The Secret Pond

by Gerri Hill

  Hannah laughed as she watched Lindsey secure the cooler inside the large tube. “So it’s like a floating bar, huh?”

  “Yep. Although when the whole family went, kids included, we had to have two coolers,” she said. “My family wasn’t shy about drinking beer.”

  Hannah smiled at her. “Sounds like a fun family.”

  At that, she felt a bit of a lump in her throat. “Yeah. Yeah, they were. There was always…laughter.” She paused. “And singing. My grandfather was always singing.”

  Hannah came closer, touching her forearm, rubbing back and forth lightly. “Thank you for sharing this with us.”

  “I’m…I’m glad you’re here.”

  Hannah gave her arm a gentle squeeze before taking her hand away. Lindsey felt an involuntary shiver travel across her skin where Hannah had touched. She had missed that, she realized. Missed the gentle touch of someone…the touch of another woman. She shook her head as if clearing her mind. This was Jack’s mother, she reminded herself yet once again.

  Yeah…Jack’s mother. Regardless, she wasn’t able to look away when Hannah pulled her tank over her head and tossed the shirt onto the seat of the Mule. The bikini top was a black and white striped fabric and she wondered if it was new. The other times, Hannah had worn a solid black top.

  Before she could look away, Hannah turned, catching her staring. She smiled at her and adjusted the straps at her shoulders.

  “I bought it the other day,” Hannah explained. She turned her back to Lindsey, revealing the crossed straps. “I wanted one like yours…more sports bra than bikini.” She smiled again. “Well, in the back anyway.”

  Lindsey nodded. “Much more comfortable when jumping off a rope swing.”

  She showed them where the rock ledge was and Jack was the first into the water. “What will the dogs do?”

  “I’m sure they’ll alternate between running on shore and swimming after us. But it’s a slow-moving river. They can keep up.”

  Lindsey motioned for Hannah to sit in her tube. Lindsey bent over, giving her a gentle push and setting her in motion.

  “Do you need help with the cooler?”

  “I’ve got a rope,” she said, holding it up. “I’ll tie my tube to it.”

  She pushed the cooler and tube out into the river, then hopped on her own tube and followed. Max jumped in, and she pushed him away when his big feet made a splash as if he was trying to climb into her lap.

  “No, you don’t,” she said. “Go with Barney.”

  “Don’t get too far ahead,” Hannah warned Jack as he floated away from them. Then she turned to Lindsey. “Or am I worrying too much?”

  Lindsey smiled at her and nodded. “Yeah. There won’t be any whitewater rapids or anything. It’ll be a fairly tame float trip.” She lowered her voice. “He’ll probably be bored out of his mind.”

  * * *

  Hannah couldn’t remember the last time she felt this relaxed. Was it the beer she’d had? The sun? The gentle rocking of the tube? She rolled her head to the side, watching as Lindsey and Jack tossed a red rubber ball back and forth. Jack, of course, had spilled out of his tube several times, always scampering back into it without a problem. As Lindsey had said, the dogs kept up. They were in the water now, chasing after the ball Lindsey had tossed.

  Jack laughed as he paddled as fast as he could, barely beating Max to the ball. He quickly tossed it back to Lindsey, and the dogs changed directions again.

  “They’ll sleep good tonight,” Lindsey commented.

  The dogs finally gave up their chase and headed to shore, their tongues hanging out as they plopped down on the rocks.

  “Are they about the same age?”

  “I think so. I got Max in March. Right before I moved out here,” Lindsey said. “He was eight weeks old.”

  Hannah nodded. “We got Barney about a month…a month before James died,” she said quietly, glancing quickly at Jack who met her gaze.

  “Daddy died March third.”

  His voice was pretty matter-of-fact, but Hannah recognized the emotion there. March…nearly four months ago. Yet it seemed ages. She looked over at Lindsey, finding her eyes on her. Their gaze held for a long moment, then Lindsey gave her a comforting smile.

  “Our lunch spot is coming up. Are y’all hungry?”

  “I am!” Jack said with a wave of his hand.

  Hannah shook her head. “You just ate four crackers with summer sausage and cheese.”

  “That was hours ago,” he said with a grin. “I’m a growing boy.”

  He did a backward roll out of his tube and disappeared under the water, then popped his head up near her. She couldn’t help but smile at him. He was too damn cute for his own good.

  Cute, yeah. And happy. She couldn’t deny that. She’d like to think that she had something to do with it, but she admitted it was mostly Lindsey. Well, maybe the fact that “Mom” was getting to tag along helped too. It certainly had done wonders for her own disposition.

  Lindsey pulled out of the river right before they got to the small rapids she’d told them about. Jack, of course, wanted to ride them, but Lindsey talked him into waiting. The lunch spot was a series of flat, slab rocks—limestone, she said. They were shaded by cypress trees and they all piled their tubes together, out of the water. She went about distributing sandwiches while Lindsey passed out paper plates and napkins. Pickles and chips were passed around next, and Hannah frowned when she saw an extra sandwich, minus the lettuce and tomatoes of the others.

  “Oh…say you didn’t,” she teased as she held it up. “Really?”

  Lindsey laughed. “Well, it’s their outing too.”

  “I didn’t think Barney could get any more spoiled than he was. I see I was wrong.”

  While she and Lindsey ate at a normal pace, Jack and the dogs devoured their sandwiches. She didn’t know if Jack was really that hungry or if he was anxious to try out the rapids. It didn’t take long for her to get her answer.

  “Can I go now?” His question was directed at Lindsey, not her.

  “Okay. But when you go through the chute, you want to paddle to the left so you can come back this way,” she said.

  “Is it safe?” Hannah asked. “I mean…”

  Lindsey gave a quick smile. “It is. Very tame rapids. Just enough for a little thrill.” Then she pointed at Jack. “Don’t fall out of your tube. I don’t want to have to come rescue you.”

  “I won’t. And later…we’ll do it without tubes?”

  “Yeah, we’ll give it a try.”

  He shoved the last of his chips into his mouth, then got up and took his tube back out into the water. Since she and Lindsey were still eating, the dogs made no attempt to follow him.

  “Go more toward the other bank,” Lindsey called to him. “The chute is at an angle.”

  They watched him and Hannah realized she was holding her breath. He gave a little scream as he bounced over the rocks, but his tube made it through the chute unscathed. As instructed, he paddled to his left, into calmer water.

  “It’s shallow there,” Lindsey called.

  He stood up, the water just above his waist. He walked back upstream, pulling his tube behind him. “Can I go again?”

  “Have at it,” Lindsey said. She turned to Hannah. “He doesn’t shy away from anything, does he?”

  “I think you have something to do with that. He feels…secure with you.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yes, I do.” She waited until Lindsey met her eyes. “You’ve been very good for him.”

  Lindsey held her gaze. “He’s been good for me.”

  Hannah tilted her head, studying Lindsey. “You’re what? Twenty-nine?”

  “Yes.”

  “Obviously not married,” she said. “Seeing someone? Leave someone behind when you moved here?”

  Lindsey shrugged. “Yeah, I was kinda seeing someone. But…well, she couldn’t deal with me, couldn’t handle my moods, my grief.” She shrugged again. “So…no,
I guess. I didn’t really leave anyone behind.”

  Hannah stared at her, shocked. “She?”

  “Yeah.”

  Hannah swallowed. “Oh. So…you’re gay?”

  Lindsey raised her eyebrows. “You didn’t know?”

  Hannah shook her head. “No. But…well…no. Honestly, I hadn’t given it a thought one way or the other.”

  Lindsey met her gaze again. “Does it matter?”

  “No. No…of course not.” She lowered her voice. “Does Jack know?”

  Lindsey smiled. “We’ve talked about a lot of things…but that subject has never come up, thank goodness.” Lindsey paused. “You don’t have any gay friends, do you?”

  “Actually…well…no. I mean, my roommate in college was gay, but we kinda lost touch over the years. And then there’s Bruce. He’s cut my hair for the last…oh, I don’t know…fifteen years.”

  Lindsey laughed. “You can’t count your gay hairdresser.”

  “Why not? I know all about his life and he knows all about mine.”

  Lindsey ate one more chip. “Okay. I’ll give you that.”

  Hannah handed the last of her sandwich to Barney. “So my roommate doesn’t count?”

  “Did she hit on you?”

  Hannah laughed. “Yeah.”

  “Okay…then I guess you can count her.” Lindsey got up. “I’m going to go play with Jack. It’s been years since I rode the chute without a tube.”

  Hannah watched her get up, wondering why it hadn’t occurred to her that Lindsey might be a lesbian. She had yet to see her with makeup on, not that that was a sign or anything. She was very natural in her appearance. No jewelry, other than a sports watch. Her hair wasn’t overly short, even though that stereotype was surely outdated. She fingered her own hair, which was shorter than Lindsey’s. No, you couldn’t go by hairstyle, she told herself.

  But there were other things about her…the way she carried herself, her athleticism, her grace, her confidence. Still, none of those things screamed gay. She turned her gaze to the river where Lindsey and Jack were. They had walked upstream where the water was only to Lindsey’s thigh. She was holding Jack’s hand, and Hannah smiled as she watched them. Lindsey was obviously instructing Jack on how to ride the rapids. She took a deep breath. Hopefully, she was telling him how to ride them without drowning.

  She needn’t have worried. Lindsey placed Jack in front of her, holding on to him as the current caught them. They shot through the chute quickly, bobbing above water, Jack laughing loudly as Lindsey stood and pulled him up with her.

  “Oh, wow, Mom! That was so much fun!” he said excitedly as they came closer. “Much better than with the tube.” He turned his smiling face back to Lindsey. “Can we go again?”

  “Sure.” Lindsey looked over at her. “You want to take a turn?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” she said hesitantly. “I might want to stick to the tube.”

  “It’s fun, Mom! Ride it with Lindsey like I did.”

  Lindsey arched an eyebrow invitingly, and as their eyes held, Hannah wondered if she dared. Oh…what the hell. It did look like fun.

  “Okay.” She got up. “But please don’t let me drown.”

  Lindsey laughed. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  They walked out much like Lindsey and Jack had done. Lindsey had to shove Max away as he tried to follow, and Jack called him back.

  “Now…do you want to sit on my lap like Jack did, or would you rather do it as a tandem?”

  Her eyes flew to Lindsey’s. Sit on her lap? “What’s the advantage?”

  “Well, if we go tandem, I’ll go in the front and you’ll hold on and ride behind me. You’ll bounce on the rocks a little bit more.”

  “And…and your lap?”

  “I take the brunt of the rocks. It’ll be like you’re on an underwater sleigh or something.”

  “That obviously sounds better for me,” she said with a laugh. “Not sure about you, though.”

  Lindsey wiggled her eyebrows. “I doubt I’ll complain.”

  Hannah looked away. Flirting? She was teasing, of course. Wasn’t she? Now that Hannah knew she was gay, she could tease about stuff like that. Right?

  Lindsey, however, made the choice for her. “On your first run, I’d recommend my lap. Then we’ll do it tandem.” Lindsey paused. “We used to…well, when the kids were here, we used to do it four and five at a time. Like a train. That was fun.”

  Hannah saw a shadow cross her face, and she couldn’t stop herself from touching Lindsey’s arm and squeezing it. Lindsey’s teasing of earlier was just that. Hannah was almost embarrassed that she’d tried to turn it into something else.

  “If I get the hang of it, maybe all three of us could go,” she suggested.

  “Yeah. Jack would like that.”

  So, she tried her best to ignore the hands at her waist that turned her around to face the rapids. She could feel the push of the water against her legs as they got closer to the chute.

  “Okay, I’m going to pull you back,” Lindsey said. “Don’t tense up. Just relax. Let your legs go. It won’t be over our heads.”

  She nodded, but her stare was on the fast approaching chute…and rocks. Again, she needn’t have worried. Lindsey pulled her tight, and they sank into the water. She could feel Lindsey’s legs under hers, and she held her hands out in front of her, feeling safe as Lindsey clutched her tightly. She was so focused on not hitting the rocks, she hardly had time to enjoy the ride. In no time at all, they shot through the chute and past the clutter of rocks and into stiller water.

  Lindsey released her, and Hannah found the bottom, standing. They’d gone a little farther than Lindsey had done with Jack and the water was up to her waist. Without thinking, she took Lindsey’s hand and let herself be pulled back into shallower water.

  It was only then that she heard Jack clapping, and she glanced at him, grinning as much as he was.

  “You did great, Mom!”

  “That was fun,” she admitted. “But it was over too fast.”

  “We can stay and play some,” Lindsey said. “If you want to.”

  Play? When was the last time she’d played? Played just for the heck of it? Did she consider it play when she used to meet Avery and Jennifer for her daily run? No. That wasn’t really playtime. Even so, that had ceased once James got sick. Did she ever play? She and James would play with Jack at the park. Did that count?

  “Well?”

  She looked at Lindsey, realizing she hadn’t answered her. She nodded. “Yes, let’s stay and play.”

  “Yay! My turn! My turn!”

  She waited while Lindsey took Jack through the chute one more time, then waded out into the water.

  “Are you getting tired?” she asked Lindsey.

  “No, no. This is fun. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve taken the time to play like this.”

  “I know. I was thinking that very thing,” she said.

  “So? Want to try it tandem?”

  “Actually, can we do it like before? I…well, it happened so fast, I don’t think it even registered what I was doing.”

  “Sure,” Lindsey said easily. “Don’t worry about the rocks on the sides. You won’t hit them.”

  As before, she let Lindsey guide her, feeling the hands at her waist tighten as they got closer.

  “Ready?”

  Hannah nodded, then relaxed as Lindsey pulled her back as they once again sank in the water. Unlike before, she was aware of her surroundings this time. She was aware of Lindsey’s hands holding her, aware of their skin touching as she sat on Lindsey’s lap. She was aware of their legs tangling as they shot through the chute, aware of arms pulling her tight as they bounced through the rapids. And aware as they slowed, aware of the arms loosening, the hands leaving her. Aware that her eyes were closed.

  Aware that she was smiling.

  She opened her eyes, finding Lindsey watching. Lindsey returned her smile, then headed to shore. Hannah sighed contentedly
, then ducked her head under the water and slicked her hair back from her eyes.

  Oh, yeah. What great fun.

  Lindsey took Jack once more, then announced they would try it with all three linked together “like a train.” Hannah hadn’t yet done it in tandem, much less with three.

  “What? Too soon?”

  She shrugged. “You think it’ll be okay?”

  “Sure. I’ll put Jack in front of me. You bring up the rear.” Then Lindsey grinned. “You’re going to get pretty wet though.”

  Jack laughed. “We’re in the river. I guess so!”

  “There’s always a smartass in the group,” Lindsey teased.

  Jack pointed his finger at her. “Should you say that word in front of me?”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “Oh, please.”

  With all three of them in the river, they had a hard time keeping the dogs away, and they finally gave up. Barney was the first to get sucked through the rapids and into the chute. He had a panicked look on his face but made it through. Max followed, and they all laughed as his big paws pounded the water as he tried to swim upstream against the flow. Lindsey was about to go help him when he turned and rode the rapids, ending up in calmer water with Barney. They swam to shore, and this time they did not try to follow.

  “I guess they’ve had enough,” Lindsey said. She held onto Jack and guided him closer to the rapids. “Okay, you sit like before. I’m going to wrap my legs around you.” She turned to Hannah. “You get behind me, wrap your legs around my waist.” She grinned. “And hold on.”

  “Why again are we doing this?”

  “Because it’ll be fun.”

  “Yeah, Mom…it’ll be fun!”

  In Hannah’s mind, their train of three looked like a disaster waiting to happen, but she would trust that Lindsey knew what she was doing.

  “Okay…on three,” Lindsey said.

  Hannah got behind her and held on to her waist. Jack was bouncing in front of Lindsey, a mixture of excitement and fear on his face.