an ad…”
Estella’s eyes glazed over at those words. I could see her brain working as she tried to process the fact that we were Maddens. I waited for her to turn around and run, but it surprised me when she smiled down at Dylan and returned his handshake.
“Dylan, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Estella Markson.”
From where I was standing, I could see Dylan’s ears turn red as he dropped her hand. “Estella? That’s such a nice name. Are you going to tutor me, Estella? Please say you will! I’m having trouble with fractions and I want to do really well in school.” I knew he was giving her that smile—the Madden smile. The smile that women found irresistible.
“I think I can help you with fractions and anything else you need help with.” Estella’s smile only grew, until her entire face was glowing and radiating warmth that I’d never experienced before. Just from that look on her face, you could tell she was kind and genuine. I wanted to soak in that smile of hers and bask in the glow radiating from her face.
Something stirred in the pit of my stomach, like tiny shivers were somehow working their way inside me. Fuck that. I didn’t want to feel whatever the fuck I was feeling. This wasn’t going to happen. I had to put an end to it.
I strode forward and placed both hands on Dylan’s shoulders. “This isn’t going to work out. We have to go now, Dil.”
Dylan twisted out of my grasp and backed away from me until he was almost pressed up against Estella. “Why? I like her.”
Groaning, I pushed a hand through my hair in frustration. It wasn’t going to be easy arguing with Dylan once he was determined about something. “You’ve known her for about a minute. You’ll get over it.”
I reached out for him but he shrunk away against Estella who wrapped a protective arm around him and frowned at me like I was the enemy. Shit. If only she knew I was doing this to keep her out of my world. She didn’t need to have any part in it.
She gave me a level look. “I have no problem with being Dylan’s tutor.”
My jaw clenched. I wasn’t used to people not agreeing with me. But that was what had drawn me to Estella; the fact that she stood up to me even when she’d been intimidated by me. “That’s not going to happen. Deal with it.”
This time, I grabbed Dylan by the arm and began dragging him back towards the truck. He let out a cry of protest, which I ignored, and didn’t stop until I’d opened up the passenger side door.
“Vincent, wait!”
I’d just been about to throw Dylan into the passenger seat when Estella’s voice made me stop. Dylan, who up then had been crying and yelling, also stopped to crane his neck around my body so he could catch a glimpse of Estella.
My body was extremely tense when I turned around to meet her, and found her standing directly behind me. The proximity to her made me want to shrink away, but that would make me the queen of pussies everywhere, so I held my ground like a Madden would.
“What?’ I barked out, liking the way her mouth turned down at my cold tone.
Good. I didn’t want her to like me. I wanted her to stay the hell away.
Her eyes darted past me, before returning to me and sizing me up. “Can we talk in private?”
No. Fuck no. I didn’t want to get any closer to her than was necessary.
For some reason, I was nodding. My Goddamn head was nodding. Why the hell was I nodding?
We walked a few f
eet away from the car, out of earshot of Dylan, and I started speaking before she could open her mouth.
“I don’t want you to tutor my brother, do you get it?”
Estella folded her arms across her chest, and I could tell I was in for a battle. “No, I don’t really get it. Did I leave such a bad impression on you last night that you won’t even consider me for the position?” There was a smirk forming on the edge of her lips that I wanted to take into my mouth and devour.
The point she was trying to make came across loud and clear. She was a good girl; I was the one who’d left a bad impression on her, yet I refused to hire her. She couldn’t understand why and I couldn’t explain it to her. My gut instinct was telling me to stay away and my instincts were never wrong.
“You’re obviously not right for the job.” That was the only thing I could think of in response.
“And why is that?”
“Because I said so.” Yeah, I went there. I was twenty-years-old and I’d just used that as an excuse. I wanted to punch myself in the face.
Estella stared at me like I was crazy. “That might usually work for you in your line of work, but that isn’t going to fly with me. You really need to come up with something better than that if you expect me to believe you.”
She took a step towards me, irritation clear in the lines of her forehead. I didn’t know why she was being so damn stubborn about this. Why did she want the job so badly?
Well, I wasn’t going to let her throw me off my game, so I took a step closer to her until I was so close that I could see the faint freckles that dotted her cheeks.
I folded my arms across my chest to match her. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”
“That’s what happens when you get high on power.” Irritation flared up in her eyes and she stared at me like she wanted to throw something at my head.
“I’m not high on power.” I smirked at her. “I’m just on a steady diet of awesomeness.”
She let out a small sound of indignation and raised her hand as though she was about to push me, but my fighter’s senses kicked in and I reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could make impact.
“Are you attempting to act violently towards me, Estella?” I could feel a smile tugging at the edges of my mouth as she shot me a dirty look.
“I-you-ugh!” She stammered, her expression changing from irritation to embarrassment. “You are so frustrating!”
I lowered my head closer to hers. “Darlin’, I think you mean ‘attractive’, ‘irresistible’, ‘sexy’.”
“You’re none of those things,” she scoffed, looking pointedly at a spot just past my ear. She took a deep breath and then turned back to me. “Look, your brother seems to want me as his tutor so I don’t get what your problem is.”
My smile fell as we go back to the point. She was right; Dylan wanted her as his tutor and I couldn’t disappoint him. He’d had enough disappointment in life. Finally, I nodded, still unsure why Estella made me feel so conflicted about, well, everything.
“Fine, you can tutor him, but it has to be here.” I nodded at the library. “That’s if you pass the interview.”
“But the tutor always comes to the house!” At some point during my conversation with Estella, Dylan had approached us and was now standing in between us with a pout on his face.
Estella raised a brow in question at me which made knots form in the center of my stomach. There was no way I was going to let Estella in my house. If she was already affecting me like this, if she already had the ability to get inside my head and bring my guard down, I didn’t even want to know what was going to happen once she saw how we lived.
“It’s either the library or nothing.” My tone was firm and Dylan could tell I was being serious about this so he didn’t push the issue.
“That works for me,” Estella took a step back and let out a deep breath. “Um, why don’t we go inside and talk over what Dylan would like to work on and then I guess you can interview me.”
She led the way and Dylan and I followed closely behind. Beside me, Dylan gripped my shirt excitedly, but then stopped mid-step and shot me a curious look. “You know what I don’t get, Vin? How did she know your name? I never told her.”
I tousled my brother’s hair and continued walking after Estella. “Magic, Dil; she’s magic.”
Chapter Five
Estella
Vincent’s idea of an interview was to ask me about my availability, go over the amount he’d be paying me, and to make sure Dylan and I were on the same page where his Math work was concerned.
It was safe to say that I was hired.
We’d both agreed that the lessons would take place every Tuesday and Friday at the Penthill library since Vincent had made it clear that I wasn’t welcome at his house. I mean, I wasn’t even sure if I really wanted to go there anyway. Did I really want to step inside the Madden house? The sensible part of me was telling me no.
And, with all seriousness, could my life get even stranger? How could it be possible that Vincent and I had crossed paths twice already in the span of 24 hours? And what was that strange pull I could feel between us?
Whenever he got too close or we fell into our banter, the air would charge between us, like we were tangled up in a web of electrical currents. It was the strangest sensation.
Once all the formalities were done and out of the way, Dylan turned his earnest eyes onto me. “Estella, do you have a boyfriend?”
Well, this wasn’t something I expected to come out of a ten-year-old’s mouth. It was a question that always made me uncomfortable. Things were made even more uncomfortable by the fact that Vincent was sitting across from me watching me with his obsidian eyes.
People always wondered why I was single or had never had a boyfriend. Truthfully, it was something that didn’t matter to me. And, besides, no one wanted to date the girl with the out-of-control, alcoholic father.
Vincent was still studying me, and my body was starting to grow warm under his steady gaze, so I focused all my attention onto Dylan. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Husband?”
A small laugh escaped me. “Uh, definitely not.”
Vincent shifted in his seat, and I couldn’t help but dart a glance in his direction. He was still watching me, a satisfied smirk on his lips. Those lips were a part of the most gorgeous face I had ever seen. Even though I wasn’t interested in having a boyfriend, I couldn’t deny how attractive Vincent was, Madden or not.
“How old are you?” Dylan asked, leaning forward.
My eyes went back to Dylan. “Seventeen, but I turn eighteen on December 1st.”
“Dil, she’s a bit too old for you, don’t you think?” There was a smile on Vincent’s face as he poked his brother in the arm.
Dylan looked disappointed as a frown filled his features. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Hey, you know what?” I bent my head towards Dylan, lowering my voice. “Give it ten more years and you never know.”
It looked as though Christmas had come early for Dylan, because his entire face lit up and there was a big smile on his face as he stuck his tongue out at Vincent. “See! I do have a chance!”
“Yeah, Dil, I see.” Vincent’s tone was cool, but I could see amusement in his eyes as he studied his little brother. There was a fondness there, and it was pretty obvious how much he cared for him.
Being in a criminal gang didn’t make you completely heartless, I suppose. Seeing the bond between siblings always touched me.
After about thirty minutes of talking to Dylan about his favorite TV shows and which Pokémon was the best—Vincent was silent during this time, though I was well aware that he never took his eyes off me—we finally decided it was time to leave. It was almost five and Savannah was supposed to pick me up soon.
I’d mentally settled on a rough outline of what we would cover over the next few weeks. When I got home, I was going to go through my fifth grade Math text book to refresh my memory. Yes, I
still had my text book from fifth grade. I kept all my school books organized in order of year and subject.
Vincent and Dylan were speaking with their heads bowed close together, foreheads almost touching. It looked like they were having a serious discussion about something, and for several seconds, I felt uncomfortable.
Could it be possible that Dylan had changed his mind about me tutoring him? Or had Vincent decided, once again, that he didn’t want me tutoring his brother?
Then, as the brothers broke apart, the mischievous grin on Dylan’s face was enough to convince me that my thoughts were petty. Obviously, they had been talking about something entirely different.
“Estella,” Dylan began, his voice almost sing-song, “would you like to have dinner with my brother and me?”
My eyes shot to Vincent, whose expression was unreadable. There was a small crease between his brows as he waited for my response. I wanted to see some sort of reaction from him, but his face was stone cold. Yikes. Apart from the odd smirk, this guy never smiled.
“I’m sorry, I can’t today,” I said, turning back to Dylan. “My sister will be here soon to pick me up.”
“Oh.” Dylan’s expression was downcast. “That’s okay. Maybe another day?”
“Definitely,” I said, as we all stood up and began heading to the entrance of the library.
Dylan was a few steps ahead, chattering on about a girl in his class who was better at Math than he was. I half-listened as we walked outside into the chill November air and quickly wrapped my arms around myself as the coolness hit me.
Cold air was coming out of my mouth and I shivered against myself.
“I would give you my jacket, but then I’d have none left.” Vincent’s voice was close to my ear and I shivered again, despite his breath being warm against my skin.
I turned my head slowly and stared directly into the blackness of his eyes. They were as dark as a never ending abyss and just as difficult to define. The longer I stared into them, the more I felt like I was losing myself.
