Desire

by P. T. Michelle

My father’s expression turns serious and he sets his cup down. “You’re nervous.”

  I nod. “I just don’t know how she’s going to take it.”

  He stares into my eyes, understanding finally reflecting in his own. “You’re worried she’ll blame you somehow, aren’t you?” Palming the top of my head, he lowers his own until our gazes meet. “She could never blame you, Nari. You’re her everything. Always have been.”

  I want to tell him just how not well she took his leaving us when he releases me to clasp his mug. But it feels too private. Like he shouldn’t know how much mental anguish my mother went through—the years of depression and therapy it took to get over thinking her husband just up and abandoned her. I think that kind of detail should come from her…if she ever decides to share it.

  “I do think showing her the videos is a good idea, but I’d like to be there when you do,” my dad says, holding his cup up.

  I shake my head in fast jerks. “No, Dad. I have to ease her into—”

  The sound of the garage door opening yanks my attention to the back door. Panic ramps my heart. “Crap. She’s home early.” Probably to shop for a dang Christmas tree with David.

  My father stands, appearing relaxed and unruffled while I grab the coffee cups and dump them in the sink. “We have to talk eventually,” he says calmly.

  “But not this way. You can’t just shock her like this.” I say in a fast huff, grabbing up his coat and hat and shoving them in his arms. Nodding toward the stairs, I say, “Please go upstairs to my room and give me a chance to talk to her first.”

  “Inara…” he begins, a parental look settling on his face.

  A car door slams outside and the garage door starts to shut.

  My palms tingle, sweat seeping to the surface. My breathing turns labored. “Please, Dad. Do this for me.”

  “Very well.” He sighs and sets his hat on his head, then heads up the stairs.

  “I’ll call you down in a few minutes,” I quietly call after him before he disappears around the corner.

  “Hi, Mom,” I say, my voice pitched higher than usual. Clearing my throat, I quickly follow up. “You’re home early. Did something go wrong with your meeting?”

  She nods and unwinds her scarf from her neck. “The person I was supposed to meet with came down with the flu. Apparently it’s spreading like the plague through that office and no one bothered to tell me before I flew out there.” Walking over to the living room window, she peers outside and unbuttons her coat. “Who’s car is sitting outside our house? Did Ethan get a different car?” Turning her light blue eyes my way, she frowns. “He’s not upstairs is he, Inara?”

  “No.” I shake my head and move into the living room. “Actually, the car is something I’d like to talk to you about.”

  Confusion reflects on my mother’s face. “Whose car is it?”

  “Well, it’s…” I pause and shove my hands deep in my jeans’ back pockets, unsure what to say next. I don’t even know where to start.

  Worry creases my mom’s forehead and she steps forward to clasp my shoulders. “What’s wrong? Are you in some kind of trouble? Who does that car belong to?”

  I start to open my mouth when my bathroom toilet flushes upstairs.

  My stomach drops as my mother’s gaze jerks to the stairwell and her mouth turns down in disapproval. “Ethan Harris. Get your rear down here so I can lay out the rules of my house while I’m out of town.”

  I’ve never heard my mother sound so forceful and protective before. “Mom, that’s not Ethan upstairs.”

  Her focus shifts to me, perplexed. “I know that’s not Lainey’s car. So whose is it, Inara?”

  “It’s mine,” my dad says in a low tone as he comes down the stairs, his jacket slung over his arm and his hat in his hand. Stepping off the last stair, he nods to acknowledge my mom. “Hello, Elizabeth.”

  The look of hurt and betrayal on my mom’s suddenly pale face as her hands fall from my shoulders jabs me hard in the gut. “Why is he here, Inara?”

  My dad steps forward. “Why don’t you let me explain—?”

  “Don’t!” my mom snaps, holding her hand up. Pink flushes her cheeks. She looks at me and speaks slowly, her tone rigid and full of conviction. “I’m going to go upstairs now, and when I come back down I want the kitchen spotless and this living room cleaned up. Got it?”

  I gulp back my shock and nod mutely. She’s pretending like he’s not even here. That’s not a good sign.

  Satisfied with my response, she marches past my dad, hangs her coat on the rack, then grabs her overnight bag and walks upstairs, her back ramrod straight.

  I wince when her bedroom door shuts firmly, then offer my dad an apologetic grimace. “That um, didn’t go so well.”

  But he’s not looking at me. He’s staring up the stairwell, a half smile on his face. “God, I miss watching her get feisty like that.”

  Shaking my head, I tug on his arm to pull him out of whatever memory he’s reliving. “You need to go. As in right now. I have never seen Mom this livid.”

  After setting his hat on his head, my dad shrugs into his jacket. I do the same, following him outside to his car.

  Dad opens his car door, but instead of getting in right away he stares back at the house, a contemplative look on his face. “I didn’t think it was possible to fall more in love with your mom, but just seeing her in person after so long brings it all back.”

  My stomach churns at his obliviousness to the way Mom just acted. That wasn’t normal for her at all. He can’t just show up unannounced. He needs to know…

  “Dad?”

  “Hmmm?” he glances down at me.

  “Mom’s seeing someone now. His name’s David.”

  My father’s brow furrows and a trace of uncertainty reflects in his eyes. “This must be fairly recent.”

  I nod.

  “Is it serious?”

  I shrug. “He makes her happy. Happier than she’s been in a long time.” Then again, maybe my father does need to know a bit about our past, so he’ll tread a little more lightly with Mom. “Your leaving really hurt her. Bad.”

  Sadness and regret creeps into his expression. “You know I never meant to hurt her.”

  I nod. “You hurt me too. A lot, but once I saw the videos, I could understand that constant tug of ‘interfere or not’ you had to deal with. The videos helped me see your perspective. I’ve experienced that same feeling ever since my dreams started. Give me a chance to show Mom the videos by myself. Then we’ll go from there.”

  “I’d really like to talk to her, but I can see she’s not ready.”

  “I think the videos will help. But I’ll talk to her and tell her about me and how you and I first reconnected.”

  “Sounds like a good way to ease her into the discussion.” His expression softens and he touches my chin with his knuckle. “You sound so grown up. It’s a bit hard to reconcile my last memory of the little girl who liked me to read her bedtime stories with the young woman you are today.”

  “Well, I am all grown up now, Dad.” Smiling, I tuck my hands in my jacket pockets. “Where are you staying?”

  He pulls his hat off his head and tosses it in the seat. “With Sage. She insisted. Said we had a lot of lost time to make up for.”

  “I get that.” I’m a bit jealous his sister will get to spend so much time with him.

  My dad grins. “Don’t worry. You couldn’t pry me out of your life now…Fate be damned.”

  As I start to back away, my dad says, “About Ethan…”

  I pause and frown, not liking the harsher edge in his tone. “What about him?”

  He shakes his head, his mouth tensing. “I don’t want you seeing him.”

  How can he not like Ethan? I’m sure if he got to know him he’d like him, but the stubborn set of my father’s jaw doesn’t bode well for him being open to that suggestion. “Are you kidding me? You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him. He gave you your life back.”
<
br />   His shoulders tense and he grips the car’s doorframe tight. “And I’m not going to waste any of it worrying about you. I might not be able to see your future any more, but I’m not going to sit back and say nothing about the danger in your present. And this boy is danger personified. He’s on-the-edge. He yanked you into his dream world when I specifically told him not to—“

  “But, Dad…” his Corvus did that, not Ethan. “I told you I fell asleep. Ethan couldn’t control that.” My dad doesn’t know anything about the Corvus side of things. He only knows Fate is real; he doesn’t know demons, angels and Corvus exist too, and Ethan doesn’t want me to tell him. Ugh!

  My dad’s already shaking his head. “Ethan killed that awful creature in his dream with perfectly executed skills, like a professional, Nari. All of it felt incredibly real, not just the part with Fate. How can anyone have a horrible dream like that and not wake up freaked out? Yet he was perfectly calm. I got the impression that he’s more familiar with those kind of dreams than you think. He’s going to lead you down the wrong path. I feel it in my gut.”

  Oh, Dad, you have no clue. According to Michael, I’m the one who’s supposed to do the path-leading to ensure he takes the right one. I can’t believe what I’m hearing from my father. “Ethan’s one of the strongest people I know. Stop judging. You’ve been in my life all of five minutes. You don’t really know me, and you don’t know him, so you don’t get to say who is or isn’t right for me.”

  Frustration flashes across my father’s face, then his mouth sets in a stubborn line. “If his dreams are always like that one I witnessed, you most definitely don’t need him in your life. Nothing good can come from it.”

  My heart jerks to my throat. I hope my dad doesn’t talk to his sister about Ethan. If he does, Aunt Sage will tell him that Ethan does have constant nightmares, which will only support my father’s negative views about my boyfriend. Frustration bolsters my resolve and I tilt my chin up. “Ethan is a good person and I’m done discussing him with you.”

  I turn to walk away and my dad says, “I gave up my own happiness for over a decade to keep you safe. You might not think I’ve been in your life, but you never left my thoughts. Every single day. I’m your father and will always want to protect you. And Nari?”

  The expectant terseness in his tone demands that I respond. Folding my arms, I turn back to him slowly. “What?”

  His green eyes hold mine, full of parental judgment. “Empty your trash before your mother sees it.”

  “Huh?”

  I frown in confusion and pull my phone from my pocket as he drives away.

  Aunt Sage picks up on the second ring. “Hi, Inara. How’d your visit with your dad go, sweetie?”

  I stroll up my driveway and sigh heavily. “Actually that’s what I’m calling you about.”

  “Uh oh, you don’t sound too happy. What’s wrong?”

  “It’s just…I pause and shove my free hand in my jean pocket. “Dad has decided he really doesn’t like Ethan, all because of his dreams. I think that’s totally unfair. Ethan gave him his life back. That should give him major props.”

  My aunt sighs. “You have to look at this from your dad’s perspective. He just wants what’s best for you.”

  “Ethan is what’s best for me. He makes me happy, Aunt Sage. I know Dad is going to ask you if Ethan has nightmares all the time. Please don’t tell him that he does.”

  “I won’t lie to him, Inara. If he asks, I have to tell him the truth, but I’ll also tell him how you two are together. I know Ethan cares very much for you. I think that’ll help.”

  “It can’t hurt,” I grumble.

  “Speaking of Ethan’s dreams, I’ve been studying up on different techniques to try to help him learn to expel that awful imagery from his mind while he sleeps. I’d be happy to work with him.”

  Since she doesn’t know the truth behind the source of Ethan’s nightmares, I don’t know if she can really help. I hedge my answer. “I’ll see what he says.”

  “Wonderful. I’m ready and willing if he’ll let me.”

  I head toward my front porch. But what if my aunt really could help Ethan get control of his dreams? Then my father wouldn’t have anything to hold over him. Hope lifts the weight on my chest. “Thanks, Aunt Sage. I’ll definitely ask him about it.”

  Hanging up, I start to reach for my front door, and the reason my dad made that parting comment about emptying my trash hits me. Wrappers. My face instantly flames with embarrassed heat. Ugh, the trashcan is right beside the toilet. My dad knows Ethan and I had sex last night. Now I know why he’s being so incredibly negative about Ethan.

  I’ve seen the way Lainey’s dad has acted over my best friend’s safety in the past, and her boyfriend, Matt, has joked about how her father has reminded him, more than once, that he’s a crack shot at the police station’s firing range. Apparently, fathers maintain a level of parental protectiveness over their daughters that could rival a Presidential security detail.

  Any hopes I had for getting Dad to like Ethan are pretty much in the trash right along with those wrappers. Sighing my frustration, I walk inside.

  Chapter Two

  Nara

  “Hey!” Ethan looks surprised as he opens his door. “I thought you’d be spending the rest of the day with your dad.”

  I sigh heavily, then reach for his hand and walk inside. When I continue to tug him with me, he asks, “What’s wrong?” But I don’t say anything. I let him shut the door before I pull him into the living room.

  Ethan’s hand tightens on mine while I lead him to the couch. When I slide onto his lap and tuck my head on his shoulder instead of sitting beside him like I normally would, he instantly spears his fingers in my hair, his hand flexing against the back of my scalp. “Nara, you’re worrying me. What happened with your dad?”

  If seeing Ethan’s Christmas tree twinkling with white lights and stringed popcorn in the corner of the living room doesn’t bring a smile to my face—the idea of two guys sitting around stringing popcorn and cranberries is beyond hilarious and adorable at the same time—I know I’m in a sad place. I tuck my nose under his jaw and breathe in his calming smell, relishing the feel of his strong arms holding me close. “I just want to sit like this for a little bit if that’s okay.”

  His tense hold loosens, and his fingers slide through my hair. He exhales, then kisses me on the forehead. “Okay. I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk.”

  I close my eyes while Ethan adjusts us to be more comfortable. He’s so warm I can’t help but snuggle closer and sigh in contentment. Here, with him, I don’t have to think about my dad or mom. Leaning against his solid chest, it hurts a little less when I mentally replay the look in my mother’s eyes once she finally came out of her room and blew past me, mumbling, “I have some last minute shopping to do. I’ll be back later.”

  “But, Mom. I want to talk to you.”

  “Not now, Inara. I just…” Pausing, she brushed her bangs out of her eyes and straightened her shoulders. “Not right now.” And then, she left.

  I listen to Ethan’s even breathing and the sound of his heart beat thumping at a slow, calm pace. He’s my rock. The one person I know I can depend on. Inhaling his clean, masculine scent, I finally lift my head and grimace. “So yeah, things pretty much went south when my mom arrived early.”

  Ethan’s dark eyebrows shoot high. “She came home while your dad was still there?”

  I lace my fingers with the hand he’d rested on my thigh. “Yeah. Of course, I haven’t shown my mom the videos yet, because I’d planned to do that within a day of my dad coming, sometime after Christmas. Instead, all my mom sees is her daughter sneaking around behind her back and hanging out with the man who abandoned them both without explanation over a decade ago.”

  Ethan slowly runs his thumb over mine. “So what happened?”

  Once I relay everything from this morning—well, minus my dad’s comments about our relationship. It’s not like I’m goi
ng to stop seeing Ethan—he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Nara. Maybe once your mom gets back from her errands, she’ll have calmed down enough to talk to you. I’m sure discovering your dad there wasn’t easy for her.”

  I nod quickly. “I totally understand her anger and sense of betrayal. What bothers me is the fact that she couldn’t look me in the eye. That really hurt. I can’t imagine my mom not looking at me ever again when she talks to me.”

  Clasping my cheek, he turns my eyes to his. “Samson didn’t look at me directly for several days after I woke up in the hospital. I think it’s a defense mechanism.”

  I swallow, hope filling my heart. He’d been through the same thing. “Defense mechanism?”

  Ethan slides his thumb along my jawline, a brief look of sadness in his eyes. “Remember how you refused to look at me when I first woke up in the hospital? I tried, but you wouldn’t meet my gaze.” When I sniff and nod, he offers a half-smile. “Of course, I flipped when you left my room, but now I know only someone who still cares about you will react like this. They feel betrayed and need to work through it in their head first. Otherwise, they wouldn’t bother. That’s why you left, right?”

  When I nod, he says, “Give your mom her space. She’ll come to you wanting answers, like you did me.”

  I laugh at that, the weight on my heart lifting a little. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Or demanding them, huh?”

  He grunts, then smiles and folds his arms around my waist, pulling me close. “Exactly.”

  “Thanks for talking me down. My dad seemed to admire Mom getting all feisty, but I’ve never seen her ‘silent-treatment’ angry before. It freaked me out. I just wish there was something I could do. I hate feeling so helpless. Like I should’ve said something before now.”

  Ethan shakes his head and presses a kiss to my temple. “You can’t make it right for everyone, Sunshine. Your parents have to decide on their own. This is the time of year when families usually ban together. I’m sure that’s making you extra sad, especially with your dad back in your life, but no amount of…”

  When Ethan trails off, I sit up. He’s staring into space as if he were contemplating something. “What are you thinking about?”