Mail Order Misfit (Brides of Beckham)

by Osbourne, Kirsten

  "Did you marry the wrong man?" he asked. For some reason, Colin had been worried that she regretted the decision to marry him and not go back home. He wasn't sure why, but the way she'd acted that morning when he'd talked about how glad he was to have her for his wife had bothered him a great deal.

  "No, I didn't. But my mother wouldn't see it that way. My father would be proud that I figured out how to make things work without them, but Mother would be crying and begging me to go back home." She frowned. "I'm not going back." She couldn't even think about going back without wanting to cry. She hadn't realized how truly lonely and isolated she'd been until she'd arrived in Kansas.

  He put his arm around her, hugging her to him. "No, you're not. You're mine now, and I'm keeping you."

  She smiled, liking his possessive tone. "You don't have a choice unless you plan on kicking me out into the snow."

  "It's October. There's no snow yet."

  "I guess you're forced to keep me then, aren't you?"

  He laughed. "I guess I can make it through." He stopped beside the Missouri river that ran just north of town and not too far north of the ranch, which was already north of town. "I love just sitting here watching the river."

  She smiled. "I loved to go to the beach back home. I could sit and watch the ocean for hours."

  "You won't be able to do that here. Does that bother you?" He hated that some of her favorite things wouldn't be possible in Kansas.

  She shook her head. "I haven't gone for years. Not since before I hurt myself." She stared out at the water, feeling its calming influence wash over her. "I feel like my whole life ended that day, and I've been waiting for years for it to start again. I know that sounds silly, but I've been fighting to be me again for twelve years."

  "Well, then I guess I'm the luckiest man alive. I get to be the one to be there as you start to live again."

  She smiled as he started the wagon, so happy to have him beside her on the drive home. He really was a special man who looked at things in a different way than anyone she'd ever met. She needed him just as much as she'd ever needed anything.

  Chapter Five

  They spent the day together, because he didn't work on Sundays. "When I was growing up, my father said that the Lord's day was for resting, and we were never allowed to work at all. The only work that was ever done was cooking and milking, but only because milking had to be done. Even when it was harvest time, we took all day off every single Sunday."

  "My family wasn't as strict about it," Elaine said as she carefully hemmed the curtains. She really wanted to have them up and ready to go before Rebekah and Leah came to lunch Wednesday. "Father never worked, but he had no problem if work was done around the house. Does it bother you if I sew?" She didn't think sewing should be a problem, but she didn't want to upset him in any way.

  "Oh, not at all. I just won't work on Sunday other than gathering eggs and milking the cows. I wanted to explain why. It always makes me feel a little lazy to take a whole day off every week." He grinned at her playfully as he sat with a book in his lap.

  She smiled. "I think everyone should take a day off. It's good for us to have a time of rest." She nodded down at the curtains. "I actually enjoy sewing, and I want this done before Wednesday. I can't stand to sit with idle hands." Her mother had drilled into her from a young age that you use what time you have to make things better. She couldn't count the number of pillows she'd embroidered over the years.

  "When you're used to working, idle hands make you feel a bit crazy." He watched her as she sewed, wondering if she remembered their bargain, and realized tonight was the night for them to consummate the marriage. He hoped so, because he didn't want to have to try to convince her it was all right. She acted as if everything were normal, though, so he worried she'd forgotten. He'd been counting down the hours until bedtime, while she acted as if it were just another day.

  After supper, he went out to milk the cows and collect the eggs. He hoped she'd take the hint and get ready for bed early, because he was tired of waiting. When he stepped back into the house and put the milk and the eggs on the work table, she wasn't waiting for him in the main room as she usually was. He smiled a bit in relief, knowing he'd find her in the bedroom.

  He walked into their room and found her, already in her nightgown waiting in bed for him. He blew out the lantern and undressed quickly, sliding beneath the covers with her. Lying on his side, he pulled her to him, noting that she'd left her hair down for the first time that night. Normally, she put it in a long braid down her back at night.

  He stroked her cheek, his hand going under her hair in the back and pulling her head toward him. He brushed his lips against hers, gently and sweetly, before smoothing her hair away from her face. "I love your hair," he told her. "Thank you for wearing it down for me."

  "I thought you'd prefer it tonight." She knew he liked her hair with all the times he'd touched it.

  "I'd prefer it if you wore it down all the time, but I know that's not practical."

  She shook her head. "If I wore my hair down all the time, it would end up in everything we eat. It would always be in the way." She kissed his chin. "But I don't mind wearing it down in bed at night if that's what you'd like me to do."

  "I'd love that," he told her. "Please do." Her hair was incredibly provocative to him, and all he could think about was how it would feel against his bare skin.

  His lips toyed with hers as he stroked his hand down her side and over to cup her breast in his hand. It felt strange to have someone touching her there. Her mother hadn't told her that would happen, and she'd never even considered men would be interested in a woman's breasts. She thought they were solely for feeding babies. It felt good though, so she didn't ask him to stop.

  "I'm going to try not to hurt you, so you need to let me know if I do anything that bothers you. You know the first time will hurt, don't you?"

  She nodded, blushing. "Mother said that men enjoy it, though, so I need to not scream and put up with the pain." She had been mentally bracing herself for days for this to happen, and she thought she might finally be ready.

  He chuckled. "I hope it's not as bad as all that. Women are supposed to enjoy it, too." He hoped she wasn't too afraid to enjoy herself.

  "Really? Mother said women 'tolerate it' while men want to do it all the time."

  "Your mother...she's not someone I want to meet anytime soon."

  She grinned. "She's really not as bad as I make her sound." She put her hand on his shoulder. She'd been wanting to touch his chest since their first night in bed together. "Am I allowed to touch you?" she asked, wondering just what she should and shouldn't do.

  "Do you want to?" He loved the idea of her touching him, but he didn't want her to do anything she didn't want to do.

  She nodded. "I've been wanting to touch your chest since the first night. Is that okay?" She knew it wasn't something she should admit, but she just didn't care. She wanted to touch him, and that's all there was to it.

  He smiled, kissing her softly. "Of course, it's okay. We're married. What we do together is all right as long as both of us like it."

  "So if I don't like any of this, we won't do it again?" she teased.

  He groaned. "If you don't like it after a few times, we'll do it less. I can't promise never again." He ran his hand around to her back, stroking it gently. "You want children, don't you?"

  "Yes, and this is how we get them." Elaine stroked her hand down his chest and over his nipple. When he sucked in a breath, her fingers returned to his nipple, toying with it. "You like that?" she asked, surprised.

  "I do. I like having your hands on me." He closed his eyes and just enjoyed her soft hands against him.

  His chest was smooth and hard, and she loved how it felt under her fingers. She felt herself tingling all over as she touched him, and she was growing uncomfortable between her legs. Not really a pain, but more of a restless feeling.

  When she moved a little on the bed, he asked, "Am I hur
ting you? Is this painful?" He didn't know how he'd stop, but if he was hurting her, he would without hesitation.

  She shook her head. "No, I just feel...strange." She couldn't explain it to him better than that.

  "What do you mean?"

  She blushed, wondering how to tell him where she felt funny. "I'd rather not say."

  He frowned. "You can tell me anything. I'm your husband." He hated the idea of her keeping secrets from him, and if he was hurting her in any way, he needed to know about it.

  "Not this." She shook her head, refusing to tell him.

  "What feels strange?" He was worried that it was something he was doing wrong, and he wouldn't hurt her for anything.

  She whispered, even though she knew no one could hear them. "Between my legs. I feel strange." She knew her face was flaming red, and she was glad the room was mostly dark, so he couldn't see her blushes.

  He stifled a laugh as he kissed her forehead, his hand going down her hip to her thigh. "That's a good thing. It means you like what we're doing."

  "It does?" Her mother hadn't mentioned that would happen.

  "Definitely." His hand caught the hem of her nightgown and started to pull it up. "I want to take this off you."

  "Please don't!" She couldn't bear for him to see her naked.

  "Why not? I want to see you." He understood she was shy, but this seemed to be more than that.

  "I'm not ready for you to see my leg. Can you just...move it out of the way?" She was more than willing to follow through with this, but she couldn't let him see her that way.

  He sighed. "It won't bother me to see."

  "Please!" She knew her leg wasn't pretty, and she didn't want to see disgust in his eyes when he looked at her.

  He kissed her softly. "I won't take it off if you don't want me to." His fingers went to the buttons at the front of her nightgown which went from her neckline to her waist. "I'm going to unbutton you so I can touch your skin, though."

  The thought of his fingers on her breasts made her tingle more. "I think I'd like that." She stayed silent as he unbuttoned each of the buttons, his hands parting the fabric and one of them slipping inside to stroke her soft skin. She let out a low moan when he caught her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and rolled it softly. "That feels good," she whispered.

  He smiled, leaning down to capture her other nipple with his lips, tugging it into his mouth and suckling her, his tongue moving back and forth against her nipple, causing her to thrash under him. He released her nipple and pressed his lips against hers. "You taste so good to me."

  She clutched his shoulders in her hands, feeling odd as he rested on his forearm over her, his lips brushing against her bare chest. "It's so...strange letting someone touch me this way." Her voice was a mere whisper.

  "But do you like it?" he asked. He needed her to enjoy what they were doing together.

  "I do. I just keep expecting my mother to walk in and tell me to stop it any second." She knew it was crazy, but that's what she kept thinking about. Her mother would love to interrupt her doing anything she was enjoying.

  He laughed. "Your mother isn't here, sweetheart. It's just you and me. Learning together." His hand went to the hem of her nightgown and dragged it up over her waist, his hand going to the juncture between her thighs. He moved one finger along her crease, sliding it inside her deeply.

  She gripped his shoulder's tightly, her eyes widening as she felt his finger inside her. Was what he was doing all right? After a moment she stopped worrying about what her mother would think and just enjoyed the sensations as he carefully moved his finger in an out of her body. "That...feels nice."

  He breathed a sigh of relief. She was going to enjoy this after all. He removed his finger and rolled atop her, moving one hand down to guide him to her entrance. His lips pressed against hers as he pushed inside her, swallowing her slight gasp of pain with his kiss.

  Afterward, he laid on his side holding her close, both of them panting. "That was more than I expected," she said, kissing his shoulder.

  He gathered her closer, kissing the top of her head. "Honestly, it was more than I expected as well." He sighed happily. "How did I get so lucky to walk into a restaurant and find you there?"

  Elaine laughed. "I'm the lucky one." She snuggled into him, her head on his shoulder, happy to just be with him. She yawned loudly, closing her eyes. Her mother had scared her about this, but she loved it. Life was certainly better away from Beckham.

  Chapter Six

  Elaine worked hard on Monday and Tuesday getting the curtains ready for the windows while she continued to do the deep clean on the house. She kept glaring at the floors wondering just how she was going to be able to handle them. Finally, Tuesday night, she brought up the subject to Colin. "I can't scrub the floors. I'm sorry, but it's one thing I'm just not going to be able to do." She was close to tears as she admitted it. She hated admitting that she had any limitations at all.

  Colin looked at her for a moment as if trying to understand her upset. The house looked like a completely different place since she'd started working on it. Everything was shining, and he had good food for every meal. What was she worried about? Finally he understood. "You can't get down on your knees, can you?" Why did she think he would care about that?

  She shook her head, one tear coursing down her cheek. She hated letting him down. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking about that when I agreed to be your wife. I didn't think there was anything I wouldn't be able to do." She sniffled. "I hate letting you down."

  He thought about the problem for a moment. He really didn't care about the floors, but it was obvious that they mattered to her a great deal. "Well, we could pay someone to clean them once a week if you want, or I could do them if that would make you feel better. I honestly don't care what the floors look like. You've made the rest of the house so beautiful I don't even notice them." And he really didn't. They mattered so much less than how she felt about herself.

  She had just finished the dishes and he caught her hand pulling her down into his lap. "I'm sorry I get so upset over it, but I feel like I'm not living up to my part of the bargain." She brushed away the tear.

  He pulled her head down for a kiss, his hands roaming over her body. "I don't feel like you're not living up to your part of things. I have everything I need from our marriage." He grinned as he nipped her neck. "I have a beautiful woman in my bed every night, a clean house, and good food for every meal. I even get cake!" he was thrilled with her, especially since they'd consummated the marriage. He found that he was married to a sensual woman who enjoyed their time in bed. He was more than pleased with her.

  She laughed. "You're easy to please." She looked at her hands for a moment. "Would you have a problem if I found someone to clean the floors for me? I hate not doing it myself, but I would hurt myself and there's no need to do that." She didn't like admitting that she simply couldn't do it, but if she could hire someone to scrub them for her, then she was doing a good thing for someone else by giving them work, right?

  "I agree. I would rather see dirt pile up on our floors until we're covered in filth up to our knees than see you hurt yourself scrubbing them. Hire someone. We can afford it." He shrugged, not caring about the money if it meant she would be okay. He'd find a way to make up the difference. He certainly wasn't a rich man, but he didn't have to count every single penny either. They could afford the little bit it would cost to have someone scrub the floors weekly.

  "I have a good deal of money with me," she told him. "I didn't say anything before, because I wanted to make sure we were going to work out first, but I can easily use my own money for it." She didn't feel like it was right to use his money for the floors, because it was her job, and she couldn't do it. It made more sense to her to use the money she'd brought with her.

  He eyed her. "I don't want you using your own money for anything." He had married her knowing of her infirmity and accepting that she may need help with some things. He wouldn't feel like a goo
d provider if she paid for anything.

  She sighed. "I was afraid you'd say that. My father was worried about sending me off, though, so he included enough for me to live for several months. What will I do with the money if I'm not allowed to spend it." She did her best to reason with him, because she really didn't want him to have to spend his money to hire someone to do her job.

  He frowned. "He didn't think I would take care of you?" He didn't like the idea the older man hadn't trusted him. Of course, he'd never met him, so how could he trust him?

  Elaine shook her head. "I wasn't even coming out here to marry you. I think he was worried that John would do exactly what he did, and I would need to find a way to live. He knew that no matter what happened I wouldn't go home."

  Colin rubbed her back as he thought about her words. "I guess you can do whatever you want with it." He didn't like it, but he didn't know what else to say. There was no point in sticking it under a mattress somewhere.

  She rested her head against his shoulder. "It's our money now. You can use it for what you need as well." She wanted to share everything she had with him, just like he shared all he had with her.

  He shook his head. "I'd rather you used it for dresses or things around the house you want or need. I don't need it." He wouldn't use it for the ranch, even though he knew she would think that he should.

  She decided not to argue with him. "I'll make you some sandwiches in the morning. Rebekah and Leah will be here tomorrow for lunch." She was really looking forward to having lunch with her new friend. She had been excited about it all week.

  "I remember. I can't believe I'm not allowed to eat lunch with my wife in my own house." He made a face at her that had her giggling in response.

  "Giving me that petulant little boy look is going to do you no good at all. I'm not falling for it." She got to her feet and put her hand down to help him to his. "I'm not at all sleepy, so why don't we go to bed?" she asked with a grin.