by Korry Smith
Sawyer was in the center and he was talking fast. I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but whatever it was, it stopped the situation from getting worse. The expression on my dance partner’s face went from anger, shock, to eventual understanding.
That was the last time I saw him.
Confused and buzzed from all the shots, I couldn’t see straight. The fast-paced pull Alex had on me made my surroundings spin. It was disorienting and made me want to vomit.
“Will you stop…” I jerked my arm back, but also tripping over my own feet, as he rushed me down the stairs towards the parking lot. “You’re hurting me.”
“Fuck!” His growl reverberated off the walls, but his hold on me loosened.
Did he stop to talk with me? No. Alex kept tugging me along through the small courtyard and to his car.
“I don’t know why you’re mad at me,” I said, not expecting him to respond. “We’re not together. We’re not even friends.”
Alex stopped abruptly and spun me around to face him. He gripped both my arms, brought me in close and sniffed my breath. “How much have you been drinking?”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Get off it.”
“Do you think this shit is a game? Huh? You’re a kid. That stunt you pulled upstairs was…” He closed his eyes tight and inhaled in deep to calm himself. “It won’t happen again.”
Alex was back to dragging me along—both literally and figuratively. I was beginning to wonder if living with this guy was going to be one of celibacy. If he didn’t want me, did that mean no one else could have me either? Granted, I used what’s his name upstairs to make Alex jealous, but what if I was serious about him?
“And what happens If I meet someone else? Are you going to pull me away from them too?”
Alex laughed, but he was mocking me. “I don’t care who you date.”
We were two feet away from the car, and he had to dig into his jean pockets to pull out his keys. It was in that second where his focus was elsewhere that I could free myself from his grasp. I backed away from him, needing some distance to think. Even when he was a controlling asshole, I couldn’t get over how good he smelled.
“What are you doing?” he asked, reaching his hand out to me. “Just, come on, get in the car and we’ll talk about it.”
“Talk about what? How you don't want to fuck me—”
“Stop with your cursing,” Alex spoke through his tightly closed mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut.
I would do whatever he wanted, and I felt myself falling back into that trap, but that’s what got me into this situation. The liquid courage still flowed through my veins and pushed me to push him.
Moving closer to erase the distance, I spoke low. “Who’s allowed to fuck me? If not you?”
Alex’s eyes opened and gazed down at me. He played dirty and responded with a beautiful, soul-breaking smile. He lured me in with a gentle grab of my hand. “Get in.”
Betraying everything I was standing up against, I got light-headed and fell into him—again! “Fine.”
When we were in the car, the jerk didn’t put the keys in the ignition or even look at me. It was silent and awkward.
“What the fuck are you doing?” His voice was lower than a whisper.
My mouth opened to answer him, but my attention went astray by his exposed, flexing biceps. He had his hands rested on his head with his fingers tangled in his hair. I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head to the side, trying to figure out some of the meaning behind his art. On the underside of his right forearm, I caught a name inked in black cursive.
Tanya.
My chest ached, and I stopped breathing, but even if I was dying inside, I couldn't tear my eyes away—no matter how hard I tried, that name was all I could see...
Tanya.
Why didn't I ever see it? Denial? Probably. She must be that girl who was sitting on his lap. Why didn’t he mention her before? Was it better for me to find out about them tonight? Did he ever want me to find out? She had to mean something to him. Guys don't get a girl's name tattooed on them unless they cared for them or…loved them.
Lost in my miserable thoughts, I almost missed it when Alex spoke.
“What were you trying to prove back there?”
“Nothing,” I said with a shrug, barely glancing at him. “I was dancing.”
He scoffed. “You were doing more than just dancing, kid.”
The fact that he treated me like I was unfaithful to him pissed me off.
“What does it matter? If I was fucking the guy in the middle of the room—”
“Stop saying that fucking word!” Alex snapped.
I glared. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
He put his hand over my mouth and pressed his forehead to mine. “Madison, I’m begging you to stop.”
Nodding my head, he released me and sat back in his seat. It got silent and awkward again. Nothing was going to get accomplished if we kept on pushing each other’s buttons. I aimed to be the mature and level-headed one.
“You had no right to pull me away like that.”
“I was protecting you,” he said but refused to look at me when he said this. He kept his head forward and chewed the shit out of his lip ring.
“From what? A good time?” I waited for him to answer, but silence. “Whatever. You’re not my boyfriend.” I got a flash of his Tanya. How she laughed at his jokes and how he tenderly stroked her skin. It killed me to no end, but I had no claim on him. We were nothing to each other, but I couldn’t bite back my bitterness. “You made that point quite clear when you sat that girl on your lap.”
“What?”
“You’re not into…” My voice caught up in my throat. He was looking straight through me now, and there was nowhere for me to hide. My lies and hard-shell persona crumbled and all the emotions I’d been feeling rose to the surface. “I’m sorry. It’s just when I saw her…with you, I just…It hurt, and I lost it. Okay?”
He groaned and put his hands on his head again. “That’s what this shit is about?”
“I get it. You’re with somebody. I was hoping…”
“Kid.” Alex reached over and squeezed my knee gently. “Jacey means nothing to me. It’s just business. A girl I play to keep strung out on—” Cutting himself off short, he forced a smile. “That doesn’t matter. The point is, she’s not…” He sighed, removing his touch, and putting both of his hands on the wheel. “We’re not together.”
Jacey wasn’t Tanya. Jacey wasn’t his girlfriend. I was the one girl in his life. My buzz still in high gear and my delusion firmly in place, it gave me the courage to be straightforward with him. I was over beating around the bush. One minute he was hot with me and the next minute he was cold. There’s one way to find out for sure if this thing between us could be more.
Shifting in my seat, I leaned over the center console and towards him. He didn’t back away. I stared at his lips, licking my own in anticipation.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked, inching closer to him. "I’m demanding that you kiss me."
“Okay.” Alex bent his head down, just a little, causing my breath to hitch. He smiled as he picked up my hand and kissed it.
I frowned, jutting out my bottom lip. "That's not what I meant."
“I know, but I've already taken more than my fair share."
This guy was nothing but a constant tease. He was always bringing me to the brink of combustion only to snatch it away at the last minute.
"Ugh," I growled, throwing myself back into my seat. "Do you honestly torture me this way for the fun of it?"
"I'm torturing you?" He laughed, shaking his head. "Do you honestly think that I don't want to kiss you?"
“After the way you’ve been treating me lately? I’m baffled that you keep me around.”
He reached over to put his hand on my knee again, and I jerked it away.
The message received.
; “Keeping you at a distance was easier than the alternative.”
“Easier?” I scowled, virtually so frustrated to tears. “You didn’t care how that would make me feel?”
"I’m sorry, but it was the only way I knew how to keep myself in line," he said, angling his body towards me. "I know this sounds crazy, especially coming from a fucker like me, but I don't want to cross that line with you. Not while you're still underage."
Oh, right, his morals.
I wasn't buying it—not after all the shit I've seen tonight. The tears were gone, and now I was livid.
"What? Are you kidding me right now?" I shouted at him. "You're a drug dealer, Alex. A freaking drug dealer! You smuggle pounds of weed and smack into the States every week. Trust me; statutory rape is the least of your worries." I could see him wavering now, and I went in for the kill. Sitting up, with my knees on the seat, I crossed his invisible barrier and pressed my chest up against his body. We were face to face, less than a centimeter away, and I whispered against his lips. "Besides, who’s going to turn you in?"
"I was hoping you would make this shit easy on me, but fucking look at you," he huffed, his hand waving over my short, short skirt and my little nipple slip. “Just fucking with my head and..."
"And what?" I asked, biting my lip, begging him to kiss me already.
"Fuck!" he cursed, hitting the steering wheel with his fists. "You have no idea what you're doing to me, do you?"
"I want you to kiss me. Just one stupid kiss. It's not like I'm asking for a marriage proposal."
He glared, still suspicious of my motives. "If I give you one kiss, will you shut the hell up about it?"
"Yes." I smiled. "But you have to kiss me on the lips."
"Which lips?"
I clenched my jaw, trying to control the arousal that struck me down below. Damn it, Alex! Why did he have to say that? My mind imagined him there, between my legs, and kissing me until I screamed. He was too cruel.
"Well," he said, playfully nudging me.
"I'm thinking."
He smirked, leaning back in his seat, and putting his hands behind his head. "You just tell me where."
Knowing full well that I was going to hate myself later for this, I decided that I wanted him to kiss me on my mouth.
"Here," I said finally, pointing to my lips. "I want you to kiss me here."
"Are you sure?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow. "Because the one kiss is all you get."
I gasped. "One kiss?"
"It's just one kiss until you turn eighteen. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."
He raised a hard bargain, and I knew that kissing Alex would only leave my lips wanting more, but screw Pandora’s Box! He was offering it to me then, and I didn't think about the consequences.
"I'll take it," I said, a little too eagerly, but I wanted it more than anything.
Alex leaned in and pushed me back into my seat. He was everywhere in my space: his hands on my neck, his lips hovering mine, his sweet breath wafting over me.
All his morals and reluctance vanished, and he was now taking control.
It was lovely.
“Are you sure you want this?”
I closed my eyes. “Mmmhmm.”
"All right," he conceded, his hands moved up and cupped my face, holding it firmly.
Time ticked away as I anxiously awaited that moment when he finally kissed me. Then it happened. His lips gently pressed against mine. They were soft and enticingly warm, a vast contrast to the coldness and hardness of his lip ring, but they seemed to go in sync with each other.
He started to move his mouth, his attention on my bottom lip as he sucked and pulled at it, coaxing me to join him. He made circular motions against my cheeks with his thumbs. I grasped his wrists, needing stabilization as my world flipped and spun around me.
There was no tongue, and he didn't rush it. The kiss was tender and slow. It was perfect.
When he pulled away, I whimpered. "More."
He chuckled. "Don't be greedy, kid. One kiss is all you get until April 19th. That's the deal."
I opened my eyes in surprise. "You know my birthday?"
"Of course, I do," he said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I marked it down on my calendar.”
Chapter Five
On day one, forty days until my birthday, the kiss was always in my thoughts. Even the memory of his mouth on mine left me breathless. I craved another one and many more after that, but Alex was stubborn and committed to making me wait.
The upside in all his torturing? Avoiding me was a thing of the past, and Alex always kept me within his peripheral.
I’m not sure what was worse, my guy ignoring me or doing things to get me all fired up but never delivering in full. They were all innocent; a touch here or a whisper in the ear there. The cruelest thing of all was the day he cornered me in the kitchen and kissed my collarbone.
Alex was breaking the rules, but he argued its allowance because we just agreed to no kissing on the lips.
To which I replied, "Which lips?"
He groaned as his eyes rolled back, and I grinned when he had to adjust himself, but not all was fair in love and war. We were getting to know each other better than we knew ourselves, and he knew not touching me was the best revenge.
It was, and all day long, he tortured me with a smile but stayed far away. I vowed to keep my stupid mouth shut and let him kiss me anywhere he wanted.
On day two, thirty-eight days until my birthday, Alex taught me the basics of boosting cars. There was a trick he liked to use to check if a car had an alarm system. He would casually walk up and bump it with his hip, and if nothing happened, he or a friend would come back later to steal it.
“Over eagerness gets you caught.”
He had me say it three or four times, like a booster’s mantra.
Another thing he told me was to scout out cars at an upscale hotel or restaurant and pretend to be a parking attendant, but even that became too risky for him. Most places these days caught on to the scam and were beefing up their security. He liked to stick to the old trusty, and that was boosting cars in a parking garage.
"Now that's easy picking,” he said.
The whole lesson lasted twenty minutes, and not once was my hanger in the door suggested as a proper technique. We sat close together on the couch that day and brushed shoulders, but there was no kissing on my collarbone or anywhere else.
I was slowly losing my mind.
On day ten, thirty days until my birthday, he took me target practicing. He stood behind me and pressed his body into mine and taught me the 'correct' way of shooting a gun. His breath was on my neck, his lips ghosting over my skin, and his long fingers wrapped around my own.
Again, there was no kissing, but I didn't complain. The feel of Alex was enough, and when I felt him, like, really 'felt' him, he ended the session abruptly and ran to his car. It was a problem I could fix if he would just let me sit on it, but that was out of the question.
Why was he torturing us like this, over a stupid technicality? I would never know.
On day nineteen, twenty-one days until my birthday, Alex went out of town with Len and Sawyer. He didn't share a lot of the details of this little trip with me, but he said there was a meeting in Mexico with a contact, and it was for six days. I wanted to go with him, but it was too dangerous.
Instead, he handed me his treasured Colt and told me to shoot anyone who walked through the door. As an extra precaution, because he was such a worrier when it came to me, he was sending over Nyx. She was deceiving with her femininity, but a stone-cold killer with a shotgun.
Alex stood at the door with his bags in hand and hesitated. There was an undeniable pull between us, like magnets, and separation was going to be painful. That’s how it felt to me. Six long nights and six long days without seeing his beautiful, devastating smile would be hell, but I was going to be brave and suffer through it.
“Shit.” Alex dropped his bags and took me into his ar
ms. He overwhelmed me with the heat of his body, the smell of his cologne, and tickled my neck with his three-day scruff. “Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”
Looking back, I think he was telling himself that and not me.
One of the hardest things in my life, up to that point, was letting Alex walk out that door. He was not only my family but my entire world. Everything revolved around him, and if, for some reason, Alex ceased to exist, it would be game over.
On day twenty-two, eighteen days until my birthday, I was sleeping in his bed with the Colt tucked underneath my pillow and a finger resting on the trigger. My dreams were of happier times with my mom, before Terry, when we were a family.
So, when strong arms wrapped around my body, and soft lips touched my shoulder, I didn't pull the gun out to shoot this unknown intruder. No, I pushed my ass into them.
"You’re back early," I said, my voice hoarse and still groggy from sleep.
"How are you, kid?" Alex asked, now placing a kiss on the back of my neck, giving me goosebumps.
I closed my eyes and hummed. "I'm okay. I missed your stupid face though."
“Yeah?” He chuckled softly and pulled me tighter to his chest. "Me too."
"How was the trip?" I asked, fighting the urge to flip over and attack him, but I didn't want to bring him back to his senses. He was breaking the rules, and I was more than willing to let him.
"Fucking horrible. I couldn't wait to get home." More kisses on my neck, his lips bordering the place under my ear.
"Yeah?" I breathed.
God, he was killing me.
Alex slid his hand down and towards my side, gripping my hip and squeezing it. Keeping my damn mouth shut this time, I didn't want to ruin whatever this was.
"You smell so good." Alex groaned as he inhaled my hair. "What is that?"
"Um," I said, biting my bottom lip, trying hard to focus on his question and not on his mouth on my ear or his hardness poking into me. All of it was distracting. "It's…shampoo. I think."
"No," he said. "That's not it. It's something else. It's something entirely…you."
I gulped, unable to speak, but responded by pushing myself further into him.
