Black Dawn

by Cristin Harber

  “Do you have a woman in your life that you’d hurt if you hung out with Lexi?”

  “You already know that answer.”

  “Right,” Winters grumbled. “I’m playing you right now, you get that? I’m running through your stupid-ass checklists and trying to figure out what your risks are.”

  Shit… he thumped his forehead against the wall. The situation was literally driving him to beat his head against the wall.

  “Your boy Matt?” Winters’s voice dropped low and sounded angry. “From what I saw between them, I don’t think she mattered to the guy. He was out for fun; she was his trophy. Like a possession. He never looked at her the way I’ve seen you—”

  “I didn’t—”

  “Just shut up and listen, Parker. I don’t have the details, but going by my few interactions with him and her, I’m guessing he crossed a line. He’s a dick. He would.”

  “A line was definitely crossed.”

  “And if you’re worried about some kind of code when he didn’t respect his woman? That’d be enough for me to say you have nothing to worry about.”

  Parker mulled over all the truth that Winters had just thrown down. “Probably right. But that’s not my hesitation. She’s… been hurt.”

  “This is the thing. You have to get over your right-wrong, nothing-in-between mindset. Let that computer brain of yours take a vacation.” Winters waited a two-count before continuing. “And no matter what situation you’re in, you won’t hurt her.”

  “I think she’s in a bad place.”

  “Alright then. People get in bad spots. They also get out of them with the help of people they trust.”

  “Right.” Maybe. Was he that guy? More than that, he wanted to be that guy for Lex.

  “Matt wasn’t a winner to begin with—though the asshole could put on a good show—and he has done nothing but gone downhill. But her? She’s a good one.”

  “She is.” Parker pulled his forehead off the wall a half inch then dropped it back.

  “She is what?” whispered from behind him.

  Lexi.

  His eyes pinched tight. “Catch you later.” He hung up on Winters without another word and pocketed the phone before slowly turning to take her in.

  Her arms were crossed, and her hair was twisted into a messy knot on top of her head. Strands of nearly dry blond hair framed her face. The woman looked like a broken angel.

  “Hey,” he said.

  An angel who was pissed, hurt, and confused all at once. “She is what?”

  He said nothing as he mapped out the words he wanted to say and weighed them against what she might want to hear. Not that he would make up a lie for her benefit, but maybe there was a filter he could use. Damn it, he had no idea which direction to go.

  She is… here. Sweet. Scared. Beaten and engaged?

  “Parker?”

  She is the single most distracting thing I’ve ever experienced.

  Her eyes flashed to frightened, and her pink lips pulled into a frown. “If you just told Matt I was here…”

  “Are you kidding me?” But that was his confirmation that Matt hadn’t dropped her there with Parker’s number. So how did she end up on his steps? “I didn’t call Matt. What kind of dick do you think I am?”

  “I can leave. I didn’t need to bother you, burden you—Bacon, where are you? We need to go.” Her hands went over her face then she dropped them hard. “I shouldn’t have—”

  “Stop.” The walls were closing in. He needed to shout that she was safe, make a case that she shouldn’t leave. Damn, what he really needed was to crush her body to his and kiss her mouth to shut down the wild distrust. But instead, Parker crossed his arms, trying to get a hold of his reactions. “Lex—”

  “She is what?” Lexi yelled, exasperated and distrusting.

  And that was it. Her begging, pleading for something that she already should know.

  “She is fuckin’ gorgeous.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  There it was. The God’s honest truth, and the more Parker looked at her—those sweet lips parting and a blush hitting her fair skin—the more he wouldn’t back away from the statement. But just because he’d said the words didn’t change the circumstances. She was in a bad place, and he was consumed by the possessive need flaring in his chest.

  Lexi didn’t say a word.

  She didn’t step away.

  Nothing that needed to happen was happening. Instead, her gaze locked on his, and a hunger he couldn’t get a grip on beat in his blood. He worked his jaw, feeling the tendons flex in his neck.

  “So there it is, sweetheart, and now I have to go… do something.” Because saying he needed to back away from her was just rude, and he couldn’t stay in this staring contest. The stakes were too high. If she ran from him, it’d be a gut-shot, hurting more than it should. If he stayed, every part of his body would want to press against hers, to walk her across the room and take her against the wall.

  “You think I’m gorgeous?” Her icy blue eyes darkened, as though her body was silently begging for more.

  He silently laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Lex, the whole world thinks you’re gorgeous.”

  Her lips rounded into an unsure O.

  Parker lifted his chin, a quiet gesture to say good-bye, and turned. Leaving was the right thing to do even if it was the only thing he didn’t want to do. “You can have the whole run of the place. I’ll be in—”

  “Two years,” she said to his back, “I spent with Matt.”

  He dropped his head and ran a hand over the back of his neck. He had no idea what she was going to say, and he wished to hell the sound of her voice wasn’t quickly becoming an addiction.

  “I didn’t have a family, and I bounced from foster house to foster house. When we met, he just… took over, almost parenting me, telling me what to do… I thought he was assertive, but he really wasn’t. He was weak and narcissistic. Matt was an asshole who didn’t want me to be me, and I let that happen.”

  Parker turned, almost seeing himself for a moment. Except he’d let go of anything that could hurt him as he bounced between foster homes. He’d latched on to the methodical side of his brain, forgetting how it felt to feel lost and unwanted. Forgetting how to feel in general—except that was all he’d done with her recently.

  Lexi rolled her lip before continuing. “I saw it coming, which just shows how stupid I am. I thought I was protecting myself. I thought it would change when really all I wanted was a person to lean on. To know he’d be there. Because I’ve never had that, and I was so hungry for it, I took the bad kind of being there rather than have nothing at all.”

  For all the things he wanted to do to her body, his arms ached to hug her. Hold her. “Sweetheart—”

  “I moved through the stages, hoping things would magically change, but they just got worse. I clung to the idea that it was okay because he loved me.”

  Parker swallowed against the pain in his throat. “A guy touches you like that, he doesn’t love you.”

  “I know. The thing is, I didn’t love him.”

  Thank fuck for that. But an uncomfortable moment hung between them.

  Her fingers fidgeted until she sighed. “So thanks for letting me get my head on straight. I’ll be out of your hair after a couple of calls.”

  He stepped forward, frowning. “Again, I didn’t say you had to leave.”

  “I know.”

  Then one more step closer. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  She blinked, uncertainty in her eyes.

  Shit, wrong thing to say. Right? That was that look? He’d just told a woman who had been scared to leave her fiancé not to leave.

  Parker rubbed his temples, too damn worried about screwing up—whatever was happening. “Until you’re ready. Plan your next move. You’re safe here. I’ve got this place on lock down, with enough security to slow down a hostile takeover, much less a drunk piece of crap like Matt. Scour the fridge. We’ll find Bacon some foo
d. Order in, whatever. Stay here until you’re ready.”

  “Why did I have to meet him?” she whispered.

  If she hadn’t, he never would’ve set eyes on her, so was this one of those “things happened for a reason” situations? That was a fucked-up thought. He was so far out of his comfort zone that he didn’t know what he even wanted to say. “I’m not the guy who’s good at… this.” See, he didn’t even know what to call whatever this was.

  “At what?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I am what I do. Risk analysis, situational quantification. Ones and zeroes. Code. Cold, lifeless facts. You’re fragile and hurt and probably filled with I don’t even know what. Feelings. Whatever. I have zero experience with anything you need right now.”

  “God, that’s ironic.” A sad smile crept across her face. Lexi tugged at the sweatshirt with his alma mater’s insignia. “MIT? I saw your desk, that office in your bedroom. The technology in this place is sick.”

  Her words made no sense as to why what she’d noted was important. “Computers are my thing.”

  She laughed quietly. “Damn.”

  “What are you talking about, Lex?”

  “Nothing.” She took a deep breath. “You said I was pretty—”

  “No, sweetheart. I said you were gorgeous.”

  The pink on her cheeks intensified, and God, he liked making that happen.

  “Gorgeous,” she repeated. “No one’s said that in a long time.”

  Parker shifted, wishing he could fix that. “You deserve better.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and emotions scraped through his chest, leaving jagged questions ripping through him.

  “Parker…”

  “Yeah?” He swallowed the knot in his throat.

  “This is going to sound so damn stupid.”

  No stupider than every at-odds thought in his head. “Try me.”

  “Can I have—can you just hug me?”

  And… he… was… done.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  An explosion of excitement raced through Lexi’s body. The tips of her ears tingled all the way to the bottoms of her bare feet. She could breathe with Parker, could feel alive and that unattainable, so-missed feeling of her body sizzling under the intense, smoldering scrutiny of the man she couldn’t close her eyes without seeing.

  Lexi wouldn’t give him the chance to back away. What she wanted more than another breath was to fold her body into his arms. She was just that damn hungry for a human connection. A male connection.

  For Parker.

  A hug sounded simple, but she knew that with as much as was written in his eyes, the intimate embrace would be anything but. He hadn’t granted permission, but she didn’t care and moved closer anyway. Lexi pressed her cheek against the hard muscle in his chest. She fit in that spot as if their bodies were meant to mesh, and a sigh unlike any sound of happiness she could remember slipped free of her lips.

  He breathed her name, and if she could have melted into him, it would’ve happened at that sound. Slowly, one of his heavy arms wrapped around her back, then the other, as though he were binding himself to her. His chin touched the top of her head, and she closed her eyes, shutting out the world outside his hug. Parker smelled peppery. That same scent had scored itself into her memory when he carried her from her house into his SUV. It was mouth-watering and masculine, and the solid thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat in her ear put her into a trance.

  She had no idea how long they stood there. Maybe she even fell asleep, standing in his arms, feeling safe and herself. He didn’t waver, didn’t ask her to let go and give him a little room. Nothing. He was her rock. The start of a new day. Maybe a new life. That was a lot to put on someone who hesitated to hug her, but truth was, he was her catalyst. No matter what came of it, he’d always have a place in her heart for setting her free.

  After time slipped by, Lexi stepped back to cast her eyes up. “Thanks. Guess I needed that.”

  “Me too,” he whispered, his arms still locked behind her.

  She leaned into his hold, enjoying the warmth that went beyond skin-deep. “Why?”

  “I don’t have a single answer that is… appropriate.”

  A shiver fell across her skin and slid down her spine. The earnest look in his eyes was real. Raw. It had a depth that she couldn’t understand yet completely accepted.

  Parker released one arm and cupped her chin, surprising her heart and making it skip a beat. His strong fingers ran along her jawline, easing her eyes shut as another rush of shivers cascaded down her limbs. It’d been too long since someone touched her with such care. Lips tingling, she embraced the arousal swirling deep in her belly. Her breaths became shallower, and when she opened her eyes, Parker’s deep gaze was intent on hers.

  “This isn’t black and white.” His fingers continued to graze her skin.

  “Never is.”

  “But it always is in my world.” His quick, unsure smile flashed.

  Her skin prickled. She was scared he would release her, but he only inched closer.

  “Can we pretend that our worlds don’t exist right now?” she asked.

  His warm breaths caressed her lips. “I don’t think it works like that.”

  “Please,” she whispered then let her eyes close again.

  Lexi soaked in all that was Parker. His scent. His strength. The rise and fall of his carved chest and his flat, hard stomach touching hers. Blood rushed in her ears and raced at her pulse. He shifted, and she almost moaned, craving his kiss.

  His mouth brushed against hers. The touch was so soft, yet a rush of emotion and arousal tornadoed inside her. She went boneless. His lips were so right, so absolutely perfectly beautiful that she forgot to do more than just exist. She memorized his taste as he urged her to open, letting his tongue tease hers. His hands held her as though she was precious yet unbreakable as his fingers flexed into her back.

  Every time she’d dreamed about his kiss, her most spectacular thoughts were nothing like this. He leaned into her, angling her head, deepening their kiss—

  Until he pulled back hard, holding her steady.

  She gasped, almost crying for his kiss again. “Wh-what?”

  But that look on his face—it was the worst. Regret.

  ***

  “I think we need some space.” Parker hated himself on several levels for saying that, but it was the only thing he could do. Kissing Lexi changed everything— it put into action the wants and needs he’d harbored and always ignored.

  Beautiful blue eyes broke before him. His gut twisted. Unease that he couldn’t articulate flooded his body because everything about her was amazing, but fragile, and he wouldn’t be responsible for hurting her.

  “But—” she stopped herself.

  “Not because I…” He had no idea how to finish that thought. No idea what to say.

  Not because he didn’t want her kisses and so much more. That wicked tongue of hers would lead them straight to his bedroom, and—he blew out a harsh breath—he wanted it all. He wanted to hear her breathy moans against his neck and feel her come while he was planted deep in the woman blushing before him.

  Damn it.

  Another frustrated breath burned from his lungs. Screwing her would mess up their situation. When he had her, it wouldn’t be because she was lost or because she thought she’d found a savior with a hot shower who’d rescued her from a shitty day. When he had her?

  Lexi shook her head, blond hair cascading over her cheeks. “That was stupid, sorry.”

  Her doubt was like salt in the emotional wound he couldn’t see but was shredding him. “Don’t be like that. I just can’t go there right now.”

  With a tilt of her head, her eyes cast up. Bacon rolled on the ground, making a sound like she was playing dead. So even the dog didn’t buy his line. With each passing second, he regretted that they weren’t on the way to his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes.

  “Okay.” Her eye lashes fluttered, making his c
hest seize up.

  Any more time with her, and he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. “Maybe you should get some sleep. A nap or something. Or dinner? What do you need?”

  “A nap or dinner…” she repeated, sounding too sad. But that passed, and something unsteady appeared on her bruised face. “I’m not really hungry. Why are you being so nice to me?”

  Her confusion slayed him. “Because you feel the need to ask that question.” He inched closer, teasing himself with the idea that another inch wouldn’t be too much. “I don’t want to leave you alone, Lex, but I don’t trust myself. Not with you, not after that kiss.”

  “But—”

  “We’ve always had a good reason not to cross the line. And now…” He inclined his head. “I think that reason’s gone.”

  She nodded, relief in her eyes, and held up her ringless hand. “Gone.”

  Parker needed to step away but couldn’t force his feet to make the moves. He swallowed, but his throat ached. “I’m trying to be the good guy. Please get some sleep.”

  She didn’t budge, tempting him.

  “Or…” He pulled the one weapon he thought he might have. “You can explain how you ended up on my steps, calling my number, if Matt didn’t leave you here.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Lexi blinked at Parker, more tongue-tied than before and unwilling to share that she’d hacked Matt’s phone contact list, got Parker’s number, then back-hacked that to see what his billing and mailing addresses were. No one wanted to sound like a genius stalker. The process had taken all of five seconds, maybe longer since she was hunkered at a gas station, piggybacking off the Wi-Fi on someone’s phone. But she wouldn’t explain any of that. It made better sense for him to think she’d just stolen his info from Matt’s phone.

  She stepped away, backing up more from his question than anything else. “I forgot, I have to send an email for work.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he worked his jaw as if he was choking on the word bullshit. “Alright.”

  With that, she grabbed her computer and held it to her chest like body armor. “Then I will take a nap. I really appreciate it.”