Simmering Season

by Jenn J. McLeod

  ‘Kids. Yes.’

  Maggie had been watching Tracy’s lips move, but her words barely registered.

  ‘So, can we? Catch up and talk?’

  ‘You’re here to catch up?’ The sigh that escaped her lips felt like the first breath since opening the door.

  ‘I wasn’t even sure if you’d make it back from the hospital before we left. I’m glad Noah’s okay.’

  ‘They’ve kept him for observation, but he refuses to wear a hospital gown so I’m picking up his sweat shorts and T-shirt.’

  ‘Teenage boys, eh?’

  Maggie nodded. ‘Callum, our local policeman, gave me a lift back a few hours ago. With a full house I couldn’t leave Ethne on her own for breakfast anyway.’

  ‘The dining room was empty when I came through. The entire town must be at the fair day. How about it?’

  ‘How about what?’ Staying awake and keeping up with Tracy’s constant chatter was more of a struggle than Maggie was capable of this morning.

  ‘That catch up. A quick one. I can’t dilly-dally.’

  At any other time Maggie would have happily reminisced with an old friend, but not this friend, not right now, and definitely not after last night.

  ‘Oh, um, I was just going to grab a few leftovers from the kitchen before I have to head back to the hospital, so maybe—’

  ‘A quick bite is perfect. I’m starved and knowing Dan, once we hit the road …’

  ‘You’re leaving … today?’

  ‘That’s why I wanted to see you, before we head off.’ Tracy took Maggie’s arm and giggled. ‘Hey, remember when we used to swap lunches? We used to …’ She was off and talking again.

  For fifteen minutes Tracy prattled, switching the conversation from Tracy and Maggie, to Tracy and Tracy’s children, while shovelling food from her plate like a Tonka truck in a sandpit.

  When she finally slumped back in her seat and groaned, Maggie asked, ‘You okay?’

  ‘Oh dear.’ Tracy rubbed her stomach and burped. ‘Whoops, sorry.’

  ‘Too much food perhaps?’ Maggie felt herself pinching back a grin, which was unexpected given the circumstances.

  ‘More like too much baby. Some mornings are better than others. Give me a minute and I’ll be right as rain.’ Tracy smoothed the fabric of her shirt to show off a barely-there baby bump. ‘Thank God my dress fitted okay last night. I was determined it would, otherwise I wasn’t going to come. Poor Dan bore the brunt of my panic, of course. The man is a saint.’ She talked through chewed toast. ‘And I shouldn’t have forced Dan to come with me either, not that I had to force him exactly. He seemed quite keen. I hadn’t expected that, especially given I’d been on at him for ages about his father. Men!’

  ‘You’re pregnant?’ Maggie had heard nothing else.

  ‘Crazy, I know. And at our age, too. I mean, Emily and Mikey are almost fourteen,’ Tracy giggled. ‘It wasn’t planned, of course, and we’re not telling anybody else yet. Are we, sweetie?’ She dropped her gaze to her belly and coochee-cooed, rubbing her palm in tiny circles. ‘I’m rather glad I was able to get Dan away this weekend to break the news. You know Dan.’ Maggie must have been pulling a nonplussed face because Tracy felt the need to explain—or keep speaking. ‘What I mean is, you and he were talking a lot last night so you’d know what a fuddy-duddy he can be these days. I call him “Do the Right Thing Dan”,’ she chortled. ‘Sure is a long way from that bad boy we all swooned over. The guy will do what’s expected before he does what he wants. I figured if I told him while we were here and away from the kids we could nut out what happens next.’

  What does happen next? Maggie wanted to ask.

  ‘But of course,’ Tracy continued, ‘morning sickness can be hard to hide so I figured, what better time to come clean with Dan than while he was holding my hair back as I hung over the toilet bowl chucking up. Come to think of it, Dan looked about as shocked as you do right now when I told him the good news. It’s the age thing, probably. He’s worried for me. I’d best get used to it.’ Tracy chewed down another mouthful of toast, oblivious to the panic attack taking place on the other side of the table. ‘I once heard a pregnant woman describe herself as a hormone with a hairdo. Too true. If anyone had said anything about me looking fat last night I probably would have exploded and blurted the news out on the spot.’

  Maggie wondered how the woman was still managing to breathe, eat and talk, while she was struggling to simply watch.

  Spending time with Tracy this morning was a big mistake.

  Spending time with Dan last night had been a bigger one.

  ‘Maggie? Sorry to interrupt.’

  The voice from behind sounded familiar, only smaller than she was used to hearing. It made her body stiffen. Tracy had stopped talking and was smiling at something over Maggie’s shoulder.

  Fiona!

  ‘This is not a good time,’ Maggie said, staring into the last face she wanted to see, the usual peaches and cream complexion now a puffy, red, tear-streaked mess. ‘Really not good.’

  Maggie turned back and stared at the uneaten food on her plate as if hoping the girl would simply disappear and when she turned around Fiona would be gone.

  She couldn’t look at the girl.

  She couldn’t even look at Tracy.

  Right now, she’d have trouble looking at herself, and with the overwhelming desire to scream building to an impossible new height inside her, Maggie pushed back from the table and blurted, ‘I’m sorry.’ The chair fell over, smashing onto the floor and silencing the rhubarb rhubarb of the dining room. ‘I … I don’t want to deal with any of this. My son needs me.’

  ‘But Maggie,’ Fiona made a move to follow. ‘I wanted to—’

  ‘No. Stop talking.’ Maggie thrust a palm towards Fiona’s face so she didn’t have to look in the girl’s eyes. She could hardly stop herself from wanting to shake the crap out of her. ‘Tracy, I’m so sorry,’ she sobbed. ‘So very, very sorry—about everything.’

  Maggie slammed the car door, lowered her face to her white-knuckled hands clenching the steering wheel, and counted to ten. She couldn’t drive with tears stinging her eyes. The hot wind and dust that would soon be filling her father’s old Holden would be bad enough. A knock on the driver’s door window made her jump. It was Ethne. Maggie cranked the old lever to wind down the window and blotted her eyes with the back of her wrist.

  ‘You okay, love?’

  ‘I’ll be fine once I get back to Noah.’

  ‘Well, I’ve got a Dan on the phone insisting I find you.’

  Maggie hesitated. On one hand, this was the perfect time to take the call, congratulate him on the baby, and end all the nonsense. On the other, she couldn’t be sure she’d make it through the first sentence without slipping back into the crazy woman of last night. And she had to get to Saddleton. Noah was her first and only priority—always.

  ‘Ethne, do me a favour and tell him …’ She thought about her conversation with Tracy just now and the way she’d glowed with news of a new baby. ‘Tell him family and children come first. All of them, always. I have to give my child all my love and attention. Perhaps he should do the same. Please tell him not to ring me again.’ Maggie started the car and looked at her friend’s curious expression. ‘And no, you can’t ask, Ethne. I’m fine, but I’ll be better when I’m back with Noah.’

  ‘Awright, love, but try to be home before this afternoon’s storm. And you’d be wise to avoid taking the shortcut through Cedar Cutters Gorge with those brakes of yours.’

  ‘Okay. Okay. I’ll be careful. I want him home safe too.’

  27

  Fiona

  ‘There, there, sweetheart, sit down.’ Tracy took several napkins from the metal dispenser on the table and handed them to Fiona in one thick wad. ‘Blow your nose, wipe your eyes, and I’ll sit with you for a bit.’

  ‘I only wanted to apologise,’ Fiona spluttered.

  ‘Maggie’s upset, that’s all. You have to understand what it�
�s like for a mother. Children always come first.’

  ‘Not always,’ Fiona mumbled. ‘Mine never knew or cared if I scraped a knee.’

  ‘You’re Amber Bailey’s daughter, aren’t you?’

  Fiona nodded. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘Not hard to tell. I knew your mother. We were all friends at school at one time or another. Some of us better friends than others. Hang on and I’ll grab you a glass of water.’

  Tracy was back in a flash with two glasses.

  ‘Small-town schooling had its down side. We all knew each other’s business. Who liked who. Who didn’t like who. Who liked you only because they’d been thrust upon you by families with property values in their eyes. You know what I mean?’

  ‘I guess. Thank you for the water,’ she said, taking a few long sips. ‘The way my grandfather tells it, everyone liked my mother, especially the boys. Only sometimes a little too much. Do you know what I mean?’

  Tracy appeared shocked. ‘Your grandfather said a thing like that about your mother?’

  ‘He said I was all the good things that she wasn’t. A genuine Bailey girl,’ she snorted cynically. ‘Nothing genuine about me at all, though.’

  ‘Your mother sure was a beauty. I bet you have young men fighting for your attention all the time, just like she did. All the boys fell for Amber. Maybe to your grandfather it looked like she dated a lot, or he heard the school rumour mill. There were always lots of rumours and even more bragging. Everyone wanted to date Amber. Come to think of it,’ Tracy laughed, ‘even my adorable husband, Dan, went out with your mother at one stage. We were all around the same age, give or take a few years. Dan was a little older and quite the spunk.’ Tracy sighed, or was she stopping for air? ‘And I’ll let you in on a little secret, too. While our present-day Detective Dan was the most loyal and devoted husband and father on the planet, back then he was Calingarry Crossing’s bad boy. He and his mates got themselves into all kinds of trouble. I think that if he hadn’t been such a lout, Maggie and Dan might have ended up together. She had a huge crush, only her father wouldn’t have a bar of him—even before the unfortunate thing with Maggie’s brother. Dan left town and went to Sydney. A few years later we ran into each other, on campus, and it was love at first sight. I’ve always been a sucker for a man in a uniform. I even remember us falling in love.’ Tracy smiled, sighing. ‘Young love is wonderful. Are you in love?’

  Fiona held out a shaky left hand to let motor-mouth ooh and ah over her engagement ring.

  ‘Then you’d know the euphoria of being adored.’ Tracy giggled and sipped her water. ‘I remember as if it were yesterday. I was so enamoured when Dan asked me for coffee that first day I didn’t think to mind him asking me if I knew how Maggie and her dad were doing. It was only later that I realised he was still punishing himself for what happened to Maggie’s brother. He was still holding a candle for Maggie, too.’

  ‘You married him though.’

  ‘Hell, yes! I told you; he was a spunk,’ Tracy chortled. ‘Still is, I reckon. People’s lives go in different directions for different reasons. Dan and I had a good life together. Now I have a new direction and a new guy, and Dan is happy for me.’

  ‘You’re not together any more?’ Fiona was trying to work out how to keep this woman talking. This was more information about the past than she’d been able to glean since arriving in the tight-lipped town.

  Tracy was shaking her head and gulping the last of her water. ‘Heavens, would you listen to me. You probably should erase half of everything I just told you. I’m probably talking out of school—pardon the pun. And would you look at the time?’

  Tracy handed Fiona another napkin before standing, but there were no more tears for Fiona to wipe. The whirlpool of possibilities inside her head had siphoned them away.

  ‘Are you sure you have to go?’

  ‘I’m sure I’ve said more than I should have here, Fiona dear. I hope my rabbiting on has made you feel better.’

  ‘Oh, it has. Thanks.’

  ‘Fiona, if I can say one more thing.’ Tracy stopped, both the perpetual smile and earlier unbridled banter reined in. ‘It’s been my experience that the past is best left in the past. Choose carefully and wisely. Make your own memories, ones you’ll always be able to call on. Dan and I loved each other because I chose to make us happen. If I’d let Dan’s past with Maggie—or the fact that he’d dated your mother—get in the way, I would not have enjoyed so many wonderful years with him. And I wouldn’t have two wonderful children waiting at home right now to see their parents. Oh, and one more thing. If I were you, I’d act scarce after Maggie brings Noah home. You know her nickname at school was Magpie. She’s fiercely protective as a friend. I suspect even more so as a mother. You know how mothers are? I’d best get home to my own fledglings. Bye-ee.’

  So, Dan Ireland, the man with the police badge and the big blue eyes who had comforted Maggie briefly last night once had a thing for her. Not only that, the woman said he’d dated Amber. The notion that Fiona had been looking in the wrong place for her real father crossed her mind. She’d tended to be swayed by what her grandfather had said: that it was a boy from the school footy team. And while Luke had desperately wanted ex-football hero Will Travelli to be the one, the more Fiona saw Will and Sara the more she discarded the possibility. Will was short and stocky, blond, and with sort of nondescript greenish-brown eyes.

  Luke had talked Fiona into coming out to this fly-filled freaking town to look for her father, but there was nothing to say the man—whoever he was—would still be in Calingarry Crossing. Dan Ireland could easily be a new contender for the title and he lived in Sydney.

  ‘How very accommodating of the local constabulary to give me board and lodgings for the night.’ Luke had found Fiona still sitting in the dining room. With breakfast long over, everyone was at the fair day, now in full swing along the main street. The last thing Fiona wanted to do was show her face. ‘This is one hell of a town, Fi.’

  ‘They should have locked you up and thrown away the key, if you ask me. What’s wrong with you? Are you a moron? Why would you do that to Noah?’

  Luke smirked and straddled the seat backwards, resting his chin on his hands and feigning innocence. ‘I didn’t do anything to your boy, Fi.’

  ‘You gave him something. What was it?’

  ‘He needed loosening up, that’s all. Not as if I forced it down his throat. I simply suggested I had just the thing to have him feeling like the king of the worrrrrrrld!’ Luke threw his arms wide and laughed through a lousy impersonation of Leonardo de Caprio on the bow of the Titanic. ‘Or maybe that should be queen of the world.’

  ‘Don’t,’ Fiona snapped.

  ‘It was a joke, Fifi. Maybe you need to loosen up a little, too. Lucky I had these stashed in my car.’

  ‘Put those away,’ she whispered, taking a swipe at his hand before someone could walk in and see the little pink pills. ‘You’re lucky the copper didn’t find them. I think you need to get out of Calingarry.’

  ‘I agree. Funnily enough so did Officer Officious when he’d done processing me—after he got pissed off that I came in under the limit. Dumb-arse copper. Come on, get your gear. I’ve checked the Saab’s good to go, but I’ll drive it. Here, take my keys.’ He dangled a key-ring in her face. ‘You can follow and we’ll have ourselves a little country convoy back to Sydney.’

  ‘You’re going, Luke, not me.’ She snatched at the key-ring and sauntered away from the table leaving Luke to trail behind like a puppy. She exited the dining room via the beer garden, stopping in the small, dirt parking area out the back.

  ‘What the fuck’s going on, Fi?’

  ‘Oooh, I wish you wouldn’t talk like that, Lukey!’ Fiona mimicked, ending with her best smart alec smirk.

  ‘Don’t you piss me off now.’ There was nothing playful in the next tug on her arm. ‘Get your gear and let’s get out of this dump.’

  ‘No,’ she said defiantly. ‘Get your hands off
me.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means I’m not going, Luke. Can’t you understand a simple word, or has my grandfather programmed “no” from your vocabulary. He doesn’t much like the word, Mum told me, only I didn’t believe her then.’ Fiona felt a choking sob rise from her gut, somehow passing through her heart, making her clutch at her chest as if she had to dislodge it before she could take her next breath.

  Her mother had tried to tell Fiona so many things, trying to explain her absence in Fiona’s life, while in her other ear was the grandfather who’d been there for her all those years that Amber wasn’t. Who could she trust? Who had told her the truth? Who really loved her consistently and unconditionally? She had thought Luke did.

  ‘Fi, are you hearing me?’ Luke goaded. ‘I asked if hanging around this place is about your mother. Are you waiting for some great epiphany to change your life? Fiona, babe, you don’t need to change. You fit into my life just the way you are. You sure as hell don’t owe these people anything.’

  The anger and hurt she’d dumped on her mother and Phillip was shifting, first to Jack Bailey, now Luke.

  ‘I owe Noah.’

  Fiona couldn’t leave town without seeing him. With staying at the hotel no longer an option, she’d go to her grandmother’s. Cheryl was nice. A little distant—hurt, Fiona suspected. Being hurt by Amber at least gave them something in common. Cheryl would make her new granddaughter welcome, certainly more welcome than Maggie when she returned from the hospital with Noah.

  Fiona snatched the Saab keys out of Luke’s hands and jammed them into her jeans pocket. Then she walked over to his car and threw his keys on the driver’s seat. ‘Just go.’

  ‘And what exactly do I tell your grandfather? He won’t be too happy about you staying here.’

  ‘Tell your boss whatever you like.’ Fiona wrangled the diamond ring off her finger and forced it into Luke’s palm. ‘And you can take this too. We’re over.’

  28

  Dan

  Dan swore under his breath again, but the woman called Ethne had already hung up after telling him—quote: ‘Family and children come first. Please don’t ring again.’ End of quote.