Mending the Widow's Heart

by Mia Ross

  His baffled gaze swung to Holly. “And you told me the truth because you love me.”

  Uh-oh, Holly thought. This was a sticky one. “Well, yes.”

  “Grown-ups are weird.”

  “Yes, they are.” Laughing, she hugged him, immensely relieved to discover that her son seemed to be taking the life-altering news much better than she’d anticipated. Maybe Sam was right and Chase had inherited her resilience rather than his father’s surrendering nature.

  “Mom?”

  Holding him at arm’s length, she said, “Yes?”

  He held out the uneven hem of his new shirt. “There’s a lot of buttons on this, and I missed one. Can you help me?”

  “I sure can.”

  As she unbuttoned them and redid them, his innocent question echoed in her mind, making her smile.

  Can you help me?

  Those few simple words reminded her of the time not long ago when Sam had asked her the same thing. The situation had been very different, but knowing that the former soldier trusted her enough to ask had made her feel the way she did right now.

  Content.

  * * *

  Sunday morning, Sam woke up before his usual time. He’d set his alarm a little earlier for today because he had an important errand to run. After dressing in his nicest clothes, he slipped off Nate’s dog tags and studied the dulled metal pieces that had hung around his neck—and his heart—for more than a year.

  Glancing at the photo of Nate and him that he still kept on his dresser, for the first time in recent memory, Sam smiled when he recalled that day. Seniors in high school, they’d just won the league championship, and they were still grimy from a hard-fought victory but grinning like they’d taken game seven of the World Series.

  “That was a great day,” Sam said out loud, just in case Nate could hear him. “I’ll always miss you and wish you were here. But I’ve gotta get on with my life, and I think this will help me do it. I hope you understand.”

  As he settled the tags into the cotton-lined box he’d gotten from Emma’s jewelry studio, a peaceful sensation swept through him. Crazy as it seemed, Sam felt as if his message had been received in Heaven and Nate was letting him know he approved. Ever since he’d visited the cemetery with Holly, thoughts of his friend had crept in more and more often. Not the tormenting kind, but bright images of happy times they’d shared. There had been a lot of those, but when he’d been bogged down in the quagmire of his own guilt, those good memories had faded into the background of his mind. Now that they were front and center, he was hopeful that the worst of his ordeal was finally over.

  But he had one more thing to do to set himself on the right path forward. It seemed so obvious to him now, he couldn’t believe it hadn’t occurred to him before. Before he could second-guess himself, he grabbed the box and hurried downstairs. In the driveway, the two trucks were parked side by side, as if offering him a choice: stay in the past or move into the future.

  Suddenly doubting his plans, Sam toyed with his sturdy fob, staring down at each key in turn. While he’d kept up with the maintenance on his work truck, he hadn’t cared much about it being clean, so it was a mess, inside and out. Nate’s was much more presentable, and being practical, Sam angled his steps toward it. As he got closer, though, he noticed something.

  The right front tire was flat.

  He wasn’t the fanciful type, but he could easily picture his old buddy giving him a shove away from the pain he’d been carting around for so long. Shooting a look into the sky, he laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. You can stop now.”

  As a last-minute addition, he reached in for the box he’d used to haul favors for the parade and quickly filled it with all of Nate’s things from the cab of the truck. It looked starkly empty without them, but he ignored the prick of doubt and checked to make sure he had everything. Satisfied, he set the small box on top and shut the door.

  A run through the new automated car wash took care of the worst of the grime on his own pickup, and Sam headed for Waterford. He parked at the curb next to a caboose-shaped mailbox that read Henderson. Determined to follow through on his task, he didn’t hesitate but climbed out and went up the brick walkway to the front door.

  He rang the bell, and almost immediately a woman’s face appeared in one of the sidelights. When she saw him, her eyes widened in surprise and she flung open the door with a joyful look.

  “Sam! It’s so good to see you.”

  “Hi, Mrs. Henderson. I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

  “Of course not,” she assured him, stepping aside. “You just come right on in, and I’ll let Peter know you’re here.”

  Sam thanked her and stood in the foyer, unsure of what to do next. Through the archway that led into the living room, he saw Nate’s formal Rangers portrait over the fireplace, a triangular framed flag sitting in the place of honor on the mantel. He’d been their only child, Sam recalled sadly, and now he was gone. He couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be for parents to endure that kind of heartache.

  Quick footsteps pulled him from his brooding, and he turned as a middle-aged man approached him, both hands held out for a warm handshake. “It’s good to see you, son. How have you been?”

  Normally, Sam would tell people he was fine and leave it at that, well aware that they knew it was far from the truth. But Holly had taught him that it was important to be honest, and that there was no shame in struggling, only in refusing to continue fighting. So he took a deep breath and said, “Better, thanks. Your new house is beautiful.”

  “That’s Teresa’s doing,” the older man informed him, sending his wife a fond smile. “She’s the decorator. I just sign the invoices.”

  “Do you want to come and sit?” she asked, motioning toward the living room.

  The view in there was the last thing Sam needed when he was just beginning to regain his emotional balance. “No, thanks. I really just came by to give you these.”

  He held out what he’d brought, and by the look on Peter’s face, he knew without looking what was inside the smaller one. Nate’s father gave him a long, assessing look and finally nodded before taking the box from him. Teresa opened the jewelry box lid and dangled the tags the way Sam had done so often. Bringing them to rest over her heart, she gave Sam a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

  “I didn’t mean to keep them so long,” he explained. “I thought about bringing them back a hundred times, but I just couldn’t do it.”

  “What’s different now?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure,” he confided, shrugging. “It just seemed like it was time.”

  Peter nodded, as if he’d heard something in Sam’s response that made sense to him. Sam found himself wishing he understood it, too. Something more to work on, he supposed.

  Catching himself, he halted the negative train of thought and forced himself to smile. “Well, I’ve got an appointment, so I need to get going. It was good to see you both again.”

  “Anytime, Sam,” Teresa assured him, adding a warm hug. “You’re always welcome here.”

  “Give our best to your family,” Peter said as the three of them walked to the door.

  “I will. Have a good day.”

  He went down the stairs, and this time the walkway didn’t look half as long as it had when he first arrived. He even noticed what a beautiful morning it was. Sunny and warm, he mused as he started the engine and pulled away. A perfect day for new beginnings.

  And he knew just where he was going to start.

  The choir was warming up their voices when he slid into the conveniently vacant seat next to Holly. Clearly startled, she pulled away with a disgruntled look, ready to deliver a scolding. When she saw it was him, though, the glare mellowed into one of her beautiful smiles. “Good morning.”

  No comment about his rude exit a fe
w weeks ago, Sam noticed, grinning as he returned the greeting. While he leaned over to read the news in the church bulletin she held, he pulled his collar aside to show her that he was missing something. She immediately grasped his meaning and whispered, “Where are they?”

  “I drove over to Waterford and gave them back to Nate’s parents, along with the stuff out of his truck. That’s where they belong, anyway.”

  “Good for you.” As if that wasn’t enough, she reached around his back and cuddled him into a near-hug that was all the proof he needed that he’d done the right thing.

  “And tomorrow, I’m dropping the truck off with Oliver’s mechanic to get it repainted. I’m thinking burgundy would look nice.”

  “Not to mention it’s more of a Red Sox color.”

  She really did get him, he thought with a grin as Chase snuck up the aisle and wedged himself into the corner next to Sam. “Cody and me think it’s a good day for fishing.”

  “It always is,” Sam agreed. “You wanna get through here?”

  “Nah, this works for me.”

  Holly chuckled. “He sounded exactly like you just then.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  “Very good.”

  She punctuated her reply with a bright smile that made him wish for more of them. A lot more.

  While the three of them sang along with the rest of the congregation, Sam glanced around and noticed that they looked like any other family there. Spending Sunday morning in God’s house, surrounded by people who loved them, giving thanks for the blessings He’d brought into their lives. Sam couldn’t recall ever feeling more peaceful than he did right this minute, and he sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the Almighty for having patience with him. Sam had tried everything he knew to shed his faith, but no matter how far away he drifted, God simply wouldn’t let him go. The tragic nature of Nate’s death hadn’t changed, and neither had the fact that Sam would miss him every day until they put him in the ground.

  But in the past, he hadn’t been sure that he could live with the sorrow of losing his best friend. Now, he knew he could. Because a plucky military widow from Savannah had shown him how. Staring at the portrait that hung behind the choir, he wondered if God had brought Holly to his very out-of-the-way hometown to rescue Sam from himself. Knowing that he needed a woman who saw him for who he was and understood, but who also wouldn’t let him continue to drown in his grief.

  He was still mulling that over when the song ended and everyone sat down. This sermon was a fitting metaphor about how life was like baseball, obviously aimed at the kids. Chase had been fidgeting while trying not to fidget, but at the mention of his favorite game, his leg-swinging stopped and he fixed his attention on the pastor.

  Holly kept darting looks at him, and when those gorgeous blue eyes connected with Sam’s, she rolled them in the kind of long-suffering look he’d seen so many times from his own mother.

  “Boys,” she muttered, shaking her head with a fond smile that made it clear she actually didn’t mind all that much.

  When the smile deepened for him, Sam felt the same lurching sensation in his chest that he had at Chase’s first game. This time, he recognized it for what it was, and he barely managed to swallow a groan of frustration. Ironically, it occurred to Sam that not long ago, he’d considered her intention to leave at the end of the summer to be the best thing for all of them.

  But now, all he wanted was for her to stay.

  Chapter Twelve

  It was time to pack up and head for Boston.

  Holly brought the last load of clean clothes upstairs and stopped in Chase’s room to drop off his things. His suitcase lay open on the bed, mostly empty, while he was sprawled on the floor leafing through a baseball magazine that Sam had bought for him the other day. Chin on his hand while he skimmed through the pages filled with facts and player photos, he looked totally dejected.

  She could relate, Holly thought with a grimace. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who was reluctant to leave the quaint, close-knit New Hampshire town that had begun to feel like home to both of them. It didn’t feel quite right to her, but staying didn’t, either. She’d come to terms with her decision, so her wishy-washy attitude bewildered her. And that certainly didn’t help her frame of mind any.

  “Hey, bud,” she greeted him, setting the basket on his bed to join him on the floor. Sitting cross-legged, she angled to see what he was looking at. “Is that the new Red Sox pitcher?”

  “Yeah,” Chase replied on a deep sigh. “Sam said they just brought him up from Pawtucket, and he’s setting the league on fire.”

  That wasn’t the kind of thing an eight-year-old would say, so Holly knew he was quoting their neighbor verbatim. Just as she’d feared when they’d first arrived, he’d gotten attached to Sam and now would be forced to say goodbye. This wasn’t exactly the scenario she’d envisioned with such dread, but the result was the same.

  Her son was heartbroken, and even though she’d gladly take the hurt away from him, she couldn’t. Rubbing his back, she said, “I know you’re sad about leaving, Chase, but we’ll come back to visit. I promise.”

  “It won’t be the same,” he reminded her in a resigned tone. “Hanging out with Sam is kind of like—”

  He stopped abruptly, clamping his mouth shut around something he obviously thought would upset her. But Holly had learned the hard way that it was worse to keep negative emotions bottled up, never knowing when they’d come shooting to the surface. So she dredged up a smile and nudged. “Like what?”

  “Having a father,” he finished in a rush, as if he couldn’t keep the words in even a second longer. “Like my other friends in Boston did. Like Cody does. Sam and me like the same stuff, and he taught me a lot about how to build things. I think it’d be fun to do that for real someday.”

  Chase was a hands-on kid, always taking things apart to see how they worked and then putting them back together. Well, trying, anyway. There always seemed to be a few parts left over, but she encouraged him to do it because it made him happy. Replacing a few small appliances seemed like a small price to pay for nurturing his innate curiosity. “I think you’d be great at that, but you have plenty of time to decide what you’re going to do when you’re all grown up.”

  “I wanna be like Sam,” her son announced confidently, eyes shining as he talked about his hero. “Big and strong, and always ready to help people when they need me.”

  Holly’s mind instantly translated the childish goal into something more serious, and she swallowed back her terror so she could speak normally. “Those are good things to be.”

  “Not a soldier, though,” he added somberly. “Because that would make you sad.”

  Unsure if she’d be able to talk without sobbing, she gathered him into her arms and held him tight. Just the thought of her only child being assigned to some far-off place where he’d be in harm’s way made her crazy with fear. That he’d picked up on her reaction and chosen to protect her from that made her prouder of him than she’d ever been.

  Grasping his arms, she held him away and gave him a smile full of gratitude. “Thank you for that, Chase. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

  He tilted his head with a wary expression. “Are you gonna cry?”

  “Maybe a little,” she admitted with a laugh. “Because you just made me very happy.”

  Judging by his perplexed look, her explanation made absolutely no sense to him, but he politely avoided saying so. Instead, he glanced at his waiting suitcase, then back to her. “If I don’t pack my stuff, can we stay?”

  Now all the lollygagging made sense. He thought if he dragged his heels long enough, time would run out and they’d have to remain in Liberty Creek. Kid logic, she mused with a grin. You had to love it.

  So, despite the fact that she’d found them a lovely new town
house and had made all kinds of arrangements for them in Boston, she stood back from her usual practicality and reconsidered. Again. Only this time when she looked, the path was so obvious, she couldn’t believe she’d missed seeing it before. Her mother’s offer echoed in her mind, and Holly realized that for the first time in years, she had a viable option other than the circumstances she’d been forced to accept.

  “Do you really want to live here?” she asked.

  “Yes!” Swiveling around to his knees, he fixed her with a hopeful look. “Can we, Mom? Please?”

  “Well, we have to get you registered at school, but I’m sure Mrs. Rogers can help us with that.” The very capable young mother—now of four—might even have enough pull to get Chase into Cody’s class, which would make the transition that much easier for him. But Holly didn’t want to get his hopes up, so she kept that possibility to herself while making a mental note to call Sharon about it.

  “I promise to help with the chores around here,” Chase went on excitedly, “and I can play junior football with Cody and his brothers.”

  “Or soccer,” she suggested in an attempt to aim him toward a safer sport.

  Her efforts earned her a smirk of disdain. “Soccer’s boring. No one ever scores.”

  Since she had no ready comeback for that, she decided to table their sports conversation until later. “My phone’s in my room. Why don’t you go call Cody and tell him the good news while I talk to your grandmother?”

  “Okay.” He bounded into the hallway, and she heard him greet the lady in question with a chipper, “We’re staying with you, Grams!”

  From the surprised oof that followed, Holly guessed that he’d squeezed the stuffing out of their favorite diva before scurrying down the hall. Standing, she joined her mother on the upstairs landing with a smile. “I guess I don’t have to tell you the news.”

  Genuine tears shined in the former actress’s eyes as she grasped Holly’s hands tightly. “I’m thrilled that you’ve decided to stay. I didn’t know how I was going to bring myself to say goodbye, much less live here in this big, empty house without you and Chase.”