Disruption

by Victoria Johns

“Always,” her voice quaked.

  My breathing was shallower as I continued, hope floating free, wave by wave. “Can we do this? You and me.”

  Her eyes darted up to me, mirroring the hope in mine, as I placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand, before turning it over and pushing a more definite one there.

  “I’ve done things, Zane. Made really bad decisions. Things you wouldn’t forgive me for. Things that would make you hate me.”

  “Past. There’s a place between dead and alive that exists and without you it’s like being awake with no possibility of dreaming. That’s where I’ve been without you. In fucking limbo.” I’d put the sex tapes and countless men she’d fucked out of my mind; they were just a reaction from her to what was going on with us. A pretense at joy and happiness because we weren’t together. All of it meant nothing if I got to have her as mine, finally.

  “We can make this work, baby,” I said gently as her eyes drifted shut again.

  “I’m sorry, Zane, forgive me.”

  “Ssh, rest up. It’s done. Clean slate.” I watched as she fell back asleep, trying to smooth down the excitement that vibrated inside me. I wouldn’t listen to her brother this time, I’d done enough of that, I knew I was better for her than any other fucker on this planet and I would die making her feel that every day. “I’ll get you the doctor and pop home and sort you some things, I won’t be long, baby.”

  I leaned over and kissed her split lip with the gentlest of touches, causing her to murmur. I then kissed the top of her head before stealing another from her lips. My body needed the connection with hers, she needed the connection with me, and together we’d heal.

  Jameson appeared at the doorway, his scowl only deepening when he saw that I had my hands on his sister. I’d talk to him, tell him everything, but I needed to do it where he could be contained. This place wasn’t that, we had to be somewhere I could make him listen.

  “She okay?” he asked.

  “Jame,” she murmured, our conversation clearly taking its toll on her energy as she forced herself to turn towards the direction of his voice.

  “Hey, sis,” he came over to her.

  “Have you…” she gulped, “Been to see Thorn?” She wasn’t stupid and knew that it was a tough call between who would get the joy of dealing with what that motherfucker had done.

  Jameson looked at me, then back to his sister. “Couldn’t find him, heard he’s gone fishing.”

  Damn him. Fucking Jameson. I knew what that meant.

  “He hates fishing, he only goes on a boat if he has to,” she sounded puzzled.

  “You get some rest,” Jameson suggested and looked at me. Under normal circumstances dealing with a problem that quick would have made us both smile, but he’d got to him first, and feeling joy about that when Bailey was lying in the hospital bed separating us felt wrong.

  As soon as she was asleep again, I hissed, “You fucker, he was mine.”

  “Well, now he’s Javi’s and will be in a hundred chum buckets before sundown. There’s a big game comp on tomorrow. Great fucking timing apparently.”

  “Tell me you made him suffer?”

  “Been with him for hours, so yeah, cruel to the end. Little pussy was begging for his life as he saw me feed his left testicle to Javi’s pigs.” I nodded, that would have been how I’d handled it too. Cut off bits of him while he was crying like a little bitch. “Bella says the police are due in the next half an hour. Probably best you’re not here.”

  “Agreed.” It would be easier if they saw her with her brother, that would be acceptable, me being there would remind them of their suspicions around Jameson and whether Bailey’s attack was linked to our shit. For once, they’d be wrong. “You been talking to Bella?”

  I left the question open and saw the grimace of regret slash across his face. “Sometimes we have to live with our choices, no matter how shit they are.”

  Did we? I didn’t think so. Bailey had made her choice, but I’d offered her a different path and she’d taken it, if he loved Bella like I suspected and was that unhappy with Kerry, then why the fuck did he marry her? There was only one way out for Jameson, because trying to divorce her would never work. That sort of shit would have her running to the FEDS shouting, ‘states witness,’ before we could blink. “We need to talk later.”

  I held firm as he searched my face for a hint of what that could be about, and in a nanosecond, he knew—Bailey. Expecting him to turn me down, he didn’t, he just nodded with inevitability. “Can you swing by her’s and pick up some clothes?”

  “Was on my way. I’ll get a clean-up crew for her place organized too.” Not that she’d need it, I planned on taking her to mine and keeping her company until she was fully recovered. Then she would just never leave.

  I walked away from him, only to bump into Bella by a vending machine further up the corridor. She was one step away from kicking the life out of it, as it continued to spit her dollar bill back at her.

  “Hey, take it easy.” I handed it back to her and fed a crisp ten-dollar bill in instead. With much frustration at being beaten by the machine, she punched a load of numbers in and the food dropped like she was playing a Vegas fruit machine. “Thank you,” I said reverently, my words utterly sincere. She had the compassion and love that was missing from her big brother’s genetic makeup.

  “Just doing my job.”

  “You and I know you did way more than that. You disobeyed your patient for me.”

  Bella smiled but it was a sad one. “I did it for both of you. I believe in a happily ever after.”

  “For what it’s worth, her brother’s still an idiot.”

  “Can you tell him that?”

  “I do. Every day.” The laughter in my voice infected her, and her eyes shined. No matter that she was wholly unhappy about being rejected by the man she loved, she still saw the possibilities for everyone else around her.

  “I’m going to get her some clean things, she might feel better out of that gown.”

  “Good idea, PJ’s and fluffy slippers are magic healers.” Bella juggled the swag of candy and chips against her chest as she kept it from falling to the ground, before wrestling a free arm towards me. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

  “That could cover a lot, but yeah, me too.”

  “You’d have made an epic dad.”

  The one thing my father taught me about business was that you never revealed what was going on inside you, so as those words left her mouth, got sucked into my ears and then translated into my brain, not a single face muscle of mine moved.

  “I hope they lock him up for it. A summer baby would have been just beautiful.”

  Standing there in that hospital corridor, I looked around. People moved as normal, patients and doctors carried on as normal. Cars travelled back and too in the parking lot. Buzzers buzzed and bells pinged and tinged for attention. Yet, inside me, there was fire.

  Fuse lit.

  Touch paper disintegrating at speed.

  Major disruption to every cell in my body, causing an unimaginable shift in equilibrium.

  “Zane, are you okay? It was too soon to mention it, shit, sorry, I should have known you wouldn’t want to talk about it.”

  My head jerked forward in a nod, it was all I could do, if I opened my mouth there’d be no containing it.

  Bailey was pregnant?

  But not anymore?

  Fucking pregnant and a quick mathematical rotation in my head, after Bella’s summer expectancy comment, had to mean I was the father.

  She went to open her mouth again, but a page calling her screeched out of the speaker above us. “Hate that thing, gotta run. Always around if you need to talk.” She popped up on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on my cheek before hot footing it with all her candy. Then, auto pilot kicked in.

  Turn around towards the end of the corridor.

  What the fuck?

  One foot in front of the other.

  Don’t think about why she did
n’t tell you.

  Press the button in the elevator. Doors close.

  Don’t think about how she lied to you.

  Doors open. Out. Left, right, left right, repeat.

  He killed my fucking baby.

  Open car door climb in.

  Why did she lie to you?

  Press ignition button. Car in drive. Foot on pedal. Move.

  She was going to marry him.

  Stop sign. Wait… wait… foot off brake and roll forward.

  She lied to me.

  Keep going on autopilot.

  ‘He was the safest option.’

  I didn’t drive to Bailey’s house, I drove home, I couldn’t be where she’d been until my head was straight. If the destruction came, smashing up a crime scene wasn’t the best idea.

  In my house, I sat on the couch like a robot, my brain going over it all. Every word she’d said to me. Every apology she made while she was drifting to sleep. She wasn’t apologizing for her engagement or relationship with Thorn, she was apologizing for our baby. Bailey Roach was going to try and pass off my baby as his. This was about more than just fucking panties. The thought of being duped into raising another man’s child had brought out a sense of honor in him, although I like to think I’d stop short of beating a woman senseless, there were far crueler ways to get your point across, and tell her to go fuck herself.

  I thought about that again.

  No. Maybe I would have done the same as him. Bailey had driven me to despair for decades, everyone had a breaking point. Man, woman, kid, I was motherfucking ruthless and if you crossed me you paid the price.

  My cell rang and I answered it on autopilot, not bothering how I sounded “Bishop?”

  He didn’t answer me straight away, “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  I heard some doors closing his end before he spoke again. “I can hear it.” He waited for me to fill him in on it, but I didn’t, and he assumed the worst. “Did she… not make it?”

  Bella had probably told him, but I wondered if she’d mentioned the baby. It was enough that she thought I was a chump without adding her brother to the list, I needed his respect. “No. Just tired, you call for a reason?”

  “Yeah, found a buyer for your Hawaii house.”

  “Great.” I didn’t bother with enthusiasm, I just wanted it gone.

  “That’s it? Great? Starting to worry a bit, want me to come home?” Bishop asked.

  “No, that’s good news. Listen, I’m busy, need to tie shit up so I can go back to the hospital.” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “Talk later.” I ended the call and tried to smile about the news. I should have been happy that the one place where we’d been a true couple had finally been removed from my life. The memories from there were far too vivid and painful to even consider revisiting. Right now, it was just another part of my life with her done, dusted and in the rearview.

  His call was forgotten instantly, and I was back to thinking about what she’d done. My heart ached when I thought back to her cradling her stomach during the evening in hospital. She’d known before they’d sedated her, and her subconscious had tried to soothe her and her baby.

  I shook my head at how I’d thought it was cute that she wanted that connection with my family tattoo. Right then though, her head was a galaxy away from family, loyalty and respect.

  And all I wanted was what could soothe my soul.

  Disruption, dominance and death.

  My heartbeat raced that I’d got this all so wrong.

  I’d trusted her again, and she was still prepared to lie to me. I’d offered her the clean state and she threw it back at me. We could have mourned our child together.

  But then I thought back further.

  She chose him. He wasn’t me. Because he wasn’t Zane Teague.

  The ice that had encased my heart after Bailey Roach had chewed me up and spit me out last time, froze instantly. But that wasn’t enough, to deal with this I’d need to pour on a thick layer of concrete, and then encase it in marble.

  I was at a loss as to how she could hate me enough to do that, when I loved her more than life itself. But then I had the answer. It was happening inside me as I came to terms with it. The power of betrayal worked hard to snuff out the feeling of love, leaving me and my feelings for her dead inside.

  This was the death blow that I would never recover from. It was the pivotal moment that would finally turn me into my father.

  Heartless. Womanizer. Selfish. Unable to fully trust or love.

  He ended up marrying for the family and procreating for the heir, the right kind of love didn’t come into it until it was too late.

  I never saw that for me. I saw me and Bailey, in love, ruling the world.

  Her actions proved just what she really felt about me, she didn’t want me, and she didn’t want our child to become like me.

  I wasn’t good enough.

  I showered, exhaustion threatening to overwhelm me, but I couldn’t succumb to it. I needed to keep the rage inside until I confirmed the truth. Any lessening on the reins of my temper right now would be futile, until I was sure.

  Two hours later, I received a text from Jameson telling me the police had taken her statement and I was clear to return with her clothes.

  At her house, I ignored the destruction, all the blood spatter on the walls where she’d been slammed against them, and the broken ornaments. I gathered up things from her drawers, wondering if this would be the last act of kindness that she would see from me. I thought about the last time I had been in her bedroom, when she’d taunted me to hate her, pushed me to fuck her violently while my child took root and grew inside her. She’d been using drugs too. Was she prepared to risk it all? Was the prospect of having my baby so bad? And even worse, was she trying to use me to harm our child?

  Thorn was right, I was just a fuck boy. He’d beaten me, he’d won, and she’d handed him that victory. Someone else had beat me at a game I didn’t even realize I was playing.

  Back at the hospital, Jameson was still with her, she looked a little brighter when I walked into the room, and I schooled my smile the way I did for any enemy. Swift disruption was what I needed to end this, but that would be too clean a cut for her. I had decades of suffering to work through.

  “I’ve told him,” she whispered.

  “About?” I walked into the room and placed the bag full of her stuff at the bottom of her bed.

  “Us. I’ve told him everything.”

  I looked at Jameson, wondering if everything really meant everything, but so far, she was proving it was all too easy to lie to those who loved her the most. Ironically, he looked at peace, like he was finally going to give us his blessing, when everything we’d have would be built on her lies and untruthful foundations.

  “You know I hate what this could do to us all, but the heart wants what the heart wants,” he sighed.

  With much effort I nodded. “Could we have a bit of time?” I asked him.

  Jameson leaned over and kissed his sister on the cheek. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  When he got to me, our eyes connected, the hidden message pleading with me not to make him choose between us, which was fucking bullshit because he’d been making me do that for years. Had I have had more time to think about it, I could have blamed him, if he’d just given me his consent all those years ago none of this would have happened. We’d be together, our kids would have been born and our lives would be melded together.

  Real family.

  Now, that was too late.

  As soon as the door was shut, I took his place, and jumped when she reached for my hand. The electricity that passed between us hadn’t lessened any since I’d learned of her deceit, maybe I could do this, maybe I could give her one last chance to open up and be honest. Maybe she was overwhelmed by it all and the emotion was too much.

  “Baby,” I linked our fingers together, “I need you to be honest with me. Was this all just over him knowing about us? Seem
s pretty violent just because you stepped out on him.”

  Her eyes flitted to the side.

  Nervous.

  Thinking back, she’d done that a few times when we’d spoken before. How fucking stupid was I? That was Bailey’s tell, and I’d been so soaked up in needing to heal everything for her and between us, that I’d missed it.

  “Why do you ask?”

  My heart was cooling down heading for subzero after it had felt that slither of warmth when I walked into the room.

  “Were you pregnant?” Her hand flinched in mine, and the heart rate monitor that she was still hooked up to bleeped quicker. “Was it mine?”

  “I was.” Bailey swallowed her voice thick and hoarse, only answering the first question.

  “Was it mine?”

  She pulled my hand a little closer to her frame, like she was afraid I was going to bolt. I wasn’t right at that moment; I was still letting it all sink in that she’d actually been pregnant, considering the years and years of mental torture she’d subjected me to, had my balls on a chain, yanking them whenever she wanted to play. That wasn’t the way a king ruled, a king wasn’t played by his queen.

  “It was yours.”

  Those three words took me closer to a place of no return, that and the fact that she was so damn certain. She’d always been certain the baby growing inside her was mine.

  “Please be honest with me. Did you agree to marry him knowing you were carrying my kid? And be truthful, if we start off with lies then we’re already treading in quicksand.” My voice was soft, lulling her into a safe place to have this conversation.

  I’d bargained on Bailey treating me like she always did, like I’d roll over and forgive her because that was what usually happened. She was kryptonite. Yet, I always took her back, I always disregarded her behavior because she was Bailey fucking Roach, love of my life.

  “I’m sorry.” Those fucking words again only this time they grated like broken glass, now I understood their true use.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? When you pushed out a fucking baby and all the dates matched for you and me?” Tears filled her eyes, but it wasn’t enough for me. The hardness was creeping back into my voice, my demeanor was becoming more of Zane Teague, head of the family, not love of her life, fucking pushover that she thought she could take for a sucker.