Wrong Side of Town wm-3

by Komal Kant

  I squeezed her hand. “I’m leaving all that behind, Stelle. I’m giving all that up for you, for Dylan. I want us to have a life together because there is no way I could picture you not being in my life. I want you, all of you, and I’m giving it all up for you.”

  “What about the fight that’s coming up?”

  “I told Ryder I wasn’t going to do it. I told him I quit.”

  Estella’s expression completely changed and her mouth fell open as she pulled her hand free from my grasp. She stood up from her seat and shook her head, backing away from me slowly at the same time.

  Suddenly it felt like a crushing weight had descended into my chest at the look in her eyes. I’d been sure Estella felt the same way about me, but now I wasn’t even sure.

  “Vincent, I don’t know how to do this with you.”

  Her words cut into me like broken glass. I struggled to piece together what she was saying, but none of this was making much sense to me. As different as we were, we were right for each other. We didn’t make sense on paper, but we made sense on some other level. It was a level that only we could understand. So why was she pushing me away?

  “You don’t realize someone was missing from your life until the moment they enter it. You were missing, Estella. Something brought us together, and I’m not going to let go. Push me away if you want. Deny that there’s anything between us. But listen to what I’m saying; I refuse to let you go. You can’t make me let go because you’re the only thing left for me to hold onto.”

  Estella’s bottom lip quivered and I’d never seen her look so sad before.

  “I’m a shell Vincent—empty, lifeless, dead. There’s nothing left inside of me to love.”

  * * *

  Estella

  Vincent seized me by the shoulders, pulling me close to him so that I was faced with his dark eyes that seemed to be burning into me with each second that passed.

  “Yes, there is, Estella. There’s a lot left inside of you to love. I see it in the way you put others before yourself. I see it in the way you take care of everyone. I see it in the way you look at me.” Vincent placed a hand on the center of my chest. “There is so much inside of you for me to love, but you have to love yourself first. You have to believe that you’re worth it, the way I know you are.”

  His words were reassuring, but a part of me didn’t know what to believe.

  “Don’t you understand? I’m dead. I died two-and-a-half years ago. I had to die so I wouldn’t keep reliving what he was doing to me. I didn’t want to stay alive anymore, so I killed a part of myself.”

  Vincent took my hands in his, brushing his lips against my skin in a soft kiss. “Then let me bring you back to life.”

  His words had me shaking all over. I didn’t want to feel this way, yet at the same time I did. I loved the way he made me feel. Everything was so confusing. Why couldn’t I just give into my feelings?

  Without really thinking about what I was doing, I started to turn away.

  “Don’t go, Stelle.”

  If Vincent’s voice wasn’t enough to glue me to one spot, those eyes definitely were. They were so full of lust and desperation that I had to turn my head away. My legs still refused to budge—they were so immobilized by him that I was pretty sure my feet had grown roots and were absorbing nutrients from the sidewalk.

  “Stelle?” Vincent asked, his voice uncertain.

  I sighed into the night air, wishing I was a stronger human being, wishing I had the guts to pull away from him. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”

  Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew as soon as he took a step towards me because my body went into some weird sense of hyper-awareness. The tiny hairs on my arms were standing straight up and every nerve in my body was reaching out, wanting to be closer to the source that was making me feel this way.

  Vincent. I wanted Vincent.

  And then he was in front of me, and those eyes burned into me like coals. And, still, I didn’t move. I couldn’t bring myself to move away from him. He was all wrong for me. He wasn’t the kind of guy you spent the rest of your life with. But then why wasn’t I running in the opposite direction?

  “Say it.” Vincent’s voice was low as he ducked his head down to meet me; those lips of his were like a cruel taunt. “I want you to say it.”

  What was I supposed to say? I couldn’t even form words, so I did some weird half-shrug thing. Wow. The hottest guy to walk this town was inches away from me and all I could manage was some lackluster gesture. I was too pathetic for words.

  Vincent let out a low growl that sent shivers shooting across my skin. “I told you, I won’t lay a hand on you until you tell me to, Stelle.” Vincent’s eyes were hooded, dark with lust. The look in his eyes made me weak and I felt my pulse speed up. He leaned in, his mouth close to mine. “And I really want you to.”

  I lowered my mouth to his. “I want you.”

  And then without warning, our bodies were one. Vincent’s hands were everywhere. We were the same person. He was kissing me everywhere and every part of me was alive.

  Vincent was bringing me back to life.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Estella

  There were things Vincent needed to know about me—things that I couldn’t even begin to explain about myself and my life.

  I wanted him to know about that dark part of me, but I didn’t want to scare him away. I didn’t want him to look at me differently; I wanted to be the same person but for him to have a better understanding of who I was.

  Pressing my eyes shut, I started to speak, the words flowing from my mouth as though they had wanted to escape for many years now.

  * * *

  Two and a half years ago

  The first night it happened, it had been a pretty ordinary night.

  It’d been a month after Mom had left home, and it’d been the first time we’d really had a proper family dinner.

  Seth had just landed his real estate job and had wanted to celebrate with us, so he’d brought over some groceries—and his new girlfriend, Mandy—and I’d cooked dinner. Dad didn’t engage much in the conversation, but at least he’d made an effort to look somewhat presentable. I think Seth had had a good talking to with him and gotten through to him.

  Afterwards, we cleared some space in the living room and played Twister for an hour or so while Dad watched. Dad did a lot of that lately. He especially watched Savannah and me with this wistful look on his face.

  By the time we finished playing, Seth and Mandy got into some sort of disagreement, and she stormed outside with Seth on her heels. Since I was tired, I headed to my room and climbed into bed.

  Since my room was at the front of the house, I could hear Seth and Mandy’s raised voices as they fought in his car, but couldn’t quite make out their words. Eventually, even their voices weren’t enough to keep me away, and I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

  I jolted awake when the bed shifted.

  There was a figure climbing into my bed, and covering my mouth with a hand at the same time. Fear jolted through me, and I let out a scream that was muffled by the hand over my mouth.

  He climbed on top me, placing both legs on either side of me, and lowered his lips to my ear. “Listen to me carefully.” The strong scene of alcohol invaded my nostrils. “I want you to be the good, little girl that you are. I want to take my hand off your mouth, but I can’t do that if you’re going to scream, okay? If you scream, I’m going to go into your sister’s room, and I know you don’t want that, do you?”

  Panic set in, and I shook my head furiously. I did not want him going into Savannah’s room. I had to protect her.

  “Good.” He sounded satisfied at my compliance. “I’m going to take my hand away now, and I want you to be good. Remember, otherwise I’ll have to play with Anna.”

  I nodded again to show him that I understood, and he slowly took his hand off my mouth. When I didn’t scream, he lowered his mouth to my ear. “You are such a good girl, Estel
la. I’ve been watching you all night, thinking of a way to show you how much I love you.”

  The panic was still there, but now it had shifted to me instead. I had never imagined that I would ever be in a situation like this. Things like this only happened in movies; they couldn’t possibly happen to girls like me who did well in school and didn’t drink or do drugs or hang out with boys.

  There was no way it could be happening to me.

  He shoved the quilt aside and pulled down my pajama pants, tossing them aside. He fingered the fabric of my panties, letting out a sigh at the same time. “You have no idea how desperately I want to be inside you, Estella. You are so beautiful.”

  Even though it was hard to make out his features in the darkness, I stared up at him desperately. “Please,” I begged, “don’t do this. You’re better than this. You’re a good person.”

  He pinned me down hard, pressing into me as he tore my panties off. “I’m not a good person, Estella. That’s why she left me. But you can make me better. Make me good again.”

  A scream caught in my throat as he pushed deep inside me, but I remembered to stay quiet. If I screamed, he would do this to Savannah, and there was no way I would let him ruin her life.

  He paused when he met some resistance, and when he spoke, I could sense the smile in his voice. “I’m your first, baby? You have no idea how happy that makes me. Now, I’m going to make you happy.”

  No, no, no. My first time wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was saving myself for someone special. I was saving myself for someone I was in love with. My first time wasn’t supposed to be like this.

  “Please,” I pleaded, as he began pushing in and out of me, “stop, please.”

  But he didn’t stop. He kept going. He fingered my hair and kissed my neck, and he didn’t pull out until he ejaculated inside me.

  As he got off me and pulled his pants back on, his final words haunted me. “Keep me happy, Estella, the way your mother used to. Don’t tell anyone about this or I’ll have to get Savannah to keep me happy.”

  Then he was gone.

  * * *

  Two years ago

  Seth and I never talked about what he did to me. When other people were around, he acted like he hadn’t violated me like that. I was scared to be alone with him, but I was also scared of what he might do to Anna. I knew that I had to get him to stop what he was doing to me.

  One day something inside me snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take feeling dirty, and wrong, and weak, and disgusted with myself. One day, before he led me into my room, I pushed him away.

  Seth stared at me in surprise. He’d been so used to getting what he wanted from me that he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to.

  “Estella, what’s going on?”

  “No.” My voice shook as I rolled up the sleeve of my sweater.

  Forgetwas written on it in black permanent marker.

  Seth’s eyes shot down to my arm and then back to my face. “What are you doing, Estella? Think carefully before you do something stupid.”

  I spit on my arm and began rubbing on the spot where ‘forget’ was written. The marker began to fade away and slowly the letters beneath it began to reveal themselves:

  Seth

  I was scarred. I was disfigured. I was forever ruined. Seth had branded himself on me and I could never escape what he’d done to me. I kept my arm hidden from everyone because I hated that part of me. I hated the tattoo that he had made me get a few months ago. I hated that I had been weak and unable to stand up for myself.

  I refused to let this continue. I would not be a scared, little girl forever. I would be strong. I would be strong for the family that I had to hold together.

  “I’ve been weak for too many months.” I looked him right in the eye as I spoke. “You cannot touch me. You cannot have me. I am not yours.”

  I thrust my arm out at Seth and watched the gleam shoot through them as he admired the brand he had given me. He was such a sick person. “This does not mean you own me. You can’t make someone love you or want to be with you. What you did to me was not love; it was rape. You raped me physically and mentally and emotionally. You left me with a scar that I can’t erase. You made me weak. But you know what? Sometimes you have to be at your weakest to find your strength.”

  Seth took a step back and it made me happy that he was the one who was worried now. “You’re making a huge mistake.”

  “No, you are.” I tried to keep my voice strong. “You made a huge mistake when you violated me. You made a huge mistake when you ruined me for every guy out there. Stay away from me, Seth. Never touch me again. Never threaten Savannah’s safety or you’ll regret it. I will tell everyone what you did. You’ll go to prison.”

  Seth’s eyes widened and all of a sudden, he looked like a sad, pathetic man as his entire expression changed from a tough guy to someone who was completely messed up. “Don’t do that, Estella, don’t tell anyone.” And that’s when his bottom lip began trembling and he wrapped his arms around himself as he began to shake. “She did that to me. Your mom. She did the same thing to me. I didn’t know anything else.”

  I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. My mother had hurt him? That couldn’t be true. He was doing this to me because of what mom had done? That was impossible.

  Seth continued to speak, his words falling from his mouth at high speed. “She started when I was a little boy, but stopped once I hit twelve. But then when I was sixteen, we started having a relationship with each other. She told me not to tell anyone, and I didn’t. When she left, I didn’t know what to do.”

  The accusations from him were appalling; disgusting. There was no way my mother could do that to him. “I don’t believe you.”

  Seth gave me a sad smile as he began to turn away. “Believe what you want, Estella. I’m telling the truth.”

  Tears were squeezing their way from my eyes. “And even if she had done that to you, why would you do the same thing to me, Seth? Why would you ruin my life?” I was shaking all over uncontrollably.

  “Because that’s all I knew. Because I was trying to forget.”

  And as Seth walked out the door that was the last he ever tried to touch me again.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Vincent

  My body was shaking.

  I couldn’t believe what Estella was telling me.

  That sick, perverted asshole was going to pay for doing that to her. I would make sure Seth died tonight. That was the only way the anger was going to leave my body. That was the only way to make this right.

  “I’m going to kill him,” I managed to say.

  Estella’s eyes widened and she reached out for me. “No,Vincent! You can’t do that. You just told me that you wouldn’t fight. You need to keep that promise.”

  “Not when it comes to this.” I pulled away from her. “Not this, Stelle. Don’t ask me not to do this. I need to make sure this asshole dies.”

  “Vincent, stop it.” Estella’s tone was firm. “This happened years ago. It’s not something that needs to be dredged up again. Yes, what he did was wrong. Yes, he ruined my life. But I also know that he has changed. He has a fiancé, he has a baby, and he’s spent the last two years trying to make it up to me. I don’t want anything to do with him, but he keeps coming back. Guilt weighs heavily on his mind constantly. I know it does.”

  I pressed my lips together. It didn’t matter if he felt guilty; what he’d done was the worst thing you could do to someone who loved and trusted you. He was a sick freak.

  “Promise me,” Estella was saying, “promise me you won’t do anything to him.”

  I wouldn’t be doing anything, but that didn’t mean that one of the boys wouldn’t be doing anything either. This was something that definitely needed a follow up, and Seth was definitely going to be getting a visit from Goat, or from one of our police buddies. There was no way Seth was going to get away with this, but there were some things that Este
lla didn’t need to know.

  That girl was too sweet for her own good. That was why I loved her so much. I needed her goodness to stay with me always.

  I nodded in response and Estella frowned at me. “Promise me you won’t fight anymore, Vincent. I need to know that you won’t hurt anyone anymore; that you won’t become like Ryder.”

  Her words hit a soft spot, and I pulled her in so close that our foreheads touched.

  "The first night I met you, you talked about choices. You told me that I chose this life for myself. What you didn't know was that my whole life has been someone else's choice. I've never made a choice of my own, but that changes today. Today I'm walking away from other people's choices. Today, I choose you, Estella Markson."

  “And you’re leaving that life behind?”

  “Forever. From now on the only thing that matters is you. I want to make you happy. I want you to forget about what happened to you. I want you in my life and I will do anything to keep you in it.”

  Estella let out a long breath, her eyes sad. “I’ve always wanted to forget, but it’s so hard. All I know is disappointment. I’ve been disappointed by everyone close to me for the last two years. But you make things easier. You and Dylan make my life better. I tried so hard to fight it, to fight you, but whenever you’re not with me, I can’t handle it.”

  I wrapped an arm around the small of Estella’s back and kissed her hard on her pink lips. When I pulled away, her face was glowing, and I drank in the warmth from her whiskey eyes—the same eyes that had captivated me weeks ago.

  “One day all the bad memories will fade and the only thing that will be left is you and I. I will always be here, Estella Markson, and I’ll never let you down.”

  Epilogue

  Estella

  My skin was red, and raw, and pink.

  The needle was biting into my arm, but I did my best to ignore it. The pain was only going to be temporary and it would be worth it.