“Please let me go,” Kass spoke quietly. Never had she sounded so distraught, so disappointed. To know that I was the source of those emotions made me feel…sad. Disappointed in myself.
The Devil was not accustomed to emotions like that.
“I’m sorry,” I told her, genuinely apologetic for the first time in what felt like forever.
“I don’t believe you,” she hissed, turning her head to glare at me. “I can’t believe anything you say.”
Burying my nose in her hair, I whispered, “I did not want to lie to you. It was the only way I could get close to you, the only way I—”
“So it was all about you.” Kass shook with rage. “All about making you feel better about losing this world’s me? Grow up. People die all the time. I was going to die young sooner or later. My time is ticking. So what? It doesn’t give you the right to lie to me, to say all those things.” She shook her head. “To make me…” She couldn’t even finish the sentence. Instead, she chose a different question. “Were you going to let me go, once we found the staff? Or did you plan on keeping me here?”
I couldn’t give her an answer, not one that she would accept. “Certain things are written in the stars. Fate is unavoidable. If you go back to your world…” Now it was my turn to be unable to finish. If she went back to her world, she’d die. It was written in stone.
How could I let her return to a world that would only kill her? My Kass was already dead; her role was fulfilled. If she stayed here, she wouldn’t have to die. She could live.
She could be mine.
Forever.
I let her go, standing and vanishing into the night. I wrestled with dozens of emotions. She was too mad with me, understandably. I had to give her space to figure it out. I had to figure myself out, what I was going to do.
If I let her go, she’d die.
And I didn’t know if I could stand the thought of losing her twice.
Chapter Twenty-Four – Kass
I felt betrayed. I was lied to, by everyone. I couldn’t believe it. My utter lack of luck. Get transported to an alternate world, and this was the result? This place was horrible. I couldn’t trust anyone, it seemed. I was alone. It was a terrible realization.
I sat there, in the grass, slumped for God knew how long. I could still feel his arms around me, his breath on the back of my neck, his hands surrounding my wrists. Was it Gabriel? Or was it the Devil? In my first encounter with the horned beast, I thought it was odd he healed me, even odder that he was careful of his claws around me. The Devil had a thing for me; I remembered thinking those thoughts.
If only I would’ve known the truth.
The Devil was Gabriel. Gabriel was the Devil.
I didn’t know which was worse, but it didn’t matter. I was lied to. Who knew how many things he told me were actually the truth and how much of it was crap? My fists clenched. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to beat him up. How could Gabriel have done that to me? Said all those things, kissed me, made me feel very confusing things about him…I felt like a toy. Like a doll.
Letting out a loud growl, I stood and stormed back to the church, where Raphael and John waited. John had his bow back, a bloodied hole in his shirt. Raphael had found his dagger; it sat on his hip. Both men seemed surprised to see me.
I put my hands on my hips, giving them both a glare that would freeze even the evilest of creatures. “What? Surprised to see me? Or should I say surprised to see me alone, without the Devil?” I frowned. “I know you lied to me. Don’t do it again.”
They both looked like they were about to apologize, so I held up a hand, quickly saying, “Don’t bother. I’ve had enough for right now. Get your stuff and let’s go see this Prophet. Or Witch.” I rolled my eyes at myself. “Alyssa. Let’s go see Alyssa.”
As we started the journey to what John and Raphael dubbed Haven, where Alyssa and her group lived, we were one quiet bunch. Neither John nor Raphael knew what to say to me, in fear of me biting their heads off about lying to me. I couldn’t blame them, I supposed, for Demons had to fear the Devil. Satan was their ruler; he claimed their souls. Gabriel probably forced them to lie to me.
That didn’t make me feel any better.
I wrestled with my inner thoughts for hours, until we decided to rest for a little while in an abandoned house. I stood on the balcony, my arms crossed, overlooking the house’s backyard and its acres and acres of forests.
I was exhausted from the fight, or maybe I should say, getting my butt handed to me by Rain’s frightening double, but sleep would not come to me, even in this world of eternal night. What Demon had such power that it could get rid of the sun’s rays? How hard did this world fall, allegedly all because of me? That wasn’t what dominated my mind, though.
Rain, Gabriel, Raphael…let’s be honest here. It was mostly Gabriel.
After a while, I felt another’s presence. I turned my head to see Raphael. His hands were crossed before him, leaning on the doorframe. “For whatever it means, John was adamant against it the entire time.”
I smirked slightly, shaking my head. “That would mean more if I didn’t have the fresh memory of him killing a dozen innocent civilians because of me.”
“That John is a different person than the one that sits downstairs.”
“Does that mean that this Gabriel is different from mine?” There was a pause as I tried to figure out what to say.
Raphael said the one thing I didn’t want him to: “I did not say that.”
I blinked, trying to hold back my emotions. “I don’t know if I can handle that, Raphael.”
He moved beside me. I still could not get over his appearance in this world. I could not, for the life of me, compare the two. This one’s only atrocity towards me was lying, something he was commanded to do. The other Raphael and I were often at each other’s throats.
“I know that I haven’t walked through both worlds as you have,” he went on, staring up at the moon, “but I believe there are some fundamental things between both that don’t change. That cannot change. Though the outcome was not the same, John is a greater Vampire in both worlds, yes? If we succeed and return you to your world, there is a very real possibility that we are simply sending you to your own death. I have thought of this, as I’m certain Gabriel has, too.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better about being lied to?” I was bitter, and it showed.
Raphael was calm as he answered, “The Devil is a deceiving beast. He was an Angel of pride and charm. He persuaded other Angels to turn against God. Despite what he is, I do not know if it was his intent to lie to you purposefully, or if he was only seeking to mend his broken heart.”
“The way you talk about him…makes it sound like Gabriel was in love with me.” I shook my head, not believing it. Gabriel was my best friend. I’d known him my whole life. We were practically like brother and sister.
“He was, and I believe he still is.”
I stared at Raphael for a long time. It took every ounce of self-awareness to separate the two Gabriels. Just because this one loved this world’s Kass did not mean my Gabriel was in love with me. We might be two peas in a pod, but that tended to happen when you grew up together. Thinking that…was just so weird. Maybe that was why it wasn’t so awful when this world’s Gabriel kissed me. Subconsciously I knew he wasn’t mine, so it wasn’t that weird to kiss him.
Here I was, making excuses about liking the kiss I shared with Devil.
What was wrong with me?
Raphael carried on, “I do not know what he told you when he took you away earlier, but I’m sure he did so as Gabriel and not the Prince of Darkness. Whether you believe that or not is up to you.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as I asked, “Did he make you say these things?”
Raphael smiled. “No. For once, I am compulsion-free.” He moved back to the doorframe, clutching its white trim as he looked back at me. “And for what it’s worth, I can tell that you care about him, too. It may not be t
he same type of love he feels for you, but it is love nonetheless.” His fingers tapped once. “When you’re ready, call for him. I am certain he will appear if you truly want him to.” And then he left.
I scoffed at what he said. Like I’d want him to come back. Like I’d want to subject myself to even more lies. Right.
Gabriel loved me. Or, the other Kass. Yes, I’d do anything to protect him. Yes, I loved him more than I did any other human being, but I wasn’t in love with him, and I sure hoped he wasn’t in love with me. That would make things way too weird at home.
But this Gabriel…God, this was a million different ways of screwed up.
I just…couldn’t forgive him.
Could I?
I leaned my head back, closing my eyes, wishing I was home, with my Gabriel.
We were circling each other, never once taking our eyes off our opponent. I smiled at Gabriel, which he clearly didn’t like. It made him lunge at me, trying to tackle me to the ground. I side-stepped the squirrely boy and, using my height to my advantage, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, pulling him back and tripping him with a foot.
“You suck,” I said, sticking out my tongue.
Gabriel jumped up. “Oh, yeah? Well—”
I didn’t give him the chance to say more, for I sprinted for him, taking him down easily. I pinned him down, smug. “You suck.” I laughed.
“Kass,” Koath called out from the porch. He sat in a rocking chair beside Michael. Both sipped tea, watching their Purifiers taunt and fight each other. “What did I say about mocking while fighting? It—”
“Wastes time and is unsportsmanlike,” I spoke in unison with him, rolling my eyes.
Beside him, Michael chuckled, earning him a harsh glance from Koath. All the Englishman did was shrug and sip more tea.
Beneath me, Gabriel struggled. “Just wait till I grow. Then I’ll beat you.”
If only that was true.
A few years later, Gabriel sprouted up, but he still had many years to go before he could be on my level. Sure, he was taller than me, but I had muscle.
I laughed as we twirled in Michael’s backyard. We weren’t exactly neighbors, but I spent more time with them than I did at home. We were taught together, we fought together. We were a team.
I just happened to beat him up more often than not.
“Don’t worry, Gabriel,” I teased, “you’ll win when you get more weight on you.”
He feigned right, but I saw through it, dodging the blow. “You’re right. We can’t all grow boobies.” Gabriel motioned to his chest, cupping an imaginary chest like the young, teenage boy he was.
I was instantly disgusted with him. “Grow up.”
“Grow up,” he mimicked me. “Be mature. I’ll grow all right, but I’ll never mature.”
I had a comeback ready, but Michael appeared on the porch, a cordless phone in his hand. The expression behind his glasses was not a good one. My stomach churned.
It was a sad goodbye, so sad that my heart ached. I had no idea when I would see Koath again, and that scared me. The Council had called him away, and he was headed for England on secret business. He was like a father to me, the only parental figure I had in my life, other than Michael.
Michael was more like an uncle.
My head was out of the window, and I watched as a plane took off overhead. I wondered if it was Koath’s plane. He assured me he would call me as often as possible, and I believed him. At least, I wanted to believe him. One never knew what the Council’s true motives were, or what secret mission they were having him do. It was very possible he wouldn’t have time to call me.
Michael shouted from the front seat, “Get your head inside! It’s not bloody safe to do that, especially on the highway!”
I was reluctant to return to my seat in the backseat, rolling up the window to Michael’s behest. Putting my chin on my hand, I sighed deeply, which caused Michael to glance at me in the rearview mirror.
“It’ll be all right, Kass. We’ll take good care of you until Koath returns.”
Gabriel shifted from his seat in the front, climbing in the back beside me, shoving his butt in my face on purpose. Wrapping an arm around me, he spoke with enthusiasm, “We can get bunkbeds! I call the top. I’m going to sleep the opposite way of you so my gangly feet can hang by your face. I’m never going to wash them, so they might start to smell.”
I elbowed him in the gut.
Were all boys this annoying?
Finally, Gabriel’s body had filled out. He was not only tall but also the envy of every teenage boy who saw him. I wasn’t dating him, of course, because A) yuck and B) he was like my brother, but I couldn’t help but chuckle when I received jealous glances when we were out in public, by both girls and other boys.
“We don’t have to do this” came Gabriel’s final warning.
I wasn’t having any of it. My fists were up and I was as ready as ever. “Come at me, bro.”
“Okay,” his voice was deep, and I still wasn’t used to it, even after the last few years.
In a matter of seconds, we sparred. My lungs were tight, and my punches were sloppy. He took me down almost instantly, smirking a white smile when he relaxed himself while on top of me. “I can get used to this position.”
I used every bit of strength in me to spin him and plant him on the ground, sitting on top of him.
Gabriel didn’t miss a beat. “Although if you prefer the top, that’s okay, too.”
I made a gross sound, falling off him. My breathing was labored. I was tired, after such a short fight. As we got to our feet, my only friend studied me intently. It didn’t take a genius to see how awful in shape I was.
“You doing all right?” For once, he was sincere, and made a whole sentence without making a dirty joke.
I managed to nod, leaning on a nearby tree. “I was in a coma, in case you forgot.” The memory of that awful Demon raced through my brain, and I forced it away.
Gabriel strained a smile. “You were gone for, like, a day. I wouldn’t call that a coma.”
I couldn’t believe him. “Two and a half, which I’m rounding to three.” I pushed off the tree, seeking to walk, but my feet stumbled. Gabriel caught me as I muttered, “All because of your first girlfriend.”
“She wasn’t my girlfriend,” Gabriel referred to his crush as he helped me toward the house. “And if it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on having a girlfriend for a very long time.” He opened the back door for me.
“Just wait until my first boyfriend,” I joked, sitting on the couch. The blonde sat beside me, our legs touching. “I’m sure one of us will almost die then, too.” I chuckled, stopping only when Gabriel replied.
“I’ll have to check him out, you know. Play the over-protective, semi-jealous guy you’ve known your whole life.” Gabriel smiled. “Wouldn’t it be funny if you started dating me?”
At that, I slapped his chest. “Don’t get any ideas, boy. That will never happen.” And, as far as I knew, it never would. We weren’t exactly normal people, the farthest from it, but dating each other? Seemed a bit…wrong, didn’t it?
A bit weird.
That’s when it fully hit me. I couldn’t keep comparing the two Gabriels. They were not the same. One I grew up with, went through a ton of hard times with, and the other I met a few days ago. Yes, they shared looks, albeit one was older, but that was about it. Where the two diverged, I couldn’t say. All I knew was that they were different.
I traced the wing on the necklace. If they were the same, wouldn’t he had given me the same necklace I already had back home? The two Gabriels were years different, and I had to treat them as such. I couldn’t expect this Gabriel to be the same as mine.
Sighing, I glanced upward to the moon. I was still angry that he lied, but once I separated the two Gabriels in my mind, I knew I didn’t have the right to judge. I didn’t know what he went through since he lost his world’s me.
But just because I didn’t have the
right to judge didn’t mean I wasn’t still super pissed.
Because I totally was.
After a while, I spoke, “If you can hear me, if you’re watching like some creep, then…come back. I need you here. I…want you here.” I bit the inside of my cheek, waiting for Gabriel to appear, waiting for a sign. For anything, really. But nothing came. It was simply silence, other than the crickets in the backyard.
I didn’t know why I expected him to come. Turned out, Raphael didn’t know everything. Figured.
I spun to walk back in the house, exhaling, somewhat disappointed. The disappointment faded the instant I ran into Gabriel’s chest. I backed up, recoiling from the shock. With a hand over my heart, I deadpanned, “Thank you for the mini-heart attack.”
“I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered, his head hung low, his blue eyes closed. “I did not think you would want to see me again.”
“I didn’t,” I answered seriously. “But then I realized I can’t hold you to the same standards I hold the Gabriel in my world to. You’re not the same.”
“Yet you want me here? Even after you know who I am?” Gabriel’s azure stare opened, an icy blueness inside them that I’d never before seen. “What I am?” His aged face held not a trace of emotion; I couldn’t tell if he was holding back from me or if he didn’t have any to begin with.
I touched the necklace, tapping the wing. “Go figure that one, right? Even now that I know what you are, that you lied to me, made the others lie to me, I still can’t imagine doing this without you.” I moved to the balcony’s railing, leaning my arms on it. “Does that make me an idiot? Stupid? Am I the biggest moron ever?”
Gabriel’s silence was not the reply I wanted.
I turned so that my back was on the railing, and I stared squarely at him. “Is that what you think of me? It must be. I was so ready to believe anything you said to me. I was blinded by the fact that I’m used to trusting Gabriel one hundred percent.”
“You are not an idiot,” Gabriel finally broke his shroud of silence.
The Nightwalkers Saga: Books 1 - 7 Page 60
