Hopeful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  And, she assumed, they’d felt the same way about her.

  But did that really matter? Maybe what she needed to do was give them more of a chance.

  Since, well, she was never going to have Junior Beiler.

  And because there was no one around to see or hear her, she finally let herself cry. And cried some more, her tears mixing with the hot spray and sliding down the drain.

  chapter twenty-seven

  The words came through a dark tunnel, reverberating and echoing . . . and then finally settling into her consciousness. “Mary Kate? Mary Kate, can you hear me?”

  Her head hurt so terribly, she opened her eyes with the greatest reluctance. Peering at the two faces leaning next to her, she felt a mixture of surprise and sweet relief. “Mamm? Daed? When did you get here?”

  “A policeman came to our house and told us what happened. Then he offered to drive us here to the hospital to see you.” Her mother’s bottom lip trembled as she reached out to her. “Oh, Mary Kate. I am so sorry.”

  “We had no idea Will was so dangerous,” her father added. “Now that we’ve heard the whole story, I feel awful. I should have believed you when you said he wouldn’t give up on you. I should have listened when you said you were afraid. I hope you will forgive us one day.”

  “Daed, there is nothing to forgive. He fooled just about everyone. And even though I was afraid he might hurt me, even I never imagined he would break into my apartment and try to hold me hostage.”

  “How are you?” her mother asked. “Are you in a lot of pain? The doctors say you have a concussion.”

  “You have stitches, too,” her father added. “Four of them on the inside of your mouth!”

  “I thought I had a pretty bad headache,” she joked. “So . . . what happened to Will?”

  “Oh, he’s still at the police station,” her father said with a grim look. “While one policeman came to our door, another two went to his parents’. I imagine they are with him right now. And probably feeling as shocked and shamed as we are.”

  “So it’s all over.” Mary Kate could hardly believe it.

  “It is all over. You are safe and Will is in jail.”

  “And we heard all about how brave that Junior Beiler was, tying up Will until the police could arrive.”

  “He really was my hero. But so was Miriam. She helped me get to the police station. Oh, and she saw her friend Joe and asked him to go help Junior. If Miriam hadn’t been there, why I don’t know if I would have been able to get to the police station. She is such a gut friend.”

  Her parents exchanged glances. “No one said a word about her. I guess we owe her our thanks, too.”

  Mary Kate struggled to sit up. “Maybe we should call her or something? Or ask someone to stop by her house to tell her thank you?”

  “We can thank her in a little while,” her father soothed. “Now, please try to relax. You won’t have to worry about Will Lott ever again. Between the police and Will’s parents and us, we’re all going to make sure of it.”

  Having her parents at her side, the knowledge that Will would never stalk her again, that she would never have to fear seeing him again, she felt brand new.

  Almost.

  Her parents exchanged glances. “The hospital is going to keep you overnight for observation. We’re going to let the policeman take us back to your apartment. We’ll spend the night there, then come back in the morning. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she said with a weak smile. She was glad to see them but grateful that they weren’t planning to sit by her side much longer. Conversation hurt. “That’s a gut idea. Danke.”

  After both parents gently patted her hand, they left the room. Finally, in the silence of the room, she gazed at the pale blue walls, the silent television mounted on the wall. The IV attached to her arm.

  Little by little, the sharp pounding in her head eased and her vision cleared. The muscles in her back and shoulders relaxed.

  And she found herself facing a curious sensation. It took her a moment to recognize it.

  Then she realized it was something she’d almost forgotten. She was at peace. At long last, she could relax and rest.

  She’d read the paperwork and had made her decision. Feeling a new spring in her step, Judith walked to the store and smiled as she saw her father and Anson helping two ladies carry a large number of bags and boxes to their car.

  Anson rolled his eyes as he walked by. Being eleven.

  Then she saw Ben just about the same time he noticed her.

  “Judith, what brings you here?”

  “I wanted to show you something.” Reaching into her tote bag, she pulled out the paperwork and handed it to him.

  Ben took the packet and flipped through a couple of the pages. “You filled them out.”

  “Yep. There’s a few questions you’re going to have to answer, but for the most part the packet is complete.”

  He grinned as he wrapped an arm around her waist. “We’ll finish it up tonight and then mail it out.”

  “I’m excited.”

  “Oh, Judith, I am, too,” he said, just as her father and brother walked back in.

  “You two are all smiles,” her father said with a happy look. “What has brought this on?”

  Ben didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at her. Allowing her to make the choice about whether or not to share their news.

  Part of her didn’t want to let anyone know what they were doing. If they weren’t able to adopt a baby she knew she was going to be devastated all over again.

  But then she realized that that pain wasn’t going to be any easier to bear by herself than with all her family knowing, too. More important, she wanted them to be involved. They loved her and she loved them.

  “Ben and I are going to try to adopt a baby,” she announced. “This is the packet we had to fill out.”

  Her father blinked, then smiled. “I am glad.”

  “Me, too,” Anson said.

  Ben raised his brows. “You, too?”

  “Jah. You two are going to be wonderful-gut parents,” he said in a way that sounded far beyond his years. “Especially to someone who needs parents.”

  Judith looked at her brother sharply. For as long as she’d known him, her little brother had been squirrely and rambunctious. Willful and a tiny bit spoiled. Now he was restless and constantly hungry.

  But never had she known him to sound so sincere. “Thank you, Anson.”

  He smiled, then turned to their father. “Can I get something to eat, Daed? I’m starving.”

  “I believe your mother packed your lunch and it’s in the cooler. You better go eat so she doesn’t get her feelings hurt.”

  When Anson trotted off to the back storage room, her father murmured, “Anson brings enough food every day to feed all the kinner at the schoolhouse. It’s an amazing thing, to watch him consume it all.”

  “What did he bring today?” Ben asked.

  “His mamm made fried chicken. Anson brought four pieces.”

  “Think he might give a piece up?”

  Her father grinned. “You could maybe arm-wrestle him for it. At the moment you are still quite a bit bigger than him.”

  “See you tonight, Judith,” Ben called out as he strode toward the storage room.

  Folding his arms over his chest, her father grinned. “Some things never change, eh?”

  Judith chuckled. Finally, she felt bright of heart. Like she had hope for her future. At long last.

  chapter twenty-eight

  The first of October dawned bright and crisp, a fitting way to celebrate the fall, Miriam thought. And a fitting way to begin her new life.

  She looked down at her tennis shoes and grimaced. She’d bought the fancy walking shoes almost two years ago on a day when she’d been feeling particularly fat and out of shape. But after wearing them only twice, she’d gotten frustrated with herself and slipped them back into the box.

  And then she’d carefully placed the box under her bed, out
of sight. And had gone to the kitchen and made a fresh batch of brownies.

  But today was a new day, and she was determined to slowly but surely become a new Miriam. From this day forward, she was going to eat less and walk more. And most important, she was going to forget about Junior Beiler and concentrate on other men.

  She was also going to concentrate on making herself happy.

  That was a goal that was long overdue.

  With that in mind, and the idea of the number on their bathroom scale being much smaller, she picked up her pace. And when the memory flashed in her head of Mary Kate and Junior hugging? She walked a little faster.

  “Miriam? Hey, Miriam!” a voice called out. “Slow down for a second, will ya?”

  She didn’t need to look over her shoulder to know who had yelled her name. But it definitely took everything she had to slow down enough for Junior to walk to her side.

  When he got there, he smiled at her in a bemused way. “What are you doing? I went by your house, but your mamm said you were out for a walk.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with walking,” she said primly.

  “I agree. But I thought you would have been taking it easy today.”

  “Oh?” She strived to be completely nonchalant.

  “Oh, yes,” he teased. “I know you didn’t get hurt like Mary Kate did, but rushing her to the police station had to be mighty scary.”

  Their pace slowed until they were almost strolling. “It wasn’t anything. You were the one who saved the day, Junior.”

  “All I did was tie a cowardly bully up with some kitchen twine.” He laughed. “And I have to thank my brothers for that. We didn’t hogtie each other, but we’ve definitely wrestled each other to the ground a time or two. And it wasn’t like that Will Lott was much of a problem anyways. He’s used to fighting helpless women like Mary Kate, not full-grown men.”

  His second mention of Mary Kate enabled her to be brave. “So, um, I hope you and she will be happy together.”

  He stopped. “What are you talking about?”

  She stopped next to him, though she really didn’t want to dwell on his happy love life. “I heard what you told each other. I saw your hug.”

  “Miriam, I think you misunderstood. I was worried Will had seriously injured her! And he did. She stayed in the hospital last night.” Eyeing her, he murmured, “But I wasn’t at Mary Kate’s apartment courting. I went over there to thank her for being so honest with me. She kept saying that we needed to be just friends and she was exactly right.”

  “Oh?”

  “Oh, yes,” he said with a smile. “I mean, after all, why would I want Mary Katherine Hershberger when I could have Miriam Zehr?”

  Miriam stopped in her tracks. Was this his idea of a joke? First he made comments about her looks to his siblings, and now this? She turned on her heel and headed back home.

  “Miriam, what in the world are you doing?” Junior called out.

  She picked up her pace. “I’m going home.” When it was obvious he was following her, she began to jog.

  “But we’re not done talking yet,” he said between gasps of air. “Don’t you want to talk about what I just said?”

  As a matter of fact, she did not. Okay, maybe she did, if there was any chance he was being serious. But not on the street. Not with other people around them, watching and listening. “If you want to talk, you’ll have to come to my haus.”

  “All right. But please, slow down, wouldja? You might be used to running around ’cause you’re always late, but I’m sure not.”

  Amazed that she could still smile, she slowed her pace. A bit. “If you come over, my parents are going to think you’re courting,” she warned.

  “Gut. Because that’s what I’m doing. Well, that’s what I’m going to do if you ever let me. Instead of attempting to run by your side.”

  She slowed. Could he be serious? Could he really have changed his mind?

  But as she turned to actually look in his eyes, she didn’t see the twinkle of a joke, but a sincere concern. A look of tenderness that she’d never seen before.

  Afraid to give him yet another chance in her already bruised heart, she continued walking back to her house, to her backyard, where Junior finally collapsed in one of the lawn chairs. “I’m exhausted, Miriam. Why were you out running, anyway?”

  “I wasn’t running until you showed up.”

  He waved a hand, motioning her to continue.

  “Um, I was out walking because I started a new exercise program.”

  He leaned his neck back, gazing at her through half-closed lids. “And why are you doing that?”

  “Because I need to lose some weight, of course.”

  “Miriam, you do what you want. But I think you look just fine.”

  She didn’t want to say it . . . but she couldn’t seem to help herself. “You do?”

  He looked incredulous. “I’ve never thought you were overweight, Miriam. Actually, at the moment, I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you.”

  Taken aback, she turned away from him. She walked to the swinging bench, pushed it slightly, and watched it rock back and forth in the morning sun. Gratefully, she sat on the bench and took a deep breath. Forced herself to concentrate on the chirping of the birds and the cool breeze caressing her skin. And not on the fact that Junior Beiler had tagged her during her walk, persuaded her to take him home, and was now watching her swing from one of her parents’ favorite lawn chairs.

  “Miriam, you ready to talk yet?” he asked.

  “I suppose,” she ventured. Still unable to believe that she and Junior were actually having such a conversation.

  Just as Junior stood up, her parents opened the back door and joined them, standing side by side like twin toy soldiers. Whether they were afraid he was going to leave or stay, she didn’t know.

  After looking at them warily, her mother cleared her throat. “Miriam, is everything okay?”

  “Everything is just fine, Mamm.”

  “Are you sure?” her daed asked, his voice a little gruff with worry.

  “I’m sure, Daed. Everything is just fine.”

  Her mother brightened. “Oh! Well, in that case, why don’t you offer Junior something to eat, dear?”

  Her eyes never leaving his, she asked, “Junior, are you hungry? May I offer you something to eat?”

  He gave her a smile. “Nee. Danke.”

  Her parents gazed at her, at Junior, and then looked at each other. Finally, her mother spoke in an overly bright voice. “Miriam, ah, I think your daed and I are going to go back inside.”

  “Jah,” her father said in the most stilted way ever. “Um, just let us know if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  “Well then.” Her mother paused for a moment, just like she was trying hard to think of something to say, then finally pulled at her father’s sleeve and went inside.

  Still looking at her intently, Junior walked to her side and sat on the porch swing. She scooted a bit to make room for him, but there was no way to escape the feel of his body right next to hers.

  Right away, she was struck by just how big a man he was. And how the sun glinted on the fine blond hairs on his forearms.

  And how fresh and clean he smelled. Like hay and sunshine and everything good in the world. For all her pining, she’d never been so close to him before. It certainly didn’t help lessen her attraction.

  “So,” he said. “I came over this morning so we could talk.” Turning his head, he said, “How are you? Really?”

  “You know what? I’m fine. I’m thankful that Mary Kate’s troubles are hopefully behind her. That is an answer to prayer, for sure. How are you?”

  “Honestly? I think it’s going to take a mighty long time to recover from yesterday’s excitement.” Then, much to her surprise, he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. “When I saw Will slap Mary Kate in the face and then watched her fall to the ground, I was shocked. And s
cared.”

  “I bet you were.” She tried to pull away, but he only took her hand with the one not wrapped around her shoulders. Now she was completely encircled in his arms.

  “Miriam, I’m only telling you about Mary Kate so you’ll understand what I’m trying to say to you.”

  “Which is?”

  “It’s like this. For much of my life, I think I just accepted that you’d be there, in the background. I took you for granted. Then, there I went, asking you to help me gain Mary Kate’s attention, when it turned out that she wasn’t even interested in me. Later, when it was apparent that we had so much in common, I still kept you at an arm’s distance.”

  He swallowed and for the first time, looked away. “I don’t know why. Maybe it had to do with my parents passing away so young? Or all the responsibility I felt, looking after my siblings? But I had been certain that falling in love would feel different.”

  “How did you think it would feel?”

  “Like a sledgehammer. Or a lightning bolt.” He grimaced. “You pick the cliché. The love I feel for my family is so strong, so unquestionable, I thought falling in love in a romantic way would feel the same. I thought there would be no doubts.”

  “I suppose most everyone feels that way,” she allowed.

  His voice lowered, turned almost hoarse. “I’ve learned something, though. I learned that I hadn’t been recognizing the signs. I’d been searching for something that I would have seen clearly . . . if I’d only thought to open my eyes.”

  Before she could say a word, he continued, “Over the last few weeks, I kept seeing all the signs that you were right for me. My sister loves you, my family thinks you’re perfect for me.”

  “And you?”

  “Well, the more time I spent with Mary Kate, the more I kept thinking about you. How easy our conversations were. How much you fit into my life. When I spoke out of turn at the restaurant and you were so angry at me—rightfully so—the thought that I’d lost our friendship for good devastated me. And all I could think about was how I could win it back. Then . . . I realized how important you were to me when I was sitting in Mary Kate’s living room with that blasted Will. All of a sudden, all the strong feelings I’d been pushing aside and trying to ignore hit me like that lightning bolt I’d been waiting for! I realized that I’d been a fool, waiting for the perfect time to fall in love. But of course, then it was almost too late.”