Perfection #4

by Claire Adams

  Next I called Slate. The holidays were coming up and I planned on seeing my family this year. Like my brother said, “You have nephews you haven’t met yet.” It was time to meet them and make amends with Gretchen. I had to stop running from the painful past. I decided I would also go visit the graves of my family members, go have a talk with Dad. Lastly, I went through my phone and deleted a few dozen phone numbers. Mostly girls but also hookups like Rafe. They weren’t going to fit into my new, respectable life. When it was over, I had a negative thought. Who are you kidding Bullet? What difference is this going to make? You are who you are, you can’t change that.

  “Shut the hell up!” I told myself.

  It was Sunday so I took the newspaper off the porch and went right for the classifieds. I needed to get out of this neighborhood. It was a nice house but too many of my old acquaintances knew where I lived. Dr. Pennington practically promised me the partnership so I felt comfortable looking for something closer to his clinic. Pennington had a massive operation; he was the premiere physician in the city and that was saying something. There were plenty of medical clinics and doctors in the region. I had been lucky—really lucky to have hooked up with him at the beginning of my career. I was doubly fortunate to have him as a friend. His advice was indispensable. I circled a few possibilities and contacted a realtor friend, a guy from college, about some of the houses I saw. He promised to get me some information soon. It felt good to be moving forward, even in a small way.

  At the end of the day, I started a fire in the fireplace and sat on my couch staring at it. I thought about Lilly, about our time in front of the fire. That had been exciting and steamy but I had been wrong to allow Rafe and Eve to watch us. I had betrayed Lilly’s trust, even though she had not known about it. It had ruined the memory for me. I wished there was a way I could tell her how sorry I was beyond that tiny note I left her.

  Then I thought about my brother, how I had treated him and made him feel. In a way, Page was right, I was a complete and utter asshole. But one thing she had been wrong about—I wanted to be a better person. Only thing was, I’d been stuck in a rut for so long, I wasn’t really sure I would ever get out of it. But I hoped I would.

  I flipped on the radio and scanned through the stations. I never listened to classical music but once I heard the lovely strains of a violin, I stopped to listen. I lay on my couch thinking about Lilly and how beautiful she looked playing that old violin in the shop. She looked like an otherworldly being touching a magical instrument, her beautiful face transformed into pure joy and delight. That was an expression I would never see during our lovemaking. It was something she only reserved for her music. I loved that about her—it made me want her even more.

  But I’d blown my chance, right? I had treated Lilly as if she were just another girl, another receptacle for my use. Now I missed her more than I ever missed Gretchen.

  I guess I would have to live with that.

  Chapter Nine

  Lilly

  The following day, I went with Kate to her house to pack up all of Riley’s things. He’d been “crashing” there since their first hookup and now Katie wanted everything gone. She piled all his clothing, CDs and other random belongings in boxes and taped them up. She was too classy to cut anything up or pour bleach into his clothing. In fact, she had been strangely quiet during the process until we’d stacked the last box by the front door.

  “I’ve made a decision, Lilly. I’ve decided that I am going to be abstinent for a while. No more playing in the sheets for me. I have had it.”

  I smiled at her and said, “Katie, really? I never thought I’d hear anything like this coming from your lips. You were always so free, in that way, until this guy. I know the hurt is still fresh but do you think you should be making decisions like that right now? Maybe you need a little rebound romance to get you out of your funk,” I joked around.

  She looked at me seriously. “What about you, Lilly? Are you willing to take your own advice? You know, with some rebound sex?”

  I stared at her over the boxes. “What do you mean? Bullet and I had not planned on getting married, Kate. We were just having some fun. Okay, maybe my comment was a little inappropriate but it’s not like you haven’t done that before. I was just trying to be helpful.” I apologized. I really couldn’t believe it. She’d always been so cavalier and kind of callous before about love. I guess she’d really thrown her heart out there for Riley. “I’m sorry Kate—that was insensitive.”

  She sighed and put the packing tape and scissors in her desk drawer. “It’s not you. I’m just being a bitch right now. Sorry. I know you are trying to help me. I am serious about the abstinence thing though. I have had it with men for now. I need some time for Kate. I think I’m going to plan an adventure and go somewhere exotic.”

  I smiled at her with widened eyes, “That sounds great! I might go with you.”

  “No, you have some business to take care of here first. I’m talking about leaving as soon as I can renew my passport. Maybe take a trip to the Bahamas, or hey, Greece. I have always wanted to go there!”

  I laughed at the idea of Kate being abstinent in Greece. Yeah, right. That was going to happen. She’d need me to keep her committed. “Why can’t I go? I don’t have anything else to do. Just some rumors of an opening with Metro. Quite frankly, I’m tired of waiting on those jerks. It’s all politics after all.”

  “I’m not talking about Metro and you know it. I’m talking about you and Bullet. Are you really going to let the little bitch steal what you guys have? You said yourself, she was only calling because she wanted to stir up crap. No way, he’s interested in her. No way at all and yet you’re going to do exactly what she hoped.”

  “What do you mean? You heard what she said about how he used to sleep with his patients. He’s never going to be happy with me.” I couldn’t believe that I had to explain this to her; she of all people knew how crappy guys could be.

  “You never gave that guy a chance to explain anything and besides that, all this sleeping around stuff was before you came along, Lilly. Why do you think Page was so pissed off? Because she knew he had changed and she couldn’t control him anymore! Obviously he didn’t want her but she was okay with that as long as he did not have anyone else. He wasn’t the guy he used to be and she was afraid. She saw him settling down and she wanted to be the one he settled down with but apparently the heart doesn’t work that way.” She sniffled a little and blinked away the moisture. “Pardon me for saying this but how could you be so, well, stupid?”

  “So now I’m stupid. Gee, thanks Kate. That makes me feel better.” She hugged me and kissed my cheek before she released me. She said, “You know I love you Lilly, but you need to let bygones be bygones. Stop assuming the worst, stop freaking out on this guy. He’s a beautiful man. He’s talented, successful and he likes you. Listen, I’m not an expert on relationships, obviously, but I do know one thing. If I really liked him I would not let his past stop me from being with him. At least hear the man out.”

  “I don’t know, Kate. I need to trust whoever I am with. You know my history. I don’t think I can trust him.”

  “Let me ask you this,” Kate’s many bracelets that she wore jangled as she slapped her hands together. She looked like a petite gypsy complete with a mass of dark ringlets and a broom skirt. “Has he ever cheated on you? I mean, have you ever caught him with another girl?”

  “No,” I said honestly.

  “Then he hasn’t been unfaithful if that’s what you are worried about. He’s just been a player. Now he has you and he wants you. I would at least listen to the man. Ask him for the truth. Ask him if he wants another fling or if he really wants a relationship. Find out for yourself before writing him off. For goodness sake, don’t rely on Page as a character witness. She’s got an agenda and doesn’t care about your happiness. For the record, I would love to take you on this trip but I want you to deal with this first. Don’t leave with a bunch of regrets.”


  What she said made sense but I didn’t know if I wanted to even ask Bullet about what Page had told me. I had his note in my pocket but I hadn’t really intended to call him, had I?

  “Just promise me you will think about it.” I nodded and hugged her again.

  “Now you can’t leave until Stephen gets here to get this crap,” she said with a nervous smile.

  “You mean Riley isn’t man enough to fetch his own belongings?” I asked incredulously. “That guy has a lot of nerve, doesn’t he?”

  She laughed coldly, “Hell no. You are right—he’s not much of a man, now that I think about it. I wonder if I ever loved him. I sure loved the musician but I don’t know that I ever actually loved him. But it is better to know now before I married him. Imagine how pissed I’d be if I had a couple of kids to take care of after that jerk left.”

  “You are definitely better off knowing now. I’m not leaving you with Stephen coming over here. What time is he coming?”

  She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Text says around 12:30. Not soon enough for me. I’m ready to chuck his crap out.”

  “Tell you what, I will go down to the corner market and get what I need to make some lunch. I don’t even have to look, I know you don’t have food in your refrigerator,” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “While I am cooking some pepperoni pasta, you can take a look at some of those travel packages you were talking about. You need to make up your mind if you plan to go to Greece or the Bahamas—I guess you could do both!”

  Kate’s face brightened and she looked happier than she had in the past twenty-four hours. I grabbed my keys and promised that I would be right back. I sat in the car, reading Bullet’s note again. Would it be worth it to call him or go see him? Did I even want to know what the “real story” might be? I wasn’t sure yet but that had less to do with him than it did me. I needed to be honest about how I felt about him. I put the car in gear and drove the two blocks to the corner market. I could have walked it but I liked the peace and serenity of my car when it came to thinking about life.

  I found a parking spot easily enough. Sundays were apparently slow days. I was glad for that. I strolled the aisles and looked for the ingredients I needed: pasta, heavy cream, parmesan, veggies and pepperoni. This was Kate’s favorite comfort food. I thought about a bottle of wine but decided against it. The two of us had had enough drinks for a while.

  I made my purchase and climbed back in the car. How did I feel about Bullet? I could not deny that I found him physically attractive—times ten. I liked talking to him most of the time. He had a quick wit and knew I appreciated music. I liked him, but I wasn’t sure about anything. Did I like him enough to take the time and make the emotional investment it would require to make it work? Was I even sure he wanted to do that? One thing was for sure, I wasn’t going back to the office. I didn’t want to think of what Page had told me about how he had slept with everyone all over the place there. It might be a lie but then again, it might not be. No, if we were to talk, it would be somewhere and not in a public place. I’d think more about this later.

  I went to Kate’s place and began working on our meal. I guessed we both needed a little comfort food. I put the pasta on to boil and worked on the sauce. I sautéed some garlic in butter, added the heavy cream and the parmesan. To our surprise, Stephen arrived early and he wasn’t alone—Riley was with him. I turned the burners off and walked to the front door to stay with Kate. She had her game face on and she wasn’t taking any crap at all.

  “Kate, I don’t know what to say. I love you but…” Riley tried to apologize but she wasn’t having any of it.

  “Please stop lying to me and yourself. If you loved me this would not be happening right now. To be honest with you, I don’t think you know what you want. All I know is I am taking myself out of the equation. This wasn’t your decision, it was mine.”

  He hung his head and grabbed a box. Stephen had the nerve to say, “Something smells good” as if we’d invite him to lunch. I wondered again if there was a brain in that blonde head of his.

  “Are you kidding me? I don’t want you stepping foot in my house. You can wait outside. Thanks.” He tried to argue but she didn’t look at him.

  “She said thanks but no thanks so outside.” I backed up my friend. Stephen waited in the hallway and I pushed a few boxes out the door. He and Riley took turns retrieving the boxes. With the last box, Riley stood outside the door pausing, thinking about what to say to Kate, the woman who loved and believed in him.

  “Don’t bother,” she said and slammed the door. She tapped the security code into the box and set the alarm. “And that is that.” She looked at me amused.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Are you kidding me? I feel like a new woman. The sky is the limit now. No more musicians for me—no offense. Hey, is lunch ready?”

  I went back to my meal and put the finishing touches on it. When it was done, we sat at the table diving into the dish as if we had not eaten in a week. After a few bites, Kate brought her laptop to the table and pulled up some of those dream destinations she was talking about. As I suspected, she had decided on Greece. After flipping through some of the photos of the scenery and the people, Kate laughed. “Okay, so maybe abstinence can wait until after my trip.”

  “I figured as much. Go have fun but be careful.”

  “I’m going to wait to book this Mediterranean cruise. After you talk to Bullet, you let me know if I need to book it for two or just one. And for the record, I will be okay if I go solo. You know I am a lone wolf at times.”

  “So you seriously think I should talk to him?”

  “Yeah, I think you should. Put a period on it if you can.”

  “I’ll think about it.” I promised with a weak smile.

  “Great. I’d like some more sauce. That’s delicious!” Despite her own pain, Kate cared about me. She was a true friend. I felt very lucky to have her in my life. As we ate, she flipped through more travel sites and I thought about Bullet. How would I handle this? Obviously, I would talk to him but I was going to do this differently.

  “You know what Kate. I have an idea.”

  She looked up from her pasta and said, “You should go get us some wine?”

  “Absolutely not, I think we need to leave the wine alone for a while, don’t you?” She sighed and crinkled her nose at me disapprovingly. I didn’t want Kate climbing into a bottle to find peace. She had done that once before during freshman year. It had been a difficult time in her life too but I think she was stronger than that now. “No I was thinking that I might pay Bullet a surprise visit at his home. See how he really is. They say you can tell a lot about a person by what’s in their home. I guess I want to know who he really is, not who he wants me to see. Does that sound crazy?”

  She shook her head and wiped her mouth on a napkin. “Not at all! I think that is a great idea! Do you have his address?”

  “Yeah, it’s on his letterhead, from that note he wrote me.” I slid the note out of my pocket and showed it to her.

  “You know if you leave now you’ll be there in just a few hours. It’s Sunday so there’s probably no traffic out there, well not much anyway. Go home and change and go see him! You want me to go with you? I can wait in the car.”

  “No, I need to do this myself but thank you for offering. Are you sure you are going to be okay?”

  “Girl, I am more than okay.” She laughed aloud and pointed to the computer screen. “I’m about to book a cruise around the Mediterranean. Life is good. I deserve a break. I guess I need to call HR first and make sure I can take the two weeks off. Ah, screw them. I have plenty of vacation time coming.”

  I picked up my plate and put it in the sink.

  “Alright then. So I am really going to do this.” I paused at the door with my purse in my hand.

  “Yep, you are really doing this!” She smiled and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Oh and Lilly—pick something dressy casual. Go ahead and pack a bag just in case
. You might need to stay overnight to think about it a little more.”

  I rolled my eyes playfully and smiled at her. “I doubt I will need that but okay.”

  I left Kate’s house feeling good about my friend. She had something to think about, something to plan for, that was going to help her move on from Riley. What an ass!

  I went home looking for something that qualified as dressy casual and toyed with the idea of packing a bag, in case it got too late and I wanted to wait to go home. I was sure there were some good hotels around there.

  Yeah, right. That’s what you’ll do.

  Chapter Ten

  Bullet

  It was Sunday afternoon, a little late in the day but I felt restless. My life was totally in transition, from my personal life, to my geographical location to my career, and the more I thought of it, the more nervous I became. I decided to clean out my garage. I slid on a pair of old jeans and a white t-shirt. This must have been the one that Lilly had worn because I smelled her perfume. The scent filled me with longing. Get over it. She’s gone.

  I walked out the kitchen to the garage and hit the automatic door to let some light in. I rarely used the garage, mainly because it was a disorganized mess. I didn’t do much work around the house— my hands were my money so I had gotten out of the habit of getting them beat up. I smiled at the old motorcycle remembering how many hours I had put into it as a college sophomore. Maybe it was time to finally fix it. I had all the parts, just needed the time. Well, I had plenty of time now, didn’t I? First things first, tidy up the garage.